I think my sister is wrong!

[Disney Doll]

Actually, the prinicpal of the estate takes in the value of the entire estate, so if your father's funeral is to be paid for by the principal of the estate, then my guess is that the probate judge will determine the value of the entire estate, money,savings,house,cars etc. I think that several of the posters suggested a pre-paid funeral. In your situation, I think that is a very good idea. Then it would be something your dad spent HIS money on while he was alive.

You have my sympathy. Death-related fights are so ugly. My in-laws both died in 2001, and one of my husband's sisters was nearly unbearable with her nickle and diming.

I would also suggest that your father go back to an attorney and make his wishes VERY CLEARLY KNOWN in the will. Including the life insurnace policy, and including what certain people aren't supposed to get. That is an excellent suggestion.

No matter what, when your father dies you and your sister will fight...she's already gearing up fo rit and already thinks she's being "gypped". It will probably mean the end, or at least put a huge dent in, your relationship, so prepare yourself mentally for it now.

By the way, I don't agree with that "blood is thicker than water" thing. I have seen many families screw each other royally. Your family is good at it because they know your weak spots.

 

[always quiet]

She has gone so far recently that she told me about an argument she heard my parents had years ago. Why she would tell me about this now, I don't know. Really mean....hurtful.... She even made a reference to it again the other day. I would post what she said but it is simply too painful for me to think about. She KNOWS I wouldn't, couldn't, ask my dad about this. Way too personal and honestly, it would be too painful for him as well.

 

[Lewski709]

By the way, I don't agree with that "blood is thicker than water" thing. I have seen many families screw each other royally. Your family is good at it because they know your weak spots.

A clot in the bloodwork.

 

[annemariec]

How sad.

I agree with a lot of the previous posters. Not much to add. Just don't tell her when you are getting anything new! It's in the NUNYA department (for her). She sounds like a real character. Less information will cut down on snide remarks and confrontations. If she sees something new, tell her that the will isn't in effect yet, so she should be able to answer her own question. And that should put a sock in it.

It does look like it's going to be messy, messy, messy. As some have stated, proactive is the way to go.

Good luck! May your dad feel better and enjoy many happy days ahead.

Annemarie

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My parents spent all their money. They are flat broke. Nothing to fight over now. They rent an apt. and live paycheck/social security to paycheck/social security.

I feel for your situation, I watched it many times. I would consult an attorney and go over it with a fine tooth comb, keeping in mind she will contest the will. Perhaps you can incorporate some "help" into the will. Trusts, TOD's, etc..or something else.

 

[always quiet]

One thing that really does bug my sister is the fact that my dad is leaving $5000. to my deceased sister's kids. My sister passed away in 2000, her husband passed away in 94. Between the 2 of them, my sister's 3 kids were left VERY well off (put it this way, my nephew bought himself a 58" plasma tv for Christmas!!) None of them really 'need' the money. She has come out and told me that if Dad brings up leaving the money to them again, she is going to tell him EXACTLY how she feels!! She might just talk herself out of the will!

I have recently spoken to my dad of what he wants to do if something happens to him and needs medical care. He has told me that he does not want to go into a nursing home (remember I mentioned my sister's refusal to help with my mom?? This sister took care of my mom for less than a month....then put her in a nursing home when my dad was in the hospital! ). I have given him my word that I would not let that happen to him. I would do all that I can for as long as I can then IF I needed help, we could get a nurse coming into the house for a few hours each day. I took care of my mother, bringing along 2 toddlers, being pregnant twice and losing one child due to still birth for 3 years! I told my dad that he should talk to my sister and make sure she understands his wishes....she is his power of attorney! She could also put him into a nursing home!

Why does life have to be so complicated???

 

[DISshopkeeper]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to offer some {{{hugs}}} to you, always quiet, AND Lynn CC!!

Best of luck!

 

[Nutsy]

Ok, here I go.............my DB & I are both exectors of our Mothers estate when she passes. She is now 86 & should she make it to September she will be 87.

My Mum told me that she was leaving the house to my brother & I get her money (whatever may be left at the time of her death)..........see my brother is living at home & is making sure that Mum upgrades the house now while she is still living, so it's coming out of her money & also adding value to the house.

Funeral expenses are taken care of, she has a funeral plan for that, so that's ok. But what I don't like is that fact that he is to get the house & land, while I get whatever money maybe left at the time of her passing........which I doubt will be very much the way he is spending it.

Trouble is she can't see this...........He is not her carer, he is just no married & rather than live away from home & have to either rent or pay off a mortgage he is living at home.

My Mum live on 1/4 acre of land too, & that house & land would be worth hundreds of thousands.

If she has not seen the light, that she has 2 children & things shold be spit down the middle, house & money then I intend to contest the will.

When DH's Mother passed he had been living at home & he & is brother were left half & half................we paid his brother out for half of the house & the contents were sold off & we split that money in half too.

That is the only fair way to do it.

I'm sorry you & your sis are at loggerheads over your Dad's will, I hope you can come to some agreement before he passes tho.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by always quiet
I told my dad that he should talk to my sister and make sure she understands his wishes....she is his power of attorney! She could also put him into a nursing home!

Why does life have to be so complicated???

I would recommend your Dad change this. If you're living with him and providing care etc. why don't you have power of attorney? Also, I'd tell your sister that it's your Dad's right to do whatever he wants with his $ and that you're not going to discuss it with her anymore. You need to just nip this in the bud or she'll never give you peace.

 

[barrett7890]

I'm just trying to understand this a bit better.....if you are executor of the will....why is she power of attorney? maybe i have misunderstood other posts?


i am exeutor of my dads (after my mum, i am middle child, but not power of atterney)

 

[always quiet]

I am the executer of his will....my oldest sister (the one who passed away in 2000) was in charge of his living will.....sister #2 is his power of attorney. My dad's intention was to give each of us some equal share of the responsibility in his arrangements. I think the living will was passed to me when #1 sister passed away. I believe he gave my sister power of attorney so she wouldn't be able to come back after me, saying I spent "her" money for my own gain.

My dad told me yesterday that she told him that as soon as he died, I would probably sell the house and move to a less expensive house. I sincerely told him that I have no intentions on uprooting my kids. I also told him that someday, when the kids are grown, I can not guarantee that I won't sell and move to Florida though!! Gee, he liked that idea himself!!

 

[barrett7890]

i'm based in the uk, so it might be totally different, but i thought the idea of a living will was in case you had never written a will??


i totally sympathise with what you are going through, i cannot begin to imagine how my sisters and i would approach this

 

[kylara]

Originally posted by mudnuri
Im not sure about one part of this.

Why is the life insurance policy NOT spelled out in the will?

When my father passed away 5 years ago, he knew that his family would be fighting me every step of the way. EVERYTHING was spelled out in his will. Even though he had 2 insurance policies, and I was the sole beneficiary on each one, it was stated as such in his will.

Where the money was to come from to pay for his funeral expenses was also spelled out in the will.

Exactly who got what was spelled out, and if nobody was to get anything, that was also mentioned. (he has 8 bro/sis and 4 of them owed him considerable amounts of money at time of his death) It stated Joe Smith receives nothing...Sue Smith recieves nothing...etc..

And he was right, 2 sisters contested the will. 1 wanted his Lincoln Town Car, which was in both his and my name, and the other wanted his medals from Vietnam (purple heart etc.)...the medals were spelled out that they were to go to my children upon his death, and the car was a no brainer, though he spelled it out as well, the car went to me.

I would urge your father to go through his possesions, and make it clear.

The probate court judge was very unamused that they would contest my dads will, as everything was so clearly written. I still thank my dad to this day for that!

Brandy

Sorry but I thought that this was such good advice I had to copy the entire message. My mom worked as a clerk in the bankrucpy court and it got her interested in law so she took a course on wills and probate. Boy did that course open her eyes. Her will spells out everything, who gets what. She wanted to make sure since she wants the house to go to me and my sister; however, she doesn't want my stepdad out on the street, so the will spells out he gets to live there, pay the expenses etc for as long as he wants to. Even though my sister and I know who gets what of the jewelery, again, it is spelled out. There is also a clause that should anyone in the will choose to contest it, all court cost associated with the suit will be paid out of their portion of the estate.

While you father shouldn't have to be dealing with it now, I would give him the option of it since the will is in fact his last wishes.

 

[sue1013]

Always Quiet I feel so bad for you. Families can be so frustrating. When my father passed we had so much turmoil and its still going on. My parents were divorced both had remarried. An aunt of my mothers left her a nice amount in her will. At the time my brother was addicted to drugs. Most of the money was spent keeping him out of trouble & paying his debts. My father was angry with my mother for once again buying brothers way out, instead of making him take responsibilty for his life. He made his will and left majority to my stepmother (will go to my sister and myself when she passes) but he also left my sister and I the same amount my mother had spent on my brother. Since we knew it would start trouble sister and I said nothing to brother or mother. Mother called step asking for something of fathers that brother wanted and she let it slip. Well of course brother does not talk to sister or me and hasn't for 5 yrs. There is much more that went on between father and brother they hadn't spoken in years. If I were you I would try to sit down with your father and sister before something happens. Have your father tell her how he wants it. Maybe that will save you some problems later on.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I knew there was something good about being an only child!

All kidding aside, you shouldn't have to be dealing with this. I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[letfuller]

Fortunately I have not had to experience what you are going through. My mom has very little and she has been open with both my brother and me about her legacy. She is just living month to month... My dad has been remarried for 30 years and that has been a sticky subject and they do have money and I do have step siblings. I am not expecting anything from that estate and know that my step siblings will receive most, as step mom is much younger than my dad....

Others have given great suggestions. Your Dad needs to make sure his directives are clear. You are being placed in an awkward positition. Have your dad go to his lawyer and make his wishes VERY clear.

Hopefully your father will live for a long time and this headache of a nightmare will abate.


Linda

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by barrett7890
i'm based in the uk, so it might be totally different, but i thought the idea of a living will was in case you had never written a will??


i totally sympathise with what you are going through, i cannot begin to imagine how my sisters and i would approach this

A living will indicates your wishes with regard to medical treatment etc. should you become incapacitated and not be able to express your wishes. DH and I had wills drawn up when DD came along. At that time we also had living wills and power of attorney done as well. At least here whenever you go for medical treatment in a hospital they ask if you have a living will and request that you bring a copy with you.

 

[luv2nascar]

I would talk to my dad and encourage him to go and arrange whatever he would he would like and he can pre pay for this.
My aunt had done this she died at 93 and had arranged her funeral and wrote her own obiturary when she was in her 80's.
That way they know how things will be for them and that it will be to their satisfaction and in your case it would take care of the money issue.

 

[Lanshark]

I haven't read the responses but I would make sure your dad has everything spelled out as to what should happen including where the money for funeral expenses comes from. He can prepay much of that.

 

[Disney Debbie]

I agree with all the "spell it out" advice but want to address another issue.

If I was your dad, I'd tell that girl how much I "appreciate" her sitting around like a vulture waiting for me to die and already anticipating fighting over "her" share. If that was my child, I believe I would specifically cut her out COMPLETELY and specify why in the will. I would tell her if I heard one more word about it from her or if she said one more word to you about it that's exactly what I'd do. And I'd leave all of her so called "share" to the grandchildren who've lost BOTH of their parents but that's obviously no big deal to your creepy sister!! What an ungrateful, self centered _____ (fill in the blanks!!)

Why do grown children think they are "owed" these things by their parents? My parents have joked about spending our inheritance by going on all the trips they go on - and I've told them untold times - I hope you spend it all - I hope you live long enough and have your good health to go every where you want to go. I'd much rather have my parents here with me then worry about what I'm going to "get" when they die!! It is THEIR money - and what they chose to do with it now is THEIR business. If I was in your situation and my sister questioned where money came from to buy stuff - I'd tell her one of 2 things: 1) None of your @#*& business or
2) Daddy is buying me everything I want and is spending every penny he has for me. Isn't that wonderful???