How would you feel???

[lillygator]

I am sorry but I was not being judgemental, I was asking a question. And I was responding to your exact words so I am not sure how I am twisting your words. I understand your upset, but please don't accuse me of doing something that I am not.

Kristine

If she is only 7 yrs older, I would assume she will live quite a while longer. I assume your mom thought she would need it to help her. Why would siblings suddenly be responsible to help?

 

[ols386]

My dad remarried after my mom passed away, and last year he passed away. He left part of his inheritance to me (his only child) and part of it to my step-mother (who is obviously still living).

I think the reality is that it is up to each individual as to how they wish to leave their financial remainings (whether it's cash, property, etc.), but I have to admit, I'd be a bit hurt if he left everything to my step-mom, and nothing to me. I have no problem at all with my step-mom, and she took very good care of him in the 14 years that they were together, especially considering that he had a lot of health issues, but I still think it would have been a little bit of an 'ouch' if he had left everything willed to her.

OP, I don't blame you for feeling hurt, and no one has the right to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel....the bottom line is, you feel how you feel.

 

[disykat]

I think that any time a parent leaves all their assets to a step-parent instead of their children it can cause some distress. I know that it sucked when my mom died (without a will, though) and by law, everything automatically went to her husband of just two years

I'm sorry for your loss.

I agree. When parents separate and their assests start getting divided it can be very hairy.

At one point, dh was thinking of going into his family's business. I was checking all the legalities very carefully to make sure a possible future inheritance from my family couldn't get sucked into his family's business. (I'm not counting on that inheritance in any way, but if I receive it, IMO I owe it to my family to be a good steward of it.) DH and I both agree that that money (if any is left when we both die) would need to go to our kids.

When I die, everything will go to dh and he will have it until the day he dies. However, if he would remarry, I would fully expect that he would protect any estate that was specifically from my family to go to our kids - not to his new spouse's family.

I also have seen instances where stepkids from a brief marriage end up with family heirlooms while the original kids get squat. Very sad.

 

[Mimi2angels]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I know you are grieving for your mother, plus hurt from her thoughtlessness of leaving everything to her partner in a union that wasn't even a legal marriage. Even if it had been legal, you as her child should have received something from the estate. I feel that the will could be challenged legally. I hope you find closure.

 

[krnlmustrd]

Actually, it WAS a legal marriage as pointed out in the first post.

 

[lillygator]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I know you are grieving for your mother, plus hurt from her thoughtlessness of leaving everything to her partner in a union that wasn't even a legal marriage. Even if it had been legal, you as her child should have received something from the estate. I feel that the will could be challenged legally. I hope you find closure.

I just don't understand why it is thoughtless? She obviously chose who to leave it to for whatever reason. The op didn't do anything to contribute to the 401k, etc...

 

[Allison]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I know you are grieving for your mother, plus hurt from her thoughtlessness of leaving everything to her partner in a union that wasn't even a legal marriage. Even if it had been legal, you as her child should have received something from the estate. I feel that the will could be challenged legally. I hope you find closure.

It was a legal marriage. I don't know what there would be to challenge. People can leave their estate to who they choose.

 

[lukenick1]

I just don't understand why it is thoughtless? She obviously chose who to leave it to for whatever reason. The op didn't do anything to contribute to the 401k, etc...

Im sorry but your wrong....I grew up in a single parent home where my Mom had to work 2 jobs to support me. What kids contribute to their parents earnings??? Seriously????? I just feel that having the life with my MOm and going thru the hard times with her being a single MOm and never home for me and us having to go without gives me the right to her hard earned money. Her spouse walked into a gold mine. I'm more entitled to it than her in my opinion. I have no intention in disputing it or creating friction, this is just how i feel deep down. When her wife dies she will leave everything my Mom struggled and worked for to someone else. I feel as her only child that I am entitled to it. Agree or not it's the truth. Believe me.....I wish my MOm could have enjoyed it herself, it was unfair for her to die at 63 without warning after she just retired. It's not fair that she busted her a** her whole life to let someone else enjoy it. Thats what upsets me the most.

 

[a1tinkfans]

My Mom recently passed away at a young age after just retiring. She is gay and was married legally 8 years ago. I just can't help but feel bitter that she would leave her gay wife as a beneficiary to all of her Estate. She had a 401K, life insurance, social security, etc and this woman who has only been in her life for 10 years will get it all. I am her only child. I am just so heartbroken about this. It is just not right or fair. I have children that could use money for College in the future. Am I being unreasonable???

I am sorry for your loss. I think that all "couples" regardless of sexuality make wills and leave their assets to whomever they want. I'm sorry you feel cheated, but you really weren't. It is not a "requirement" that any parent leaves $$ to their child, its what your mom wished and unfortunately you feel badly, but it is not really about "you" rather....it was her way of handling "her" affairs and it just "is!"
Again, sorry for your loss and the way you are hurting! I hope you will be able to look past this and move on without being "hurt"...its not worth it!

 

[lukenick1]

I would like to give a heartfelt thanks to those who gave me words of encouragement and who did not judge me or flame me. I can honestly say that 90% of you agree with me. I am not going to love my Mom any less or miss her any less because of the choices she made. I will still cry for her , but I will always feel hurt about someone else benefiting from her years of hard work and dedication. I don't need the money like I said, my husband and I are set financially, its the principle. Im also sorry to those of you who also got the shaft. Its sad.

 

[punkin]

Im sorry but your wrong....I grew up in a single parent home where my Mom had to work 2 jobs to support me. What kids contribute to their parents earnings??? Seriously????? I just feel that having the life with my MOm and going thru the hard times with her being a single MOm and never home for me and us having to go without gives me the right to her hard earned money. Her spouse walked into a gold mine. I'm more entitled to it than her in my opinion. I have no intention in disputing it or creating friction, this is just how i feel deep down. When her wife dies she will leave everything my Mom struggled and worked for to someone else. I feel as her only child that I am entitled to it. Agree or not it's the truth. Believe me.....I wish my MOm could have enjoyed it herself, it was unfair for her to die at 63 without warning after she just retired. It's not fair that she busted her a** her whole life to let someone else enjoy it. Thats what upsets me the most.

That would upset me too. My mother died at 60 and her insurance policy was for her DH's benefit, which I knew abut and agreed with. He was my stepfather but he always treated me like his own and he needed the money and I did not...no hard feelings so far. He remarried quickly. Again no hard feelings since he was the type of man who needed a woman to take care of him. He died suddenly less than a year later with no will. All the money went to his wife. You can bet I was furious that a complete stranger profited from my mother's death. It wasn't anyone's fault but I was furious none the less.

 

[lukenick1]

That would upset me too. My mother died at 60 and her insurance policy was for her DH's benefit, which I knew abut and agreed with. He was my stepfather but he always treated me like his own and he needed the money and I did not...no hard feelings so far. He remarried quickly. Again no hard feelings since he was the type of man who needed a woman to take care of him. He died suddenly less than a year later with no will. All the money went to his wife. You can bet I was furious that a complete stranger profited from my mother's death. It wasn't anyone's fault but I was furious none the less.

WOW...I am sorry to hear that! I would be furious too!!!!!! Complete bologna!

 

[punkin]

WOW...I am sorry to hear that! I would be furious too!!!!!! Complete bologna!

...but that's life and you need to go on. I hope your mother's spouse considers you family and loves your children as grandchildren. Do not let your resentment interfere in that relationship (if there is one). I do feel for you.

 

[jodifla]

My Mom recently passed away at a young age after just retiring. She is gay and was married legally 8 years ago. I just can't help but feel bitter that she would leave her gay wife as a beneficiary to all of her Estate. She had a 401K, life insurance, social security, etc and this woman who has only been in her life for 10 years will get it all. I am her only child. I am just so heartbroken about this. It is just not right or fair. I have children that could use money for College in the future. Am I being unreasonable???

I agree with you. I'd be very hurt if one of my parents had excluded me or my son in his/her will.

Yes, it's fair that the remaining spouse get something (regardless, gay or not). But not leaving out children and grandchildren. My MIL actually just rewrote her will to include myself and my SIL. I think that's extremely kind and generous and wouldn't have expected it. I DID expect it of both of my own parents.

Now is it the parent's right to give their estate to whomever they choose? Of course. Is it the right thing to do: NO!

 

[lillygator]

Im sorry but your wrong....I grew up in a single parent home where my Mom had to work 2 jobs to support me. What kids contribute to their parents earnings??? Seriously????? I just feel that having the life with my MOm and going thru the hard times with her being a single MOm and never home for me and us having to go without gives me the right to her hard earned money. Her spouse walked into a gold mine. I'm more entitled to it than her in my opinion. I have no intention in disputing it or creating friction, this is just how i feel deep down. When her wife dies she will leave everything my Mom struggled and worked for to someone else. I feel as her only child that I am entitled to it. Agree or not it's the truth. Believe me.....I wish my MOm could have enjoyed it herself, it was unfair for her to die at 63 without warning after she just retired. It's not fair that she busted her a** her whole life to let someone else enjoy it. Thats what upsets me the most.

I am sorry you are struggling with this. Differing opinions does not mean one person is wrong.

Many people grow up in single family homes, I did and we struggled, but that does not make me entitled to my mom's estate. I am sorry your mom was not able to enjoy it either.

 

[JennMouse32]

My Mom recently passed away at a young age after just retiring. She is gay and was married legally 8 years ago. I just can't help but feel bitter that she would leave her gay wife as a beneficiary to all of her Estate. She had a 401K, life insurance, social security, etc and this woman who has only been in her life for 10 years will get it all. I am her only child. I am just so heartbroken about this. It is just not right or fair. I have children that could use money for College in the future. Am I being unreasonable???

yes you are.. it was your moms choice, not yours

 

[krnlmustrd]

The wife also made sacrifices. Their JOINT income was reduced when the mother put that money into the 401k for 10 years. So who is to say THEY TOGETHER weren't making sacrifices to save for THEIR future. The wife imo is just as entitled to that money.

 

[Feralpeg]

Im sorry but your wrong....I grew up in a single parent home where my Mom had to work 2 jobs to support me. What kids contribute to their parents earnings??? Seriously????? I just feel that having the life with my MOm and going thru the hard times with her being a single MOm and never home for me and us having to go without gives me the right to her hard earned money. Her spouse walked into a gold mine. I'm more entitled to it than her in my opinion. I have no intention in disputing it or creating friction, this is just how i feel deep down. When her wife dies she will leave everything my Mom struggled and worked for to someone else. I feel as her only child that I am entitled to it. Agree or not it's the truth. Believe me.....I wish my MOm could have enjoyed it herself, it was unfair for her to die at 63 without warning after she just retired. It's not fair that she busted her a** her whole life to let someone else enjoy it. Thats what upsets me the most.

Again, I am sorry you are hurt by this, but I just can't agree.

I am a single mom. I worked my butt off for 30 years to give my daughter the best home possible. As she grew up, I made sure she had everything she needed to be happy and healthy. I did my best to allocate time to spend with her, but there were times that I just had to be away. I worked a salaried job that required me to work overtime and travel. I hated being away from her, but it was the only way to give her the life I wanted for her.

Now, she is an adult. I've made sure that she will graduate from college with no debt hanging over her head. She will always have a home with me if she wants it. She wants to be on her own and to live her own life. I think that's great, but my financial support stops the minute she moves out.

As for the money I saved for my retirement, I plan on using as much as I want. My daughter knows that there may not be anything left when I'm gone. I feel that I earned this money. I gave her a good life, now it is my turn to live the way I want to live. Should I meet someone and decide to marry, it will be my choice what happens to my money. It belongs to me. It isn't about love. I think I proved my love for my daughter over the last 22 years. I will always love her more than anything, but love doesn't carry a price tag or any guarantees of reward.

 

[disykat]

Again, I am sorry you are hurt by this, but I just can't agree.

I am a single mom. I worked my butt off for 30 years to give my daughter the best home possible. As she grew up, I made sure she had everything she needed to be happy and healthy. I did my best to allocate time to spend with her, but there were times that I just had to be away. I worked a salaried job that required me to work overtime and travel. I hated being away from her, but it was the only way to give her the life I wanted for her.

Now, she is an adult. I've made sure that she will graduate from college with no debt hanging over her head. She will always have a home with me if she wants it. She wants to be on her own and to live her own life. I think that's great, but my financial support stops the minute she moves out.

As for the money I saved for my retirement, I plan on using as much as I want. My daughter knows that there may not be anything left when I'm gone. I feel that I earned this money. I gave her a good life, now it is my turn to live the way I want to live. Should I meet someone and decide to marry, it will be my choice what happens to my money. It belongs to me. It isn't about love. I think I proved my love for my daughter over the last 22 years. I will always love her more than anything, but love doesn't carry a price tag or any guarantees of reward.

In principle, yes. However, everything I know about your from your posts on the DIS tells me you would not leave money only to a new spouse or family member (spouses kids) and leave your daughter out of the equation totally.

As jodifla said above: does she have the right - yes. Is it the right thing to do - no.

Like the OP, I hope my parents "die even." But if they don't, there's no way I can say I wouldn't be hurt if they gave all their money to someone else and didn't acknowledge me in the will.

 

[Feralpeg]

In principle, yes. However, everything I know about your from your posts on the DIS tells me you would not leave money only to a new spouse or family member (spouses kids) and leave your daughter out of the equation totally.

As jodifla said above: does she have the right - yes. Is it the right thing to do - no.

Like the OP, I hope my parents "die even." But if they don't, there's no way I can say I wouldn't be hurt if they gave all their money to someone else and didn't acknowledge me in the will.

I probably won't ever marry and if anything is left, I will leave it to my daughter. The point I was trying to make is that it is my decision. I don't owe my daughter anything but love and emotional support at this point in her life. I don't think it is wrong at all to not leave something to children. My dad didn't leave his estate to me and my siblings. He left it to his new wife. I was hurt at first, but realized that I was being selfish. My dad and mom had given me a really great life. They owed me nothing more. I realized that my stopmom made my dad really happy the last few years of his life. That was enough of a gift for me. I stopped worrying about what I deserved and found that I developed a really great relationship with my stepmom.

I hope the OP can let this go and not let it harm the relationship she has with her mom's spouse.