How long after death for funeral?

[Biscuitsmom31]

What length of time is customary to have a funeral after someone dies? Someone I work with died this weekend and her husband is planning the funeral for three weeks from now. That seems like a long time out to me.

 

[mickeyboat]

I think it really varies. My neighbor's father died in late July and the funeral was last weekend. I think it took a lot of time to get everyone together (some were from overseas).

Denae

 

[SC Minnie]

It depends. Around here some people have a funeral before the notice is even in the paper while others can be a week to 10 days. It is normally longer depending on if family has to travel in from other areas.

 

[JessicaR]

It totally depends. Three weeks after however is not usual but there must be reasons. If the body is being moved or family is out of country or state and sometimes autopsy could all delay the funeral.

 

[Hoodie]

I think with so many people not living close to their relatives anymore, it's actually better to wait and plan. However, traditionally it's within a few days. Depending on culture, etc. it may even be the next day.

My friends and family are all over the country. If something happened to me, I'd hope they'd put off my funeral for at least 3 weeks. I wouldn't want them all paying last minute airfares just to see me plotted in the ground. Rather they save some money and all be able to celebrate my life together without the added financial pressure. It certainly wouldn't bother me to be in a cooler or urn for a few weeks at that point.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Alot depends on open casket or not too. I have a friend who is a mortician, and she said alot of times African Americans can wait out longer because their skin doesn't turn the grey color a caucasians skin does as soon.
I think....for the 'closure' for a family it should be done no longer than 5 days tops... 3 is good. But..I do understand wanting to get family together too... I guess it just depends on the type of 'ceremony' you have...

 

[phorsenuf]

Did the deceased donate their body to science or something? I don't know how long a facility uses a body for before returning the ashes to the family. Perhaps they are waiting on that.

 

[HelenePA]

Did the deceased donate their body to science or something? I don't know how long a facility uses a body for before returning the ashes to the family. Perhaps they are waiting on that.

For me the ashes were returned with in 45 days after they took him for science. It might vary from donor people to donor people... not sure. Maybe the family is waiting on insurance money? I've seen some people on here mention that funeral homes wont do it with out being paid up front now

 

[Michelle67]

Unless the person has been cremated, the usual time period that I have experienced is 3-5 days.

 

[Disney Doll]

Is it an actual funeral where the deceased's body in the casket is going to be present or is it a memorial service?

If it's a memorial service, it can pretty much be whenever you want. If you want to be able to view the body, 3 weeks seems like a bit long of a time to wait.

 

[tinatark]

White people's funerals are typically 3 days after death, unless that 3rd day would be on a Sunday, then they'd move it to Sat/Mon instead.

Black families usually have more time - 5-7 days or more, I guess because of the reasons listed above, and maybe it's cultural.

The big thing here is to have a viewing from, say 5-7 pm, then the "funeral" immediately after viewing hours are done, then the burial the next day. I've always seen viewing/calling hours at the funeral home one day, then the funeral the next, with the burial immediately following the funeral. It saves the funeral home staff hours - one day of lots of guests opposed to two. Quite a few funerals here are also at the chapel of the funeral home, as opposed to being at the church the deceased belonged to.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Now this is a question I can answer! (sort of) I conduct funerals, memorial services and commitals on a regular basis. There is no standard for when there is a funeral.

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate a life. Memorial services will sometimes be months after the death. The same can be true for a funeral but it's not a frequent occurance because it costs more to store a body.

It has absolutely nothing to do with what race you are, as a PP suggested. Factors that play into these decisions include cultural, familial and religious traditions as well as the direct wishes of the deceased. It also can be an issue of logistics, if family needs time to get everywhere there or extra time to prepare the liturgy itself.

So, in short, no it is not unusual that a funeral or memorial service would be three weeks after the fact.

 

[Todd&Copper]

White people's funerals are typically 3 days after death, unless that 3rd day would be on a Sunday, then they'd move it to Sat/Mon instead.
Black families usually have more time - 5-7 days or more, I guess because of the reasons listed above.

The big thing here is to have a viewing from, say 5-7 pm, then the "funeral" immediately after viewing hours are done, then the burial the next day. I've always seen viewing/calling hours at the funeral home one day, then the funeral the next, with the burial immediately following the funeral. It saves the funeral home staff hours - one day of lots of guests opposed to two. Quite a few funerals here are also at the chapel of the funeral home, as opposed to being at the church the deceased belonged to.

Well, I have been to three funerals for white people recently, and none of them were within three days of their deaths.

One was the widow of a 3-star general who is buried at West Point. It was about 3 - 4 weeks between her death and the funeral. She had been living in Virginia at the time of her death. This was closed casket.

The second was a week and a half between death and funeral. Both death and funeral were in MD. And yes, this was open casket.

The third was 1.5 - 2 weeks between death and funeral. The body had to be transported from FL to MD. This was also open casket.


I don't think there really is a hard and fast rule unless there is a relgigious rule or reason for a fast turnaround between death and burial.

 

[Disney Doll]

Wow! Open caskets almost 2 weeks after death!!!! Did the bodies look OK? I remember back in the day when there used to be 2 days wakes and by the end of day 2, the body was looking a little...mushy or something. And these people who had been embalmed.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Wow! Open caskets almost 2 weeks after death!!!! Did the bodies look OK? I remember back in the day when there used to be 2 days wakes and by the end of day 2, the body was looking a little...mushy or something. And these people who had been embalmed.

They have made a lot of strides in preservation. It is not the norm to wait that long to have an open casket funeral but it does happen. Most funerals I conduct are close casket, as that has been the custom of our denomination.

 

[Todd&Copper]

Wow! Open caskets almost 2 weeks after death!!!! Did the bodies look OK? I remember back in the day when there used to be 2 days wakes and by the end of day 2, the body was looking a little...mushy or something. And these people who had been embalmed.

Yes, they looked waxy and were very hard - at least their hands were.

 

[GeorgeG]

I think, for the most part, wakes and funerals are changing from what they used to be. I remember the norm being at least two days of wake prior to the day of the funeral and they were invariably open caskets. It seems now the norm is one day of wake and a funeral day with closed caskets being more common. Also, more people are opting for cremation and donation to science with only a memorial service that can be anytime, with or without a body.

I know some people who live for funerals and can get downright morbid. We had a closed casket for my mother and one aunt was upset because it was the first time she could kiss the deceased. My sister-in-law will drop everything for a good funeral and be at the wake and funeral for every minute. I understand the benefit of being with friends and family during such times (the living ones, of course), but I don't like sitting around staring at someone who's dead and saying how "good they look." I'm sorry, but they look pretty dead to me!

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

I know some people who live for funerals and can get downright morbid. We had a closed casket for my mother and one aunt was upset because it was the first time she could kiss the deceased. My sister-in-law will drop everything for a good funeral and be at the wake and funeral for every minute. I understand the benefit of being with friends and family during such times (the living ones, of course), but I don't like sitting around staring at someone who's dead and saying how "good they look." I'm sorry, but they look pretty dead to me!

Some people cope in different ways. I've been with so many people as they were dying and dead that it doesn't creep me out in the least. Quite the opposite, actually. Anyway, there's no right or wrong way to mourn.

 

[HelenePA]

I think, for the most part, wakes and funerals are changing from what they used to be. I remember the norm being at least two days of wake prior to the day of the funeral and they were invariably open caskets. It seems now the norm is one day of wake and a funeral day with closed caskets being more common. Also, more people are opting for cremation and donation to science with only a memorial service that can be anytime, with or without a body.

I know some people who live for funerals and can get downright morbid. We had a closed casket for my mother and one aunt was upset because it was the first time she could kiss the deceased. My sister-in-law will drop everything for a good funeral and be at the wake and funeral for every minute. I understand the benefit of being with friends and family during such times (the living ones, of course), but I don't like sitting around staring at someone who's dead and saying how "good they look." I'm sorry, but they look pretty dead to me!

When my dad's mom died (prob around 85) the viewing alone was almost 4 days... nothing like being 6 and sitting around with a dead body for a few days to scare the living crap out of you

 

[Zandy595]

I don't want anyone to have to look at me when I'm dead. I don't even want my body/ashes at the memorial service. And I don't want the service at a funeral home. I liked how my grandfather's service was at a church with a nice picture of him. His remains were not any where to be seen. It creeps me out when there is a dead body or ashes in the same room with me. I don't want to creep anyone else out and have that be their last memory of me.