How would you feel???

[BillSears]

It wasn't your money. You didn't earn it. You didn't save it.

If your mom had wanted your kids to have some of her money, she would have either put it in a trust for them or willed it to them.

Yep. Her money so she makes the decisions on it.

 

[connorlevismom]

Im sorry but your wrong....I grew up in a single parent home where my Mom had to work 2 jobs to support me. What kids contribute to their parents earnings??? Seriously????? I just feel that having the life with my MOm and going thru the hard times with her being a single MOm and never home for me and us having to go without gives me the right to her hard earned money. Her spouse walked into a gold mine. I'm more entitled to it than her in my opinion. I have no intention in disputing it or creating friction, this is just how i feel deep down. When her wife dies she will leave everything my Mom struggled and worked for to someone else. I feel as her only child that I am entitled to it. Agree or not it's the truth. Believe me.....I wish my MOm could have enjoyed it herself, it was unfair for her to die at 63 without warning after she just retired. It's not fair that she busted her a** her whole life to let someone else enjoy it. Thats what upsets me the most.

You should have just said this in the first place. You feel that your entitled to the money and your moms wife is not. Plain and simple.

Kristine

 

[maxiesmom]

OP--It is not your money. You are not entitled to it just because it was your mom's money. I understand being hurt and upset. But you don't deserve the money just because you were your mom's daughter. Forget about it and move on.

 

[hegsag]

My Mom recently passed away at a young age after just retiring. She is gay and was married legally 8 years ago. I just can't help but feel bitter that she would leave her gay wife as a beneficiary to all of her Estate. She had a 401K, life insurance, social security, etc and this woman who has only been in her life for 10 years will get it all. I am her only child. I am just so heartbroken about this. It is just not right or fair. I have children that could use money for College in the future. Am I being unreasonable???

I honestly don't know how I would feel but wanted to offer you my support. I can only assume she wasn't prepared for death -- she was so young that she probably didn't think she needed to prepare/think about it!

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

I see both sides here. Yes, I would totally be hurt if my mom didn't remember me in some way in her will. Even if it had just been an explaination for her reasoning, I think it would help you not to feel totally overlooked. Its hard to accept that your mom made her final act of taking care of someone and chose not to take care of you at all, not to acknowledge the love you had for each other at all.

That said, of course your mom has the right to leave her money to whomever she wants.

Be irritated and angry, but don't do anything to hurt your relationship with her partner. I garuantee you that in a year you will feel very differently about this than you do now. You may still sting over it, but it won't be deeply painful. Grief has a way of making us latch on to one thing that really bothers us and lets us get mad at that circumnstance, its part of the process. Don't ruin a good relationship with your mom's spouse over it.

 

[Hillbeans]

Yes I most definitely would.....how could she leave it all to someone she has only known for 10 years when she had a child and grandchildren?? It's just not fair.

Without getting into a lot of details I can understand what you are going through. My father was married for 42+ years and my mom passed away 6 years ago. He did get remarried but I have to say he took steps to provide for the kids and grandchildren in case he passes away, and yes, i'd have been upset if my own father left his entire estate to someone he's known just a few years.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm very sorry for your loss - and even sorrier that you are harboring such hostile feelings towards your late mother over something as insignificant as whom she left the money to that she worked for all her life..

It always saddens me when I hear of adult children who "expect" inheritances from their parents - almost as if it's a birth right.. To me, the only people who are truly entitled to determine what happens to that money when they die is the people who spent their entire lives working and saving..

How does one even enjoy - or derive any comfort from - money that is acquired by the death of a loved one?

I think your mom left you something much more valuable - her love for you - which was clearly exhibited by her lifelong struggle to raise you on her own rather than walking away from you..

I hope that once you get over this initial shock, you can reflect on all she gave you over the years - the most important years - and find it in your heart to forgive her and let go of your anger and resentment..

 

[gina2000]

I wouldn't "expect" an inheritance but I certainly would be hurt if I were cut out of a will completely by my mother. In our family, if a single member engages in a relationship after a spouse passes, the wills are made so that the children of the former marriages inherit. Both members of the new relationships have brought assets with them that were created under different relationships that involved children. Money is not co-mingled and will be left to surviving children/grandchildren. I know should I find myself in that position someday, I would do the same unless my 2nd husband was in dire financial need and unable to earn a living.

I can't imagine not being remembered by my parents. It would break my heart and not because I want the money but because I would hope that my parent would want to help me. I can't explain it any other way. It's not the money, it's the love that comes with the gift of remembrance.

 

[lukenick1]

I wouldn't "expect" an inheritance but I certainly would be hurt if I were cut out of a will completely by my mother. In our family, if a single member engages in a relationship after a spouse passes, the wills are made so that the children of the former marriages inherit. Both members of the new relationships have brought assets with them that were created under different relationships that involved children. Money is not co-mingled and will be left to surviving children/grandchildren. I know should I find myself in that position someday, I would do the same unless my 2nd husband was in dire financial need and unable to earn a living.

I can't imagine not being remembered by my parents. It would break my heart and not because I want the money but because I would hope that my parent would want to help me. I can't explain it any other way. It's not the money, it's the love that comes with the gift of remembrance.

Amen! Thank you for understanding. I'm not money hungry and would much rather have my Mom instead. All I know is that I will not do that to my children. They will inherit everything of mine once I am gone. I am not angry at my Mom (God rest her soul) I am just hurt. Period!

 

[maxiesmom]

Amen! Thank you for understanding. I'm not money hungry and would much rather have my Mom instead. All I know is that I will not do that to my children. They will inherit everything of mine once I am gone.

Really? Even if you are married, you would not leave anything to your spouse, but leave it all to your kids? To me, that does not make any sense.

 

[cheermom1]

OP I'm sorry for your loss really i am.

What my dh and I have set up is that if he dies I get everything. And his kids don't get anything b/c he took care of that when he was divorced and all his savings and 401k and stuff was divided at that time and he started over with me. If I die the same thing, he gets it all.

Sorry but I do think you need to get over it to a certain degree. I do understand how you feel thinking you were rutted out but you don't really know the way she was thinking when she had all this set up. Perhaps she was thinking that she gave you all she needed to give while she was alive and that you are set now and she thought her spouse would benefit better. Only she knows. Sorry really i am but try to remember all the good times and stuff with her.

 

[cheermom1]

Really? Even if you are married, you would not leave anything to your spouse, but leave it all to your kids? To me, that does not make any sense.

Yeah I have to agree, when my gpa died my gma got it all NOT the kids! I also doubt that when she dies there will be any left. Should her kids all be mad???

 

[Tigger2252]

My late father left his entire estate to his girlfriend of 9 years. He didn't leave anything to my brother, me, or his three grandchildren. The only way my brother and I inherited was if she died before he did.

Was I bitter? Nope. His assets were his to give away as he saw fit. Do I care that once she dies her children will inherit stuff that was my father's? Again, nope. It was never mine, and I had no expectation that it ever would be. My brother and I both have children to put through college. But, they are our children so it was never up to my father to contribute to their education or support. Whatever his reasons were, it was his wish that she inherit his belongings. He worked for it and he paid for it. I didn't.

 

[gina2000]

Really? Even if you are married, you would not leave anything to your spouse, but leave it all to your kids? To me, that does not make any sense.

It makes perfect sense to me if it is a late life second marriage with both spouses coming to the marriage with their own assets.

 

[themilesfamily]

OP, I am so sorry for your loss. I think it would have been nice if your mom had left something for you and your kids in her will.

 

[PixieTopaz]

Sorry-but in any marriage, the surviving spouse gets the remaining $$ and benefits. Most loving couples want their surviving partner to be cared for until death.Right?

But for those marrying later in life-its the family treasures that is very hard to go to the short termed spouse.

My Mom re-married very late in life (both had lots of grown kids)and they kept both houses-intact.

When one dies-the other moves back to their house, and each set of kids is left with their parent's estate. the surviving spouse has no claim to the other's household items. Works perfect for our families.

 

[cheermom1]

It makes perfect sense to me if it is a late life second marriage with both spouses coming to the marriage with their own assets.

I do get what you are saying however I know in my situation my dh took care of that during the divorce as he split his savings and his 401k and anything else that was made during his marriage. So he started over when we got married. WHY would I not be the one to get it?

Plus if they gathered things during their marriage why would the kids that didn't belong to them get what the other made? sorry if it doesn't make sense I did my best to describe what I was thinking. And no we don't think ill of each other kids but we do know that my step sons will be VERY well taken care of and he has taken very goo care of them as well. But we just feel that we take very good care of our kids now.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

what if she had had a man for a husband for 10 years. Would that be different?

Why do children count on their parents leaving their money to them?

i keep wondering this, myself. i don't expect my parents to leave me anything, tbh.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Did she leave a will? Sounds like her death was sudden and she might not have made formal arrangements.

I understand your pain, OP.

It is so important to make plans and talk to your family members. I have already made a list of heirlooms that go to each child. Even now I occasionally mention that the china goes to X, my wedding ring to X.

I do not want my kids to have to make these decisions. It often leads to hard feelings that sometimes can't be mended. We had many heated agruments with my dh's siblings after his mother died. His sisters wanted me to sign a paper saying I would not take any heirlooms if I divorced my husband. I gladly did because I didn't want the old junk anyway. Of course, 10 years later, we are the only ones who are still married. Very ironic, lol.

Have you talked to your mom's spouse. She might not offer money, but she might be more than willing to give you some keepsakes.

 

[cheermom1]

Did she leave a will? Sounds like her death was sudden and she might not have made formal arrangements.

I understand your pain, OP.

It is so important to make plans and talk to your family members. I have already made a list of heirlooms that go to each child. Even now I occasionally mention that the china goes to X, my wedding ring to X.

I do not want my kids to have to make these decisions. It often leads to hard feelings that sometimes can't be mended. We had many heated agruments with my dh's siblings after his mother died. His sisters wanted me to sign a paper saying I would not take any heirlooms if I divorced my husband. I gladly did because I didn't want the old junk anyway. Of course, 10 years later, we are the only ones who are still married. Very ironic, lol.

Have you talked to your mom's spouse. She might not offer money, but she might be more than willing to give you some keepsakes.

Yes this is a good idea ask her if she has any keep sakes she is willing to give you.