I have to thank you guys so much, because I could feel the power of positive thinking as I went into the room. That was probably the calmest I've ever been in one of those situations, and I could feel it positively benefit my playing. I messed up some things, but I feel like I played very musically and really showed everyone what I can do.
Unfortunately now it is out of my control. Apparently the string faculty has been very disappointed with the level of the recital performances this year, and I'm the first recipient of the backlash. Although in the past when a professor wasn't there they were not included in the decision, now I have to wait for both of the missing professors (which, btw, so unprofessional to not be at something that's been scheduled for a year) have watched a tape of the performance and then they all get together and decide "what the procedure will be from there" as my violin professor told me...twice. I don't even know when I'll know, because one of them wasn't going to be in all week. Also, as a result of the backlash, apparently I was supposed to give a recital worthy performance even though that's never been a standard and was never expressed to me. I feel I did a great job, but I honestly have no idea if it was enough, and as positive as I try to be, I've just been so depressed about it, because I feel that if I fail, it will have not been my fault but will still screw me over anyway.
I wish I had good news, and I will keep you updated over here. I was just so mad yesterday (and obviously still am, my words are coming out dyslexic as I type) but I was so thankful for all the good thoughts coming my way. Thanks everybody!
