Well, you will read it however you like...and then pick it apart. It's how it often works on the DIS.
The folks I know, regardless of "the boxes checked", still may or may not, like their child's partner or the partner might not like their so/bf/gf/spouse's family. It happens, pretty often. I've even read about this on the DIS. I don't think, it matters, if they are tall/short/blonde/redhead/brunette/male/female/young/od/etc..
It's funny, that you automatically blame the OP for "the issues". It's possible, "the problem" is not OP's at all. Perhaps, they are not the one, who's intolerant...not accepting. It's just an assumption on the part of some...over a pronoun. Maybe, it's the reason it was originally omitted?
When I first came out to my mother, one of the first questions she asked was "Is he Jewish?" So yeah, there's a lot more involved. As an undergraduate, before I came out, it was a bit of a joke that my parents would be happier with me marrying a black woman who was Jewish than a white woman who wasn't. It was also totally true - that's the way my parents were, and my memories of them are a blessing.
In any event, the original question wasn't "how to fix the growing rift". That question has been answered (family therapy), I doubt an internet forum can come up with a better answer except by luck, and berating people into seeing things that they may not be seeing themselves (and which may or may not be there, since we don't have a complete picture) is a job best left to professionals.
The original question was "how to cope." It may help the OP to understand that pulling away is something that many young adults do - gay, straight, single, partnered, it doesn't matter. Other people have already chimed in with comments about how their own children added a bit of distance, or how they added distance with their parents.
It happens. It's common, but not universal. And no matter what we say about it, parents will still feel sad. You can't have children (or spouses) without risking sadness and disappointment, but that doesn't mean an end to the joy (though it may seem like it at times). So, pat fan, it's ok to cry when the kids grow up. He's not your little boy any more, but he's still your son, and he's still in your life, in spite of having a life of his own.
I'll just add that holidays are stressful. So much so that a quick web search turns up numerous hits from serious sites. A nice gift is a good idea, but otherwise I'd suggest waiting to mid-January to ask your son and his partner to come over for a casual dinner, or if that can't work, to take them both out. Keep in mind that your son's bf may have his own experiences and expectations about what "parents are like", and if they're negative, it will take a lot of time and patience to overcome them.
PS: I don't know about the crock pot. When I came out to my mother, I came home with a food processor, and that's one appliance that I still use; it was another running joke. But when we moved to a smaller house, I dumped my crockpot, because a covered casserole dish and an oven that will maintain a low temperature is a perfectly good substitute.
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