I hate the holidays !

[SHAYMARAYSMOM]

You should commiserate with this DISer, since your holiday plans sound similarly ruined:

EdiePA

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1983513


Maybe you two can compare notes. Or, at least, you know you are not alone.

OHh no are they twins?

THIS IS THE SAME STORY FROM ANOTHER POSTER...???

lUCY..YOU got some SPLAININ' TO do!!

Maybe the same family. Or they have a young family member who is singed on

 

[WriteDisney]

OHh no are they twins?




Maybe the same family. Or they have a young family member who is singed on

I'm curious about this as well...

 

[Mom2Nick]

DH and I both have mixed-families so I know how tough it can be. I recommend that you call DS and tell him how much you were looking forward to having some alone time with he and DIL and how hurt you are to have the ILs horning in on your time.

Please don't....

OP - Spend Christmas Day with them and enjoy your time. Her parents are not horning in on your holidady they're coming afterwards. It's not up to you to decide that the inlws have to stay away for a certain period of time that makes YOU happy. If your son and DIL have no issues with everybody being together then isn't that enough for you???

Whatever you do - just don't create drama. Your DIL is pregnant - she is tired and having to deal with an unhappy MIL that is upset because she's not getting her way is not going to make YOUR holiday any better - what it will do is ruin it for everybody.

 

[*Fantasia*]

THIS IS THE SAME STORY FROM ANOTHER POSTER...???

lUCY..YOU got some SPLAININ' TO do!!

It has to be from the same poster. The same exact situation?? Maybe she needs more input or advice from the DIS board.

I say.. Just make the best time you have with your son and his wife during the Holiday. Don't let your son's wife's family bother you (at least not on Christmas). Just enjoy the time you have with your son. I'm sure you and your son will get together alone at another time. Good luck.

 

[C.Ann]

As my 90 year old mom would say, "A half a loaf is better than none.."

I live with DD, her DH, and my DGD during the winter months and DD's IL's are here every single day (FIL from 6am until 8:15am) and then the two of them are back together every single afternoon/evening.. Obviously there is never a holiday/birthday/report card day/ or any other "event" when they aren't here - but what are ya gonna do? Grab a few "alone" minutes" whenever you can..

I can understand you're wishing you could have some "alone" time with your DS and DIL, but would you honestly feel better (happier) if you didn't see them at all? I don't think so..

Make the trip and make the best out of the time - no matter how little - that you have them to yourself..

 

[JanDave]

Our solution was to take ourselves out of the Christmas day mix. I felt so bad seeing the married DDs stressing out trying to make everyone happy. What has happened in the past is that they go from house to house and don't get to spend any quality time with ANY of the parents. This year we are hosting a NYE/New Year's Day get together at our house. So now we won't be disappointed when the kids are in and out on Christmas Day. Before it felt like they came in, opened presents and left to go to the next stop.

I agree! We celebrate Christmas with our Michigan kids and grandkids on a day other than Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. One of our DDs has to go to 3-4 homes on Christmas Day because they are told so. We took the stress away by celebrating when all of us can be together without having to watch the clock or not eat too much because someone is expecting them to eat at their house at a certain time.

This year, we're celebrating this weekend and we get 2 days together! We have hotel rooms booked and the grandkids will have fun playing together, swimming, opening gifts, etc. It's a win-win for us.

The week between Christmas and New Year's, we go to WV to spend 3-5 days with my son and his family.

It's a stress free holiday season for all of us.

Jan

 

[JanDave]

Our solution was to take ourselves out of the Christmas day mix. I felt so bad seeing the married DDs stressing out trying to make everyone happy. What has happened in the past is that they go from house to house and don't get to spend any quality time with ANY of the parents. This year we are hosting a NYE/New Year's Day get together at our house. So now we won't be disappointed when the kids are in and out on Christmas Day. Before it felt like they came in, opened presents and left to go to the next stop.

I agree! We celebrate Christmas with our Michigan kids and grandkids on a day other than Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. One of our DDs has to go to 3-4 homes on Christmas Day because they are told so. We took the stress away by celebrating when all of us can be together without having to watch the clock or not eat too much because someone is expecting them to eat at their house at a certain time.

This year, we're celebrating this weekend and we get 2 days together! We have hotel rooms booked and the grandkids will have fun playing together, swimming, opening gifts, etc. It's a win-win for us.

The week between Christmas and New Year's, we go to WV to spend 3-5 days with my son and his family.

It's a stress free holiday season for all of us.

Jan

 

[Loverly]

It means I have less than 24 hrs. (probably less than 12 hours) one-on-one with my son and DIL until they descend and take over the holiday.


BE HAPPY to be able to spend that time with them!!


They are all drama (tears if you don't go along, running to bedrooms and slamming doors, etc.) -- and I just don't want/need the stress. Like I said, they ruined our summer vacation with their antics -- I just wanted a good Christmas.

Charm

I'm guessing her parents are in their 40's -50's???
They cry and slam doors and run to thier rooms to pout ?


Really?

 

[castleview]

Hopefully when this baby is born DS and DDIL will stop putting her family first. I know once we had our kid, we didn't care if we ticked off anyone anymore.

 

[N&B'smom]

THIS IS THE SAME STORY FROM ANOTHER POSTER...???

lUCY..YOU got some SPLAININ' TO do!!

What is up with that???? Same person posting as two different people?

Shelby

 

[TwinsinCA]

I'm on your side, OP!

You had made your plans around your DIL's family and then they changed their plans to coincide with yours. I'd be irritated too.

I would rather be on my own as well. If your DIL and her family refuse to let you do his side/ her side holidays, I'd resign yourself to either doing holidays at a different time or taking yourself totally out of their holiday equation.

Your son is stuck with them as relatives now, but you aren't.

My parents and my inlaws don't get along very well. Everyone sucks it up for joint family occasions like my kid's birthdays etc. no problem. However, I would NEVER be selfish enough to expect them to spend holidays together to make it easier on me. We either skip spending the holidays together, alternate families, or celebrate on alternate days.

I'm guessing, since they specifically changed their plans to be there when you are there, that this won't be just a holiday issue. THEY want it to be a joint occasion and want to be there at the same time you are. Hopefully your son and DIL will be willing to travel to see you at times, because I have a feeling that everytime you go to their house DIL's parents will decide to show up too.

While it might not always happen on holidays, it is not unreasonable to want to be able to visit your child at least once a year without his inlaws present.

 

[kpm76]

What is up with that???? Same person posting as two different people?

Shelby

Something weird is going on....and where is the OP??

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

I read both posts - and they both sound one and the same. Interesting. Can we have two usernames here?

I was very pregnant last Christmas and had both sets of family and it was not easy for me physically and mentally. My feeling was you try to please everyone, but some can never be pleased no matter what you do.


OP if you think your DIL doesn't 'feel' your disappointment and other 'feelings' you are sadly mistaken. I bet she already knows you don't like her parents. This puts her in an awkward position. She cannot change her family, even if you don't like them. She is pregnant and doesn't need this stress on top of everything else.

If you need to spend more time with your DS, then pull him over to the side and tell him that. Don't make this about DIL's family. You can also explain to DIL and just be honest with her (without being hurtful to her) of your feelings. And maybe DS has a surprise dinner alone with you planned. How do you know for sure? Maybe if you are honest and nice with your DIL -she may set it up for you, you never know.

FWIW-aren't you excited about the baby coming? I would think that would trump any of this drama???

 

[bellebud]

I already posted to share xmas, and try for alone time another time of the year, but wanted to add that for the alone time another time of the year, if you invite them somewhere, the inlaws can't really horn in. I don't know your financial situation, but can you invite them on a weekend getaway? maybe you go out their way so it's easy for them, but book something for you and them w/in a few hours of their house. a weekend is usually do-able (not worrying about taking a week off work), and the quality time can be wonderful. this can become a yearly thing, giving you wonderful memories w/ your grandchild.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm on your side, OP!

You had made your plans around your DIL's family and then they changed their plans to coincide with yours. I'd be irritated too.

I would rather be on my own as well. If your DIL and her family refuse to let you do his side/ her side holidays, I'd resign yourself to either doing holidays at a different time or taking yourself totally out of their holiday equation.

Your son is stuck with them as relatives now, but you aren't.

My parents and my inlaws don't get along very well. Everyone sucks it up for joint family occasions like my kid's birthdays etc. no problem. However, I would NEVER be selfish enough to expect them to spend holidays together to make it easier on me. We either skip spending the holidays together, alternate families, or celebrate on alternate days.

I'm guessing, since they specifically changed their plans to be there when you are there, that this won't be just a holiday issue. THEY want it to be a joint occasion and want to be there at the same time you are. Hopefully your son and DIL will be willing to travel to see you at times, because I have a feeling that everytime you go to their house DIL's parents will decide to show up too.

While it might not always happen on holidays, it is not unreasonable to want to be able to visit your child at least once a year without his inlaws present.

Sorry but I agree with OP and these other posters. Why is it such a crime for OP to want to spend alone time with her son and DDIL? She's already gone out of her way to accomodate her son and DDIL by going to see them, as well as coordinating with her parents, but somehow everyone sees her as the bad guy? These plans were set and everyone had agreed. If the "kids" decide to change things next year, then fine, but I think it's rude and disrespectful to always expect one person to make all of the concessions. I think if DDIL were a good DIL she'd stand up and tell her family they'd have to wait. The world doesn't always revolve around one family and their whims.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sorry but I agree with OP and these other posters. Why is it such a crime for OP to want to spend alone time with her son and DDIL? She's already gone out of her way to accomodate her son and DDIL by going to see them, as well as coordinating with her parents, but somehow everyone sees her as the bad guy? These plans were set and everyone had agreed. If the "kids" decide to change things next year, then fine, but I think it's rude and disrespectful to always expect one person to make all of the concessions. I think if DDIL were a good DIL she'd stand up and tell her family they'd have to wait. The world doesn't always revolve around one family and their whims.

Of course we want things to be perfect but you have to deal with reality.

The reality is that they changed the plans and now you have to deal with it.

Pretending that things should be great is not useful here.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Of course we want things to be perfect but you have to deal with reality.

The reality is that they changed the plans and now you have to deal with it.

Pretending that things should be great is not useful here.

Not pretending, but I don't think OP should be the doormat for DDIL's family at every turn. If I were OP, yes, I would cut my nose off to spite my face, and stay home. If you let someone walk all over you, it becomes habit. I think this is completely disrespectful of DDIL family and DDIL for allowing it.

 

[JessicaR]

What's the old saying: a son is a son till he gets him a wife, a daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life.

I'm one of three girls and I had boys. I hate that saying. Cause its true, usually. I'm hopeful for a scenario that plays out differently though!

OP - I'm sorry. I hope the family comes around and you get that time you desire with your sons.

 

[kpm76]

I'm one of three girls and I had boys. I hate that saying. Cause its true, usually. I'm hopeful for a scenario that plays out differently though!

OP - I'm sorry. I hope the family comes around and you get that time you desire with your sons.

It's a sad saying, but there is an element of truth to it. I have two brothers and a sister. My brothers are very close to my parents, but I know my sister and I have different relationships with them. Both my brothers are married so you do have to watch that you don't tick off the DILs. It's an unfortunate situation, but if a guy has to choose between his wife and mom, most often he sides with his wife. I am guessing that is what is going on with this scenario. The DIL probably knows that the MIL doesn't like her family. Sounds like they might be all drama but they are still DILs parents and she's going to defend them and want to be with them (rightfully so). I don't care how nice my in-laws were to me, if I knew they didn't like my parents, I would be hurt.

 

[Lionqueen2]

Not pretending, but I don't think OP should be the doormat for DDIL's family at every turn. If I were OP, yes, I would cut my nose off to spite my face, and stay home. If you let someone walk all over you, it becomes habit. I think this is completely disrespectful of DDIL family and DDIL for allowing it.

I totally agree that the OP should not be treated as a doormat, but staying home because the circumstances are not perfect is really cutting off your nose to spite your face. In the long run the OP would end up as the loser and her DS and DIL would see no difference between her and the ILs. The world is not perfect and adjustment is necessary. If she is more relaxed about the situation and keeps a happy attitude, she will be more welcome.
My own DS and DIL have a new baby and are also quite busy with their careers. I try to make myself available at their convenience because it is easier for me to do. DIL's parents are divorced and that often causes upset, but my DH and I just try to be upbeat and pleasant and we ignore the rest. Things don't always work out the way we prefer, but we do have a good close relationship with our son. We are often together with the ILs, but stay pleasant and upbeat and don't get involved in their drama.
To schedule some alone time, I set a 'date' with DS and another with DIL. Once a year I take each of them out to dinner alone and we have a great time. I schedule it at their convenience and not at any holiday time.