How long after death for funeral?

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Anyhow...I am so afraid that one of these days I'm going to get over to her place and find that she has passed on....my question is ...what do I do if that happens?

Barb, if it's the same in the US as it is in Canada, you have to call 911. Likely an autopsy will be done because she died at home. As for the actual funeral/memorial and burial arrangements, you won't have to do any of that. You might want to notify her son, of course, out of courtesy and offer to help in any way that you can, if you want.

A good friend's mother passed away in Dec 2000 and they didn't have her funeral until June 2001, because she was in NY and they couldn't dig because of the snow and the ground was too hard.

They might not have wanted to but a funeral can take place right away and the burial can be at a later date. That is a common occurance here, due to the climate.

I didn't mean to imply that I thought our (friends/coworkers) wishes were to have any impact. We just miss her and the office feels somewhat surreal - sort of in limbo waiting for that closure. I wish there was something I could do...it's a helpless feeling.

I like the PPs suggestion of having your own service of remembrance in the work place for her coworkers. You could simply contact a local clergy person and it they could provide maybe a 15 minute service and they could even make it nondenominational and ecumenical if there is a need for that in your work place.

Actually here in the American South -Race does have something to do with it.
It is not racist to notice that African Americans around here wait much longer to bury their dead. (on average -there are always exceptions)
It is just part of our culture.

That's right but it differs because of their culture not because of the colour of their skin.

 

[ilisao]

It depends. in the Jewish religion, we are supposed to bury the dead in 24 hours; my mother was buried the day after she died. Now, in an other scenario, my husband's grandmother died in January (not this year). However, in Buffalo, the ground was too frozen to bury her so they kept her on ice and buried her over Memorial Day weekend.

 

[EMom]

That's right but it differs because of their culture not because of the colour of their skin.

Isn't it being just the teensiest bit nitpicky to try and separate the two in this particular case? I don't believe anyone seriously believed the PP was implying that the darker your skin, the longer you take to hold a funeral. Of course, the PP meant it was a cultural norm.

The PP merely pointed out that in some parts of the South, Black families tend to take a few days longer to conduct funeral services. I hardly think the PP meant it was because their skin was darker than that of Whites. By that reasoning, biracial families would hold funerals midway between those of Whites and Blacks.

It is simply a custom. I have no idea whether it holds true for the North or for other countries, but it does for many parts of the South. There's no value judgment attached, for crying out loud......it's just the way it is.

A relative of mine died this Sunday. Everyone's eyes bugged out that the service will not take place until Thursday. (The delay is because one vital person cannot attend on Wednesday.) The norm would be, you pass away on a Sunday, the visitation is two days later and the funeral is three days later. Maximum, barring something unusual. You can just about alway count on that. When I ordered flowers on Monday for the visitation, the florist asked, "And these are to be delivered on Tuesday for the visitation?" I said, "No, I don't want them delivered until WEDNESDAY. That's when the visitation is." She said, "WEDNESDAY?!?!?!?! Are you sure???" That's how unusual it is for a person to die on a Sunday morning and have visitation on a Wednesday.

I won't even get into why they are having an open casket under these circumstances. That is another cultural norm and one I abhor. From what my sister told me after making a quick visit on her own to the funeral home, they may come to regret that decision.

As for the person who knows the elderly lady and is worried about finding her dead.......It varies by location, but you can never go wrong calling 911. They will know the proper authority to call. Here, the Justice of the Peace has to declare a person dead if they're not taken to a hospital, etc. In other words, if a person is found dead at home, dead at a crash site, etc. the JP has to show up and do the deed. That's not the case everywhere. You might want to call your local police ahead of time and ask them what is best to do. It's not as if this has never happened before.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Isn't it being just the teensiest bit nitpicky to try and separate the two in this particular case? I don't believe anyone seriously believed the PP was implying that the darker your skin, the longer you take to hold a funeral. Of course, the PP meant it was a cultural norm.

The PP merely pointed out that in some parts of the South, Black families tend to take a few days longer to conduct funeral services. I hardly think the PP meant it was because their skin was darker than that of Whites. By that reasoning, biracial families would hold funerals midway between those of Whites and Blacks.

It is simply a custom. I have no idea whether it holds true for the North or for other countries, but it does for many parts of the South. There's no value judgment attached, for crying out loud......it's just the way it is.

Before you get too upset, go back and read the thread. Someone said that black people don't decay as quickly or look better longer after they die because of the colour of their skin. That's not typically why some African North Americans wait a couple of weeks to have the funeral as far as I understand. My comment was that it was for cultural reasons not race reasons. I wasn't calling anyone racist or inferring that they attached value judgments to their statements.

 

[EMom]

Okay, fair enough.

I can't say whether Black people look better or not, as I do my dead level best (pardon the pun) to do everything I can to keep from looking at a body of ANY color in a casket. I just don't know abou that argument though....All my Black friends in HS gritched nonstop about ashy skin and about how lucky the White girls were that even if they WERE ashy, it did not show. I had never before recognized an advantage to being ghostly pale, until they pointed it out to me. Truth be told, I don't want to know WHAT is done to a body after death to keep it looking presentable.

 

[Edwardkinsley]

my son passed away and we waited about 3 days, because we werent having th efuneral on a sunday.

Waiting for prolonged periods of times stretches out the grieving process which isnt healthy for anyone involved.

I love you Liam son x x

 

[bookgirl]

Depends, are they black or white (some races "show" faster), are they Jewish or Muslim or Orthadox (non embalmed bodies require fast funeral), were they being buried or cremated (with no open casket then no need for quick funeral)?

We recently had a coworker die and she was being cremated so her memorial is actually tonight 2 weeks after her death.

 

[Vixen]

When i moved down here i was really surprised how they did funerals... lets says someone dies today they would have a viewing tonight( if he died morning early after noon) and he / she would be buried the next day! or maybe 2 days later depending if some of his / hers fam members were coming form out of town

 

[golfgal]

Since we're on the subject. I'm taking care of an 88 year old woman, who is pretty much failing. She still lives by herself..and has alienated the one son who lives in the area....she doesn't have contact with him at all. I'm the only one she has here. Anyhow...I am so afraid that one of these days I'm going to get over to her place and find that she has passed on....my question is ...what do I do if that happens? When her husband passed away 3 years ago...hospice was there...they called the funeral palor and then he was cremated. I know that she's paid for her cremation....but I have no idea to who or where...she says it's in her safe. I do not have access to the safe - and I hate to ask her, because she is not an easy person to deal with.
Sorry if I've rambled on..but this has been on my mind so heavily lately and when I saw this thread...I thought I'd maybe ask and maybe find out what to do. I don't to steal the thread or anything...believe me, but I have never seen another opportunity to ask something like this.
Thank you for any help you can offer, and thank you for listening. Barb

I think I would have a talk with the woman and see what her wishes are and have her write them down so you have some guidance as to what to do.

OP, I think the correct answer to your question would be as soon as possible-that might be a day, it might be a year depending on the situation. DH's uncle passed away on Saturday night, his wake and funeral are tomorrow because that was the soonest everyone could get to town for the funeral.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Normally, where I'm from, the wake was held for 3 days after the death and the funeral was the following Monday so family could be brought in from a distance.

3 weeks seems to place it during some kind of vacation period like spring break... maybe they are doing to so someone in particular can attend.

Where I'm from it's not called a viewing, it's a wake.

 

[bettymae1121]

For my mother it was 8 days from when she passed until the funeral ceramony. In our case it was a little different. My parents had retired to AZ but all of my mother's family was in IL, including my mom's mom (my grandmother). When last they saw my mom we had no idea she was sick. With in a few weeks of getting back to AZ after a visit here in IL, my mom was gone. Due to health problems in my mother's family, no one was able to travel from IL to AZ to see her before her death, and traveling for a funeral was also out of the question.

After talking it over with me and my brothers, my father decided to have my mother's remains shiped to IL so we could have an open casket viewing and service, so her family could say goodbye. We then had my mother's remains cremated, per her request. It took time to have her embalmed, and time for her remains to be flown from AZ to IL, then time for the funeral home in IL to get things set up for the viewing.

 

[FINFAN]

My Dad just passed on Christmas day. His wishes were for a military burial , with all the honors he was eligible for. Depending on availability of units, whoever will be there from the military...the date can be out of the families control. My Dad's burial was Feb 1 ( his 89th birthday).
We had the "wake" on Jan 30th( closed casket) as 80% of us live in another state and my mom wanted to help keep travel costs down...(some were there Dec into Jan and had to get back home)as we were traveling for a second time in 3 weeks, trying to avoid a 3rd trip. Many thought it was odd that we did not have the wake immediately ( withing a few days) of my Dad's passing and THEN have the burial later on, but we did not have date info on the burial that quickly after his passing...it is hard to put info into an Obit if you do not have it! Speaking of Obits...OMG! What a horrendous way to rip off greiving families...our main paper in Chicago, the Tribune, the cost was almost $900 to run it 1 day! Just wrong.
Anyway, I will say, that having gone thru a longer situation, it is odd, I still do not feel closure...but at the same time, had everything happend in a whirlwind over a few days...would have felt the same I guess.

 

[johnsontrio]

my son passed away and we waited about 3 days, because we werent having th efuneral on a sunday.

Waiting for prolonged periods of times stretches out the grieving process which isnt healthy for anyone involved.

I love you Liam son x x

Sorry for your loss.

Welcome to the DIS.

 

[Inigo]

What length of time is customary to have a funeral after someone dies? Someone I work with died this weekend and her husband is planning the funeral for three weeks from now. That seems like a long time out to me.

Well, if the deceased was cremated, I don't think three weeks is too long. Otherwise, it's way too long to wait, IMO.

Normally around here, if someone passed on a Monday, the viewing/visitation would be on Wednesday, with the funeral and burial on Thursday at the latest. I grew up next to a cemetery, and I have a huge family, so I've gone to way too many funerals.

I'm one of those people who has a story for everything, kinda like Rose Nylund on Golden Girls. I'm also like Rose in that I have to share my stories with everyone. Here you go:

Before my Uncle Walter died, he, his wife, and daughter (and her family) decided his funeral would be at their church, and it would be a full-blown church service. I guess they felt we heathens needed to hear the word of God to be saved. His funeral was held 7 days after he died so that it would be on a Saturday when we could all attend. This was my father's brother. My aunt's family is all Apostolic Pentacostal, and Walter converted when he married her.

I have no problem with the religion or the church, since I went there with them as a kid when I stayed at their house. His wife's sister's daughter was my best friend growing up, so I was there a lot with her since it was both our family even though we two weren't really related. That means I spent more time with my aunt and uncle than did most of my cousins. I knew it would be a full-blown church service, complete with speaking in tongues and all the rest of it. I had seen it before.

I got there at the earliest time for the visitation before the funeral, and just before the funeral began, I kissed my aunt's and uncle's and left.

I had 12 cousins call me later and ask me why I didn't warn them. I figured he had been their uncle too, and they should have known. Heck, I even guessed which suit he'd be wearing. He loved that green suit, and I knew he would be buried in it.

 

[Freyja]

Wow! Open caskets almost 2 weeks after death!!!! Did the bodies look OK? I remember back in the day when there used to be 2 days wakes and by the end of day 2, the body was looking a little...mushy or something. And these people who had been embalmed.

We had a open casket at my mom´s funeral and it was 12 days after she died. Her body still looked "perfect". She didn´t look any different then than right after she died.

 

[Robinrs]

I once worked with an African girl who told me her Dad died a year ago. A few weeks later she requested time off to attend his funeral.

I had to ask why and she told me her Dad was a KING! He is to lie in state for a year then he is to be buried!

I guess it depends on the culture!

 

[Robinrs]

my son passed away and we waited about 3 days, because we werent having th efuneral on a sunday.

Waiting for prolonged periods of times stretches out the grieving process which isnt healthy for anyone involved.

I love you Liam son x x

Been there... I'm so sorry.

 

[bumbershoot]

my son passed away and we waited about 3 days, because we werent having th efuneral on a sunday.

Waiting for prolonged periods of times stretches out the grieving process which isnt healthy for anyone involved.

I love you Liam son x x

I'm so sorry for your loss.



FYI, for those wanting to answer the OP's question, the thread is from August 2008...

 

[shortbun]

I think a funeral happens right after a death and a memorial service can happen whenever. 'Funeral' to me means there is a burial involved. I think anything more than a week later should be called a memorial service.

 

[browneyes106]

I think it depends on different factors. My grand uncle died last October. He lived in Nevada with his family. He was cremated a few days later and a funeral was held two weeks later after the relatives who could go made flight plans. Last year my grandmother died and we waited six days after her death to have the funeral so a few out of state relatives could drive in.

Also sometimes sudden deaths can effect funeral planning if an autopsy is needed. I think it comes down to various factors.