How much do you give for a wedding present these days?

[NotUrsula]

Personally, I would have called her on it, perhaps jokingly, but I still would have pointed out that you had given her that platter as a wedding gift.

It's fine to recycle gifts, but not to throw the gift back in the giver's face, however inadvertently.

 

[msklcassidy]

While some in St. Louis do have mostacolli (I'm not even sure how to spell it)...it is certainly not at all weddings...I think my mother would have keeled over dead if I even suggested serving it at mine (which I wouldn't 'cause I can't stand the stuff!)...but I will admit to having toasted ravoli as one of the appetizers on a tray!

Sorry this thread hasn't helped...but I think we all have learned alot about other traditions!

 

[Tiffer]

"I thought $200 was enough but our other friends think $250 might be more appropriate."

/picking bottom jaw up off the floor
//gives "best friends" $50, others $30

OMG. What is the cost of living in OH?? From NY, upstate-ish, South of Albany, North of the Bronx...We use the rule of thumb to make sure your gift at least covers your plate. I don't know of ANY weddings, other than at the VFW or the like that cost less than $69 per head with no frills.

I usually give $100-$125 per/person attending (not a child) unless I know them well or am reciprocating a generous gift.

Just gave $300 to BFF's daughter's Batmitzvah and only DH attened, but it was fancy..caviar bar and all.

 

[Tiffer]

WOW! This whole thread just amazes me.

I believe there is no right or wrong answer here. It all depends on where you live, what you can afford and the circle of "friends/family", etc. It seems to vary so much throughout the country.

Not that my opinion matters, but I was married 2 years ago. The average gift was $25-$50. Anything over $50 we were pretty excited about. Had we gotten those $250 gifts we would have felt rich!!!

What one might consider tacky - to others it is the norm. Like I said, I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer or a right or wrong way to do things. It certainly is interesting to read about it though!!!

But is it customary for a guest to cover the cost of their head?

 

[JJClemson]

What an interesting thread! I have to show this to my FMIL! DF's family is from OH and SC, and my family is from central NJ. Since we are getting married at WDW, DF's mom asked me how people are going to bring the gifts ther. I asked her why people would bring gifts to a wedding, don't they just usually give cash? She said something about the registry. I explained to her how I expected to receive most registry gifts at the shower. Oh my goodness! She flipped out on me, and told DF this is not normal and that something is "wrong" with my family.

It is very interesting how different things are around the US. We cannot say anyone is "wrong", "cheap" or even "crazy". Everything is just different in different places and I think we need to respect that.

 

[NotUrsula]

Actually, the mostacciolli thing is mostly a joke, unless you are getting married on the Hill, in which case it's on every restaurant's standard catering menu. (For those who live elsewhere, mostacciolli is defined as penne pasta baked in a red meat sauce. ) As I lived on the South Side at the time, I got teased about the lack of it. I didn't know about the South Side tradition, but if I had I would not have served it; the food was not Italian.

I had two weddings days apart (long story having to do w/ marriage license laws), with one of them in St. Louis. It was really only a small cocktail party after a civil ceremony, and I made all the food myself; most of it seafood. We held that party at UMSL's Alumni House, and just hired servers instead of a caterer. No one showed up with gifts in hand, but then no one except family knew that they were attending an actual wedding; we chose to word the invitations as "a reception honoring the marriage of ...". However, our judge was very late, so most of the people who came did get to see the civil ceremony.

Oh, btw, for the person wondering about the gift for the wedding where the bride has been married before (traditionally, a "first marriage" is only counted for the bride in terms of the symbolism and the setting up of a household). In a case like that where the couple is older and affluent, I would give a symbolic type of gift; one that took some effort but was not a typical household thing. I like to do some digging for such occasions, to find something that will be meaningful to them: antiques, memorabilia, first editions of poetry or photography books -- things like that.

 

[icydog]

I just celebrated 10 years of marriage. My whole wedding (including my dress) was less than $4,000. That was a wedding for 250 guests. My meal cost was $3.00 per plate. That is considered normal here. My DH brother is getting married tomorrow and the cost per plate is $3.50. And these prices aren't for a skimpy little reception. Granted it's buffet style and you have to line up to get it, but we eat with silverware and table linens. I would seriously be eloping if I lived anywhere else. $30,000 for a wedding is ridiculous! And, $50 is a great wedding gift here. $30 - $40 is the norm.

$30,000 for a wedding is impossible!!!! Try over $100,000 for a shindig in a catering restaruant, or synagogue, with open bar, valet service, cocktail hour, dessert buffet, favors, limos, three different types of photograpers, 7 piece band, lead singer, cake and miscellaneous like the hired care for your aging parents who want to attend the weddding of their granddaughter.

 

[JenLoy]

I'm from the Midwest and it is considered completely normal to bring gifts to the reception. Cards and $$ work just fine too! I have been to 4 weddings this year alone and all had gift tables that were overflowing. I guess regions do things a little differently from one another.

I was married in 2002. Had the hall, music, bar service, videographer, photographer, the whole bit. Final wedding cost was less than 15K and that included dinner for 270 folks at $13 a plate. Marjority of the monetary gifts ranged between $25-$50. There were a few $100 gifts but only from our very closest friends and family.

I can't believe the things I've read on this thread and now I'm wishing we had a destination wedding in NJ lol

 

[gillenkl]

Some places in the northeast may give $200, however, in my circle we give $50 - which is considered an acceptable and gracious gift.

 

[Gillian]

$30,000 for a wedding is impossible!!!! Try over $100,000 for a shindig in a catering restaruant, or synagogue, with open bar, valet service, cocktail hour, dessert buffet, favors, limos, three different types of photograpers, 7 piece band, lead singer, cake and miscellaneous like the hired care for your aging parents who want to attend the weddding of their granddaughter.

What a waste of money for people who really do spend this much.

Even if you have money to burn, it's still crazy.

I agree with the poster who said that they give what they want/can because no one consulted them on the wedding budget.

If you are able to give $200-300, that's wonderful and generous. For those who can't, I hope the happy couple will understand and enjoy your company regardless of the size of your check (or the size of the wrapped gift that your brought to the reception).

 

[magicmato]

Oh good god! $100,000 on a wedding????!!!!???!!?

I have to say that the fact people spend that much on their wedding makes me sick. If they are billionaires and have all the money in the world, then I guess that is ok, but if you are going into severe debt, then why in the world would you do that??? And then to get snotty when people do not "pay for their plate" is insane too! They never asked you to go into debt to have your wedding. Hell, most would be happy with a modest party to celebrate your wedding. If they demand that you throw them this huge party, maybe they are not worth inviting?

Why would you spend that much for a wedding when you could invest that money in a HOUSE!???!?

Gosh, I wish I had that much money to burn, lol.

 

[NotUrsula]

You know, the more I think about this, I'm wondering if the "cover your plate" nonsense (which sure sounds to me like a marketing gimmick dreamed up by a caterer, much as the "3 mos. salary for your engagement ring" thing was dreamed up by DeBeers) might actually be a major factor driving the inflation of wedding expenses nationwide.

The big bridal mags are all published out of N.Y., by people who presumably are accustomed to the idea of large cash wedding gifts. It stands to reason that one *can* afford to splurge if there is a reasonable certainty that ones wedding gifts will largely cover the cost of the party. But people who live in the "gifts in a box" parts of the country read the mags, believe the "average", copy the style -- and end up in crushing debt. Judging by the responses here, never knowing that their sisters in the NYC area are getting a large part of the reception cost financed by the guests. Food for thought.

 

[icydog]

You know, the more I think about this, I'm wondering if the "cover your plate" nonsense (which sure sounds to me like a marketing gimmick dreamed up by a caterer, much as the "3 mos. salary for your engagement ring" thing was dreamed up by DeBeers) might actually be a major factor driving the inflation of wedding expenses nationwide.

The big bridal mags are all published out of N.Y., by people who presumably are accustomed to the idea of large cash wedding gifts. It stands to reason that one *can* afford to splurge if there is a reasonable certainty that ones wedding gifts will largely cover the cost of the party. But people who live in the "gifts in a box" parts of the country read the mags, believe the "average", copy the style -- and end up in crushing debt. Judging by the responses here, never knowing that their sisters in the NYC area are getting a large part of the reception cost financed by the guests. Food for thought.

Never thought of that way but yes you have a good point. I've known of wedding couples sitting in the corner counting their presents so they could pay off the band and tip the servers. Usually the affair is completely paid for by the wedding date, so I doubt there is an instance where they have to pay for their wedding from the envelopes they receive, but you never know.

We know a family very well where the Mother got remarried. She borrowed the money from her daughter's family figuring she would get it back in gifts and pay them back. Well of course, that never happened and she still owes that money to her daughter and the daughter borrowed it for a short term loan from her IRA account. I thought this whole thing was ridiculous. If the mother couldn't afford the wedding she wanted by herself she should have had the family over for dinner and been done with it. Putting two families in debt to pay for a wedding for 50 somethings is insane and uncalled for IMHO.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Thank you DMRick and everyone in the NJ area that have politely explained the culture of many of us in our area.(note please I did not say every single one of us ) Some people are not reading the posts and continue to close-mindedly blast this area or use backhanded aggressiveness to make their points.

All the weddings I've been to in this area , I have not seen gifts given. It's the custom of where I live. No one is demanding gifts to be a certain amount, no one even requires you to give any gift.

Also, I feel bad for couples getting married today. It's a huge business in NJ and I don't know anyone that can find a place that is under a certain amount of money. Even the couples that have rented out firehouses and do the catering route,etc, have found it is not much more affordable that way either. It is just a huge business that here in NJ, we can't get affordable prices.

It's funny to see the nasty, close minded responses to this by some of the Dis posters. It just seems that everyone else needs to accept the way a southern wedding is done, but it's ok to heavily judge someone from another area.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Didn't realize it was considered "nasty" to have an opinion. Some of the statements seemed to impy that it would be considered rude if you did not do XYZ.

I really didn't see anyone being nasty and if you think someone is being that way--that is what the report a post button is for.

I did think the civil war has concluded..maybe not so in the wedding world?

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Didn't realize it was considered "nasty" to have an opinion.

Where on earth did you get that it's nasty to have an opinion? That makes absolutely no sense, and shows that you have not read the post.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Where on earth did you get that it's nasty to have an opinion? That makes absolutely no sense, and shows that you have not read the post.

ACtually I have read the whole thread thank you and you have just shown that you know how to personally attack another poster.

I have seen exchanges of ideas and some flabbergasted at the pay for you plate idea. We are all expressing opinions. Nastiness is something I see on political debates on the CB...but mostly everyone has been civil here.

I'm sorry that my post makes absolutley no sense to you. But you said that people were being nasty and I disagreed. If I can't read a post--perhaps you should take better care in your word usage.

Quotes from your post:

Some people are not reading the posts and continue to close-mindedly blast this area or use backhanded aggressiveness to make their points.


It's funny to see the nasty, close minded responses to this by some of the Dis posters. It just seems that everyone else needs to accept the way a southern wedding is done, but it's ok to heavily judge someone from another area.

 

[Goobergal99]

ACtually I have read the whole thread thank you and you have just shown that you know how to personally attack another poster.

Who exactly did she personally attack because I didn't catch it

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Who exactly did she personally attack because I didn't catch it

Me.

But it really doesn't matter.

Got one yesterday too from someone else--I guess it is just my turn.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

How much to give? just sign over your savings account!