How to ruin your relationship with your daughter, ...

[LSUmiss]

Didn't it say he he had temp custody

If that’s the case, it makes me worry about the mom. What is she like that the dad with domestic violence history gets custody??

 

[LSUmiss]

What? Another side to a story? The heck you say.
IF it did happen as the story says, I don’t know that it needs to lead to the Dad and wife losing their jobs. To me it’s a parental decision and shouldn’t have a bearing on their jobs. I think lately that’s the first reaction to anything.

Abuse is a parental decision??

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'm not sure putting the father on unpaid leave is the best idea. Now he's mad at the daughter and mother and also not working.

This doesn't make any sense????
Nobody has an obligation to keep a person 'on the job' because they are abusive.

This man, and possibly the mother as well, deserves any negative consequence and legal repercussions that come their way.

 

[Wishing on a star]

She was very close to her mother-in-law and sister-in-law and the nieces and nephew. Her mother-in-law and her new husband lived with them for 10 months while they built a new home. They camped together on weekends, they all got along. Her husband was the love of her life. They are co-parenting jointly, but the white gloves are coming off. They agreed on co-parenting, but things are changing. She is devestated her 5 year old is at WDW for the first time and she does not get to experience any of it with her. She really thought they all had a good relationship with each other, even though they were divorcing. My niece has accepted the divorce, but she feels like it is almost a death, loosing people she truly cared about. They all want nothing to do with her, except sister-in-law, that is still nice to her, and will communicate with her.

Of course, we all realize that divorce, especially a divorce that affects an innocent child, is VERY painful.
But, I think that she would be far better off learning to come to terms with her new reality, and moving forward with her own life with her own daughter in a positive way, instead of feeling as if it is a hateful crime that the girl's father, and especially his new wife, vacation without her.

My heart really goes out to them!!!!!

But unrealistic expectations, such as vacationing together, are not going to be helpful.
Unrealistic expectations are only going to end up in further disappointment and pain.
And pointing fingers, assuming the other party is evil and hateful and 'using the child' for what would be normal and reasonable things.
That is going to add even further pain and animosity into the child's life.

It seems like they are still trying to figure out this divorce, and co-parenting, thing.
I do hope that they are able to do this and wish them well !

And, hey, travel is hard enough with people who have the best of relationships.
It can be a nightmare under lessor circumstances.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

This doesn't make any sense????
Nobody has an obligation to keep a person 'on the job' because they are abusive.

Well, yeah. Are they abusive on the job? I guess my argument here is that if the parents are being investigated and are out of work, is the daughter still coming over? Doesn't that make everything worse?

 

[penn19]

Abuse is a parental decision??

It’s not right, but I don’t know that it’s abuse. Some people think spanking is abuse. Should they lose their jobs if the spank?

 

[penn19]

I thought one of the articles stated that they were being investigated.

If they are charged with a criminal act, that’s not simply a “parenting decision”. I do agree with you that firing seems to be the go-to response now and that some things should not affect one’s employment, but some are relevant. For example, if a teacher were charged with assault (especially of a child) that should definitely be considered relevant to their employment status.

Absolutely! It’s just become this knee jerk response. Quiets the social media warriors.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Just took another look at the wig in the original and still working link (none of the FB ones are available anymore it seems).
Dangggggggggg! That is one tacky wig .

Are you talking about the dark haired wig? I thought it made her look like Mary that was on storage wars texas and moved to storage wars california.

 

[LSUmiss]

It’s not right, but I don’t know that it’s abuse. Some people think spanking is abuse. Should they lose their jobs if the spank?

Depends on what is defined as a “spanking”. This is definitely abusive. Maybe not physical abuse, but it’s still abuse.

 

[tzolkin]

It’s not right, but I don’t know that it’s abuse. Some people think spanking is abuse. Should they lose their jobs if the spank?

I really think most people would qualify this as abuse. (Even those who advocate spanking)

If they restrained her and forcibly cut the hair while she was struggling, that was physical abuse (and dangerous). And even if they didn’t use physical force/violence, it still seems like some seriously messed up psychological abuse to me.

It was done to exert dominance and control over her and to humiliate her for an extended period of time. That’s not in the “normal” scope of parental discipline to me.

 

[penn19]

I really think most people would qualify this as abuse. (Even those who advocate spanking)

If they restrained her and forcibly cut the hair while she was struggling, that was physical abuse (and dangerous). And even if they didn’t use physical force/violence, it still seems like some seriously messed up psychological abuse to me.

It was done to exert dominance and control over her and to humiliate her for an extended period of time. That’s not in the “normal” scope of parental discipline to me.

I will admit when I first looked at the pictures I cringed. There seems to be some rough family dynamics going on there. I just hate that everything gets blasted out to social media. I’ve had some “not my finest parenting moments” and would hope that it wouldn’t be out there for all the world to see.

 

[Mermaid02]

I really think most people would qualify this as abuse. (Even those who advocate spanking)

If they restrained her and forcibly cut the hair while she was struggling, that was physical abuse (and dangerous). And even if they didn’t use physical force/violence, it still seems like some seriously messed up psychological abuse to me.

It was done to exert dominance and control over her and to humiliate her for an extended period of time. That’s not in the “normal” scope of parental discipline to me.

Definitely psychological abuse... wonder what other head games he plays. Very dangerous.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Yes this happened to one of my students as well. His hair was his pride and joy and mom shaved it all. It did not fix the behaviors.

I can't recall in any case that the hair cut has improved the child's behavior. Shocking, right?

Gosh, ya think? I can't imagine how anyone would think this would improve things with a kid! I just don't get people.

(I'm also reminded how incredibly grateful I am that I had/have good parents. - Hugs to all the posters who recognize too much on this story!)

 

[bumbershoot]

Ah, when posts go up on the "ad" section of the Dis.....

Oh come on. That’s a stretch, huh? Even if she wanted short hair & didn’t want to tell her mom, I doubt she wanted it cut by her dad & stepmom...to look like that!

Wait. What's wrong with her short cut? It's adorable. I've had my hair cut like that 2 or 3 times; once when I was 14. Mine is curly, so it's not actually as nice as hers is.

And that's an actual cut, it's not just shaving her hair. I cut my son's hair, and just using clippers doesn't give that look. There were scissors involved there, there was time taken. That's a real cut that the girl would have sat still for.

Why would your niece expect to be able to go on vacation with her ex and his family and new girlfriend? I know you said she wasn't the one who wanted the divorce and I know there are some divorced families that still vacation together but that is very rare.

Do you think it's really THAT rare now? I don't. I know many families who have continued having really good relationships, even down to traveling to the same place at the same time.

And...I hope my STBX and I can do it. We've got until July to see, when our son's summer dance stuff starts. I mean, don't get me wrong; he's not invited to my family's place anymore (we were both *done* with the relationship, but DH did it really really nastily and has lost ALL trust), but in terms of traveling to the same non-family-owned places etc...it's possible we'll be able to do it.

The Ex, and his family and step/adopted kids, have every right to vacation without his EX there. Just the very thought that an 'EX' had to be welcomed to everything??? That is very very troubling.

ex and new girlfriend and her kids...a BIT different than an established family, yes?

unless that is the kind of relationship they have.....and it clearly isn't.

Which she is just NOW (well, in February, LOL) finding out. It's the shock right now that the PP is reacting to. Her niece is hurting because she's surprised, and some random new girlfriend gets to experience Disney with niece's daughter, when niece doesn't. How fair is THAT? It's ugly, that's what it is.

Am I the only one who doesn't feel my child wanting to do something with her hair is worthy of a discussion with my dh/her father?

I think hair stuff is worthy of talking, if you're doing something that really changes things. IMO highlights like that for a 13 year old are a BIG deal. It ages her up quite a bit. My son is 13 and I know many 13 year old girls, and that girl looks 15 at least. My dad would have had an issue if I'd done that...he hated it when I wore mascara! (and then his second daughter, born when I was 25, was a cheerleader, LOL)


And...we can't say that hair doesn't mean that much when we want the dad to not care, but suddenly the hair means *everything* when dad supposedly has it cut short.

DS6 wants to have long hair but used to be unwilling to brush it, condition it, or let us put it in a ponytail before basketball or soccer.

I wasn't allowed to have long hair, by my MOM, because I have the world's most sensitive scalp. I had to be able to brush it regularly (my curls dread up as I sleep, even with a satin pillowcase) and she knew I wouldn't. So nothing longer than shoulder length. Since I've been an adult I've had it waist length...3 times now, I think? And she was 100% correct. It's a PITA to take care of and I absolutely would NOT have done so as a teen or kid.

 

[mummabear]

But unrealistic expectations, such as vacationing together, are not going to be helpful

It’s possibly not. But then some care needs to be taken by both sides about doing landmark things without the other.
And discussion over what those landmark things are.
I can see how one would be upset that they didn’t get to experience their kids first time to Disney.

Well, yeah. Are they abusive on the job? I guess my argument here is that if the parents are being investigated and are out of work, is the daughter still coming over? Doesn't that make everything worse?

So if they are a child molestor that’s okay as long as they don’t do it at work?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So if they are a child molestor that’s okay as long as they don’t do it at work?

Did something about this story change? Is he now a molester? Did this couple actually get charged with anything?

 

[mummabear]

Did something about this story change? Is he now a molester? Did this couple actually get charged with anything?

No.

You asked if they were abusive on th job. This implies that you thought it was not okay for them to be fired since it hadn’t happened on the job. I was asking you to think about that, there are lots of things that don’t happen on the job that can effect people’s employment

 

[cabanafrau]

No.

You asked if they were abusive on th job. This implies that you thought it was not okay for them to be fired since it hadn’t happened on the job. I was asking you to think about that, there are lots of things that don’t happen on the job that can effect people’s employment

Generally incarceration and a felony record are somewhat of a hurdle to employment.

 

[mummabear]

Generally incarceration and a felony record are somewhat of a hurdle to employment.

Child abuse would also lead to incarceration.

 

[Colleen27]

For those talking about "why would the girl sit still?", a friend of DD's comes from an abusive home and the way it went down in her house was that Dad butchered her hair while she slept and then stepmom took her to have it cleaned up/made presentable. Because in that family, it is all about appearances and they wouldn't let her run around looking like Dad cut her hair against her will in her sleep any more than they'd have tolerated the blue streaks that prompted the forced haircut.