How long after death for funeral?

[bunny213]

Since we're on the subject. I'm taking care of an 88 year old woman, who is pretty much failing. She still lives by herself..and has alienated the one son who lives in the area....she doesn't have contact with him at all. I'm the only one she has here. Anyhow...I am so afraid that one of these days I'm going to get over to her place and find that she has passed on....my question is ...what do I do if that happens? When her husband passed away 3 years ago...hospice was there...they called the funeral palor and then he was cremated. I know that she's paid for her cremation....but I have no idea to who or where...she says it's in her safe. I do not have access to the safe - and I hate to ask her, because she is not an easy person to deal with.
Sorry if I've rambled on..but this has been on my mind so heavily lately and when I saw this thread...I thought I'd maybe ask and maybe find out what to do. I don't to steal the thread or anything...believe me, but I have never seen another opportunity to ask something like this.
Thank you for any help you can offer, and thank you for listening. Barb

 

[Zandy595]

Since we're on the subject. I'm taking care of an 88 year old woman, who is pretty much failing. She still lives by herself..and has alienated the one son who lives in the area....she doesn't have contact with him at all. I'm the only one she has here. Anyhow...I am so afraid that one of these days I'm going to get over to her place and find that she has passed on....my question is ...what do I do if that happens? When her husband passed away 3 years ago...hospice was there...they called the funeral palor and then he was cremated. I know that she's paid for her cremation....but I have no idea to who or where...she says it's in her safe. I do not have access to the safe - and I hate to ask her, because she is not an easy person to deal with.
Sorry if I've rambled on..but this has been on my mind so heavily lately and when I saw this thread...I thought I'd maybe ask and maybe find out what to do. I don't to steal the thread or anything...believe me, but I have never seen another opportunity to ask something like this.
Thank you for any help you can offer, and thank you for listening. Barb

Unless she has given you power of attorney or whatever it's called, I'm pretty sure you need to contact a family member.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

OP here, I have more info. I got an email about it and it's a memorial service and I have heard from others in the office that she is being cremated. I guess 3 weeks is not out of the norm for this. It just seems strange to carry on at work like nothing has happened. We all feel the need to do something now.

 

[bigbabyblues]

DH grandpa died at the end of July and wasn't buried until the second week of August, but he was creamated per his wishes, and there was no calling hours, also per his wishes.

His wife waited because his children had all been with him when he passed and they had to return to work, and also waited for one grandson to be home from Iraq when his tour was up.

 

[crazyme5kids]

My father died Dec. 1st a couple of years ago. We had a one day wake (he was cremated). It wasn't until almost mid June that we had the actual burial, well not burial, but putting his ashes in that wall thing. My mother didn't want to have it in Dec. because it was too cold. It turned out to be a really nice day.

 

[nskjerven]

OP here, I have more info. I got an email about it and it's a memorial service and I have heard from others in the office that she is being cremated. I guess 3 weeks is not out of the norm for this. It just seems strange to carry on at work like nothing has happened. We all feel the need to do something now.

Maybe you work friends can have a moment to remember your friend between now and the service, or even a lunch.

We opted to wait (2.5 weeks) for my father's service for his out of town family to arrive and my mom took advantage of the date too, it would have been their 57th wedding anniversary. We celebrated my dad's life and tried to find the joy that day in that they had so many wonderful years together. I think it was better for my mom to have all the family with her that day too.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

 

[pooh4evr]

I think here it is usually about 3-4 days (at least in my experience) from death to burial For instance die on Monday, i guess morgue on Tuesday wake Wednesday night and some Thursday am, them Mass and then burial Thursday afternoon.

 

[simba928]

Wow. It seems like my family was "out of the norm" when my grandfather passed away in February. He died late Tuesday night and the funeral was Friday. I think the reason we waited that long was because my parents and i were in Florida (I had my band trip to Disney so they came down to watch me perform) and a few of my grandfather's family members were coming in from Philly (but we won't go into detail about that...I'm still slightly bitter). It was closed casket and we just did a funeral in the "chapel" of the funeral home. No wake or anything. Of course how we did it could have something to do with the fact that he was Jewish. I believe they bury people 24 hours after they die.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Our family seems to get delayed by the autopsies. A sister who died alone...autopsy had to be done. Husband who appeared to be a healthy male...autopsy had to be done. And they weren't too quick. I guess they wait for results of tests? Then add on the viewing in FL because coworkers and friends requested it. Then up to NJ and two viewings there. Extremely tiring. I'd never do it that way again. Husband died the 16th, burial was the 21st. It seemed like a year!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

A good friend's mother passed away in Dec 2000 and they didn't have her funeral until June 2001, because she was in NY and they couldn't dig because of the snow and the ground was too hard.

Suzanne

 

[HelenePA]

OP here, I have more info. I got an email about it and it's a memorial service and I have heard from others in the office that she is being cremated. I guess 3 weeks is not out of the norm for this. It just seems strange to carry on at work like nothing has happened. We all feel the need to do something now.

This might sound rude, but I'm sorry its up to the family not friends/coworkers. I'm sure there is a reason behind the 3 weeks but honestly its for the convenience of the family to hold it whenever they want.

 

[Cool-Beans]

It depends. Jews like to get them in the ground the next day. I know there is a religious reason for this, but don't know it.

Sometimes they wait for autopsy. Sometimes the family can't afford to have it moved...or just doesn't...sometimes they need to wait for a spouse or loved one who is in the hospital but will be getting released. Bodies often sit in the freezer for a bit.

So many variables.

I'm sure the family has their reasons.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Since we're on the subject. I'm taking care of an 88 year old woman, who is pretty much failing. She still lives by herself..and has alienated the one son who lives in the area....she doesn't have contact with him at all. I'm the only one she has here. Anyhow...I am so afraid that one of these days I'm going to get over to her place and find that she has passed on....my question is ...what do I do if that happens? When her husband passed away 3 years ago...hospice was there...they called the funeral palor and then he was cremated. I know that she's paid for her cremation....but I have no idea to who or where...she says it's in her safe. I do not have access to the safe - and I hate to ask her, because she is not an easy person to deal with.
Sorry if I've rambled on..but this has been on my mind so heavily lately and when I saw this thread...I thought I'd maybe ask and maybe find out what to do. I don't to steal the thread or anything...believe me, but I have never seen another opportunity to ask something like this.
Thank you for any help you can offer, and thank you for listening. Barb

Just call the cops and tell them you have an old neighbor who has died. They know what to do and will take it from there.

 

[HelenePA]

Just call the cops and tell them you have an old neighbor who has died. They know what to do and will take it from there.

Yep, that' how the found the former owner of my house when he died an unexpected and sudden death.. they saw him from a window and just called the cops. It happens daily.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Here is an odd article, since we are on the subject


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26290833/?gt1=43001


So, to each his own. I couldn't handle that. I worried about my grandmother for days after she passed and knew she couldn't feel anything, but I hated knowing she was cold, she hated being cold.

Suzanne

 

[disney1990]

For me the ashes were returned with in 45 days after they took him for science. It might vary from donor people to donor people... not sure. Maybe the family is waiting on insurance money? I've seen some people on here mention that funeral homes wont do it with out being paid up front now

I know the program that my DH has donated his body to, returns the ashes in 1 year. I would have a memorial service long before that.

I was reading today about the father-in-law of the Olympic coach (the one that was killed in Beijing) is not going to be buried until his wife is well enough to attend the funeral and that may be several weeks yet.

 

[pogo791]

OP here, I have more info. I got an email about it and it's a memorial service and I have heard from others in the office that she is being cremated. I guess 3 weeks is not out of the norm for this. It just seems strange to carry on at work like nothing has happened. We all feel the need to do something now.

Thanks for the further info, OP. I'm sorry for your loss.

But to go back to the original question of the usual interval between death and the funeral itself, religious, cultural and legal reasons often determine the length. As another PP mentioned, the norm in Jewish culture - and, incidentally, also with Islam - is to have the funeral within 24 hours. As with so many cultural and religious rules, there is a logical explanation: in a hot Middle East climate (considering that hundreds of years ago, there were no possibilities of keeping the body cold), a quick burial is called for.

And as a few other PPs mentioned, in some cases the law requires an autopsy, which would delay the funeral by several days.

Other than that, in modern society a number of practical factors will come into play, in particular whether or not people will be attending the funeral from farther away, and when the church or other facilities would be available for the service. My own experience is that the funeral is usually organized within a week.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

This might sound rude, but I'm sorry its up to the family not friends/coworkers. I'm sure there is a reason behind the 3 weeks but honestly its for the convenience of the family to hold it whenever they want.

I didn't mean to imply that I thought our (friends/coworkers) wishes were to have any impact. We just miss her and the office feels somewhat surreal - sort of in limbo waiting for that closure. I wish there was something I could do...it's a helpless feeling.

 

[Goobergal99]

we usually do three days after in my family.... but I have heard all sorts of variations

 

[clarabelle]

Now this is a question I can answer! (sort of) I conduct funerals, memorial services and commitals on a regular basis. There is no standard for when there is a funeral.

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate a life. Memorial services will sometimes be months after the death. The same can be true for a funeral but it's not a frequent occurance because it costs more to store a body.

It has absolutely nothing to do with what race you are, as a PP suggested. Factors that play into these decisions include cultural, familial and religious traditions as well as the direct wishes of the deceased. It also can be an issue of logistics, if family needs time to get everywhere there or extra time to prepare the liturgy itself.

So, in short, no it is not unusual that a funeral or memorial service would be three weeks after the fact.

Actually here in the American South -Race does have something to do with it.
It is not racist to notice that African Americans around here wait much longer to bury their dead. (on average -there are always exceptions)
It is just part of our culture.