I am just so dissapointed right now :(

[RubySlippers]

Where did you get this list? There is someone I need to forward it to but it will not be credible to them coming from a Dis thread. You can PM me the details if you want.

Thanks.

https://wsr.byu.edu/content/warning-signs-emotional-abuse

 

[kirstenb1]

My initial thought is that something is going on that your DH is hiding from you.

It doesn't make sense that he can't take a week off to go on a trip with you. It also doesn't make sense that money is gone from your account for the family when the family are buying luxury items.

I hate to say this .... well, I won't say it .... but I think maybe there might be something you need to find out for yourself about what your DH is hiding. I wouldn't believe anything at this point that he is telling you.

It's not about the trip - something else is happening.

This. He has run through a lot of money, and frankly, loaning it to family/business would be the best-case scenario. I would have him show me the money trail. My spidey sense is tingling that maybe he did something foolish with it, is afraid to tell you, and is using others as a scapegoat.

 

[TLuvsD]

Hmm, as much as I'd be mad and sad about the trip, I think you have a bigger issue...
Who actually owns the 'family' business? Are there loan documents for your money? How are the profits from the business distributed? (ie why does brother have a boat, mom a new house, everyone a week at a cabin that you paid for....and you have to cancel your trip). Really, this sounds like very messy business accounting.
Family is family, but business is business. I'd talk to your DH about getting financial documents from the business--time for full disclosure. A few conversations with the business accountant are in order--succession planning, money management, etc. Really, this is only going to get worse if you don't get a handle on a separation between business money and each individual family member's money.

 

[VAN]

.... I tend to think maybe there was no family business loan ... he's hiding something.

 

[brockash]

Since you already paid to rent the DVC points and may not be able to recoup that $$. Why don't you just go and take a friend? Let you DH stay home and build whatever he wants to?

ITA. You need to go and just take a friend or family member. His timing and reasoning are totally rediculous. If he wants to stay home fine, but there's no reason that you should have to give up your vacation too, when everything paid for already ect. -The loan thing is just crazy, and wrong.

 

[Pollito916]

OP - sorry you are going through this right now. Something doesn't feel right, and I would wonder what else your DH is hiding. I don't think you're being selfish at all, and have every right to go on the trip with or without him, especially since it's mostly paid for and you won't be able to get most of the money back. I hope you and your DH are able to have a more rational discussion soon, without him putting the blame on you for wanting to take a trip that has been planned and paid for for near a year.

 

[lisajl]

Go with a friend...simple as that.
Too bad your husband chose others over you.
It is your turn now.

 

[Polyluvr]

Has the OP come back w an update?
I feel so awful for her!!!

 

[bookgirl]

Oh let me just say. I did think of doing this. I was so upset that we were going to have to give up the perfectly paid for reservations at AKV and all the dining ADRs that I've stressed out making, that I brought up the idea of me going with down there with a friend, and he was furious that I even brought that idea up! I was thinking, "well better than just throwing it all away" I could make use of it. He said I was so selfish for thinking this. That it was supposed to be our special trip. Yeah. It was. Apparently I am just crazy.

Um who actually paid for the trip and talked to the DVC owners...if it was me I'd see if he even paid it in March. Otherwise why wouldn't you go and not lose the money? Sounds like he's hiding something else, like that he DID NOT pay off the vacation and he waited until now to tell you he had to cancel the trip at short notice.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Um who actually paid for the trip and talked to the DVC owners...if it was me I'd see if he even paid it in March. Otherwise why wouldn't you go and not lose the money? Sounds like he's hiding something else, like that he DID NOT pay off the vacation and he waited until now to tell you he had to cancel the trip at short notice.

Interesting point and it might explain the angry reaction to her wanting to go ahead and go. I do hope the reason the OP has not come back is that she is busy making sure everything her husband has been saying is true (and I really hope we are all wrong and it is).

 

[bumbershoot]

Second, Not all couples require that both members be involved with all financial transactions. In fact, many relationships work just fine with one person making the financial decisions.

Fifth, people who suggest that there is more going on than what has been presented and actually are suggesting divorce are projecting and giving the OP very bad advice.

Most couples married long enough to be celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary have this all figured out already, and aren't shocked, surprised, and dismayed by the actions of the spouse, who is not explaining where the money went well enough, and is allowed her to be and stay confused.

People here base their thoughts and feelings on what they know of human nature, and their own pasts. This is invaluable to many people. No one here FORCES others to do anything; they simply help to open up minds to see that some things aren't right or OK. People in abusive relationships often *do not know* that what is happening to them is abuse. They have been told that THEY are in the wrong so many times that they question themselves, and need someone else to step in and tell the truth.

Maybe this guy is just so upset he can't talk straight. Maybe this stuff has never happened before. Or maybe this is a series of problems that has happened since they met, and this will be the straw that broke the camel's back, once she realizes that it's not acceptable.

How about the OP and her husband simply work on having more open communications? Perhaps the husband hasn't previously discussed this issue because he knew that the discussion wouldn't be welcomed? I have no knowledge as to whether that's true, but it certainly is possible.

Go on the trip anyway? Even though the money for the trip is no longer available? I just don't see this as a responsible financial decision, let alone the damage that such a decision would do to the relationship.

After 10 years of marriage a problem caused by a one-time communication breakdown would not cause such dismay. The husband wouldn't be telling her she's selfish, she wouldn't be so confused because he would open up the financial info for her to see, and would explain it all.

DVC is paid, I assume their way of getting there is paid. If she goes alone, that's a whole lot less money for food being paid. So what money IS there left, really?

 

[wdwfan16]

OP - I only read you posts on the first page. Has your DH shown you how much money he has loaned his family and the receipts of what was purchased. I think the reason he is against your friend trip is you have very little liquid money left and he knows it. I would check all your bank statements to make sure you know what you have left. Since he contacted the DVC person all I saw is WE NEED MONEY NOW!!! You really need to talk because no spouse should ever loan or spend this kind of money without the consent of the other. The money is joint money and needs to be spent as such.

 

[Dopey's twin Dippy]

im sorry i have not read all of this. BUT................... I would have myself booked on a flight , unless you were driving, SOONER than they could pick up the Hammers and Nails............really . No way would i be staying home, no way. If i could not take a sister, friend, who ever, i would be enjoing the Sun alone..................life is to short............

 

[OceanAnnie]

Monica, I haven't read the whole thread yet. I just wanted to give you a .

I'm sure the shock of it all (the financial curve balls) and the let down are a lot to take in one foul swoop. I can certainly understand your frustration!

I'll go back and read the rest of the thread. Just wanted to say, I understand.

 

[tasha99]

Um who actually paid for the trip and talked to the DVC owners...if it was me I'd see if he even paid it in March. Otherwise why wouldn't you go and not lose the money? Sounds like he's hiding something else, like that he DID NOT pay off the vacation and he waited until now to tell you he had to cancel the trip at short notice.

This. Expecting to just lose the money rather than let the OP and other friends or family members use it makes no sense at all. Whatever happened has to make sense, so I think the vacation was never really paid for.

 

[Polyluvr]

wanted to add- if they rented points from someone on the boards;most follow the same rental agreement-there are a few-but they all have a no refund clause.

I hope she comes back to tell us what happened;and that she's ok!

 

[talulabelle]

wanted to add- if they rented points from someone on the boards;most follow the same rental agreement-there are a few-but they all have a no refund clause.

I hope she comes back to tell us what happened;and that she's ok!

that's what I am thinking...I don't think the thing was ever paid for to begin with, thus his anger at her suggesting she go anyway.

 

[Glenn]

As explained this just doesnt sound right. He wants to just walk away from lots of money not $100. If things were slowing at work nothing wrong with saying that & going with eating in the room & counter service with only 1 nice meal and no shopping. If there is a crisis at work he should be able to explain why he cannt go & if someone wont sub rent the points let his wife go with a cousin, sister, niece, nephew. To just waste that much money with no real explaination has a smell to it.

 

[aprilgail2]

It's not often that a marriage issue thread can get to page five without someone chiming in that there's two sides to every story and to give your husband the benefit of the doubt -- when this many posters are in agreement, you really need to take a hard look at what they're saying. With that in mind and the fact that the majority here are telling you that your husband is being a controlling jerk, you need to take back the control here! Demand to have an accounting of what has happened to every dime of that money for one thing, and for another start packing now and go on that trip, either alone or with a friend. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you won't tolerate being called selfish when he is the one putting his family first.

I agree!!! I would want him to sit down and give me a detailed account of every penny and where it is!! Not good to have one person in charge of finances and the other clueless!!

 

[quentina]

Oh let me just say. I did think of doing this. I was so upset that we were going to have to give up the perfectly paid for reservations at AKV and all the dining ADRs that I've stressed out making, that I brought up the idea of me going with down there with a friend, and he was furious that I even brought that idea up! I was thinking, "well better than just throwing it all away" I could make use of it. He said I was so selfish for thinking this. That it was supposed to be our special trip. Yeah. It was. Apparently I am just crazy.

I would go without him. Furthermore, he would be seeing me so furious he would push me out the door

Something doesn't seem right with this entire thing. I would demand answers.