I bought condoms today

[morethananyonex]

I can't help but think of an episode of 16 and Pregnant where the girls mother thought she had everything covered because she provided condoms but turns out the girl and her boyfriend were too embarrassed/lazy to get up and get them. From the title of the show you can see how well that one worked out..

 

[mamacatnv]

I learned this here on the Dis a few years ago from a Mom with sons and I passed it on to DS
"Don't be a fool, wrap your tool"
Along with
"never ever leave home without one"

 

[bumbershoot]

I have a daughter too - for those of you with girls, what would you do in that situation? I can't quite wrap my mind around making condoms available to her, although I have no good reason to feel that way. Just have the talk with her as well, and make it known that they are in the medicine cabinet? It just seems harder when I think of these things, and my girl. Especially since I was no angel as a teenager myself. Sigh, again.

Condoms.

I think its important to stress to your DD that a condom will help protect her from disease as well as pregnancy.

Yep.

I personally abhore hormonal birth control, I think it messes with the body far too much, and when I took it for a matter of months (while losing my mind for a boyfriend and leaving my sense of Self behind) my mind was NOT changed on that, so condoms and knowledge of the body helped me immensely! (of course, embarrassment, a sense that my all-knowing mom knew what I was up to, and a horrible tickle reaction kept me from being up to no good until I was 21 and almost out of college!)


Oh, for the girl...Taking Charge of your Own Fertility. She needs to KNOW her body. Before I really got to understand things (between the above mentioned boyfriend and the man who became my husband), I realized that I'd had it exactly backwards. I thought that the "egg white" stuff was the END of ovulations, that it meant I was SAFE. Could not have been more wrong! I was really lucky, and, of course, there were those properly used condoms.

It's better to know this stuff LONG before you're using your body in such ways...

And, to be honest...I'll probably give the information to my son as well. I knew too many men in our 20s that had been fooled by women, and told they were "safe" for going without protection, only to find out they were going to be fathers. A total lack of knowledge of women's bodies changed their lives forever, and I think it's important that everyone knows how bodies work.

I can't help but think of an episode of 16 and Pregnant where the girls mother thought she had everything covered because she provided condoms but turns out the girl and her boyfriend were too embarrassed/lazy to get up and get them. From the title of the show you can see how well that one worked out..

Honestly, IMO (and experience), if you're too embarrassed to get the condoms, you're not mature enough to be doing anything that requires 'em!

 

[cornflake]

I remember that episode - the mother had put a big, giant bowl of condoms in the girl's own bathroom. She wasn't the only one that made very clear they'd had a blatant discussion either.

I think the handing over condoms is great - I think a discussion of the actual consequences (besides the baby or the gross disease) might help too.

Like in the wages garnished way. For close to 20 years. For X amount. Point to real-world examples. Like in the what would happen with a girl way.

I said in another thread, my family goes the consequence route - no grandbaby of a teen parent is coming into this house. If someone you're with got pregnant, you have zero control, and can be on the hook for X amount for X years, etc.

 

[2disneyboys]

It is so important to have these open conversations w/ your kids. My niece had just turned 17 (by a week) when she found out that her and her 15 year old boyfriend were going to become parents. They are due this summer it just makes me so sad to think of parts of their lives that will be so much harder than they needed to be. Of course, my niece is very lucky. She has a huge family present to help her. But life is still going to be hard. Aside from the financial and mental/physical affects of becoming a parent, there are things that she (and the boyfriend) have to miss out on or deal with that a 15 or 17 year old child (young adult) should not have to.

my boys are 9 and almost 12. I was thinking the other day that my oldest is only 3 1/2 years away from being the same age that nieces' boyfriend was when they conceived their baby. ugh... I want to puke. We have already had some "talks" with our boys (age appropiate) and we even used this family teen pregnancy as a bouncing board for some more discussion. DH & I do not agree w/ prematial sx, but we are not so naive to think just because we acted and believed this way, that our boys will automatically follow suit. Therefore, we will prepare them with knowledge and open conversation and if necessary, supplies because while our faith says one thing, my heart says that thier protection is the MOST IMPORTANT result. (at least to me)

Its really hard being a parent, and I'm not even a parent of a teenager yet, which according to my mother (raised 4 kids) brother (18 year old daughter) and sister (19 year old and 17 year old daughters) being a parent of a teenage is, well, gut wrenching. One of those times you just hold on and hope everyone survies the ride! lol...oh the horrors!

 

[mvazul]

I think its important to stress to your DD that a condom will help protect her from disease as well as pregnancy. If/When my DD goes down that road I will be pushing the pill with a condom as an always to back it up.

OP I think you did the right thing. There were several girls when DS was in high school who got pregnant. I used them as examples to bring it up over and over. When DS was a Sr in high school and had a serious girly friend I discussed it with both of them over and over. I paid for girly's birthcontrol for awhile while maintaining to my DS to use condoms.

Another thing that I discussed with my son was that some (not all) girls will view a pregnancy as a way to hold onto their guy. I pounded that little tidbit into the boys head. I also reminded him that even when the girl says she is on the pill, he still has an added responsibilty to use a condom to protect himself and at the same time to never trust the I'm on the pill scenario.

He is now 22, a Sr in college and receives condoms in his easter basket, his Crhistmas stocking etc. He knows that is one expense I will always approve on my credit card.
He and his first serious girly broke up when he was a Freshman in college. She is now 21, unmarried, unattached, not in school and due to give birth any day now from a one night stand type encounter. I'm thinking she didn't practice the things I spoke to her about.

To the bolded part - I can tell you for a fact if anyone is paying for birth control for my teenage daughter, I would hit the roof. And i certainly would not want to be around if my husband found out.

Michelle

 

[cornflake]

To the bolded part - I can tell you for a fact if anyone is paying for birth control for my teenage daughter, I would hit the roof. And i certainly would not want to be around if my husband found out.

Michelle

I get it, but I don't get it.

I mean I kind of presume, though I may be wrong, that the OP meant it like the girl was getting bc on her own and was all 'dang, they're charging me like $40 a month and I don't have that this week...' and the OP was like 'don't worry about it, here.'

Rather than some 'let's go get you an IUD, trust me, you'll love it!' way.

Also... what's the preferred alternative? I'd think that she'd talk to you but if she didn't want to or felt like she couldn't then better to have than not, no?

 

[mamacatnv]

To the bolded part - I can tell you for a fact if anyone is paying for birth control for my teenage daughter, I would hit the roof. And i certainly would not want to be around if my husband found out.

Michelle

Yeah, well, she was sleeping with my son and I had an obligation to protect him too. There was no way I was going to prevent them sleeping together, I am not that naive. She had no job and a Dad who has 10 kids between about 8 different women. No way was I taking the chance she was not going to protect herself due to cost. My son was smart enough to haul their butts to the Health Dept. and he via my credit card paid for the birth control with my blessing and consent.

I'm going to say this and my intent is not to be rude, truly it is not, but I don't know how else to say it. When one has an attitude like yours, those are the kids who don't seek BC when they need it, those are the kids who are afraid of their parents reactions and those are the kids who end up pregnant or with STD's.

I hope and pray that when the day comes that my DD decides to be sexually active, if for some reason she is afraid to come to me that there is someone who cares enough to foot the bill to protect 2 teenagers from an unwanted pregnancy

 

[mamacatnv]

I get it, but I don't get it.

I mean I kind of presume, though I may be wrong, that the OP meant it like the girl was getting bc on her own and was all 'dang, they're charging me like $40 a month and I don't have that this week...' and the OP was like 'don't worry about it, here.'Rather than some 'let's go get you an IUD, trust me, you'll love it!' way.

Also... what's the preferred alternative? I'd think that she'd talk to you but if she didn't want to or felt like she couldn't then better to have than not, no?

Exactly except it was my son whining about the cost. He knew it was his responsibility too and he made sure it got taken care of via me which I was more than glad to do.
I didn't haul her off, her boyfriend (my son) did. Smart boy, evidently he listened to all the speeches over the years

 

[crashbb]

A humorous note, if there is one -- a couple of months ago, DS19, who was in college, asked us to come and take him out to lunch that weekend, saying there was something serious he wanted to talk about and that it wasn't something he wanted to talk about over the phone. I was pretty sure it could only be one of three things -- he was gay (he was in musical theatre at the time, where 90% of the guys in his program were gay), someone was pregnant, or he was dropping out of school. I was crossing my fingers for the dropping out of school one... (and I was right). A pregnancy would have been, by far, the worst of these three!

Are you for real with this?

I have a seventeen year old son. He is also in the theatre and has been for two years now. I sure as heck wouldn't prefer he drop out of college over being gay.

OP, good for you for buying the condoms. I'm not sure if I would be sharing that information on an internet message board, but to each his own.

I think that this is the post that you meant to quote - this is the poster who was hoping that her son dropped out of school (if it meant that he wasn't gay).

 

[Hoodie]

The talk is great. I hope the talk also included the fact that condoms aren't 100% effective. They are 98% effective. Which means for every 100 couples using solely condoms, 2 will get pregnant. I would hate my child to be one of the 2.Someone in my family was 16 when they had their first child. They went on to marry their boyfriend, had two more children and become a nurse. They have been married for over 30 years. So, it can end well but it's a lot of hard work.

If it wasn't for that 2%, I wouldn't be here!!

Being living proof that condoms are NOT 100% effective was a pretty good way to reduce my teenage exploits.

I am bolding this because it HAS to be part of the conversation. I think we've become a little lackadasial with the "just make sure you're protected." You are NEVER 100% protected, so take as many preacautions as you can, but be prepared to be a mommy/daddy as well.

 

[ReneeA]

I was born when my mom was 16 and my dad 18. They got married as soon as it was legal for her to do so, while she was pregnant with me. They had 3 kids before she turned 20, and were married for 24 years before the divorce.

However, even though her story didn't turn into one of the "horror teenage mother" story (dad had a good job and she went to college & got a degree); she beat the "you don't want to have a baby while still in high school" into me. I got lectured, talked to, had discussions with, given books about, shown pictures of diseased genitals, etc...so that I would use protection and talk to her about my feelings. It worked - all three of her children waited until their late 20's and marriage to have their first baby.

Talk, talk, talk to your kids!!! Buy the condoms...

 

[punkin]

I get it, but I don't get it.

I mean I kind of presume, though I may be wrong, that the OP meant it like the girl was getting bc on her own and was all 'dang, they're charging me like $40 a month and I don't have that this week...' and the OP was like 'don't worry about it, here.'

Rather than some 'let's go get you an IUD, trust me, you'll love it!' way.

Also... what's the preferred alternative? I'd think that she'd talk to you but if she didn't want to or felt like she couldn't then better to have than not, no?

I don't know about the PP's experience but this is basically what my boyfriend's mother offered me (the pill, not IUD) when I was 16 and certainly NOT sexually active. I was appalled!

 

[minniebride]

I would have preferred gay.....

Me too. Definitely the most adjustable out of the 3 mentioned.

 

[Truffle]

A friend of ours had "the talk" with their oldest son, and at the end mentioned that there were condoms in the linen closet should the need arise. At that point they thought that they were done and asked if he had any questions, and he said that he did. His only question was, "What's a linen closet?"

Seems that they had always called it the hall closet...

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--I think you did the right thing. It is hard to talk about this stuff, but SO important. I also think it is extremely important to stress disease prevention as well.

I would have preferred gay.....

Me too. One of my children being gay would only bother me from the standpoint of me worrying about them having to put up with bigoted people and laws.

I have a daughter too - for those of you with girls, what would you do in that situation? I can't quite wrap my mind around making condoms available to her, although I have no good reason to feel that way. Just have the talk with her as well, and make it known that they are in the medicine cabinet? It just seems harder when I think of these things, and my girl. Especially since I was no angel as a teenager myself. Sigh, again.

I have a girl and a boy. Um, making condoms available to, and having these types of discussion with both makes sense to me Why on Earth would you only do that for a boy

Yeah, well, she was sleeping with my son and I had an obligation to protect him too. There was no way I was going to prevent them sleeping together, I am not that naive. She had no job and a Dad who has 10 kids between about 8 different women. No way was I taking the chance she was not going to protect herself due to cost. My son was smart enough to haul their butts to the Health Dept. and he via my credit card paid for the birth control with my blessing and consent.

Sounds like both you and your son handled that very well

 

[heartsy77]

I have always had a very open relationship w/ all my kids about sex. When my DS announced he was gay I bought the condoms.

When DD, now 16 turned 14, she went on the pill for awful periods; and I was secretly happy as she has ODD and ADHD and has a pattern of making quick bad judgments. Fast forward 2 years and DD has gotten much better and has a nice steady bf for months and even though she is on the pill, I'm going to buy the condoms! Do I want her to have sex? No. But I'm a realist and there are 4 pregnant girls in her high school of about 450 kids. My hope is that she will get an education, steady employment and then think about kids.

I myself was pregnant at 18, a high school drop put, and married by 20. Yeah I turned out ok in long run: her dad is my husband of 15 years, I have owned my own business for 9 years, graduated Nursing school last June, and bought our 1st house last Thanksgiving. BUT IT WAS SO HARD!!!

Op- KUDOS to you! It's hard decision to make!

 

[Katy Belle]

I have 3 boys and we talk and talk and talk. It was difficult and embarassing at first, but now it is pretty much just dinner conversation. I hadnt thought of purchasing condoms for them, but i agree its a good idea.

 

[njmom47]

Quick story: My dds are from my first marriage, and my child support was always late. One time ds (about age 13 at the time) asked me what child support was, and I told him "It's what happens when you can't keep it in your pants." Yes, it was crude, but talked to im more realistically about child suppor and how it was to be paid for 18 years, how much money it could be, etc.. My kids and I have no problems talking about sex (except dd1 obviously wasn't listening). And maybe the best birth control in my house is dd having a baby at age 18, still living with us and her sister and brother seeing how hard her life is. Sigh is right!

 

[Colleen27]

Ugh, that is a bridge I don't like seeing looming in my near future! DS14 and I have had lots of talks and right now he seems to have his head on straight about girls and sex but he hasn't had a girlfriend to put that to the test yet. It is really hard trying to get a positive message across to him when he has real-world examples of the exceptions to some of the talking points - I had him at 18 and have done well for myself in life so he sees that as contrary to the "having a baby will make your life harder" discussion, and his father has two kids he doesn't support so I don't think he sees the child support aspect as all that relevant either. At least he's familiar with the concept of birth control failure - he was conceived using condoms, his sister while I was on Depo, and his other sister after DH's vasectomy. So I don't think he's going to go out into the world thinking "I'm using a condom/She's on the pill so it can't happen."