I think I am being used

[mhopset]

by my SIL,

Here is the story, she is in school Monday thru Friday and works on Saturday and Sunday. She is a single mom.

She wants me to watch her 2 kids everyother weekend. Which is ok I guess. Now, sometimes on Sunday she will get someone else to watch them here is the kicker--- she pays them, but she won't pay me. I have hinted, I mean even $15 bucks will be ok. One of the kids is a very picky eater, so I asked her to bring his food, because there is no way I am making something different for him to eat. She told me last night she didn't have anything to bring him. I said fine but I wasn't going to be a chef today and if he didn't like what we had, he would be really hungry when she came to pick them up.

I don't mind helping her out, but she is starting to get me a little upset. She is one of those people that the world is always against her, yada, yada, yada.

Maybe I am being a jerk, after reading this it sounds like it to even me

Ok go ahead and flame me I'm ready for it!
T.

 

[browneyes]

You're being used. You're not being a jerk.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Originally posted by mhopset
....so I asked her to bring his food, because there is no way I am making something different for him to eat. She told me last night she didn't have anything to bring him. I said fine but I wasn't going to be a chef today and if he didn't like what we had, he would be really hungry when she came to pick them up....

This sounds fine to me, Tony.

 

[Serena]

Now wait a minute. My sil is your sil????

If she is really like my ex-sil, then it will only get worse until you cut her off. When I stopped being available, when I stopped having money to give, when I stopped listening to her complain 24/7, when I stopped giving, she started being able to make it without me somehow.

It got really, really bad. To the point where she was stealing and she was afraid to go anywhere unless I was with her.

Now I hope your's isn't as bad and won't ever be as bad. This is just a warning and a sympathetic ear.

 

[ahutton]

No flames from Austin... I think you are being very reasonable.

 

[mhopset]

One other thing I forgot to mention. It is now 10:22 am here in the great state of Ohio. They are still in bed. Excuse me this is no Holiday Inn. I am about to get their butts up. Now if it wasn't raining outside I would send the 3 of them out to rake my leaves.

Another thing my DW works on Friday from 7pm to 7am. So do you know how hard it is to keep 3 boys quite so she can sleep. You would think her sister would have a little bit of compassion, but she doesn't

I guess one of these days I will learn to say "NO"

T.

 

[nativetxn]

The next time she asks would be the perfect time for you to tell her "no", since you already have an agreement in place.

I don't think you sound unreasonable at all

 

[Pam]

I think that now is the time to say, "NO!!!!!!!"

Does she ever reciprocate for you and your DW?
Pam

 

[fkj2]

You sound like you need a Dr. Phil moment.

Seriously, if you're going to watch her kids, you need to establish the rules. For example, plan a meal which hopefully her picky eater will like but if not, well, that's the choice.

If she's a single mom trying to stay in school, she probably hasn't any extra money; food may be an issue that she doesn't want to tell you about. She probably does blame the world for some of her problems. Heck, I'd like to blame it for some of mine too but it doesn't seem to be listening to me.


Planning chores for them to do while at your house is reasonable. Sleeping until 10:22 am on Saturday is not. Allowing them to sleep until 10:22 helps them stay rowdy later in the day. I'm not flaming, but really, it sounds like you need to reconsider some of your patterns of behavior and stop tolerating some of theirs.

 

[Krisu]

Does she ask you each time or is it now just expected of you? Also, how is she related to you as SIL? I think it's time to "have other plans" for the weekend

 

[C.Ann]

I have to agree with everyone else here.. It's time to say "No" - and mean it - or at the very least tell her you can no longer babysit if she isn't able to give you a bit of money.. If she's faced with the option of not having you at all - or giving you the money you request, then the final decision will be hers and you will have nothing to feel guilty about..

This sounds harsh - and I don't mean it that way, but my dad used to tell me, "If you don't want to get walked on, get up from the floor.."

Make the choice hers and then rest easy with whatever she decides..

Hope it all works out for you!

 

[disykat]

It sounds like they live with you too? If I were you I'd be unavailable to watch them for a while. Meanwhile talk to DW and make HER deal with her sister. You ARE being taken advantage of. It's okay to help people out, but not to the point where you're resentful. Hopefully you can come up with a compromise that you can both live with - otherwise she needs to be out of there!

I think you've been being fed a load of guilt if you thought you were going to be flamed for this. You and DW need to take care of your own family first (that includes you!). If they are going to live with you there need to be rules about hours kept, sharing of work, payment for extra childcare, etc. and they need to be followed. A free ride will not help her in the long run. In many ways you have become a parent figure in helping her out and you need to be a responsible one by encouraging (forcing?) her to maintain some independence!

 

[mhopset]

She doesn't live with us. There is no way in H**L I would ever let any of my in-laws or my own siblings live with me

 

[disykat]

Sorry, I was confused when you said they were still in bed!