How much to give for a wedding gift for family of 5 attending

[Disneylover79]

If you want to give $500 then give me your address and I will send you can invite to my wedding next weekend!!! JK!!

I think $500 is more then enough...especially for a non family member (unless you feel as though this person is close to family)

 

[NikitaZee]

Very curious as to why being from NY means give more money or 'cover your plate'? Another New Yorker here - Long Island actually, until very recently - and I never went by those guidelines. Give what you're comfortable giving - and what you can afford to give (cash or gift) - and don't worry about covering the cost of the bride and groom's reception.

 

[kirstenb1]

I'm from NY also and we also always cover our plate~ $100 per adult is right.

If someone had come to my wedding and tried to leave a "shower"gift ~ as in ie toaster I would have been peeved

We spent almost 28,000 on our reception 11 years ago; and we recouped all of it

And we had a top shelf open bar~ I HATE cash bars; have a smaller wedding if you can't afford to give your guests free booze.

Wow Good thing you recouped it. Most of us have to pay for our own weddings around here. We still do the registry china/crystal thing.

 

[msjprincess]

Wow Good thing you recouped it. Most of us have to pay for our own weddings around here. We still do the registry china/crystal thing.

People do that here too. Most people buy things off of the registry for the shower and give cash for the wedding.

 

[bellebud]

Even though cash is the norm for our area, some people simply cannot afford much, and that's fine.

There was a family of 5 who came to our wedding (relatives of dh's), and gave nothing, which was fine. They obviously couldn't afford it. We were happy they were there, that's all.

So even the 'cash is normal' group isn't saying it "has" to be cash, or even has to be anything. It's just the norm of what I've seen, and what we've always given.

 

[Kathi OD]

I guess I'm cheap. Close family and friends get $50 maybe $100. Anyone else gets $25-$40.

I look at a wedding as the coming together of two people who love each other and want to share their lives. I look at the reception as a party that the newly wedded couple are throwing to celebrated their union and are inviting friends and family to celebrate with them. It's their choice how much or how little they want to spend on said celebration. If I have to give the couple a large enough monetary gift to cover my "cost" then they might as well just sell tickets to their event.

This is exactly how I feel.

Very curious as to why being from NY means give more money or 'cover your plate'? Another New Yorker here - Long Island actually, until very recently - and I never went by those guidelines. Give what you're comfortable giving - and what you can afford to give (cash or gift) - and don't worry about covering the cost of the bride and groom's reception.

I live in NJ. I never worry about what the bride & groom (or their parents) paid for the wedding. I simply give what I can afford. If I had to keep up with the Joneses, I'd never attend a wedding. There's no way I'm going to bust my budget because someone expects me to give a gift of a certain dollar figure.

 

[lucyanna girl]

Things are very different in our part of the country.

Most people don't even give a wedding gift. They have usually been to a shower (or two or three).

People have weddings based on what they can afford to spend. They would never expect to recoup it from their guests.

Different strokes for different folks.

Penny

 

[AKL_Megs]

DH and I give a nice card with a check for $100. That is our "standard".

It's pretty standard here. Actually, we give in the HIGHER end, I would say "average" is $50.

At our wedding, our biggest gift was $500, and our smallest was $35. We were SHOCKED by the $500 checks.

 

[jrmasm]

I'm from NY also and we also always cover our plate~ $100 per adult is right.

If someone had come to my wedding and tried to leave a "shower"gift ~ as in ie toaster I would have been peeved
We spent almost 28,000 on our reception 11 years ago; and we recouped all of it

And we had a top shelf open bar~ I HATE cash bars; have a smaller wedding if you can't afford to give your guests free booze.

Wow, that's not spoiled.

And can we quit saying it's the NE? It's NY/NJ not the entuire NE. Thanksverymuch!

 

[ilovejack02]

Things are very different in our part of the country.

Most people don't even give a wedding gift. They have usually been to a shower (or two or three).

People have weddings based on what they can afford to spend. They would never expect to recoup it from their guests.

Different strokes for different folks.

Penny

Whew , aren't we glad it is like that here???!!

If I attend a shower or two, what I bring to the shower is what you get .
The closer the family or friend the more I spend. I spent 150.00 on my brother in law and new wife. Might have spent more, but two tuxedos , hotel room etc, kept my gift budget on the smaller side.

Normally I spend 50.00 on a present.

 

[bethbuchall]

Wow, that's not spoiled.

And can we quit saying it's the NE? It's NY/NJ not the entuire NE. Thanksverymuch!

It's not all of NY state either.

 

[babyrich]

I work with a man who is from NJ, he married a girl from Minnesota. They had two weddings and two receptions to accomodate both families. He said in Minnesota, the reception was in the basement of the church and the memebers of the church and her family made the food and cake and people brought gifts or just a pot of food and themselves.

In NJ the reception was at a hall and it was catered. They received only checks, no "gifts".

Neither way is right or wrong, he said both receptions were wonderful. Its just different.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

This is the sentiment where I come from. It's actually considered rude to give money. Almost like calling they bride and groom poor.

What would you give in lieu of money for a wedding gift and what would you give as a bridal shower gift?

So, if a couple invites 300 people to a wedding in your neck of the woods, does that mean she can look forward to receiving 300 chotchkies for wedding gifts?

Seriously, what do you do with all of the junk you would get from people and where in heavens name would you put it all? Or do you expect the bride to have to return most of it to the store?

Here in New Jersey, appliances (small and large depending on who is giving it), linens, china, silver, etc, is given for a bridal shower gift. CASH is given by us *rude* folks for a wedding present.

What would you rather receive as a wedding gift -- a nice big fat check or another crock pot?

 

[lucyanna girl]

Whew , aren't we glad it is like that here???!!

If I attend a shower or two, what I bring to the shower is what you get .
The closer the family or friend the more I spend. I spent 150.00 on my brother in law and new wife. Might have spent more, but two tuxedos , hotel room etc, kept my gift budget on the smaller side.

Normally I spend 50.00 on a present.

Oh yes, I am glad!

This thread makes me wonder about some of our other customs. For instance, Are we Southerners the only ones who take food to the family when a loved one dies?

Penny

 

[ilovejack02]

What would you give in lieu of money for a wedding gift and what would you give as a bridal shower gift?

So, if a couple invites 300 people to a wedding in your neck of the woods, does that mean she can look forward to receiving 300 chotchkies for wedding gifts?

Seriously, what do you do with all of the junk you would get from people and where in heavens name would you put it all? Or do you expect the bride to have to return most of it to the store?

Here in New Jersey, appliances (small and large depending on who is giving it), linens, china, silver, etc, is given for a bridal shower gift. CASH is given by us *rude* folks for a wedding present.

What would you rather receive as a wedding gift -- a nice big fat check or another crock pot?

Actually setting up a house, I want what I registered on my registry, crock pot might be on it. Yes money is great, but that isn't what is done here in the South for the most part. Do those that want the money to equal the cost of guest plate , end up paying off credit cards they ran up to pay for the wedding up front ? If that is how it works, then they really aren't keeping the money .

Large amounts of cash if given here are usually given by parents or perhaps Godparents.

Wedding gifts are the high end china , crystal and silver we register. Shower gifts are towels, sheets, spatulas , shower curtains , pot and pans ,mainly housewares.

AustinTink didn't call you rude, she said her area considers it rude, if that is how your area does it, then so be it. We would be the rude ones if we attended a wedding there and didn't pay for our plate I guess lol : ).

 

[kirstenb1]

Actually setting up a house, I want what I registered on my registry, crock pot might be on it. Yes money is great, but that isn't what is done here in the South for the most part. Do those that want the money to equal the cost of guest plate , end up paying off credit cards they ran up to pay for the wedding up front ? If that is how it works, then they really aren't keeping the money .

Large amounts of cash if given here are usually given by parents or perhaps Godparents.

Wedding gifts are the high end china , crystal and silver we register. Shower gifts are towels, sheets, spatulas , shower curtains , pot and pans ,mainly housewares.

AustinTink didn't call you rude, she said her area considers it rude, if that is how your area does it, then so be it. We would be the rude ones if we attended a wedding there and didn't pay for our plate I guess lol : ).

Great points. It is like that here in Richmond. We registered for fine china/crystal/silverware, and corresponding everyday serveware. I have given $200 place settings, and at the other end of the range, $50 stems of crystal. It really just depends how close I am to the bridal couple. We don't bring gifts to the reception; we order from the registry a month or so before the wedding, and have the gifts delivered.

The only time I ever gave cash was to my youngest brother. He and his bride had to pay for their own wedding, and really couldn't afford it. I knew he needed cash. Anyone else, as AustinTink stated...well it would be insulting, implying the bride and groom were too poor to pay for their wedding.


BTW, sadly enough our reception wasn't in the church basement, and I don't think we even served pastel mints!

 

[Lucky'sMom]

Oh yes, I am glad!

This thread makes me wonder about some of our other customs. For instance, Are we Southerners the only ones who take food to the family when a loved one dies?

Penny

No, you're not the only ones. We take food to families who have a death and also to those who have a baby.

This thread has my mind spinning. We are going to my neice's wedding in Newport, Rhode Island, in April. She invited all 7 of us (5 kids). I have no idea how much to give. Her sister got married about 2 years ago, and only invited DH and I (no kids). But we ended up not going, because my dad passed away the week before and my Mom needed help with things. Her wedding was in Richmond, Va. I think I only sent about $75-100. That's what we usually give here in Pa. I can't afford $100/per person! Ugh.

 

[kirstenb1]

Lucky's Mom, give whatever you are comfortable with, and don't give it another thought!

 

[allison443]

These threads always go down hill. You would think mobs of folks from the NE were forcing others to change the way they give gifts. None of us have ever said the rest of the country should follow our lead on this. Posters only say "I would give..." and they state why. I will never understand why some get so bent out of shape about this.

Yes, it feels strange when people act so horrified and shocked by what is a just a regional norm. Every area has different customs, I don't understand why people seems surprised that things are different in different areas.

 

[allison443]

Lucky's Mom, give whatever you are comfortable with, and don't give it another thought!

I completely agree, even though I am from the NY/NJ area. I think most people would agree on this.