How to handle RSVPs with children when only adults were invited?

[mdsoccermom]

I'd change it to ARE COMING. Clearly, in her mind, there is a difference being being invited and coming (since her BF's kids weren't invited but she still planned on bringing them).

See, I would say no kids were invited and no kids are coming. And I would also tell her that I would understand if they have to miss because of child care issues.

With some people you need to be extra specific. Of course, with some people, you can have naked dancing girls holding a sign in neon lights, and they still wouldn't get it.

 

[bellanotte10]

just just

Ok seriously - I guess I needed to be more clear. No, more blunt. I quoted my own post here with what I told my cousin when she RSVP-ed for herself, her BF & his 2 youngs kids:




She just Facebooked me this -

"Hi Tara, just checking to see if any other kids would be coming on Sunday since xyz isn't sure what to do with them for that day."

REALLY?!?!?!??! I guess when I read what I wrote I wasn't specific enough. Come on gang, you are GREAT with replies. Right now whatever I send will be snarky, so help me out here. I'm thinking I just keep my emotions out of it & say something along the lines of "oh I think you misunderstood, no kids WERE INVITED for Sunday. It's an adults only event. I think it would be great for xyz to spend some quality alone daddy & kid time at home on Sunday. Hope you can make it."

Frustrating...

are you head-desking right now? cuz I would be. Honestly at this point this response sounds good. Reiterate once again NO KIDS are coming. I like your idea that having some daddy and kid time would be great, especially if he has joint custody. Be like, i'm sure the kids would have much more fun with him then they would here, where there will be NO OTHER KIDS because they are NONE INVITED...

ugh i'm so sorry!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

just just

Ok seriously - I guess I needed to be more clear. No, more blunt. I quoted my own post here with what I told my cousin when she RSVP-ed for herself, her BF & his 2 youngs kids:




She just Facebooked me this -

"Hi Tara, just checking to see if any other kids would be coming on Sunday since xyz isn't sure what to do with them for that day."

REALLY?!?!?!??! I guess when I read what I wrote I wasn't specific enough. Come on gang, you are GREAT with replies. Right now whatever I send will be snarky, so help me out here. I'm thinking I just keep my emotions out of it & say something along the lines of "oh I think you misunderstood, no kids WERE INVITED for Sunday. It's an adults only event. I think it would be great for xyz to spend some quality alone daddy & kid time at home on Sunday. Hope you can make it."

Frustrating...

I don't read that sentence as they are planning on bringing the kids to the party. I read it as a sort of passive aggressive way of saying they don't know what to do with his kids that day. As in, where should we send them if they can't come, so maybe you will feel badly and change your mind.

 

[crashbb]

See, I would say no kids were invited and no kids are coming. And I would also tell her that I would understand if they have to miss because of child care issues.

With some people you need to be extra specific. Of course, with some people, you can have naked dancing girls holding a sign in neon lights, and they still wouldn't get it.

Saying both is probably the best idea - I was more focusing on not *just* saying that no kids were invited.

 

[TaraPA]

I read it as a sort of passive aggressive way of saying they don't know what to do with his kids that day. As in, where should we send them if they can't come, so maybe you will feel badly and change your mind.

That's how I took it. As if she whined enough I'd cave in & say bring them.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I don't read that sentence as they are planning on bringing the kids to the party. I read it as a sort of passive aggressive way of saying they don't know what to do with his kids that day. As in, where should we send them if they can't come, so maybe you will feel badly and change your mind.

Yep. This or she's hoping you'll just give in when she intentionally doesn't understand something.

Even if you outright say "your BF's kids are not invited to the party and are not welcome," which would be terribly rude, but completely unambigous, I would expect her to show up with BF and kids in tow at this point.

That or she's putting it on YOU to figure out what to do with them on that day.

Really, the only polite way I can think of to call her bluff is to be intentionally misunderstand her right back and reply "Oh. I'm so sorry you won't be able to attend, as you can't figure out what XYZ can do with his kids while you're at the party. I will pass your regrets on to my parents. Perhaps we can get together some time in the future."

 

[bellanotte10]

Really, the only polite way I can think of to call her bluff is to be intentionally misunderstand her right back and reply "Oh. I'm so sorry you won't be able to attend, as you can't figure out what XYZ can do with his kids while you're at the party. I will pass your regrets on to my parents. Perhaps we can get together some time in the future."

this. I agree with this, if she still doesn't get it, this might be the best way to get through to her

 

[Tozzie]

just just

Ok seriously - I guess I needed to be more clear. No, more blunt. I quoted my own post here with what I told my cousin when she RSVP-ed for herself, her BF & his 2 youngs kids:




She just Facebooked me this -

"Hi Tara, just checking to see if any other kids would be coming on Sunday since xyz isn't sure what to do with them for that day."

REALLY?!?!?!??! I guess when I read what I wrote I wasn't specific enough. Come on gang, you are GREAT with replies. Right now whatever I send will be snarky, so help me out here. I'm thinking I just keep my emotions out of it & say something along the lines of "oh I think you misunderstood, no kids WERE INVITED for Sunday. It's an adults only event. I think it would be great for xyz to spend some quality alone daddy & kid time at home on Sunday. Hope you can make it."

Frustrating...

I would leave the invited part out.

This is what i would post back to her, since she is putting it on facebook she is trying to shame you into letting her bring the kids.

I would now bluntly state, there will be no kids at the party, period. You can ask 100 times the answer will not change and I will understand if you can't come due to child care issues but this party is for adults only.

 

[phorsenuf]

Definitely reply on Facebook so it she does bring them anyway people will know how she's being so rude.

I'd reply; "I'm sorry that X having the kids the same day as the party will prevent you from attending, but as I already told you, no children have been invited or will be coming to the party. This is an adult affair only. Of course if you find alternate arrangements for the kids we'll be happy to see you and X, as will my parents."

 

[Hrhpd]

If she brings up the 'we want everybody to meet the children again,' I would play dumb and say:

" Bless you, We are really looking forward to meeting the children at your next gathering."

You could also be dense and ask if there was the possibility that xyz could switch his visitation weekend so that she could have everyone over to meet them."

The second option is rude and snarky, but sometimes you just have to get into the gutter with the other person in order to speak their language and get your message across.

 

[RadioNate]

just just

Ok seriously - I guess I needed to be more clear. No, more blunt. I quoted my own post here with what I told my cousin when she RSVP-ed for herself, her BF & his 2 youngs kids:




She just Facebooked me this -

"Hi Tara, just checking to see if any other kids would be coming on Sunday since xyz isn't sure what to do with them for that day."

REALLY?!?!?!??! I guess when I read what I wrote I wasn't specific enough. Come on gang, you are GREAT with replies. Right now whatever I send will be snarky, so help me out here. I'm thinking I just keep my emotions out of it & say something along the lines of "oh I think you misunderstood, no kids WERE INVITED for Sunday. It's an adults only event. I think it would be great for xyz to spend some quality alone daddy & kid time at home on Sunday. Hope you can make it."

Frustrating...

Definitely reply on Facebook so it she does bring them anyway people will know how she's being so rude.

I'd reply; "I'm sorry that X having the kids the same day as the party will prevent you from attending, but as I already told you, no children have been invited or will be coming to the party. This is an adult affair only. Of course if you find alternate arrangements for the kids we'll be happy to see you and X, as will my parents."

I agree. You have got to be specific that no kids were INVITED. I think she thinks they were invited, just no one is bringing them. Or she is too thick to care.

I'd be rude and snarky but I've been known to put my foot in my mouth on occasion.

I like phorsenuf's reply.

 

[Disney Doll]

Definitely reply on Facebook so it she does bring them anyway people will know how she's being so rude.

I'd reply; "I'm sorry that X having the kids the same day as the party will prevent you from attending, but as I already told you, no children have been invited or will be coming to the party. This is an adult affair only. Of course if you find alternate arrangements for the kids we'll be happy to see you and X, as will my parents."

This is good.

 

[TaraPA]

Definitely reply on Facebook so it she does bring them anyway people will know how she's being so rude.

I'd reply; "I'm sorry that X having the kids the same day as the party will prevent you from attending, but as I already told you, no children have been invited or will be coming to the party. This is an adult affair only. Of course if you find alternate arrangements for the kids we'll be happy to see you and X, as will my parents."

This is what I used. Thanks!

She messaged me privately on FB, not that anyone else could see, or else I just would have had to post back with a read-between-the-lines comment.

Ok now back to shredding 19 pounds of pork for the big event....I had no idea this would take this long!!!! I've been at it for what seems like hours!

 

[Disney Doll]

If she brings up the 'we want everybody to meet the children again,' I would play dumb and say:

" Bless you, We are really looking forward to meeting the children at your next gathering."

You could also be dense and ask if there was the possibility that xyz could switch his visitation weekend so that she could have everyone over to meet them."

The second option is rude and snarky, but sometimes you just have to get into the gutter with the other person in order to speak their language and get your message across.

This is good too, for when she responds back after you ONCE AGAIN tell her no kids that "We wanted everyone to meet XYZs kids".

Or I might say "I know!!! Isn't it something??!!!! We've been waiting to meet them ever since Christmastime when we rearranged the family celebration for just that reason and then unfortunately you guys couldn't make it. When you plan a party to get all the family together to meet everyone please be sure to include us and let me know if I can bring something. And again, we will completely understand if you can't make it to this party due to XYZs childcare issues. Love to all."

 

[TaraPA]

This is good too, for when she responds back after you ONCE AGAIN tell her no kids that "We wanted everyone to meet XYZs kids".

Or I might say "I know!!! Isn't it something??!!!! We've been waiting to meet them ever since Christmastime when we rearranged the family celebration for just that reason and then unfortunately you guys couldn't make it. When you plan a party to get all the family together to meet everyone please be sure to include us and let me know if I can bring something. And again, we will completely understand if you can't make it to this party due to XYZs childcare issues. Love to all."

That is SO what I want to say!

 

[dakcp2001]

This person is not misunderstanding, they are purposely trying to get you to give in. Be very clear. And prepare your response for when she shows up with the kids because she is planning to bring them regardless of what you say. She will show up with some lame excuse of not having a sitter. This woman did not misunderstand the invite nor has she misunderstood any communication thus far. She is being rude and seeing as how " rude" seems to be her language of choice you are going to ha e to speak in terms she understands. Phone her and say the kids can't come we are unable to accommodate children. If you don't have a sitter, we will see you at the next event. Make it clear and blunt and if you have to be a bit rude then do it.

 

[cornflake]

People are unbelievable. I see you went with the 'polite' reply which would've been beyond me at this point.

"While I've informed you twice that no children are invited, there ARE other kids coming, so if xyz wants something to be able to do with his (and only seeing them 2 days a month I can certainly understand his desire to foist them off on someone else!), they can join the miniature arena battle I'm having set up in the yard to entertain the adults.

I was originally just going to have lion cubs, as one of our guests is a board member of the local zoo! However, a couple of people suggested something to do for uninvited children, so they'll be occupied in historically accurate battles in a ring out back - in miniature! Isn't that the cutest idea? I think it'll be awesome! Also, you know Bob's cousin trained as an EMT so he can do stitches and stuff to get combatants back in the ring tout de suite. We're really looking forward to it, you know how I love history. XOXO!"

 

[bellanotte10]

People are unbelievable. I see you went with the 'polite' reply which would've been beyond me at this point.

"While I've informed you twice that no children are invited, there ARE other kids coming, so if xyz wants something to be able to do with his (and only seeing them 2 days a month I can certainly understand his desire to foist them off on someone else!), they can join the miniature arena battle I'm having set up in the yard to entertain the adults.

I was originally just going to have lion cubs, as one of our guests is a board member of the local zoo! However, a couple of people suggested something to do for uninvited children, so they'll be occupied in historically accurate battles in a ring out back - in miniature! Isn't that the cutest idea? I think it'll be awesome! Also, you know Bob's cousin trained as an EMT so he can do stitches and stuff to get combatants back in the ring tout de suite. We're really looking forward to it, you know how I love history. XOXO!"

Omg this is the best thing I've ever heard!

 

[kidzmom3]

I hope you let us know if she shows up with them.

 

[TaraPA]

People are unbelievable. I see you went with the 'polite' reply which would've been beyond me at this point.

"While I've informed you twice that no children are invited, there ARE other kids coming, so if xyz wants something to be able to do with his (and only seeing them 2 days a month I can certainly understand his desire to foist them off on someone else!), they can join the miniature arena battle I'm having set up in the yard to entertain the adults.

I was originally just going to have lion cubs, as one of our guests is a board member of the local zoo! However, a couple of people suggested something to do for uninvited children, so they'll be occupied in historically accurate battles in a ring out back - in miniature! Isn't that the cutest idea? I think it'll be awesome! Also, you know Bob's cousin trained as an EMT so he can do stitches and stuff to get combatants back in the ring tout de suite. We're really looking forward to it, you know how I love history. XOXO!"

LOVE IT!!!

I hope you let us know if she shows up with them.

Oh I will excuse myself from the party & come up here online & post live pics!!!