how often should grandparents see grandchildren?

[SC Minnie]

As much as they want.

DH parents live 500 mi away. DD sees them about once a year (whenever we go up there).

My parents live about an hour from us. DD sees them about every 6 weeks more or less. Since my Mom retired she will ask if DD wants to come spend the weekend with them sometimes. My Dad sees DD whenever I make the initial contact. He is busy and I think time just gets away from him sometimes.

I couldn't imagine having parents that were too busy or lazy or whatever to see my children.

 

[MinnyGranny62]

DH and I are Grandparents and we have 2 wonderful DGS'S.
They live just a few miles away and we see them almost evey day.
DH picks DGS up from school a few days a week and they bounce
over a few times a week.

I would be lost without them as they keep me young and going strong.
LOVE those boys.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I understand what you are saying, but I often wonder if in some of these cases, it isn't about the grandparents not wanting to have a relatioship with their grandkids, but about there being tension between the adults involved?

.

It really wasn't in our case. I really love my in-laws and I think they love me. They are just a little selfish. They were divorced, and both trying to seem young and vibrant and date and have this swinging social life and I think grandchildren weren't the priority.( It's kind of like, they don't make 'em like they used to!!! (Grandparents, that is, and I know that's not completely true I'm kidding a little!)

 

[nana2tots]

Everday!!!!

 

[nana2tots]

Everyday!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DMRick]

If they weren't so busy with sports, scouts, cheerleading and school activites, I'd like to see them even more. I "talk" with my granddaughter via IM daily (she turns into a teen next month), and the grandboys here and there. I touch base at least once a week, and they come here and I go there a couple times a month..and we try to go to all the school plays, concerts, etc. The entire family (minus son living in Ireland) went to an indoors water park for the weekend and shared a suite. I love that type of activity and we also all try to camp together a couple times a year. I bring the grands camping whenever they have free time. We switch families every other year to Disney..sometimes they (the grands and parents) stay with us, sometimes their own room. I know I won't be able to stand it when my son and his wife have kids..they'll be so far away. We have camera's on the computer, but it's not the same
I just love them so, and can't believe we got such neat grands!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

but I often wonder if in some of these cases, it isn't about the grandparents not wanting to have a relatioship with their grandkids, but about there being tension between the adults involved?

I see what you're saying but that's not an issue in our case. I am just beyond trying to have hope that anything will change. Too busy to see your own grandchildren when they are in the same town is just.......I don't have words to complete that sentence.......

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

DH and I are Grandparents and we have 2 wonderful DGS'S.
They live just a few miles away and we see them almost evey day.
DH picks DGS up from school a few days a week and they bounce
over a few times a week.

I would be lost without them as they keep me young and going strong.
LOVE those boys.

what lucky, lucky kids!

 

[poohandwendy]

I just wanted to clarify, I didn't mean any situations here...not trying to point fingers. I only mentioned it because I do know some people who just don't have good relationships with their parents (for various reasons), and the kids don't really see their grandparents as a result. To be honest, how much are you going to encourage someone to be around your kids if you cannot get along with them? (general you)

I am certainly not saying that is the case with anyone here.

 

[DebIreland]

DH's mom looks after our daughter (who's 2) two mornings a week and my own mom looks after her 1 morning a week. I'm very appreciative for what they do and they are wonderful with and just love her to bits. My boys are older (almost 12 and 9) and they see their grandmothers at least once a week, sometimes more or sometimes a little less. But in general we keep up regular contact.

Having said that, I confess there are times when days seem to slip away on me and I don't phone or arrange get-togethers as often as I should. I'm gonna work on that. Both DH's Dad and my own Dad have passed away and never got to see our little girl which makes me so sad. I'm glad both my boys got to know my Dad and my eldest got to know DHs Dad for a short time, before he passed away.

I absolutely adore the relationship that my children have with their grandmothers - they learn entirely different things from them than they do from me and DH - they hear of different times and habits and trends but also it's a different *type* of bond - all the love without the discipline (except for when the grandmothers are looking after them, but even then, it's a rare time the kids need to be scolded, thankfully!).

I had no relationship at all with any grandparents. I have a vague memory of one grandfather who wasn't nice at all and the others were dead either before I was born or when I was too young to recall them.

Bonds between grandparents and g/children are precious and afford a totally unique opportunity to learn of times past *and* also a great opportunity to instill respect in children for our older members of society. Very important.

 

[liamandcaili]

My children see my parents at least once a week...sometimes more. Yesterday, DD called up her Grampy to ask if he wanted to come watch her skate today. Her message was so cute, it wouldn't have mattered what he was doing, he was coming to the ice rink. My in-laws live in the same town as us, so we see them pretty regularly too. My FIL will stop by in the afternoon after DS gets out of school to play baseball or football in the backyard. They travel sometimes, but when they do, they always send a postcard to both children.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

My kids don't get to see DW's parents too much. We live 3 1/2 hours away from them. Our kids are their only grandkids, but for some reason they just never have been emotionally close to our kids. Even though they are retired they hardly ever travel. We do try to go see them, but our schedules make it tough. We see them 1-2 times a year, but have invited them to come see us much more often than that. It's kind of sad now: they have pretty much quit emailing or calling; when they do they never ask about anything teh kids are doing. DW still sends them emails and stuff, but its pretty much a one way street at this point. It has been at least three years since the kids have spent the night with them -and they probably never will again.

My parents live about one hour away. We see them every 4-6 weeks. They both still work, so are only "available" on the week-ends (which is tough for us because week-ends tend to get full). 4-5 times a year they will keep the kids overnight for us (DW and I treasure those times!). Best of all, they have agreed to keep the kids for FIVE NIGHTS this summer as I surprise DW with an adults-only anniversary trip to WDW.

 

[sm4987]

On my side of the family, maybe twice a year and that's just a day at that. On DH side, they don't have much to do with our lives, so maybe once a year to once every 2 years!

 

[Kimmumum]

My parents live in the same town. We see them at least once a week and 3-5 times a week in the summer (they put an inground pool in for my boys).

My FIL works in our town and only lives 20 minutes away however we haven't seen him in 2 1/2 years.

My MIL lives in CA (we're in IL) and we see her about once a year.

Both sets of my DH's grandparents are alive and we see them about 4 times a year. I have one set alive and we see my DGMom at least twice a month. DGDad is in a nursing home and we see him once a month (he's out of state).

My DH is an only child so no siblings. I have one sister who we see about 3 times a week.

 

[skuttle]

My parents and DH's parents live about an hour and a half away from us. My mom would come visit every weekend if we let her! lol! She usually comes every other week to visit for the day. Every now and then DS spends the weekend at her house. My dad usually comes visit every other week also (opposite weekend from my mom). My inlaws see DS for his birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter. That's it.

 

[Stacey2grls]

My girls haven't seen their grandmother in about 8 months now, even though she lives 2 minutes away. She had a fight with her son (my husband) and that was it. It always amazes me when I see "real Grandparents" and how they treat their grandchildren. I feel that being a grandparent like a parent was unconditional love, but unfortunately my girls have been show first hand that is not the case.

 

[inaminute]

I feel that being a grandparent like a parent was unconditional love

It is. Except, sometimes, the kids parents have a way of getting in between. It would be very difficult for me to see my grandchildren if their mother/father and I were not on speaking terms.

I actually have that particular problem in my future. My son just informed me that his girlfiend is pregnant. It's a bad situation all around. Needless to say, I'm stunned. You'd think 30 year old people would know a little something about birth control, but that's another thread. Anyway, I do not like this girl. We are far different people, and I disagree with her "tactics" when it comes to manipulating my son. She has basically stalked him for the past five years. He saw her as an opportunity to "get even" with his ex, and now she won't let go. Again, that would be another REALLY long thread. I've come to the conclusion that he's the one who has to live with her, and if he can stand her--then I'm happy for him. I still don't have to like her, though.

Anyway, I already know that she will not allow me to be a part of this child's life. At least not in the way I am with my grandson. I MIGHT be allowed to visit on gift-giving occasions. But nothing I do will be exactly right. I can guarantee that were she a member of this board, I would be the topic of many awful MIL stories.

The good thing for me, though, is that I already have a track record as a MIL and a grandmother. I'm really pretty good at both. I don't interfere. I keep my opinions to myself--unless asked. I treat people with respect.

I adore my grandson. He stays with me most of the week as his Mom works second shift. She doesn't get home until after 11 p.m. so he stays here most nights. I take him to karate, I help him with his homework, I play games with him. I arrange play dates. I teach him manners. I get him up and ready for school. I fix him breakfast. I make his dinner. Basically, everything his parents should be doing.

This is the time of my life that I should be pursuing interests other than raising children. I should be giving back by volunteering. I should be making friends by being involved in clubs. I should be growing my business instead of just running it around someone elses schedule. Instead I'm helping to raise my grandson whose father is busy with his new family and whose mother is working just trying to make ends meet.

Am I resentful? Maybe a little. Would I change anything? Not on your life! I love this little boy more than anything. The rewards I get from him are priceless! He informed me today that I am the "funnest Grandma EVER!" He's also told me that I know everything. And he comes to me with questions about life. He still believes in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny--but only for my benefit. We both know he doesn't really believe any more, but he indulges me. I could go on and on about this little person. He's a huge part of my life.

It saddens me that there will be another grandchild with whom I will not have an opportunity to bond. Does that make me a bad grandparent? I guess it would in the eyes of some. That's o.k, though. I know one little boy who thinks I make a terriffic grandma!

 

[poohandwendy]

Cheryl, you sound like a great grandmother. I am sorry the situation with your son is the way it is. Maybe there will be changes in the future, maybe not.

Your experience is what I was talking about earlier. Sometimes the grandparents have very few choices because of the dynamics of the adult relationships. It's not like you can force people to hand over their kids, so you end up not seeing the grandkids very often. Sadly, it happens alot I think.

 

[PaulaSue]

The girls see my Mom once a week or so, my Dad about once a month, My Ils about once every 2-3 months.

 

[Alice28]

My parents moved to Oregon, about 25 minutes away last August. We see them anywhere from 1-4 times a week, depending on schedules, etc. (Usually I'm the busy one, running around everywhere).

My MIL lives in San Jose, about 11 hours from here. I would say the kids see her on average every 10-13 weeks. She is VERY involved in my niece and nephew's life though; she's kind of the 3rd parent due to some negative circumstances with BIL and SIL.