How to break it to the kids that I am going without them??

[Cotta]

Ok... I thought I could handle the guilt but I am leaving in a week and I have yet to tell the kids I am going to WDW without them. I really wish I could take them but extenuating circumstances have prevented me from doing so. Last November we went to WDW with my mom to celebrate my 5yo's bday. When my mom booked her trip the airline screwed something up and long story somewhat short, she ended up with a credit for another ticket that had to be used in 1 year. Sounded easy enough at the time. Then life sets in and boom fast forward one year! Anyway, we were planning on just taking another trip in October. We were going to book in August... then my daughter started Kindergarten (which we didn't think would be too terrible to take her out of for a couple days). Well come to find out she is too smart for her own good... been saying that since she was born, but finally others have picked up on it. So they decided to move her up to 1st grade. Well I can't justify taking her out now. She is still doing just fine but I don't want anything (especially a vacation) to affect that. Also I didn't think it was fair to take the preschooler but not her when she hasn't done anything wrong. So we decided to book a trip just my mom and I... but now I don't know how to tell them! I am tentatively planning a trip at Christmas... I thought about making it a surprise, but now I am thinking I might tell them to lessen the blow. Does anyone have any advice for a terrible mother? I knew my Disney addiction would get me into trouble somehow...

 

[cel_disney]

I guess that I just wouldnt tell them you are going to WDW..I would just tell them that you are going to visit your mom or taking your mom somewhere for a week that is for grown ups only. Why rub it in that you are going to disney - they dont really need to know where you are going at that age, just that you are going with your mom and its for grown ups only and that they need to stay in school but you can go on a plane trip with them again soon during a school vacation.

 

[Darcy03231]

I would just say that Grandma and I are going away on a grown-up trip and not say where until you get back. That way its already over with when they find out.

 

[cbg1027]

Hmmm. I don't think you can soften the blow on this one.

The only thing I can think of is to promise them that you'll bring them back lots of souvenirs. And tell them its not their only opportunity to go...everyone will go together one day.

I wouldn't bring up going in December, because if you tell them there's a chance, and then it doesn't happen, they'll be extra disappointed.

Good luck!

 

[KellyNY]

I guess that I just wouldnt tell them you are going to WDW..I would just tell them that you are going to visit your mom or taking your mom somewhere for a week that is for grown ups only. Why rub it in that you are going to disney - they dont really need to know where you are going at that age, just that you are going with your mom and its for grown ups only and that they need to stay in school but you can go on a plane trip with them again soon during a school vacation.

I agree, do not tell them about Disney.

 

[PSUGuy]

A similar situation brought out a sadistic streak in me. From 1998 through 2004 our whole family, the 2 of us, three adult kids, spouses and gf/bf and on one occasion my mom, would all go together every March. Then one of my daughters went and got pregnant with a March due date so wifey and I went by ourselves for the first 10 days of Jan., 2005. To avenge ourselves on the daughter who's due date threw a monkey wrench into our family plans, we called her every day to tell her what a great time we were having, how great the weather was (and it was!) etc.

Of course, we'd never do that to young children, I'm pretty sure.

Bill From PA

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I'm usually not one to advocate fibbing to kids, but this one I think is a necessary evil. Tell your DD that you had to go on a "business trip" or to visit Great Aunt Thelma, or had to go to a long-lost-uncle's funeral. She won't remember this when she's 25 anyway.

 

[Pinkdiamond816]

My two cents!

Speaking as someone whose mother pulled this on her, don't tell them. Just say your going away for some adult only time. (Which is much deserved I'm sure!) Think of it this way, if your favorite vacation destination was a tropical island or a ski chalet, would you feel as guilty going without them? It's only the disney guilt that's bothering you. Just remember you get some mommy only time too!

Maybe you could tell them your going to florida, so if you want to bring things home you can say you made a quick visit to Mickey just to buy some things for them.

Don't feel guilty, you deserve it, and your children will have many more happen disney vacations to come, I'm sure even if they do find out where you went in the future they won't begrudge you. ( I still don't for my mom) But if they specifically knew you were leaving them to go to WDW, they'll know what they're missing and then might feel hurt.

Unless you think they are mature enough to understand the concept of "mommy needs a break for a bit, and loves WDW and really really wants to go, but can't take you this time." I would stick to what they don't know won't hurt them policy.!

Hope you feel better about your decision and HAVE A GREAT TIME!

 

[vatali]

I don't think I would tell them either, but its your timing that has me curoius. Why schedule a trip around the time she would be off school anyway for holidays and not take her. as well, XMAS is a very important time in thier life, and if your not there to calm them down or hype them up, whichever, it may be just as bad as telling them you are going to the Dis.

I know when I went to DC for work this year, my 5 YO DD was devisitated, and she stayed home with mama. I brought back lots of things, but she still thought I was going on vacation without her.

Vat

 

[CaptHomer]

We told our DD that we were going to Vegas instead.

 

[HawkeyeThad]

A similar situation brought out a sadistic streak in me. From 1998 through 2004 our whole family, the 2 of us, three adult kids, spouses and gf/bf and on one occasion my mom, would all go together every March. Then one of my daughters went and got pregnant with a March due date so wifey and I went by ourselves for the first 10 days of Jan., 2005. To avenge ourselves on the daughter who's due date threw a monkey wrench into our family plans, we called her every day to tell her what a great time we were having, how great the weather was (and it was!) etc.

Of course, we'd never do that to young children, I'm pretty sure.

Bill From PA

My sister and I have been doing this to each other for years. Whenever we're at WDW, we make sure to call and rub it in to the other one.

 

[MomtoGKC]

I don't think I would totally lie. I have done one adults only Disney trip with a friend. We were going to do a race together and she planned it with a group from her office so it was easy to explain. I just said, "So and so has to go for work and she invited me to go with her to do a race." They were jealous but never really got mad or anything. I brought them home each a pin and a box of cookies.

Is there anyway you can do it like that, say you are going for work but might be lucky enough to go to Disney as well? I know I was so excited to go it would have been hard for me to not talk about it at all in front of the kids.

Oh, and the same friend just invited me to go up with her for a night in October. Haven't told the kids yet but I will. Only this time there's no race as an excuse. And I can't fake it because they always love to see the medals!! mmm...may just have to say she is going for work and I'm going along.

 

[karemore]

There's really no way to break it to them.

You need to just be prepared for anger, resentment, tears, hurt, and whatever else they throw at you. And also realize that they will hold this against you for YEARS.

They'll still be throwing this in your face when they are in college.

 

[PrincessBetsy]

I guess that I just wouldnt tell them you are going to WDW..I would just tell them that you are going to visit your mom or taking your mom somewhere for a week that is for grown ups only. Why rub it in that you are going to disney - they dont really need to know where you are going at that age, just that you are going with your mom and its for grown ups only and that they need to stay in school but you can go on a plane trip with them again soon during a school vacation.

I agree with cel. You should just tell them you are going on a grown up trip or going to spend time with a relative. If you tell them you are going to disney without them, they will be very hurt, sad, and angry and it would probably take them a long time to forgive you. Once they grow up they won't remember the grown up only trip you took. In addition, I wouldn't tell them about going in December until you have booked the trip and are leaving in a few weeks. Good luck!

 

[zimomiller]

I called my kids from my cellphone on BTMRR and said...guess where I am?

Then I held the phone out for them to listen in while we rode the ride together.

They got over it. Heh Heh....

 

[figmentgirl]

Just casting my vote in agreement with the others that think you should not tell the kids at all. There is NO reason to dangle a trip to Disney out of their reach if they never need know anyway...

As to telling them about Disney in Decemeber, do not do this until it is a financial certainty that you really are going. You mentioned tenative plans.. DH and I have gotten in trouble for for mentioning an upcoming trip because we have guilt about something and then later realize we didn't have the $$$ for the trip. Overtime shifts and savings plans abound

 

[MomtoGKC]

Geez, you guys are surprising me! My kids were not hurt, angry or resentful that I was going on a trip without them. Sad for a minute, maybe. Wishing they could go, maybe. Still thinking about it a year later? Nope.

My parents went to Hawaii without us when I was young. I wanted to go and wished they could take me, but I was never angry with them. They were the grown ups and they got to do what they needed to do. (it was a business trip that my mom got to go on) I definitely didn't resent them then or ever!

 

[CarolAnnB]

My DD16 says don't tell them. She says they will be traumatized for life. And apparently would still not be speaking to me if her grammy and I had ever gone to Disney without her. I am surprised that the grandmother wants to go without the kids. Once my kids came along my mother didn't want to do anything with me unless I was hauling the grandkids along LOL.

 

[larryz]

Wow! I'm amazed at all the advice to just not tell your kids. They will find out someday (maybe sooner than you'd like), and then they'll resent not being told.

I'd suggest telling them you're planning a family trip for December, and that you have to go down to find a good place to stay, make arrangements, and ensure everything will be safe for your visit.

Not lying. Not omitting. And sets expectations that you'll bring them something fun back to help tide them over until they get their trip.

 

[amzking]

My DD knows that we are taking an adults-only weekend next month - she did okay. Of course we are passholders and go regularly, but kids do need to know that adults do things that they can't do sometimes. I think you should have given her more time to get used to the idea than one week though.