How much do you give for a wedding present these days?

[icydog]

We are going to my friend's daughter's wedding this afternoon. She is having it in a Jewish Synagogue in NJ. I thought $200 was enough but our other friends think $250 might be more appropriate. I have no idea what is right since I haven't been to a wedding in a long time. Even though this is an afternoon affair it will be the whole nine yards, with cocktail hour, sit down dinner and a band. i am wearing a long dress and my husband will be in his best suit. I don't really know the daughter at all, I've only met her twice, but my friend is a old friend from childhood days. I just reconnected with her after 40 years and it is as if we never stopped talking. We travel together, but since we've gotten back together after all our kids were grown, I don't know her kids. I do love this friend dearly and don't want to insult her by being chintzy with her daughter.

 

[Goobergal99]

I am going to start by saying that your answers will greatly vary because it differs depending on the region you live in, culture etc....

For me, ppl swore up and down that despite not registering (as DH and I already lived together, were rasing a child etc...) I would still receive gifts. I can honestly say that we did not receive one wrapped gift at our wedding, we did have alot of money in cash gifts though

Now we also had a top shelf open bar for the entire reception and considerably expensive entertainment, however considering that I am in Philly and you are over in Jersey I would say that we are in the same region and therefore $200 is more then enough IMO.

I think the majority of our cards were for $100-$150 per couple. I had family from Sicily however that gave us $5000 which is why we ended up with so much in the end. I usually give between 100-200 depending on my relationship with the couple, however you stated that your relationship was with her mom more so then her so I think your ammount is fine.

 

[DMRick]

Here you go..six pages of opinions:

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1218682

 

[icydog]

Here you go..six pages of opinions:

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1218682

I did look at this thread and responded to a post to give $25-$50 to a friend's daughter. I couldn't believe it ----but I digress.

We went to the wedding. Not only did they have an outrageous cocktail hour with everything from fillet mignon to cavier to practically anything you could imagine, but they had a lovely dinner with an open bar and waiters and waitress who would bring you all the top shelve drinks you wanted. The liquor NEVER stopped and the servers were fantastic and plentiful. There must have been fifty servers for 200 people.

Our friends sat us at the head table with their family, brother and sister and themselves. We were actually shocked and surprised and amazed all at once when we found this out. We figured we would be in the back somewhere by ourselves. We had originally written a check for $200 but we decided not to give that check feeling that it was too little. So my husband went out to the car and wrote the kids a check for $300. Thinking about it we were so touched they thought enough of us to seat us with them, and their closest family. Plus, we knew the price of the wedding had to be close to what we gave to their daughter.


****Pls end this thread ----the wedding is over and we had a great time.****

 

[mickeyfan2]

We just attended a friend's daughter's wedding in July. It was an afternoon even with cash bar and a brunch buffet. It was a semi-casual event (some even came in shorts). We gave $200.


ETA: I see you had a great time.

 

[hollyb]

Here in NJ everything is higher even presents. I would say $200-$250 is fine. Imagine how much it would be if you knew the girl and her soon to be DH. At least double!

 

[mhaley]

A Jewish wedding in NJ is a big event. At least $300 is appropriate. When we go to a Bar Mitzva (sp?) we give at least $200-250.

 

[diesel]

Just went to a wedding over the weekend for a friend/co-worker of my husbands. We gave $300.

 

[Took]

Please remember that a wedding gift should be given in proportion to one's income and (perhaps) one's relationship to the bride/groom, not in relationship to the money spent on the wedding. One is not "paying" for the entertainment but expressing good wishes to the couple. Every good etiquette manual will support this.

took

 

[chorlick]

Man, we've given 50 the last two we went to and that was considered generous. I guess things ARE more laid back here in the south!

 

[dodukes]

To me about $100 is all I can afford and give, more than that and I just cant pay bills. I am glad you had a great time tho and everythign was great, i am sure that she will really aprreciate the money later on!!!

 

[corndog]

"I thought $200 was enough but our other friends think $250 might be more appropriate."

/picking bottom jaw up off the floor
//gives "best friends" $50, others $30

 

[blessedby3]

Holy Cow- maybe I need to rethink things and have a second wedding! In my little area of the world $25-$50 is a nice wedding gift. I would give a $25-$50 gift card or cash for a wedding present. I didnt know that you had to pay someone to go to their wedding. That is what it is making it sound like because people are posting what they ate/drank at a wedding. I thought wedding couples just paid for what services they wanted and the guests attended. I would not be attending any weddings if I felt like I had to pay that amount of money for going.

 

[nannon16]

I live in central NJ and just got married in May. In the northeast it is "normal" to get a gift in the $200-$250 area. I know this is something common just to this region though, from talking to friends who are origionally from out of state, I know gifts like that sound outrageous, and in a lot of areas it's weird to give a monetary gift and most tend to buy off the registry (in the northeast the registry is meant for shower gifts!). Our gifts ranged from $65 to up to $500 from a few generous relatives. But we know our friends and family...obviously we were thrilled with those who were generous and gave the higher amounts, but we also understood those that gave on the lower end. We knew they couldn't afford more than that and were grateful they could give us what they did. We were happy just to have everyone spend our special day with us - we certainly didn't want anyone to have any financial stress over a wedding gift! Unfortunetly weddings just go along with the rest of the mentality in this area...bigger is always better. That mentality is just one of the many reasons I keep giving my husband as to why I would love to relocate to FL

 

[englishteacha]

Maybe in some parts of the northeast $200 gifts are "normal-" but here in Maine....a $50 gift is considered very generous!! Most of us register at Walmart or Target, a few at Bed Bath and Beyond or Linen's and Things... Most weddings around here you get wrapped presents and a few cash gifts. Of course, most weddings I attend are held in local churches with receptions at American Legion halls or backyards and so forth, or at a local restaurant.

 

[granmanh603]

In the Northeast things are different. We are going to nieces wedding in NYC and on top of gift/cash, have to spend 350+ a night for hotel. And as stated above the gift registry at Bloomingdales and Crate and Barrel is for shower gifts. Different area in the country are different range but NYC NJ that range is about right.

 

[dsnymomadopt2china]

I just helped with a niece's reception in Scottsbluff, NE. She was given primarily wrapped kitchen gifts. But the gift cards were for $20, 30 and the most was $40. I was shocked because the going rate when I got married was $50 almost 20 years ago!! I would say for a full blown wedding here in Denver it would also be $250, but for more casual it would primarily be $100.

 

[dizcrazy]

OP, you did EXACTLY what I would have done. I also live in jersey and I would have given $200 but would have reconsidered after being seated at their table (an honor) and written out a new check for $300.

Glad you had such a nice time.

 

[hezreck]

"I thought $200 was enough but our other friends think $250 might be more appropriate."

/picking bottom jaw up off the floor
//gives "best friends" $50, others $30

WEll, that's another good reason to live in Ohio!! We give family and good friends $50 and others $30 also. I don't even spend $200 on my own DD birthdays!!! That is outrageous!

 

[icydog]

It just is the norm here in NJ to give more I guess. I wouldn't consider anything less than $200 to be appropriate.We have a wedding on Saturday in Maryland. Is the present situation there the same as in Central NJ?

As I said, we ended up giving $300 since the bride's parents thought enough of us to seat us at the head table. As the last poster said, that was a great honor.


Luckily I can still eat and vacation after giving this gift. We are blessed I know. There was a time when it was just me and my kids and things were very different, so I can appreciate both sides.

Yes, everything is expensive here but gas is still cheaper and they still pump it for us. In fact it is against the law to pump our own gas and I haven't got a clue how to do it myself.