I need help understanding.

[Justanopinion]

This is probably just a vent but I would truly like some help understanding young people. I feel like I sound like my mother.

I know a young lady, a family member, who eloped a few years ago. At first she tried to hide the fact the she was married. By her own words she said that they would hide the truth, have a wedding in a summer or two and use the fake wedding anninversary.

Well, family and friends found out because she couldn't keep her mouth shut and she didn't end up having a wedding.

Her family says they will support a "vow renewal" or a "recommitment ceremony" but they aren't paying for a wedding. She also has family spread across 2 states...1200 miles apart.
His family offers their place for a wedding everytime they see them. His family is all in a 3rd state.

For the last few years she has said little things here and there and sometimes gets depressed because she wants a wedding. She is highly jealous of friends and family who do have weddings. She says she feels like she doesn't deserve a wedding.

I was recently having a conversation with her and she stated that she didn't understand why everything always had to be proper. She was referring to etiquette. She said that young people today don't care about etiquette and it doesn't matter.

Then I was having a conversation with a young friend of hers and she brought up this girls lack of a wedding. She said that if the young girl wanted a wedding instead of a vow renewal that we as family should support her because that's what she wants and that is what would make her happy.

I don't understand! It's not about making people happy is it? The fact is that if she is married already and telling people them she is then it isn't a wedding...it is a renewal. A renewal can look and feel like a wedding though.

Am I missing something here or are these young people just all about themselves?

Thanks

 

[diznygirl]

This is probably just a vent but I would truly like some help understanding young people. I feel like I sound like my mother.

I know a young lady, a family member, who eloped a few years ago. At first she tried to hide the fact the she was married. By her own words she said that they would hide the truth, have a wedding in a summer or two and use the fake wedding anninversary.

Well, family and friends found out because she couldn't keep her mouth shut and she didn't end up having a wedding.

Her family says they will support a "vow renewal" or a "recommitment ceremony" but they aren't paying for a wedding. She also has family spread across 2 states...1200 miles apart.
His family offers their place for a wedding everytime they see them. His family is all in a 3rd state.

For the last few years she has said little things here and there and sometimes gets depressed because she wants a wedding. She is highly jealous of friends and family who do have weddings. She says she feels like she doesn't deserve a wedding.

I was recently having a conversation with her and she stated that she didn't understand why everything always had to be proper. She was referring to etiquette. She said that young people today don't care about etiquette and it doesn't matter.

Then I was having a conversation with a young friend of hers and she brought up this girls lack of a wedding. She said that if the young girl wanted a wedding instead of a vow renewal that we as family should support her because that's what she wants and that is what would make her happy.

I don't understand! It's not about making people happy is it? The fact is that if she is married already and telling people them she is then it isn't a wedding...it is a renewal. A renewal can look and feel like a wedding though.

Am I missing something here or are these young people just all about themselves?

Thanks

Nope, not missing a thing. Sounds like it's all about her.

 

[AprilShowers]

Well, she DID have a wedding, just not the kind she wanted. Too bad so sad, I say you get one chance to have a "Wedding".
Have a vow renewal if she wants, I see no big deal about that.

 

[golfgal]

Tell her to go ahead and have a wedding if she wants just don't expect anyone to help pay for it. Yes, it is all about her-or more appropriately all about her getting PRESENTS. DH has a woman in his office that got married 3 years ago but just had their "wedding" last summer. It was a joke.

 

[inaminute]

It's a renewal. The marriage has already been performed. If it's that important to her, then she and her husband should save their money and throw a "wedding" for themselves.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Instead of a vow renewal or another wedding, why not throw a big celebration party? She can get a big fluffy dress and have pictures made and still be the center of attention with anneversary presents if that's what makes her happy.

Techincally as others have mentioned she is married and already had her wedding. I can understand if she is having remorse at not having what she really wanted. Another suggestion would be having the vow renewal on the originial day and let her call it the wedding if it's the really big of a deal. I'm guessing the lack of funds is what is stopping having any sort of celebration.

 

[Nie0214]

This isn't about young people, it's about selfish people. They can be all shapes, sizes and ages.

 

[minkydog]

Tell her to go ahead and have a wedding if she wants just don't expect anyone to help pay for it. Yes, it is all about her-or more appropriately all about her getting PRESENTS.

\
I'm with you. Tell her to have a wedding if she wants. But she should understand that there are family members who may not be willing to go to another state to see her get married again. And certainly they don't need a bridal shower and wedding gifts. They already have an established household. Maybe you could encourage her to fly to Jamaica and have a lovely wedding on the beach. Maybe she'd feel like she had a real wedding, then.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like she feels entitled to a wedding and feels like she got the shaft.

She needs to remember that she is the one who choose to not go a traditional route and accept the consequences.

In other words, suck it up or pay for it.

 

[LadyZolt]

Sounds like she feels entitled to a wedding and feels like she got the shaft.

She needs to remember that she is the one who choose to not go a traditional route and accept the consequences.

In other words, suck it up or pay for it.

 

[Pumbaa_]

have to ask, what happened to make her elope rather than have a wedding?

 

[lspst8]

I'd say the couple involved are greedy and selfish. I mean, if they want to throw themselves a party that's fine, but they can't really expect anyone to pay for it or to give them gifts.

I got married in Las Vegas with no one but my groom 3 weeks ago. We did have a small (11 people, including us) dinner this past Friday to celebrate, but we will never have a big reception. We didn't register for gifts and didn't expect any gifts, but some relatives and friends still bought us things.

It sounds like your relative wants a free party and lots of presents at least 2 years after the original marriage. Crazy!!!

 

[VAN]

A family member who eloped "several years ago" now is unhappy because she needs some attention.

Nobody is stopping her from having a "wedding", "renewal" or whatever she wants to call it. If she got married "outside the church" (civil ceremony) and now wants to legitimize it within her church ... I guess it could be called a wedding if it is conducted by the minister of her church.

HOWEVER, it would be perfectly understandable if people chose not to spend the time/money to attend. Also, being that she has been married for "several years" it would be my assumption that she would be on her own to pay for the festivities. She would have long left her parents nest and they would be under no obligation to pay for anything.

Bottom line, my opinion, is that this girl/woman needs to get a life!!! She made the choice to elope and now "several years later" is having regrets. Suck it up sweetie!! Supposedly you are an adult and it is time to start acting like one.

She's unhappy and thinking that if she were the center of attention, it would automatically make her happy. Only momentarily. Then what?

In your place, I just wouldn't get involved; she is trying to suck as many people in as she can.

 

[kacaju]

we had this happen in our family. My brother eloped, none of us even knew he was dating anyone!! They decided to have this *quicky* elopment and then after they saw how much we all liked and got along with his wife, I guess they realized they jumped the gun and wanted a *real* wedding.
Personally at the time I could have cared less (it was 10 years ago) but now as I am older I do get annoyed. Annoyed due to the fact that my brother prefers the 1st anniversary vs the *real* one. It is stupid and petty on my part, I would never say anytihng to them. I just feel that everyone went all out to help them have this beautiful wedding, and it feels like they were just out for gifts and they don't really celebrate that day anymore, because now they talk about the 1st date being the *real* date and yet at the time they *needed* to have a *real wedding*

 

[disykat]

I had a family member that did this. We didn't go because one of our kids had a milestone that weekend that we considered more important that a do-over wedding. Thankfully he was cool with it, the same way my son was cool with not having family at his event because they were all at the other party (that was planned long after my son's btw).

I kind of roll my eyes at the idea of the second wedding, and I'm sure they were a bit put out with us, but no one's going to let it be a big issue.

 

[NHdisneylover]

This isn't about young people, it's about selfish people. They can be all shapes, sizes and ages.

ITA

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Sorry - coming in late without reading all the replies - a big no-no on the dis!!!!

Anyway, what I don't understand is why you really care? She will do what she wants when she wants. If she talks to you about it, just pretend like you care, and don't worry about it. It has nothing to do with you really. JMO

 

[tzolkin]

I don't think this has anything to do with being young unfortunately.

When my uncle wanted to get married in the mid-70s, my aunt's family didn't want to help with a wedding. My grandparents offered to give them a wedding and were working on the plans. They decided to run off and elope, so they had no guests/party. For their 25th anniversary they had a "wedding" in a church with the big dress, etc. Apparently, my aunt just wanted to have a "princess day" and to get some gifts, and she ran off with someone else a few months later.

 

[WriteDisney]

Sorry - coming in late without reading all the replies - a big no-no on the dis!!!!

Anyway, what I don't understand is why you really care? She will do what she wants when she wants. If she talks to you about it, just pretend like you care, and don't worry about it. It has nothing to do with you really. JMO

I agree with this If she wants to do it, let her do it. Doesn't mean you have to go and like SharpMomofTwo says, just pretend you care and don't worry about it.. its good advice :

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, whether or not shehad the wedding she wanted the first time, she had a wedding, she is married, so what she is planning now would be a vow renewal, a blessing ceremony, and anniversary party or something of that ilk.

That isn't to say she can't do the whole white dress/big ceremony/party thing, but she certainly shouldn't expect anyone other than she and her DH to pay for it. She should be grateful if people are kind enough to bring her gifts and thankful that the people who didn't bring gifts thought enough of her to share her special day.