Huge Vent - Enter At Your Own Risk

[SharpMomOfTwo]

HUGE VENT POST - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK


Why am I trying to lose weight - its because I'm fat. Why am/was I fat, because I used to eat to much, and didn't do much exercise - I had horrible eating habbits, and thought they were fine.

One of my major goals in life is to make sure this does not happen to my children. I don't want them to be fat - I don't want them to have to go through the same stuff I was put through in school - being called fat, bowling ball, wide load, etc. Why is this so *&@!!@**&( **&*&%$# hard for our family to understand this?!?!?!?!?!

Every day, we say to my inlaws "No treats today, they already got something last night." and every night, the kids come home and tell us about the ice cream, cookies, pudding, etc that they had that day (literally all that in one day). Why can't they look in the mirror - see how they look, and realize they are 250+ because of the crap they eat???? Why can't they look at their own daughter, and realize that she weighs 300+ lbs (and has major health problems) because of what they fed her, and the fact that she has no idea how to eat now as an adult because of it?!?!??

I am ready, right now, to quit my job and stay home with my kids if they can't get this through their thick friggin sculls. I'll go on food stamps if I have to - I will not allow this any longer.

DH and I are going over there tonight to get the kids, and we will be having a sit down with them. We will talk civily, but they are very defencive about it - they just can't understand why eating sweets and pure crap all day long could possible be bad for a 3 & 4 year old. They are substituting LOVE with COOKIES and CAKES and they refuse to see it. I don't want my kids to look in the mirror and hate themselves in highschool because they can't get a boyfriend, or don't look good in the new fashion. Life is all about looks - people treat you on how you look.

Above that, I of course want my children to be plain healthy, I want them to jog with me, and maybe even do a 5k with me one day. I have to work, we need help from people (family) to watch them while we are at work, but this is not helping. I just don't understand how you can say something to people every day, and they just do whatever they want, without a care in the world. Obviously we are just stupid, and know nothing. I've lost almost 90 lbs now, and acording to my MIL, I've done it by starving myself - thats they only way to lose wight you know. She doesn't even KNOW what healthy eating IS!!!!!!


OK, that was my vent. I'm sure there are others out there dealing with this, and I'm sure there are people out there who want to tell me to shut up. I'm just so frustrated at this point. I don't want my kids to end up like I did - eating crap all the time because they just don't know any better, and then looking in the mirror and saying "Holy crap - how did this happen to me?!?" I'm so thankfull that I found Weight Watchers, and that I know what healthy eating is. I just don't want me kids to have to go through all that I did growing up, and in my adult life - try getting a job at 225lbs! I just want the best for them, and I know this is not it. Now I'm rambling.....

 

[DVCisME]

Maybe you can pack all their meals and snacks to send over with them.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I have dealt with it my entire life. I understand. Obesity kills. Do what you can to save your children from this abusive situation...

 

[allison443]

How old are your kids-are they old enough to be on board with the healthy eating/exercise plan?
Can you send their food and snacks with them to your parents?
Could you compromise with one treat a day at the grandparents house?

Edit: sorry, I reread the OP and saw the kids are only 3 and 4. I don't think you can make the kids responsible for their own food. Hopefully your parents will respect your views.

 

[liamsaunt]

I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted to say congratulations on your weight loss! Weight Watchers is a very helpful program for many people.

 

[Cindyluwho]

No advice, you're doing a great job.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[bsjs0708]

OMG!!! I saw your weight loss counter.....GOOD JOB!!!!!!! I know for me my main issue is portion control. And even if your kids walk around the block 1-2 times 3x's a week that is a good start...Hmmm Maybe I should practice what i preach and put my tennis shoes on and take that 15 minute walk...I'll be back in a few....

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Good job on your weight loss! As for the kids, you're in a really tough spot. Many grandparents look at it as their perogative to spoil the kids (God knows mine do! with the cookies/ ice cream/ candy). But, since yours are the caregivers for an extended amount of time during the day, the spoiling isn't a once in a while treat. As long as they are watching your children for free, I would suggest going about it with them in as kind of a way as possible. They are doing you a huge favor all ready! Off the bat, I'd thank them for watching the kids...then bring up the the food issue. I agree with other posters about supplying their food and snacks. Good luck!

 

[GeorgiaPeach8]

I know the feeling! I'm not greatly overweight--I need to lose around 30 pounds. But I hear you on the generational thing. My mom, grandmother and great grandmother all battle the "chubbies." Two years ago I was determined to master the 30 pounds b4 my 40th b-day. Here I am 7 months from 40 and still fighting.

I will say this--I think the generations before mine (I'm almost 40) see food differently. They equate food with love/praise. My mom LOVES to feed my kids. Really gets get pleasure from watching them eat. I try not to get too worked up about it...yes--they go to my mom's and have full sugar Kool-aide. My mom even melts the sugar in hot water so the Kool-aide is never gritty. She makes mashed potatoes with a stick of butter and 2% milk has never entered their house.

It really isn't an issue I'm willing to hurt my Mom's feelings over. Just try to feed them extra healthy when they are with you...keep reminding the in-laws about how important it is to you that the kids eat healthy. And most importantly, keep educating the kids. My DD is 6 and has started to ask what foods are healthy and what makes up a healthy meal. Of course, I want to say--Really, do you see my butt?? Like I know!

Great advise from PP--don't tick off your free caregiver--daycare sucks and the food at daycares and schools is 10xs more fattening that what they are getting at home

 

[arminnie]

Life is all about looks - people treat you on how you look.

Please don't teach that attitude to your children. That's as big a no-no as feeding them junk.

 

[minkydog]

OK, that was my vent. I'm sure there are others out there dealing with this, and I'm sure there are people out there who want to tell me to shut up. I'm just so frustrated at this point. I don't want my kids to end up like I did - eating crap all the time because they just don't know any better, and then looking in the mirror and saying "Holy crap - how did this happen to me?!?" I'm so thankfull that I found Weight Watchers, and that I know what healthy eating is. I just don't want me kids to have to go through all that I did growing up, and in my adult life - try getting a job at 225lbs! I just want the best for them, and I know this is not it. Now I'm rambling.....

I can so identify with those feelings. I recently had an epiphany of my own("228? I'm not fat! How did that happen?" Weight Watchers has been wonderful for me. I think you're doing the right thing. Like you, I'm overweight because I never developed good eating habits. I was anorexic(food restricting) when i was in my teens and 20s and I really started ballooning up about 14 years ago. It's an eating disorder and I will do anything to keep my kids from developing eating disorders themselves.

What is the working relationship between you & your parents? By that I mean, are they your child care providers? Are the kids over there every day? I find that when I take "free" help from my mother there is always a cost to be paid. They might feel that because they are your stand-in, and they are the grandparents, that they should have the right to feed the kids as they please. If they were paid unrelated daycare providers you could nip that in the bud pretty quick. But it's a lot harder when it's your parents.

As I see it you have a couple options. Get your DH on board and present your parents with the New Rules. They may or may not be interested in complying. They very well might just say "yes" and keep on with what they're doing. So you better have some "teeth" in it. What happens if they don't comply? The only other option(besides quitting your job, i mean) would be to find alternative child care.

You are not in an enviable position. Any criticism of your children's diet is going to be seen as personal criticism of your parents.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I agree with your rant and you are doing a great job in trying to get your kids to eat healthier.

Tell the grandparents that if they don't follow your meal plans, you'll have no qualms in quitting your job to see that they eat right.

My mom taught me bad food habits and I wish I had your reserve. You lost an amazing amount of weight and hopefully, the grandparents will see the light. Tell them you don't want your kids to go through that too.

I CAN lose weight. Heck, I stopped smoking cold turkey on my own. I just have to get the nerve and the right frame of mind, like yours.

 

[Handbag Lady]

HUGE VENT POST - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK


Why am I trying to lose weight - its because I'm fat. Why am/was I fat, because I used to eat to much, and didn't do much exercise - I had horrible eating habbits, and thought they were fine.

One of my major goals in life is to make sure this does not happen to my children. I don't want them to be fat - I don't want them to have to go through the same stuff I was put through in school - being called fat, bowling ball, wide load, etc. Why is this so *&@!!@**&( **&*&%$# hard for our family to understand this?!?!?!?!?!

Every day, we say to my inlaws "No treats today, they already got something last night." and every night, the kids come home and tell us about the ice cream, cookies, pudding, etc that they had that day (literally all that in one day). Why can't they look in the mirror - see how they look, and realize they are 250+ because of the crap they eat???? Why can't they look at their own daughter, and realize that she weighs 300+ lbs (and has major health problems) because of what they fed her, and the fact that she has no idea how to eat now as an adult because of it?!?!??

I am ready, right now, to quit my job and stay home with my kids if they can't get this through their thick friggin sculls. I'll go on food stamps if I have to - I will not allow this any longer.

DH and I are going over there tonight to get the kids, and we will be having a sit down with them. We will talk civily, but they are very defencive about it - they just can't understand why eating sweets and pure crap all day long could possible be bad for a 3 & 4 year old. They are substituting LOVE with COOKIES and CAKES and they refuse to see it. I don't want my kids to look in the mirror and hate themselves in highschool because they can't get a boyfriend, or don't look good in the new fashion. Life is all about looks - people treat you on how you look.

Above that, I of course want my children to be plain healthy, I want them to jog with me, and maybe even do a 5k with me one day. I have to work, we need help from people (family) to watch them while we are at work, but this is not helping. I just don't understand how you can say something to people every day, and they just do whatever they want, without a care in the world. Obviously we are just stupid, and know nothing. I've lost almost 90 lbs now, and acording to my MIL, I've done it by starving myself - thats they only way to lose wight you know. She doesn't even KNOW what healthy eating IS!!!!!!


OK, that was my vent. I'm sure there are others out there dealing with this, and I'm sure there are people out there who want to tell me to shut up. I'm just so frustrated at this point. I don't want my kids to end up like I did - eating crap all the time because they just don't know any better, and then looking in the mirror and saying "Holy crap - how did this happen to me?!?" I'm so thankfull that I found Weight Watchers, and that I know what healthy eating is. I just don't want me kids to have to go through all that I did growing up, and in my adult life - try getting a job at 225lbs! I just want the best for them, and I know this is not it. Now I'm rambling.....

New rule! I didn't see if anyone quoted her in full!

 

[BelleWDW]

Send applesauce cups, yogurt, fruit cups etc every day with the kids and put your foot down



My MIL always had a chocolate cake ready to cut when we visited-my husband's whole family is very overweight. Now that the inlaws are elderly, they have tons of health problems because of the weight.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

I, too, am fat. And I, too, am extremely careful about what my kids eat. So I get it.

Here's the thing, though: when you have a family member provide free child care, this is exactly the kind of thing you sign up for. A paid child care provider has an obligation to honor your wishes. Free care from the IL's? Not so much.

It would certainly be nice if they honored your request, but then you are being a little demanding asking them to do you a huge favor for free AND do it your way. When my kids are with my MIL I know there are things she won't do *my* way (though generally MIL rocks). That's why I pay to have child care, rather than leave them with MIL while I'm at work.

I hear all your indignation, but really, they're your children. If you insist on having things done your way, then you should pay someone to provide care for them or stay home.

A little gratitude for the people taking free care of your kids would not be remiss, even if you would prefer they feed the children healthier foods.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I, too, am fat. And I, too, am extremely careful about what my kids eat. So I get it.

Here's the thing, though: when you have a family member provide free child care, this is exactly the kind of thing you sign up for. A paid child care provider has an obligation to honor your wishes. Free care from the IL's? Not so much.

It would certainly be nice if they honored your request, but then you are being a little demanding asking them to do you a huge favor for free AND do it your way. When my kids are with my MIL I know there are things she won't do *my* way (though generally MIL rocks). That's why I pay to have child care, rather than leave them with MIL while I'm at work.

I hear all your indignation, but really, they're your children. If you insist on having things done your way, then you should pay someone to provide care for them or stay home.

A little gratitude for the people taking free care of your kids would not be remiss, even if you would prefer they feed the children healthier foods.

I agree with this whole post 100%!!! My MIL used to watch my son for free and she fed him nothing but junk all day long! We made the decision to put our son in daycare and just pay the cost - for us it was an amazing decision. At MIL's DS just sat around and watched TV the whole time. At school DS played all day and learned so much and I packed his lunch and snacks so I could control what he ate. He was in school for about 6 months and his behavior and language improved dramatically!

My father just retired and now we are paying him to watch DS, but it's really great too because my father is super active and a really healthy eater.

Good luck OP! In my experience people like my MIL and your ILs will never change.

 

[LuvBaloo]

Wow! Congrats on your weightloss!
Its tough when the in-laws are helping out to get them to follow your rules. I strongly agree that the best bet is to provide the food for the kids, and I'd get the kids involved in picking/making their lunches, so they are more likely to pick to eat it, even if the in-laws offer other choices. In the grocery store encourage your kids to pick a treat from the fruit and veggie section. I've paid too much to buy my kids the little thing of strawberries out of season, when that's the treat they ask for because I'm happy that's what they want instead of asking for candy. DD7 keeps asking for poptarts, but since we always do the produce first she's already got a treat in the buggy, and I just keep telling her, they aren't healthy and you don't even like them (I bought them once, and she had 2 bites, and that was it)

My kids new treat is yogurt tubes that have been frozen.

Rules for healthy eating have changed, and what was normal eating many years ago is not normal now. Many people still eat the way people did when they were burning off a lot more calories working on a farm. Its hard for the in-laws to accept criticism. If they are providing the food, they'll be giving the kids what they eat, so providing food makes it easier for them.

Good luck!

 

[minniecarousel]

It looks like you have 3 options:
1 - quit your job
2 - find other childcare
3 - send food with them every day, with instructions that they are to eat only what you send

Good luck!

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Thanks guys for your replys - at least I know I'm not totally nuts! There was something from everyones posts that I could have quoted, but that would have taken forever, so I'll just try and address it as I remember it.

#1 - The idea of bringing their own food is a really good one. My only issue with it is I think they would REALLY take offence to it now. Plus, the meals they feed them are fine, its just all the junk in between.

#2 - The thought that their generation looks at food differently is soooo true! MIL even said tonight "If I can't give them treats, what memory will they have of me?!?" She was so pissed off, but it was so stupid - food does not equil love!!

#3 - When I said that people judge you by how you look, and the poster said please don't say stuff like that to your kids - Of course not!! I never have nor would say anything like that to them - I'm just stating a fact.

#4 - Your right - it is free daycare, and we are really appreciative of it. Because its free, we know there are things that we need to comprimise with it, and we are 100% willing to do that. Were just asking for LESS treats, not for them to stop cold turkey - they just won't hear that.



OK - So heres what happened when we went to pick the girls up.....

Get in their house, and we talk about nothing for a minute or two, then DH goes in the kitchen with MIL to "talk." I follow in a minute later, and we start talking about it. She just won't budge, wont listen to anything we have to say what-so-ever. FIL comes in because DH is now starting to talk a bit louder (not yelling or anything), and he can hear us. Any time I try to talk, DH cuts me off, but I'm trying to get my point through. I say that I understand that she gives the food because she thinks it means love, but making over weight children isn't very loving (I said it a lot nicer then, its just hard to type it now!) and that we don't want to have to deal with diabities (MIL has from being overweight) or other health isues down the road. Shes still not listening - says that the diabities is in the family (though she admited that the Dr told her if she loses weight, it would go away.....). We also said that we don't want the kids to to end up like certain family members (275+ lbs), which FIL seemed to get right away, but MIL just brushes it off.

I don't know... half way through the talk, MIL had her back to everyone, wouldn't say a word and just looked very sad, rolling her eyes a lot. To me, its sad that she was sad over this - were not asking for much, just to ease up on the treats - were not asking for a kidney here!! We said over and over again how much we appreciate what they do for us, and that the meals they give them are fine, just EASE UP ON THE TREATS. One or two treats a week, not per day.

Ooooh - MIL also very rudely laid in on me because this morning, I gave the girls a cupcake to share for breakfast. This is something that I have NEVER done before, and the only reason it was done, was because it was DD4 half birthday the day before, and we all forgot. It was something special, that will only happen on special occasions, but MIL says to me "How dare I feed the girls a cupcake for breakfast" yada yada yada. Now, ofcourse, that is not the healthiest breakfast, but it was a once in a blue moon treat (with bad timing, I'll admit!)

I think that was about it - Oooh, MIL also told DH on the phone that the only reason she gives the kids so much junk, is because SHE wants to eat it, and it wouldn't be fair to the girls. OMG - you have diabeties - your supposed to be losing weight - YOU DON'T NEED IT EITHER!! Its almost comical at this point!
When we left, it was all civil, but I know damage was done with MIL. Oh also, DH told me in the car on the way home the reason he interupted me every time I tried to say something was because his mom won't even listen to me because the only reason I've lost all this weight is because I starve myself, and I don't know anything about heathy eating. So as you can see, there really is no winning with this woman I don't make enough money to pay anyone to watch our girls, so we are just going to have to live with it the way it is for now. It will be a lot better when they are in school full time, but that won't be till the 2010-2011 school, if were lucky.

Thanks for listening to my rant - its just so frustrating when you ask for something that (at least o me) is the RIGHT THING. Thanks again.