How many of us are gay parents here?

[TinkerChelle]

Hey I am returning after a very long abscense on this specific forum. The community on this specific board seems to have grown.
Anyway, how many of us on here are gay parents. I am just curious! We have 2 dogs and 4 cats and have been trying for a human baby for many years. Found out in November that it I have too much scar tissue blocking my fallopian tubes and surgery cannot fix it. So, after $5,000 later we are in the adoption process now. Also, my partner has decided to try to get pregnant. If she succeeds and we get pregnant, it will be crazy seeing my butchie preggers Just curious about everyone's experiences.
Here we are on our wedding day. I have since lost 185 pounds.

See what I mean about my little butchie? (she would kill me if she knew I called her "little." She prides herself on her strength) Time will tell.....I hope she gets pregnant.
On a Disney side note here is a pic of our wedding cake. Our wedding was, of course, Disney themed!

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

No kids for us. Corey doesn't want any. I used to really want to have a child, but I was always in the wrong relationship. Ex #1 needed to grow up a lot and was a somewhat poorly controlled epileptic. Ex #2 needed lots of therapy, had a history of heroin use and jail time. Corey would make a great mother, well, more like a father than a mother, but she would make a great parent, but just doesn't want to be one. I am now 40 and I like my sleep. I also like my freedom, even though our pets seem more like balls and chains than I would like for them to sometimes. For us, children are more work than what our lives allow for. Corey has not one maternal atom in her body and add to that the fact that she travels 3 or 4 weeks out of the month and you end up with no kids.

There was a time when it bothered me very deeply that I was never going to be a mother. I cried many tears over it. I still get a little verclempt over the point, but I know that the romantic notion of being a mother is far from the daily reality of the work that it takes to do the JOB right and parent a child into a decent, civilized adult human being. Too many people treat having kids like they are going to have another pet or worse, a new best friend.

So, I guess you can firmly count us as a no kids couple. 3 cats and 3 dogs is enough to worry about.

 

[TinkerChelle]

Thanks so much for sharing. Kids are a big decision and it certainly isn't for everyone. Living a full joyful life is what is important. I just have always had a huge maternal instinct. I have known I always wanted to be a mother. Luckily, I fell in love with a woman who agrees and feels the same way.

Off topic-I love your tag under your screen name-I totally laughed out loud! Pumba rocks!

 

[paigevz]

I recently came to terms with who I am, and so had already had two children with my husband. My main issue is trying to explain to my kids why "gay" and (a derogatory term for a gay man) are not insults, nor are they appropriately used when you dislike something. My older one was called the derogatory word, and the younger got mad once and said his books were "so gay"......no doubt picked up from classmates. Oh, and in trying to combat some of the thinking.....my younger was told by his K teacher that girls can't kiss other girls, they have to kiss boys...............and my mother once told my kids they HAD to marry women only.........

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Off topic-I love your tag under your screen name-I totally laughed out loud! Pumba rocks!

Yes, Pumbaa rocks! The tag is self imposed. Corey will tell you that I am "NEVER ALLOWED TO EAT KRYSTAL'S EVER AGAIN!" I didn't know that I had the ability to fog a room so badly that our eyes burned. So yeah, I sort of identify with good ole' Pumbaa.

 

[bubie2.5]

We don't have kids, our first choice was adoption, but it has proven to be impossible. Neither of us want to adopt as single hetero gal (we're not willing to lie), so we're going to try to have a baby, with me carrying it, after we move to Spain, with the help of a fertility clinic.

 

[TinkerChelle]

We don't have kids, our first choice was adoption, but it has proven to be impossible. Neither of us want to adopt as single hetero gal (we're not willing to lie), so we're going to try to have a baby, with me carrying it, after we move to Spain, with the help of a fertility clinic.

Good luck to you! Fortunately, in the state we live in gay adoption isn't a problem. We both can be the legal parents of the child. We even found a great gay friendly adoption agency that isn't too far from where we live. We have been very fortunate.
Moving to Spain? How wonderful. That would be quite an adventure for us.

 

[RickinNYC]

We don't have any children and I've always been of the mind that I really didn't think I'd want any. I'm still pretty mixed as far as whether this is an aspect of family life that I want to pursue. All that being said, since I can't make up my mind, it's pretty clear that perhaps fatherhood isn't the best option for us now. Joe is of the same mind. Neither of us have been ready at the same time.

And now that we're both headed for 42 at the end of this summer, we both agree that it might not be a good idea to move forward with the idea only because if we were to consider adoption, it likely wouldn't happen for another couple of years because of the lengthy process. And when that time comes, we can't imagine what it'd be like to have a baby now, and then a full grown teenager graduating from high school when Joe and I are both in our early 60's.

Besides, I think I might be a pretty tough Dad and wouldn't want to put that on a kid. Yeesh. I'd suck as a parent.

 

[RemixBoyNJ]

We both want children here, and we really just started saving up the money it takes to actually adopt.

Its gonna take us a while but we will get there eventually.

Adam

 

[Boston5602]

My kids are my nieces. Since the day they came home from the hospital they have lived with me. My sister has also lived with me this whole time , THANK GOD !!!

My oldest will be 13 at the end of this summer and she is making her 12 trip to WDW. She knows shes got it made with me when it comes to vacations at Disney.

I leave early in the am for work and my sister gets the kids off to school. I get home in time for the school bus and do homework and chores with them. They have 2 fish , 2 frogs , 2 dogs , 2 guinea pigs and 2 hamsters that all need taking care of after school.

I love them , but I can not wait for the to grow up and start taking ME to WDW ! <G>

 

[Alison_in_Wonderland]

ME! My partner and I are the parents of 2 year old twin (fraternal) boys.

Our original plan was for her to get pregnant first (since she is 12 years older than I am) and for me to carry #2. Well, about the time we met the Reproductive Endocrinologist, my DP's job was relocated to LA (from DC) and we chose not to move, my SIL (younger than DP) had a son with Down Syndrome, and there were some other medical issues that made us decide to postpone our decision (that was 2002.)

Fast forward to 2004. We were ready to try, but decided that I would be the one who got pregnant. While she would have loved to get pregnant, she ultimately decided that biology didn't matter. She wanted to be a mom. So, after 19 months of on and off trying (we tried 9 times during that time - taking off some months for testing/timing/mental health break/etc) we got pregnant (using an anonymous donor/IUI/injectibles) in September 2005. The boys were born in May 2006.

We are loving it. The boys are great - although they are embracing toddlerhood - tantrums and all!!

Good luck to all the prospective parents out there. It can be a long hard journey - but totally worth the wait.

 

[ChrizJen]

I LOVE all of the stories of families and the different ways you've all gone about having them!

Alison, your story is hope for us! We're on the journey to parenthood via anonymous donor/IUI/fertility meds. We've been trying off and on for almost as long as you had been. (We tried a few inseminations at home, then went to a clinic without using fertility meds, and are now on try #4 with a different clinic and fertility meds (Clomid, Follistim, and HCG injections)). Wish us luck!

I hope that everyone here who wants to be a mommy or a daddy gets to be!!! I know it can be a long and emotional journey, but I know that no matter how you go about doing it, it's worth it in the end!!

 

[nordkin]

My partner and I adopted our first child in 1992 and then 2 more in 1993. They were 7, 6, and 5 and were adopted from Russia. Officially my partner, Joi, adopted them. We refinalized the adoption in Maryland to get a new birth certificate and get the spelling of their names corrected. While we were in the closed court room the judge asked if we wanted to do a double adoption? This would have been the first case in Maryland. We discussed it and decided we did not want the children to go through their life with two women on their birth certificates. We realize now that the youngest is 20 that we made a mistake and should have listed both of us. The reason is, we have had issues with our oldest son and his favorite thing to say to me for the last five years has been, you are not my mother and can not tell me what to do. We have prepared the necessary legal documents to protect one another should something happen to one of us because this same son is still saying when Mom dies I am going to make sure I get every penny I can. I know he is going through changes in his life right now and is starting to treat me with respect and has apologized for his actions in the past, but we still do not trust him. The other two are fine and we have great relationships.

I would encourage any of you starting a family together to make sure both of you are listed as the parents if it is allowed in your state and have all the legal documents in place to protect your family. Not just one another, but also the children so they can not be taken from your home because you are not a parent if something should happen.

A great resource for information the Family Pride Coalition and HRC.

Donna

 

[thatgrrl]

hi chelle, may i ask how you lost 185 pounds?

i am a solo mom. she is biologically mine. (that reads so narcistic and possesive -- sorry, not my intent). i was actually going through the foster care qualification process when an opportunity presented itself. i have always wanted to be a mom and even left a very SIGNIFICANT other 10 years ago because we had different goals for the longterm when it came to this issue. (ironically, she just had her own kids recently and i am THRILLED for her and her partner).

imo, there is nothing in the world like the love between parent and child.

kind of OT -- while, it seems like most here are partnered, i can tell you that our community is very difficult to navigate as a solo parent. and it becomes very frustrating to meet people who i find interested, they are interested in me but it always end with the "issue" of my kid. they can't relate to kids, kids scare them, they don't want to know my kid, etc. i guess in time the right person will come along -- but in the mean time, i cherish every moment with my daughter and revel in joys of parenthood.

best of luck in your journeys.

 

[hematite153]

Well, we're not parents yet, but, we hope to be.

We are 4.5 years and about $30 000 into trying to get one of us pregnant. We also thought we'd start with my DW and then I'd carry #2 (and possibly #3) because my DW is 6 years older than I am.

2.5 years into the journey my DW had had surgery, done 5 IUIs (all with drugs), been pregnant briefly once, and developed a drug resistance that would make continuing challenging. We have since also learned that she's not a candidate for IVF.

So, we switched to me (although at the time I thought we'd be able to go back to her later and the knowledge that we can't is something that I'm still grieving). 2 years later, I've done 6 IUI rounds (3 natural, 3 with drugs) and 1 IVF round without any success. They said that my IVF embryos looked really good that if we ignore cost we should do it again. So, we are.

I've also been looking at adoption very seriously during the past year. We've got some family stories to work through first and we're trying to work out preferences (i.e. private vs. foster care, age of child(ren), etc.). My sense at this point is that we will still try for a biological child (to a total of 2 or 3 IVF cycles) but that we'll probably use adoption to grow our family after that point.

We do already have a dog and a cat and are unofficial godparents to many.

 

[mykidsintow]

I am straight and married. However, I can't have children. We have been all through the fertility/clomid/injectables/iui, etc etc.... Lets just say if I was a chicken I would be eaten.

We have adopted 2 beautiful children. One was foster/adopt and one was a private adoption. Both very very different experiences.

Anyone wanting to talk about fertility and/or adoption... I would be happy! We are hoping to begin the adoption process again in the fall. Not sure what direction we are wanting to go this time.... but I am not sure that matters. Our daughter was suppose to be an AA boy.... oops

 

[GurGie]

My partner & I are the parents of two girls aged 9 & 12. I gave birth to them and they were conceived via anonymous donor/IUI. Adoption was not an option for us and my partnerr had absolutely no desire to ever be pregnant, LOL! The girls have integrated well socially although middle school has caused some interesting discussions

 

[Sacto WDW Buff]

I'm one of the new ones since you've been gone. My name's Allen and I'm in Sacramento. I've got three grown daughters and 5 grandkids, with a 6th on the way. I had my daughters before I came out. Love them dearly. Two of them are very supportive of me and are buddies. Am retiring soon and looking for a partner to do DL and WDW with. I wish you the best.

 

[TinkerChelle]

thatgrrl-Sure. I had gastric bypass in 2003. The surgery was extremely strenuous and I had a lot of complications-this isn't an option for everyone. Anyway, after a long recuperation and being off work for 2 years. I am healthy!

Thanks to everyone for sharing there stories of parenting, becoming parents or trying to become parents. The struggle for me and my DP to start a family is still ongoing. Now we are having insurance issues! It is weird for me not that I know I can't get pregnant. (Infertile-God I hate that word!) My life has been on a 28 day cycle for almost 2 years and now NOTHING. No charting, drugs, doctor's appt., ordering the goods, thawing, inseminating, ultasounds. As stressful as it was at the time..it feels weird to be doing nothing!

mykidsintow-You kids are adorable!

Good luck hematite153 and ChrizJen
!
Alison_in_Wonderland-Any pics of the boys? Would love to see them! Keep sharing. It helps!

 

[Alison_in_Wonderland]

oh..insurance.

My insurance was supposed to cover infertility testing (up to $1000.) But when my doctor scheduled my HSG (scan of the uterus/fallopian tubes) he put my diagnostic code as infertility. The insurance then said I already had been diagnosed with infertility and wouldn't pay it. I fought with them for a year before giving up.

Since that was the only infertility coverage that I had, we had to pay everything out of pocket. We really racked up the credit card bills (that I am finally getting close to paying off 3 years later. )

It sure was pricey, but definitely the best money we ever spent.

Good luck to you!