How much should we worry about the feelings of other posters? Inspired by almacdonald

[Tigger&Belle]

By all means, state an opinion, or offer advice, but why the need to continue to mock the OP? T&B- I'm asking this in general, not specifically to you.

I guess the thing that ticks me off in that thread to a certain degree and in another one a day or two ago even more is the OP stating that they weren't going to return. In the one a day or two ago the poster, in the first post, complained about posters who aren't nice. Several of us posted about how there are some people who post who aren't nice, but how the majority of people are, etc, etc. The OP stated that he (I think it was a he) wasn't coming back to the thread, and maybe wasn't even going to lurk any more. Before long the thread was taken over, but in fairness the OP did say that he wasn't returning. After several pages he did return, but didn't say boo about the nice replies, only commented on the hijacking. I called him on that and he never did comment on it (that I saw). As far as I was concerned, he was simply and/or looking for trouble. I wasn't going to feel sorry for him.

When you're not talking about someone who is leaving a thread, though, it's a different story. And most people do NOT leave threads. Just because we have a couple of examples in the last couple of days doesn't mean that it's usual. As a matter of fact, at least on the threads that I read, I think it's not usual.

 

[luvflorida]

Just because we have a couple of examples in the last couple of days doesn't mean that it's usual. As a matter of fact, at least on the threads that I read, I think it's not usual.

I guess I've just seen it happen too much, and not just recently. I totally agree that it isn't the norm, though. Like I said, it just gives me a bad feeling. Maybe I'm the only one who sees what I'm talking about and I'm the one with issues!

 

[MAKmom]

Since the subject of venting has been brought up let me ask a question.

Do you think VENTING does more good or harm?

Disclaimer: I'm not sure what the correct answer is but I have been wondering how such a negative action can be good. I know some people feel you should not hold in your emotions.

I do think if you get to the point you need to VENT...the problem is you get to the point you need to vent.

I'm not saying I never vent...i'm just wondering about it. I do try to be a better person everyday so I think about this kind of thing.

 

[Dan Murphy]

.........luvflorida, in the case of almacdonald's thread, do you think it's bad that that thread was hijacked?....

Why the need to hijack ANY thread, so many threads? Seems like such a common occurrence here on this board the past several months.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I guess I've just seen it happen too much, and not just recently. I totally agree that it isn't the norm, though. Like I said, it just gives me a bad feeling. Maybe I'm the only one who sees what I'm talking about and I'm the one with issues!

I mean that we've had a couple people in the last couple of days post and then leave the threads. People have been making fun of posters for longer.

And of course you have issues. I have issues. We all have issues. It's why we keep coming back for more!


Hmm, is venting good or bad? I don't think that venting solves the problem, but sometimes a person just needs to talk a problem out. They don't expect it to be solved. Maybe there isn't a solution, just something that's bugging someone. Of course sometimes one problem is when a person should be doing something about a problem and they are venting when they really should be taking action. Of course it's hard for people to keep quiet then.

I don't think that venting itself is bad, depending on the circumstances.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Why the need to hijack ANY thread, so many threads? Seems like such a common occurrence here on this board the past several months.

True, I suppose. I didn't hijack THAT one, though. I was thinking about this tonight and figured out that I'm more of an off topic person instead of a hijacker. I think there is a difference.

I can't speak for the people who were posting on that thread when it began (I wasn't), but I got the impression that they were ticked and that's how they handled it. Maybe not the best way to have handled it and they should have let it die.

And Dan, you were on the other thread that I was referring to a day or two ago. Why didn't that poster respond to the positive comments from all the posters and only to the later negative comments? Again, that kind of thing frustrates people who take the time to answer the OP seriously, as I did. Answer what they ask and they ignore, but go off topic and they jump down your throat. What are they looking for?

 

[MAKmom]

And Dan, you were on the other thread that I was referring to a day or two ago. Why didn't that poster respond to the positive comments from all the posters and only to the later negative comments? Again, that kind of thing frustrates people who take the time to answer the OP seriously, as I did. Answer what they ask and they ignore, but go off topic and they jump down your throat. What are they looking for?

I was on it too but the OP went away so I did not go back after checkinging a few times. I did not see it turn bad.

 

[poohandwendy]

And a person does have to look at the person's intent. It honestly has NEVER occured to me that it might hurt someone to see a picture of my kitten soon after losing their pet. I know that I posted to PAW when her cat was sick and died and I would be so bothered if I found out that my posting upset her (or someone else, just using her as an example). Now that I know, I'll see if there is a way to turn it off in one post and I will consider doing so, but I'm not turning it off for everyone because it could offend someone.

Not only did your cat picture not bother me when you posted thoughts for me and Tucker, but honestly...it made me happy to see it. If you had turned your siggie off, it wouldhave made me uncomfortable. Like you had to present a different 'you' ...a you that felt uncomfortable with me, because of the circumstances. That is the last thing I would ever want.

IMO, most people who post threads where they have lost a loved one, miscarried a child, lost a pet....they have loved deeply and I think they can appreciate that others love too. That is a common bond we all share, sometimes the only one we share.

I also think that what sometimes makes the poster more than just a 'screenname' is the family pictures, the funny quotes, the avatars, the characters....all of that personalizes the person behind the name. To purposely turn that off is almost, IMHO, like taking to someone and not looking them in the eye.

So, in my opinion...I think more people would be offended if they started noticing siggies being turned off than there would be people who are offended by seeing peoples siggies. It would be like walking in a room and everyone suddenly stops talking.

JMHO, as always

 

[Curious]

"How much should we worry...?" Don't.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Oh--and please do not post pics of reusable mugs, crock pots you used in your room, or how you asked for an extra bun and split a hamburger with the brass section of the band you are chaperoning on their first ever trip to Disney World.


Everyone knows there are less expensive ways to do Disney. So stop bragging about how much money you have when you do all that stuff .

 

[Magickndm]

Whoa...hold on. This is beyone hijacking. You left my thread to start your own? Talk about other's feelings.



Yes, I'm just kidding.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Since the subject of venting has been brought up let me ask a question.

Do you think VENTING does more good or harm?

Disclaimer: I'm not sure what the correct answer is but I have been wondering how such a negative action can be good. I know some people feel you should not hold in your emotions.

I do think if you get to the point you need to VENT...the problem is you get to the point you need to vent.

I'm not saying I never vent...i'm just wondering about it. I do try to be a better person everyday so I think about this kind of thing.

two edged sword---there is venting....and then there is whining, moaning and groaning about petit stuff.


When you make a mountain out of a molehill--it tends to be a bad thing.

But if you admit you are venting (as is a human thing to do when the chips are down)--then people will want to commiserate.


Oprah Venting that a store was closed = WHINING!

Mom venting that dad forgot to pick up milk and then the store was closed and how could he not get it = VENTING!

how you are perceived makes all the difference.


I don't vent much as I do not want to be perceived as whining--even though quite possibly...my venting may be valid.

 

[poohandwendy]

Another thought...I am still on the original topic, LOL...

Where is the line drawn? I mean, is someone loses their husband or he walks out on them or something (God forbid), should people not post an other threads regarding happy things about their husband? Or when I lost my cat, should other people not have started threads stating they got a new kitten or funny things their cat did?

I would hate this place to become that plastic, to be honest.

This reminds me of Disney Dolls siggie...something about preparing your child for the world instead of trying to make the world perfect for your child (I know that is not how it goes, my apologies for hacking it up)

 

[poohandwendy]

LOL, after reading a few pages, I realize my thoughts are more than a few pages off....I gotta keep up! Sorry, LOL

 

[tiggersmom2]

 

[cats mom]

Another thought...I am still on the original topic, LOL...

Where is the line drawn? I mean, is someone loses their husband or he walks out on them or something (God forbid), should people not post an other threads regarding happy things about their husband? Or when I lost my cat, should other people not have started threads stating they got a new kitten or funny things their cat did?

I would hate this place to become that plastic, to be honest.

This reminds me of Disney Dolls siggie...something about preparing your child for the world instead of trying to make the world perfect for your child (I know that is not how it goes, my apologies for hacking it up)

I'm with you and I'm being REALLY self-serving and quoting my own previous post because I think we're saying basically the same thing... and not one person even acknowledged my looong, drawn out thoughts and THAT makes ME feel bad.

I still remember someone getting ripped to shreds because they posted a gripe about some mundane thing happening in their life.

Hello, pretty regular occurance here.

Only thing was it was not long after a major disaster (I think it was either the Tsunami or Hurricane Katrina)

Anyway, people went nuts and ranted about how insensitive the OP was and how could they possibly complain about their minor little problem when so many were in such misery.

Never quite understood that one. True, a lot of folks were dealing with some really serious tragedy, and all at the same time - but I'm sure plenty of Dis-ers deal with personal tragedies - they just don't share every detail online.

I'd think it would be pretty hard to be sensitive to every issue out there all the time.

 

[poohandwendy]

LOL, just for the record, I didn't read any of the replies when I posted mine..so all of the other poeple were ignoring you, I am here for you! LOL {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Tigger&Belle]

LOL Cats mom...I think the train had wrecked by the time you posted yours and we were in the middle of the clean up.

Wendy, glad to get your perspective as someone who has "been there" not long ago. The reality is that we can't expect the world to stop while we handle our crisis. Trust me, when I was having 3 miscarriages in a row I wanted everything to just stop, but the reality was that my older kids still had school to get ready for, home work to do, scouts and sports games to go to, etc, etc. The world did stop while I had my pity party. Yes, I was lucky enough to have my "one more baby" after that heartache and I realize that many people never even have that first baby or some people are dealing with losing a child--I'm not comparing heartache--that's impossible to do. But if everyone else is experiencing pain and heartache, it doesn't make our pain go away. Just makes for more miserable people. Seeing happy people gives us hope that we may have that happiness. I'm sure that people could give me a bunch of situations when that doesn't apply, but others could give examples of when it does apply.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Whoa...hold on. This is beyone hijacking. You left my thread to start your own? Talk about other's feelings.



Yes, I'm just kidding.

I warned you on your thread...I was in a mood yesterday. I think that I've chilled today and it's just a regular PMS kind of mood today. Thankfully I don't get those other moods often--welcome to the change of life. Thankfully my family loves me.

 

[Stitchfans]

Im offended that your offended.....

well I'm offended that your offended cause I'm more offended.