I’m not imagining things, am I?

[Allison]

Even if the paper only says you’re aware, what do you think will happen if he defaults? The bank will take the collateral….your home. They won’t take “his” half & leave you yours. They will take your home. And then you can go ahead & take him to court & try to get your money from him. Good luck with that.

Listen to this. Read it again. Dump your lawyer. Don't go to that meeting.

 

[barkley]

Adding to this, you are married OP, his debt is your debt. Don’t go thinking if he does this without you that you’ll be in the clear. They’ll go after whoever they can to make themselves whole when he defaults.

absolutly. had a co-worker who had this issue come up over a decade AFTER she divorced. in the divorce the ex got a rental property that they had both owned. the ex was supposed to re-fi in his name only within a certain period of time in exchange for co-worker having done a quit-claim on the property. well....noone did follow up to make sure he had done it. about 15 years later the ex defaults on the loan and decides to file bankruptcy-the bankruptcy process shows co-worker was married to the ex at the time the loan was taken out so the lender went after her (she ended up having to file bankruptcy as well-her new husband was NOT happy when all their assetts were seized).

 

[wenrob]

absolutly. had a co-worker who had this issue come up over a decade AFTER she divorced. in the divorce the ex got a rental property that they had both owned. the ex was supposed to re-fi in his name only within a certain period of time in exchange for co-worker having done a quit-claim on the property. well....noone did follow up to make sure he had done it. about 15 years later the ex defaults on the loan and decides to file bankruptcy-the bankruptcy process shows co-worker was married to the ex at the time the loan was taken out so the lender went after her (she ended up having to file bankruptcy as well-her new husband was NOT happy when all their assetts were seized).

I had friend who married a guy who had a judgement against him. They seized HER personal bank account and every dime she had. The judgement was long before they ever met but once they were married it was fair game.

 

[lifesavacation]

If you aren’t willing to say no right now, at least tell your husband you need a week or so to decide if this is in your and your child’s best interest. Tell him you can’t sign anything right now.

It is ok to have boundaries in a marriage. You do get a voice in your life. Protect yourself and your child. This is not in your best interest.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

if this is indeed real and the hubby has been really acting differently lately you should get him tested for frontal lobe dementia. It’s an early onset type and the first symptoms are extreme changes in personality and behavior, the person often takes risks they wouldn’t have previously (including financial) and they show very poor judgment.

 

[TwoMisfits]

There's absolutely no shortage of hinky things in this thread to cause doubts.

I am in agreement.

At this point, I hope DisBoard members are sticking to advice only, and don't get roped in any further to something that may or may not actually be occurring at this point.

If this is a hoax, I congratulate the Op for a well done one. Starting incognito with fewer than 10 posts here, but saying it's b/c of personal info, but then posting TONS of screenshots that could be identifying to you or the spouse...well done.

If it's not a hoax (and I think it is, with the money ask through the HELOC and the escalating franticness now when the answer is easy and obvious), I hope the Op has now taken the obvious advice of everyone here and moves on. Nothing more can be done for the Op that she cannot do herself with her lawyer's help.

 

[tzolkin]

Even if the paper only says you’re aware, what do you think will happen if he defaults? The bank will take the collateral….your home. They won’t take “his” half & leave you yours. They will take your home. And then you can go ahead & take him to court & try to get your money from him. Good luck with that.

This is exactly what we all have been saying from page 1, so I'm shocked that OP is planning to just go along and "see what happens". OP-- You are going to either lose your house or have to pay the money back. That's what is going to happen.

I'm a person who happens to have mortgages that only one spouse is on (husband alone is listed on the mortgage for our home and I alone have the mortgage for our rental property). We did that for convenience purposes when taking out the loans, but both fully expect that if anything were to happen to either of us or to our marriage that we would both be equally responsible for paying off those debts because we are married and both owners of the properties.

The lawyer's advice just seems wrong to me. (You are literally signing a paper stating that you are okay with having a lien against your home and acknowledging financial responsibility if he fails to repay it, right?) But, even if the lawyer happens to be correct, why would you even take the chance and allow your spouse to put your family so far in debt against your wishes? There is absolutely no incentive for you to go along with signing this paperwork.

 

[princesscinderella]

OP definitely don’t harm yourself and don’t sign the papers for the HELOC. You need emergency counseling and a new lawyer. I know we all suggested before getting your credit and your husband’s report to make sure nothing is out of the ordinary on it. I also suggest pulling your disabled son’s too as it’s not uncommon for parents to ruin their children’s credit by taking out credit cards and debt in their name too. You really need to make some tough decisions and quickly.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Ok, you guys got me. This is all a hoax….. not.

I actually got upset when I saw that some of you think this is all a hoax. But then I realized how ridiculous a lot of this sounds and I totally understand. I can’t stand internet trolls. Never could.

I have been a member of the DIS boards since January 2001. I used to be very, very well known, back in the day when we were planning a lot of trips, and the Community Board was a fun place to hang out in between trips. I once started a very popular thread on the Resorts Board for the Polynesian Resort (No I’m not Tiki Man), but it has since been coagulated into a new thread.

A few of you I remember from the old days. I have not posted as my original self in years. Mainly because I didn’t really visit these boards for several years, but also because I didn’t much to add since it’s been about 6 years since our last WDW trip.

Dear God, I wish this was all a game, a hoax, whatever.

Since last night I’ve been telling him that I will not sign. Again, he seems to feel that he can convince me. The bank was supposed to email to him copies of all of the documents to go over, including the one they’d want me to sign. As of right now (3:30pm Wednesday) he hasn’t received anything.

If it was only me here, and not my adult disabled son, I’d go stay at my other adult son’s home for a few days. But I can’t leave my son here. Something that I haven’t mentioned before because to a point it’s irrelevant is the fact that my husband is the stepfather to my sons, although he has raised them from very young ages. My ex-H lives several states away and is not involved in their lives.

So, that’s that. If anyone still has doubts as to the validity of my story, I’d love to find a current DISer who knew me then, and who is still on the boards now. I can think of one or two people, but I’m not 100% positive who I could trust to keep my secret. Also, proving to all of you that what I’m going through is real, isn’t at the top of my list right now, kwim?

Oh, to those who’ve said that I’ve posted items in this thread that could prove who I am, I say “I doubt it”. But if you want to give it a try, and you privately DM me, I will let you know. Geez, this whole game aspect is helping me to take my mind off of my problems at least.

And never judge a thread by its emojis; some of us just really like them, and it’s been a very long time since I’ve used the fun ones that the DIS has.

P.S. I can remember when the DIS emoji that is the guy hobbling around on crutches, was created, and for whom specifically. I guess knowing that doesn’t prove that my story is real, it would just prove that I’ve actually been on the DIS boards for a couple of decades now.

 

[Miffy]

Ok, you guys got me. This is all a hoax….. not.

I actually got upset when I saw that some of you think this is all a hoax. But then I realized how ridiculous a lot of this sounds and I totally understand. I can’t stand internet trolls. Never could.

I have been a member of the DIS boards since January 2001. I used to be very, very well known, back in the day when we were planning a lot of trips, and the Community Board was a fun place to hang out in between trips. I once started a very popular thread on the Resorts Board for the Polynesian Resort (No I’m not Tiki Man), but it has since been coagulated into a new thread.

A few of you I remember from the old days. I have not posted as my original self in years. Mainly because I didn’t really visit these boards for several years, but also because I didn’t much to add since it’s been about 6 years since our last WDW trip.

Dear God, I wish this was all a game, a hoax, whatever.

Since last night I’ve been telling him that I will not sign. Again, he seems to feel that he can convince me. The bank was supposed to email to him copies of all of the documents to go over, including the one they’d want me to sign. As of right now (3:30pm Wednesday) he hasn’t received anything.

If it was only me here, and not my adult disabled son, I’d go stay at my other adult son’s home for a few days. But I can’t leave my son here. Something that I haven’t mentioned before because to a point it’s irrelevant is the fact that my husband is the stepfather to my sons, although he has raised them from very young ages. My ex-H lives several states away and is not involved in their lives.

So, that’s that. If anyone still has doubts as to the validity of my story, I’d love to find a current DISer who knew me then, and who is still on the boards now. I can think of one or two people, but I’m not 100% positive who I could trust to keep my secret. Also, proving to all of you that what I’m going through is real, isn’t at the top of my list right now, kwim?

Oh, to those who’ve said that I’ve posted items in this thread that could prove who I am, I say “I doubt it”. But if you want to give it a try, and you privately DM me, I will let you know. Geez, this whole game aspect is helping me to take my mind off of my problems at least.

And never judge a thread by its emojis; some of us just really like them, and it’s been a very long time since I’ve used the fun ones that the DIS has.

P.S. I can remember when the DIS emoji that is the guy hobbling around on crutches, was created, and for whom specifically. I guess knowing that doesn’t prove that my story is real, it would just prove that I’ve actually been on the DIS boards for a couple of decades now.

You have a lot of support here, and caring posters. Focus on those. Focus on yourself, your disabled son, and protecting both of you.

 

[lanejudy]

Ok, regarding his Medicare searches. I’m on his health insurance through his job. It is not yet time for him to choose a health plan for next year. Every year he brings home the paperwork and we go through it together and choose the plan that best fits our needs. I really think he was looking at Medicare plans to see how much they cost because if he ends up divorcing me, he may have to continue to cover healthcare for me.

Yes, but since this is Medicare Open Enrollment time, he may be doing research now because the info is so easily available right now. It wouldn't be unexpected for his employee to charge extra or refuse to cover you if you qualify for Medicare - and it's highly possible your husband is aware of this. What might be a bit of a leap is assuming that in the case of divorce he would automatically be required to pay for your healthcare coverage. I don't know rules in your state, but that may not be true.

Just an aside: my disabled son already has excellent Medicare coverage, so he wasn't for checking for my son’s sake.

I can't turn on the TV without seeing a Medicare commercial that says "compare plans now" even if already on Medicare or you feel you have a good plan. Plans change, offerings change. In fact, I will be checking plans for DH soon even though we've been happy with his current coverage.

My lawyer told me that even if he takes this loan out and I sign saying that I’m aware, he would have to pay me back from the rest of the equity in our home, so he wouldn’t “get away” with having the heloc money and half of the money from the sale of our house.

I think you might be hearing what you want to hear, not necessarily what the lawyer is saying. Based on what I quoted, nothing here actually says that you would not be held accountable as co-signor of the HELOC. It says in case of divorce your half [of the monies owed on the loan] could come from the equity of the house. To access the equity in the home might mean selling it and using the proceeds of the sale to pay off the HELOC. That would still leave you (and your son) without a home. Please do not sign any papers related to this loan if you are not prepared to take on debt yourself.

 

[disneyfam]

Even if the paper only says you’re aware, what do you think will happen if he defaults? The bank will take the collateral….your home. They won’t take “his” half & leave you yours. They will take your home. And then you can go ahead & take him to court & try to get your money from him. Good luck with that.

I can attest to this. One of my best friends received the house and took on the remainder of the payments of the original home loan in her divorce settlement. Prior to the divorce there was a HELOC taken out by her ex, and she signed the paperwork. When they divorced he agreed to pay off the HELOC (he started a business and it failed and is why he agreed). They have signed legal documentation in the courts stating that he would pay off the HELOC.

And I think you may be able to guess that he didn't quite make the payments. Even though there was legal documentation that he was to pay off that loan, the company came after her because she was the owner of the house and the house was the collateral. With threats of more lawsuits he started paying thankfully, but she could have lost the house otherwise.

And also because of this HELOC that is not paid off, she can't move until its paid off or she would lose the money in the sale. Again legal court documents stating that he would pay the balance, but she still is stuck until the HELOC is paid off.

Please don't sign the papers. And I'm wishing the best for you.

 

[dvcgirl67]

if this is indeed real and the hubby has been really acting differently lately you should get him tested for frontal lobe dementia. It’s an early onset type and the first symptoms are extreme changes in personality and behavior, the person often takes risks they wouldn’t have previously (including financial) and they show very poor judgment.

This is true, and why I mentioned that I'd get an MRI of my husband's brain if he acted like this. I don't know if the OP has said that this is way out of character or not, but this kind of dementia can present in this way.

 

[wenrob]

Since last night I’ve been telling him that I will not sign. Again, he seems to feel that he can convince me. The bank was supposed to email to him copies of all of the documents to go over, including the one they’d want me to sign. As of right now (3:30pm Wednesday) he hasn’t received anything.

This is why I say don’t even do the meeting. He’s going to make you feel crazy and guilty for not trusting him or you’re going to naturally feel that way because he’s your husband and you haven’t had a reason not to trust him before. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you can’t strongly assert yourself.

 

[firefly_ris]

Yeah I would be ghosting this meeting with the bank. It's going to be pressure.

 

[princesscinderella]

This article popped up in my newsfeed today and it made me think of this thread. It sounds like what your husband is caught up in. I highly recommend the supposed $90k he has made be withdrawn from wherever it’s being held.

https://apple.news/ACN6ZZ7BhRm2trUDlydn3xQ

 

[cabanafrau]

Yeah I would be ghosting this meeting with the bank. It's going to be pressure.

I understand what you're saying, but I'd be extremely uncomfortable in this set of circumstances not to be present and trust that those who attend behave ethically. I'd don my best Dr. No garb and show up prepared to make it very clear the entire exercise is going nowhere and I will not be agreeing or cooperating whatsoever in unlocking my equity in my home.

 

[firefly_ris]

I understand what you're saying, but I'd be extremely uncomfortable in this set of circumstances not to be present and trust that those who attend behave ethically. I'd don my best Dr. No garb and show up prepared to make it very clear the entire exercise is going nowhere and I will not be agreeing or cooperating whatsoever in unlocking my equity in my home.

Yeah I guess that's true. My thinking was remove any shred of possibility of getting her signature on paper by just not being present at all. People can be talked into so many things with a group bearing down on them. Especially a group that is only going to point out all the wonderful positives of doing a HELOC.

 

[cabanafrau]

Yeah I guess that's true. My thinking was remove any shred of possibility of getting her signature on paper by just not being present at all. People can be talked into so many things with a group bearing down on them. Especially a group that is only going to point out all the wonderful positives of doing a HELOC.

Intimidate them right back. Be early, be prepared. Before the proceedings get rolling ask participants their name and title -- and take it all down in front of them. If you really want to be the fox among the chickens, snap their photo at introductions and tell them it's for your records so that no one can attempt to claim that you are endorsing this loan application -- or intend to be held responsible for any repayment. Be the wet blanket. It's probably more than enough to make the bank reps realize any attempts to proceed are futile, and perhaps very costly.

 

[dvcgirl67]

This article popped up in my newsfeed today and it made me think of this thread. It sounds like what your husband is caught up in. I highly recommend the supposed $90k he has made be withdrawn from wherever it’s being held.

https://apple.news/ACN6ZZ7BhRm2trUDlydn3xQ

Yes, totally could be pig butchering. He also could be borrowing against their portfolio to trade options....and that's the 90K in his trading account.