How to break it to the kids that I am going without them??

[mjkacmom]

I'm one who wouldn't hesitate taking a first grader out of school - I stop once they're in JH (but wouldn't take a child out if they were struggling, of course).

 

[pixiefairy]

My dh and I went in February to celebrate out 10th anniversary. We told them ahead of time, prepared them that we would be gone for 6 days and that grandma would be here with them. They were more worried we were leaving them without an adult....they didn't want to be left with their teenage brother! I had tears from my daughter, but she worked through it and we called every day, a few times a day and grandma called us if the kids needed or wanted to talk to us. We missed them terribly from the moment we left the house, but we knew they'd be fine.

I just went on a trip in September with friends, leaving the kids AND dh behind. I felt more guilty for that one, I think. It was my first solo trip anywhere and it was very empowering for me....got rid of a lot of fears I had about traveling alone.

NOW...dh and I are going for a short 4 day trip in November and we haven't said a word to them directly about where we are going, just that grandma is coming to watch them for a long weekend. I don't want to NOT tell them, but considering this is my third trip in a year without them....um yeah, thinking that there may be some temper tantrums. Although...they do know that we are planning a family trip for next year, so they realize that they are going to go...in less than a year...and my 5 y.o. dd is already in the planning stages. They also know they will get gifts...they did in February and I also brought them things back a few weeks ago.

Do I feel guilty? Kind of...but more because I enjoy taking them to Disney. DH and I need the time away to reconnect...and to be fair, we looked into other locations. Price wise....this was actually a better deal. But I'm also not going to lie to them, we just aren't telling them until we get closer to leaving so as not to prolong any hurt feelings. They are looking forward to spending time with grandma, which is a good thing. (Yes...she spoils them).

 

[larryz]

Oh good grief! LOL Get serious and cut the drama. I'm going to assume you are joking! That is just too ridiculous not to be!

Don't underestimate the capacity of a 5-year-old mind to invent all kinds of explanations for parental behaviour...

I was very tempted to share a very personal experience, but I don't think you'd appreciate it based on the quote above.

Let's just say I'm firmly in the "be up front with your kids" camp.

 

[SNylund]

Several ideas come to mind.

1) Tell them you have to go on a spa trip with your mom because she needs your help (don't have to disclose actual location necessarily.)

2) Tell them you have to go on a business trip to New Jersey.

3) Tell them you have to perform a secret service for the government.

4) Tell them you have to go on a future vacation fact finding mission.

 

[WDmommyof4]

Interesting, thought provoking post. At first I was a little offended by the well-adjusted, coddled part. But I will say that my DD (an only child, treated like a princess since day 1) probably IS coddled, I can admit it. Not sure about the well-adjusted part -- she does wonderful in school, treats all adults and her peers with respect, has friends, and obeys our rules. I asked her how she would feel if I went to Disney without her, and she looked at me like this Then she said, "Seriously, you would never do that, right??? No, Mom, SERIOUSLY, you would never do that, RIGHT??".

You hit the nail on the head with the Santa thing. Kids do not need to know the cold, hard reality of the world at the age of 5. Sorry, that's ridiculous (to a different poster).

I am very sorry if my post offended you. That certainly was not my intention and I did not mean to make anyone feel bad with it. As a writer, my style in written words and my choice of words often comes across as strong when I don't mean it to.

 

[Cotta]

Wow! I never thought I would get so many responses... I want to thank everyone for the advice. Although some may have been a little on the extreme side, I found it very interesting everyone's take on the situation. I did want to further explain a couple things and let everyone know what I have decided. First off I want to say that this by no means was a question about taking a child out of school for vacation. I think every parent has the right to make that decision for themselves. I believe (*hope*) we all have the best intentions for our children and know better than anyone else what they need. We have taken our oldest (now in 6th grade) out of school before without qualms and we have decided not to take her out when she was struggling. It is much more of a timing issue. Also, I wanted to point out that we go to Disney quite often. My 5 year old daughter has been five times... so it's not like I am depriving her in any way. And as I said before I know we will take a family trip in the next year, if not in December. Actually, that is why my mom and I decided to go to Disney. At first we were thinking we would just fly into Orlando and drive to the beach or something but that seemed like a waste of time and money when we couldn't work out accomodations. Then we decided to get passholder tickets since it wouldn't be that much more than the tickets we would buy for the next trip. Then the trip became more focused on WDW. So I have decided to tell the kids that Nana and I are going to Florida but not mention WDW. If they ask me point blank, I won't lie to them but I doubt it will be a big deal. In fact we have already told the 6th grader and it was a mere blip on her radar. She was bummed for a minute maybe but I don't think she will be scarred for life by any means. Disappoinment is a fact of life and it's important that we teach our children that even though we may not get exactly what we want every second of lives if we deal with it and move on there might be something even more fantastic right around the corner. Which is why we have decided to add a cruise to our next trip!