How to ruin your relationship with your daughter, ...

[JaxDad]

It's HAIR!!!!!!!!! Sounds like Dad has control issues.

That is for sure!

 

[seven dwarfs]

There was zero reason to cut her hair off like that. If there was an issue regarding hilights, they could have dyed the hair back to the natural color. To cut her hair like that without her permission, is 100% a form of abuse. It will take many years for that to grow out to the length it was.

 

[Marchand63]

Like I said originally, I know there are some divorced families that do vacation together but I always wonder about those. I mean really, if you get along so well that you can happily vacation together then I have to wonder if you really should have gotten divorced in the first place....or maybe it just means they are incredibly mature people, I don't know.

What I do know is if, before he passed away, my ex ever asked to join us on vacation the answer would have been a resounding NO and if DH's ex asked to join us on vacation there is no way I would be comfortable with that. Maybe I'm just not as mature as the divorced couples who do still travel together.

We have vacationed with my ex & his wife, who I like, just because you can be civil doesn't mean you should be married. We don't socialize but we share children & grands not every marriage ends acrimoniously. Our grands 1st trip to WDW was our DS's family, my ex & his wife & 2 kids & my DH & myself. We had a blast.

Ok sounds like this poor kid is a pawn in a divorce battle.

 

[Imzadi]

Yes, of course the salon would have seen the lice!

FWIW, the dad was charged with Domestic Violence 5 months ago. Go figure.

http://thepolicereporter.com/2017/09/02/schaffen-frederick/

That certainly affirms this man has no respect for another woman's body or bodily space. That he feels he can just touch, cut or punch when he pleases.

Wow. Sure gives the Mom's story a bit of a boost, and also might explain the girl's reluctance to "fight back".

And if somehow there was no physical violence involved, that’s an incredibly abusive thing to do regardless.

There was physical violence. A person put his hands on another human being and did what he wanted with her. (Actually two people, in this case.) If the daughter didn't physically fight back, it's probably because she's seen him be violent with whichever person files the domestic violence charges before and getting her hair cut & shaved was the LESSER of what he would have done to her.

 

[DisneylandDarling]

I feel there is more to the story.

 

[NYCgrrl]

That certainly affirms this man has no respect for another woman's body or bodily space. That he feels he can just touch, cut or punch when he pleases.





]




There was physical violence. A person put his hands on another human being and did what he wanted with her. (Actually two people, in this case.) If the daughter didn't physically fight back, it's probably because she's seen him be violent with whichever person files the domestic violence charges before and getting her hair cut & shaved was the LESSER of what he would have done to her.

Disagreeing amicably.

 

[mom2rtk]

I feel there is more to the story.

Definitely.

 

[OhMari]

I know this is off topic but I'm curious. Why would your niece expect to be able to go on vacation with her ex and his family and new girlfriend? I know you said she wasn't the one who wanted the divorce and I know there are some divorced families that still vacation together but that is very rare. Why would she think she would be welcomed on her ex's family trip?

She was very close to her mother-in-law and sister-in-law and the nieces and nephew. Her mother-in-law and her new husband lived with them for 10 months while they built a new home. They camped together on weekends, they all got along. Her husband was the love of her life. They are co-parenting jointly, but the white gloves are coming off. They agreed on co-parenting, but things are changing. She is devestated her 5 year old is at WDW for the first time and she does not get to experience any of it with her. She really thought they all had a good relationship with each other, even though they were divorcing. My niece has accepted the divorce, but she feels like it is almost a death, loosing people she truly cared about. They all want nothing to do with her, except sister-in-law, that is still nice to her, and will communicate with her.

 

[LSUmiss]

Definitely.

Sadly I doubt it. A man with a history of domestic violence decided to teach his dtr a lesson by doing something abusive & humiliating. Not too hard to believe.

 

[Poohforyou]

Am I the only one who doesn't feel my child wanting to do something with her hair is worthy of a discussion with my dh/her father?

I probably would say to him that I'm taking our daughter to get her hair done but if I'm ok with what she wants he'll be ok with it.

I realize this situation is a bit different because the parents are divorced but unless mom is presenting the ex with thr bill I don't understand why he is so enraged about this.

 

[okeydokey]

I am glad that this had caused authorities to take a closer look. I hope the poor girl gets some help.

 

[Skellingtonj]

If she had lice the salon that did the highlights would have known it.

Yeah and if it was severe, her head would have been shaved.

 

[tzolkin]

Am I the only one who doesn't feel my child wanting to do something with her hair is worthy of a discussion with my dh/her father?

Maybe if it were something outrageous, I might discuss it so he wouldn’t be shocked. (And even then, it’s sometimes after it’s already done but before he sees them.) But a completely normal haircut/color I can’t even imagine mentioning. I certainly wouldn’t feel a need to ask my husband’s permission. It’s her hair.

My daughters usually discuss cuts/color with me, but they don’t have to ask my permission. I also don’t control what they wear (within reason).

The whole thing is completely outrageous. We also practice “consequences for your actions”, but to me that means you learn that people judge you by your clothing choices, you look awkward while your bangs grow back, you have roots until you can afford to re-dye your hair, etc.

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm guessing because of the "actions have consequences" thing that the dad forbid her to get hi-lights or color her hair or something like that. I can't wrap my brain around any parent, even an ****** one just cutting off hair for that in general. I mean the girls hair looked nice, it wasn't some crazy color like my dd just came home with this past weekend. Even if it was, it is just hair, it can be re-colored or it can just grow out. This guy had some other issue that was deeper than just some hair color.
Anyone else curious to see what the step mom looks like, wonder if her hair is colored in any way.

 

[monsterkitty]

I teach 13-year olds. Every year we have a few students who come in with drastic hair cuts done as punishment. This incident doesn't surprise me in the least. It make me angry and very sad, but doesn't surprise me.

 

[Hannahinwonderland]

I teach 13-year olds. Every year we have a few students who come in with drastic hair cuts done as punishment. This incident doesn't surprise me in the least. It make me angry and very sad, but doesn't surprise me.

This reminds me of Harry Potter...Harry recalls having his hair cut hideously by Aunt Dursley as a punishment. Luckily it grows back magically but DEFINITELY one of the many abusive actions that they did towards him.

 

[tzolkin]

I teach 13-year olds. Every year we have a few students who come in with drastic hair cuts done as punishment. This incident doesn't surprise me in the least. It make me angry and very sad, but doesn't surprise me.

Punishment for what? I can’t imagine any behavior that would make a parent think, “I should hack my child’s hair off for that”

 

[StephMK]

I teach 13-year olds. Every year we have a few students who come in with drastic hair cuts done as punishment. This incident doesn't surprise me in the least. It make me angry and very sad, but doesn't surprise me.

Yes this happened to one of my students as well. His hair was his pride and joy and mom shaved it all. It did not fix the behaviors.

 

[sailorstitch]

Am I the only one who doesn't feel my child wanting to do something with her hair is worthy of a discussion with my dh/her father?

I probably would say to him that I'm taking our daughter to get her hair done but if I'm ok with what she wants he'll be ok with it.

I realize this situation is a bit different because the parents are divorced but unless mom is presenting the ex with thr bill I don't understand why he is so enraged about this.

Controlling, abusive people (like my dad) will become enraged over the smallest, stupidest things. For example when I was 5 my dad blew up at me because I said I liked another family's couch! You can't reason with crazy.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Oh come on. That’s a stretch, huh? Even if she wanted short hair & didn’t want to tell her mom, I doubt she wanted it cut by her dad & stepmom...to look like that!

The dis is the name and stretches are our game.