How much to give for a wedding gift for family of 5 attending

[bellebud]

I'm from New York and we have always given money, and always "covered our plate". Wedding showers are for toasters, weddings are cash gifts.

Exactly, exactly, exactly. It's always been that way here. It's always been odd (even 20 years ago) to see a "gift" at a wedding. Just envelopes.

 

[snapppyd]

Exactly, exactly, exactly. It's always been that way here. It's always been odd (even 20 years ago) to see a "gift" at a wedding. Just envelopes.

 

[goofy!]

Exactly, exactly, exactly. It's always been that way here. It's always been odd (even 20 years ago) to see a "gift" at a wedding. Just envelopes.

I disagree that it has always been that way. I grew up in Franklin Lakes, NJ (home of the wacko real housewives) and it certainly was NOT the norm when all my friends got married.

I am just so glad that I live out in the 'cheap' states now.

People have to stop the madness and stop paying admission to weddings that spoiled brides could not afford on their own without guest contributions.

 

[focusondisney]

DH and I give $100-200 depending on how well we know the person, when we were younger we could only afford $50-100. I also don't think that you need to be paying for all 5 of the adults, put in whatever amount you would like for yourself and DH and in another card have your children pitch in whatever they can.

This is exactly what I'd do. As an established older couple, I'd expect to give more than young adult friends of the couple. So if it was me, I'd give $150 -200 from DH & I, depending on how close we are to the couple. My kids, if late teens or early 20's would give $ 25 - 50 each. Even tho they are adults, they don't have the means to give the same amount. So I think having 2 cards, one from you & your DH & one from the girls is the best idea. Removes the worry that you are trying to "show off".

It is simple.. don't write the check till after you see the reception. Leave the envelope open and then give what you may seem appropriate according to the food, decor ect.



I actually know somebody who does this.

Why doesn't this surprize me?

If I give money gifts, I sort of increase the amounts, depending on the event. These would be for nieces, nephews or friends. Of course my own kids get more. Birthday, maybe $25. Religious celebration (Christening, Communion, etc) $40 -50. Graduation High school $ 40-50, college $50-100. Wedding $ 150 -200. Showers & new baby I always give a gift.

I actually don't know how it "stacks up" regionally. I give what I feel I want to give. My DD got married a little over a year ago. Small wedding, only 100 people, all family or close friends. Without teling me who gave what, she did tell me they got anywhere from $40 to $ 250, some from singles, some from couples.

 

[msjprincess]

I disagree that it has always been that way. I grew up in Franklin Lakes, NJ (home of the wacko real housewives) and it certainly was NOT the norm when all my friends got married.

I am just so glad that I live out in the 'cheap' states now.

People have to stop the madness and stop paying admission to weddings that spoiled brides could not afford on their own without guest contributions.

I don't look at as "paying admission". I choose to give that much. I want to help the couple build up a little nest egg to start off their marriage. As a bride I never expected anyone to cover the plate but most guests choose to do it. It has nothing to do with spoiled brides.

 

[snapppyd]

I disagree that it has always been that way. I grew up in Franklin Lakes, NJ (home of the wacko real housewives) and it certainly was NOT the norm when all my friends got married.

I am just so glad that I live out in the 'cheap' states now.

People have to stop the madness and stop paying admission to weddings that spoiled brides could not afford on their own without guest contributions.

What makes you think they are spoiled or can't afford the wedding? If my gift helps pay for the wedding, that is great. If the wedding is already paid for then they can save it towards something like furniture, down payment for a home, etc.

 

[goofy!]

I don't look at as "paying admission". I choose to give that much. I want to help the couple build up a little nest egg to start off their marriage. As a bride I never expected anyone to cover the plate but most guests choose to do it. It has nothing to do with spoiled brides.

I am sure there are plenty of brides that are responsible and hold weddings that they can afford and the gifts are just that and can actually be used for a nest egg.

However, after reading these boards for numerous years, and reading rants of how Uncle Ed and Aunt Viv didn't cover their plate, you get the feeling that there are plenty of brides that want to one up each other and are counting on their gifts to help pay off the extravagant wedding, not using the gifts to build up a nest egg. I remember one thread long ago where a poster added that her MIL (or some relative) kept a spread sheet of what each guest gave

Even in this thread, there was at least one mention of covering plates due expensive venues. Well, if the venue is so expensive that you need the guests to cover their plates, isn't that the same as charging admission?

Oh, and I like gift registries, even honeymoon ones.

 

[focusondisney]

I don't look at as "paying admission". I choose to give that much. I want to help the couple build up a little nest egg to start off their marriage. As a bride I never expected anyone to cover the plate but most guests choose to do it. It has nothing to do with spoiled brides.

Exactly! These are not strangers I'm "paying" to attend their event. They are family & close friends that we love very much. We want to give a generous gift to help them get started on their new life together. And we are lucky & blessed to be able to give these amounts.

 

[snapppyd]

Exactly! These are not strangers I'm "paying" to attend their event. They are family & close friends that we love very much. We want to give a generous gift to help them get started on their new life together. And we are lucky & blessed to be able to give these amounts.

 

[shirleyb]

Since you all talk about "covering your plate" does that mean if a bride and groom can only afford a fire hall reception (or the like) that you'll only give them $40, but if they can afford the works, you then give them $500?

 

[snapppyd]

Since you all talk about "covering your plate" does that mean if a bride and groom can only afford a fire hall reception (or the like) that you'll only give them $40, but if they can afford the works, you then give them $500?

In my case I would still give a very generous gift - if I care enough to attend the wedding I still want to help them get started. We had cousins get married out of state - we didn't even attend the wedding and still sent $250.

 

[Mama-san]

I guess I'm cheap. Close family and friends get $50 maybe $100. Anyone else gets $25-$40.

I look at a wedding as the coming together of two people who love each other and want to share their lives. I look at the reception as a party that the newly wedded couple are throwing to celebrated their union and are inviting friends and family to celebrate with them. It's their choice how much or how little they want to spend on said celebration. If I have to give the couple a large enough monetary gift to cover my "cost" then they might as well just sell tickets to their event.

Agreed!! This is the standard I am used here where I live (SC). If I had to give more than $100, either in cash or by gift, I wouldn't be attending many weddings. I can't comprehend giving $500 for a wedding gift. Even though we make decent money, I can't afford that.

 

[msjprincess]

I am sure there are plenty of brides that are responsible and hold weddings that they can afford and the gifts are just that and can actually be used for a nest egg.

However, after reading these boards for numerous years, and reading rants of how Uncle Ed and Aunt Viv didn't cover their plate, you get the feeling that there are plenty of brides that want to one up each other and are counting on their gifts to help pay off the extravagant wedding, not using the gifts to build up a nest egg. I remember one thread long ago where a poster added that her MIL (or some relative) kept a spread sheet of what each guest gave

Even in this thread, there was at least one mention of covering plates due expensive venues. Well, if the venue is so expensive that you need the guests to cover their plates, isn't that the same as charging admission?

Oh, and I like gift registries, even honeymoon ones.

But it was a guest saying that they try to cover their plate not a bride demanding it.

 

[padams]

I'm approaching your question as a fellow business owner. I gave an employee $500 for his wedding last year because I like the employee and want to keep him happy. How much do you value this instructor?

As for your adult children attending the wedding, I think they should do their own gifts.

When I think back to my wedding gifts, the most special gifts were the ones where the giver had clearly spent time picking something special for me. Cost wasn't an issue. Cash was, of course, a welcome gift but items had more meaning.

Could you help you adult children select gfits that may not cost a lot but would be something your instructor would really like to have?

I'm not a fan of the idea that as a guest, you have to give back what the wedding costs.

 

[disneyjunkie]

The venue doesn't matter to me. I give between 100-250.

 

[Polyluvr]

Exactly, exactly, exactly. It's always been that way here. It's always been odd (even 20 years ago) to see a "gift" at a wedding. Just envelopes.

I'm from NY also and we also always cover our plate~ $100 per adult is right.

If someone had come to my wedding and tried to leave a "shower"gift ~ as in ie toaster I would have been peeved

We spent almost 28,000 on our reception 11 years ago; and we recouped all of it

And we had a top shelf open bar~ I HATE cash bars; have a smaller wedding if you can't afford to give your guests free booze.

 

[allison443]

Since you all talk about "covering your plate" does that mean if a bride and groom can only afford a fire hall reception (or the like) that you'll only give them $40, but if they can afford the works, you then give them $500?

I don't use the term "cover your plate" but I know some people do.

I haven't been to a wedding in about two years, but I think the last one we gave $250. I don't care where they are having the wedding, whether they are paying for it or their parents are, how much they are paying for it, etc. I have been to lots of weddings and I do not change my gift based on the cost of the venue. Backyard reception/fire hall/american legion/expensive banquet hall all get the same from me.

That said, I think money is a great gift for a couple starting out together. We give "real" gifts at the shower, and that's where the couple gets all their china, crystal, small appliances, household items, linens, etc.

 

[allison443]

I wanted to add to the OP, I would give separate gifts: one from you and your DH, whatever you would normally give at a wedding. Then since your dds are friends with the bride, they really should do their own gift and not just "tag along" on their parents gift, kwim? They are in college, right? So they could come up with something more personal that wouldn't cost them as much.

 

[krcit]

Since you all talk about "covering your plate" does that mean if a bride and groom can only afford a fire hall reception (or the like) that you'll only give them $40, but if they can afford the works, you then give them $500?

I didn't really see anyone say that they 'cover their plate' just that here in the Northeast, people give cash/checks in large amounts. I don't 'cover my plate'. I posted in a previous post that I would give the same for a backyard wedding as I would for a fancy catered affair. It's just the norm here just like in other areas the norm is to give actual wedding gifts. My Dh and I had a medium fancy wedding, lol. We saved and had a awedding that we could afford and we paid it in full on our wedding day. The generous gifts we recieved helped is buy our home

 

[bellebud]

Since you all talk about "covering your plate" does that mean if a bride and groom can only afford a fire hall reception (or the like) that you'll only give them $40, but if they can afford the works, you then give them $500?

sort of, but not...

all the weddings we've attended have been fairly local, so the gifts were all the same amount, no matter where they were held (about $100 I'd say - this is 15 - 20 years ago). Most of the wedding places were $25 - $35 a plate at that time, so we covered our plates and a little extra. We didn't have any "money" back then either, and neither did any of our friends, but it was just the common amount.

One wedding we attended was in a more upscale area, valet parking (had never been to a wedding w/ that), and we just knew it cost tons more than the local weddings we had been to. We gave $250 for that wedding (it was a close friend of ours too). And I do think the groom mentioned to my dh a few years later, in a related conversation, how it was $100 per plate at his wedding). So I'm glad we gave $250.

I haven't been to a wedding in a long time, so I'd have to kind of ask around for current prices, but I don't think $100 per adult is outrageous.