How much to give for a wedding gift for family of 5 attending

[luvsJack]

I an SO CONFUSED!!

So, if a bride has a huge reception with an expensive meal, drinks, etc. You all "cover your plate" and assume she is spening $100-150 per person and you give her that much.

If a bride has a small reception and just cake and punch or something less expensive, you still give $100-150 per person because that is the "norm" in your area.

Its good to know that the bride that doesn't go "all out" is given the same as the one that does.

So, what if someone cannot afford to give that much?

I mean, I would have missed out on some really special weddings to some really special people in my life if I had been expected to give that much!

(In all reality, there aren't that many gifts--money or otherwise--given at weddings here. They are either given at the showers or sent to the bride or groom's family home before the wedding).

 

[allison443]

I an SO CONFUSED!!

So, if a bride has a huge reception with an expensive meal, drinks, etc. You all "cover your plate" and assume she is spening $100-150 per person and you give her that much.

If a bride has a small reception and just cake and punch or something less expensive, you still give $100-150 per person because that is the "norm" in your area.

Its good to know that the bride that doesn't go "all out" is given the same as the one that does.

So, what if someone cannot afford to give that much?

I mean, I would have missed out on some really special weddings to some really special people in my life if I had been expected to give that much!

(In all reality, there aren't that many gifts--money or otherwise--given at weddings here. They are either given at the showers or sent to the bride or groom's family home before the wedding).

Now I'm confused....why wouldn't you still go to the wedding? Are the "really special people in your life" the kind that would look down on you if you couldn't afford a gift? I doubt it! I would hope they would just want your presence, not your present

It's not collected at the door as an admission fee like some posters seem to be saying.

It's just a normal amount to give for a wedding in some families/areas/regions. Of course there are variations all the time. People might give more for someone closer to them like a sibling, or give less if they can't afford it.

Don't you have a normal amount you spend on a gift when your child is invited to a friend's birthday? You might vary that amount if it's your child's best friend, or a close cousin or something. It's the same thing.

As for regional differences, I think I must live in an area where we are used to everything being more expensive.

 

[goofy!]

Now I'm confused....why wouldn't you still go to the wedding? Are the "really special people in your life" the kind that would look down on you if you couldn't afford a gift? I doubt it! I would hope they would just want your presence, not your present

It's not collected at the door as an admission fee like some posters seem to be saying.

It's just a normal amount to give for a wedding in some families/areas/regions. Of course there are variations all the time. People might give more for someone closer to them like a sibling, or give less if they can't afford it.

Don't you have a normal amount you spend on a gift when your child is invited to a friend's birthday? You might vary that amount if it's your child's best friend, or a close cousin or something. It's the same thing.

As for regional differences, I think I must live in an area where we are used to everything being more expensive.

I'm from NY also and we also always cover our plate~ $100 per adult is right.

If someone had come to my wedding and tried to leave a "shower"gift ~ as in ie toaster I would have been peeved

We spent almost 28,000 on our reception 11 years ago; and we recouped all of it

And we had a top shelf open bar~ I HATE cash bars; have a smaller wedding if you can't afford to give your guests free booze.

apparently some brides would look down on you or be peeved if you couldn't afford an expensive gift to help pay for their expensive wedding.

 

[allison443]

apparently some brides would look down on you or be peeved if you couldn't afford an expensive gift to help pay for their expensive wedding.

Darn, I didn't see that we had someone like that right here on the thread!

 

[disneychic2]

I used the site a pp included to "calculate" what I should give for an upcoming wedding I'm attending. $225! This on top of roundtrip airfare from Ohio to Austin TX for DH and I and 2 night's lodging! They'll get $100. Or, we could stay in Ohio and send them the $1,000 we would be saving. We want to be there and so we will. They want us there and I don't think the amount we give is important to them. At least I hope that is the case!

 

[snapppyd]

Looks like this is about to go downhill. Can't we just agree that it's probably a regional thing and leave it at that? No need for people to get defensive or sarcastic.

 

[goofy!]

Darn, I didn't see that we had someone like that right here on the thread!

It really is regional though. Our niece had her wedding in August and they got mostly gifts, despite several showers. Part of the wedding weekend was a Sunday morning brunch (the wedding was Saturday night) for the guests while the bride and groom opened their gifts.

I actually felt out of place giving cash.

OP - give what you want and what you can afford without regards to what is the norm. Give what you feel is appropriate. As the boss and since your kids are the friends, I would split out the gift in two envelopes. One from the kids (friends) and one from you (primarily the boss), even if you are fronting your kids' gift. (which I think perfectly ok - we gave our niece a gift in our kid's name as well as ours.)

 

[mjkacmom]

I disagree that it has always been that way. I grew up in Franklin Lakes, NJ (home of the wacko real housewives) and it certainly was NOT the norm when all my friends got married.

I am just so glad that I live out in the 'cheap' states now.

People have to stop the madness and stop paying admission to weddings that spoiled brides could not afford on their own without guest contributions.

I grew up around that area, and I don't think I received a check for under $100 when we married 16 years ago, and I gave all of my friends checks ($100 when I attended alone, right out of college, $300 when I was older, and had a date).

 

[Nik's Mom]

DH and I are originally from California and I have never attended a wedding here in Kansas, so I can only speak from past experience.

When dh and I got married 15 years ago, we had some guests bring a gift and others brought cash. I was surprised that so many people gave cash, and that some brought gifts and cash. I was thankful for any money that they gave and would have never looked down at someone who didn't give cash. We were married at the Disneyland hotel, so it's safe to say that our wedding wasn't cheap. But I would never expect a guest to give us a gift equal to the cost of their plate.

I've been to other weddings in California and the gift tables are always overflowing with gifts. So I know that our wedding wasn't the only one where people bring a wrapped gift. Not everyone attends a wedding shower.

If it was a family member or close friend, I'd be generous in my gift. But honestly, $500 for an acquiantance seems a bit excessive.

 

[okeydokey]

Me too. The day I give a $500 wedding is........


NEVER!!!!

No kidding. If that is what would be expected, I'd have to decline. I could never afford to give that much.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I an SO CONFUSED!!

So, if a bride has a huge reception with an expensive meal, drinks, etc. You all "cover your plate" and assume she is spening $100-150 per person and you give her that much.

If a bride has a small reception and just cake and punch or something less expensive, you still give $100-150 per person because that is the "norm" in your area.

Its good to know that the bride that doesn't go "all out" is given the same as the one that does.

So, what if someone cannot afford to give that much?

I mean, I would have missed out on some really special weddings to some really special people in my life if I had been expected to give that much!

(In all reality, there aren't that many gifts--money or otherwise--given at weddings here. They are either given at the showers or sent to the bride or groom's family home before the wedding).

Weddings are usually over the top in the NE. The "cover your plate" is a guide not a "requirement". It's more of a "keeping up with inflation" type of thing. It's not about "getting what you paid for" it's just some people want to make sure they give enough.

Not everybody goes by that. Some have a set amount they give that does not change through the years at all. Other people worry that they are not giving enough etc.

We give $200 per wedding and we are fine with that. In a few years we may up that to $250 or $300. Firehall weddings are not common at all in this area. I have only ever been to 1. I gave $200.

As to the other posted that said she'd be peeved if she got a toaster That's just a frightening attitude.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Looks like this is about to go downhill. Can't we just agree that it's probably a regional thing and leave it at that? No need for people to get defensive or sarcastic.

Ah, then it wouldn't be the Dis if we did that. Love your signature pictures, by the way.

 

[msjprincess]

No kidding. If that is what would be expected, I'd have to decline. I could never afford to give that much.

In the op's case I would have my adult children chip in.

 

[snapppyd]

Ah, then it wouldn't be the Dis if we did that. Love your signature pictures, by the way.

Thank you!

 

[mrspaha]

The "cover your plate" concept has been around a long time. I only remember the exact amount we received from one couple at our wedding 25 years ago -- They gave us a check for $65.00. (I would say the average amount we got was about $25 per person or $50 per couple). The $65.00 amount stuck with me, because $32.50 was the amount per person we had to pay for a dinner with open bar where we had our reception. Apparently, this couple had called the restaurant and asked the per plate charge. How else would they come up with such an odd amount to write a check for?

That being said, back in those days, a LOT of people did give actual presents as opposed to cash. There was always a big table set up at the reception, where people would leave their gifts. Most of us would register at Marshall Fields or Carsons for china, crystal, silver, etc, and some people would pick out something from there and have it delivered prior to the wedding.

 

[disneyjunkie]

These threads always go down hill. You would think mobs of folks from the NE were forcing others to change the way they give gifts. None of us have ever said the rest of the country should follow our lead on this. Posters only say "I would give..." and they state why. I will never understand why some get so bent out of shape about this.

 

[msjprincess]

These threads always go down hill. You would think mobs of folks from the NE were forcing others to change the way they give gifts. None of us have ever said the rest of the country should follow our lead on this. Posters only say "I would give..." and they state why. I will never understand why some get so bent out of shape about this.

It's very bizarre

 

[disneyjunkie]

Twice???

 

[Nancyg56]

OP - give what you want and what you can afford without regards to what is the norm. Give what you feel is appropriate. As the boss and since your kids are the friends, I would split out the gift in two envelopes. One from the kids (friends) and one from you (primarily the boss), even if you are fronting your kids' gift. (which I think perfectly ok - we gave our niece a gift in our kid's name as well as ours.)

This is what I woud suggest. I give the same amount for any kind of wedding I attend. I do noe feel obligated to cover my plate if the couple spends $75,000 (the cost of my nephews wedding) or if they spend $5000.

When we were married i did not expect to recoup the cost of the wedding and certainly did not care if my guests could not afford to pay their way.

 

[ChrizJen]

I'm from NY also and we also always cover our plate~ $100 per adult is right.

If someone had come to my wedding and tried to leave a "shower"gift ~ as in ie toaster I would have been peeved

We spent almost 28,000 on our reception 11 years ago; and we recouped all of it

And we had a top shelf open bar~ I HATE cash bars; have a smaller wedding if you can't afford to give your guests free booze.

WOW! You're the one who CHOSE to spend $28,000 on your reception...not your guests. I don't care if you're my sister. I wouldn't have stepped foot into your reception. I think it's awful to think that anyone would look down upon someone's generosity when receiving a gift (and YES...even a toaster!). Like I said, it's not my fault you went overboard on your wedding and then wanted the money back from your guests. I agree with others...perhaps you should have just asked for a cover charge at the door. Or perhaps have your reply cards printed with the price of admission on them, and let the guests send their payment when they send the reply cards back.
Then at least eveyone knows what to expect and no one has to worry about being talked about/laughed at when they leave...

I don't mean to be crass, but this is just the way it feels to me. Like it's nothing more than a big show and you're the performers...just sell tickets...who cares about your loved ones being there to celebrate your day??? It's all about recoupping the cost.