Home schooling for school phobia ? Need help

[Lachesis00]

We go see a free doctor Friday for the meds...

This councilor is suppose to specialize in kids. However Joey feels he goes in and by the time he can talk about issues, it's time to go. He is upset and crying and feels like nothing is accomplished.

 

[Teejay32]

Well now I have another one sticking in my head - it's a twofer day!

Panic is not your mind doing evil and terrible things to you. Panic is your mind's way of trying to protect you. If you came upon a wild animal in your bedroom those physical symptoms would make perfect sense - "fight or flight", fear, racing heart, etc. Somehow you've both gotten into into your own heads that the situation you're in now is dangerous to you. Panic is the response and the result.

Xanax is good as a temporary measure but not as a "cure" - that advice comes from many psychologists. You have to heal and change your own thinking (usually "catastrophic" thinking) before you can be totally panic-free. Which usually mean spending less time in your own head. I'm wondering if it is actually easier to be young when you have to face this...but anyway, you're there now too and you have to take care of yourself first. (First, that's right.) Try to keep your perspective about things (no catastrophizing allowed) and go talk to someone for your own sake. It helps immensely.

 

[Lachesis00]

If I had the money or insurance I would. Mine isn't as bad... I've been under so much stress (before moving) I know when I need one and when to talk myself out of the anxiety.
It's odd, for me, I wake up in the middle of the night anxious. Twice now I've taken a 1/2 of Xanax in the middle of the night. I have no idea why it hits me in the middle of the night. Once I am awake I can't figure out what causes it.

My panic I think is stemming from not being able to fix the situation and fix it correctly and quickly. At least that is part of it.

Joey says he tries to talk himself out and it just gets worse.

 

[Teejay32]

And I know exactly what he's talking about. It just rots. I'm not a therapist of any sort but I've probably amassed a few experience credits in this...I think the single most important thing you can do for a kid with an anxiety disorder is to decontruct the panic itself. What is it...it's a physical response, and x, y, and z will happen. Why does it happen to me...probably because you've spent a lot of time convincing yourself that things are terrible, disasterous, out-of-control...your mind perceives danger and acts on it. Etc.

This happens to the more bright and imaginative kids who can imagine every catastrophe, of course...I just think these kids are capable of healing themselves, somewhat, once they know what it is they're dealing with. :::shrugs::: And then he'll be able to get more out of what therapy he's currently going for. There's a site he might like with some good reading material in it: www.paniccure.com. Just a suggestion.

 

[Lachesis00]

I appreciate you giving me this information and I totally see what your saying. He knows what causes them and I can not convince him he is not responsible for anyone but himself... he can't comprehend that

I am mad my mom and and sister for getting him in a situation and mad at myself for not getting him out of it sooner...

 

[Crankyshank]

Lachesis, I suffer from severe panic attacks and I'm not medicated any longer.
I found alternative therapies really helped me. particularly tai chi and meditation because they use breathing control and visualization techniques. I'm now able to stop a full blown attack in under 5 minutes.

 

[Teejay32]

I dunno...it might sound silly but right now you're (in his opinion) the key to his own safety & stability, take that as a weird compliment. You must be doing something very right.

These are my favorite kids...they try to carry the world around on their shoulders. I would tell him that I was very lucky to have a son like him looking out for you, and that you know he has a tough road ahead getting himself better and over all of his fears, and that you'll do everything you can to help him, and list all of his positive qualities that you think will help him do that. (You've probably already done that.) Then he'll go on and take his meds, get better at controlling his thinking and his emotions and redirecting his energies, and it might take small steps but he'll eventually return to normal. You'll see.

Wishing you luck, sending PD ~~> hang in there.

 

[Teejay32]

Breathing control. :::smacks forehead::: Forgot about that.

 

[Crankyshank]

Oh and aromatherapy helps a bit too. Especially lavender. Something to do with it triggering a relaxation response in your brain.

 

[septbride2002]

First of all I think Danacara has given you some great feedback in regards to the schooling situation. If a VP ever grabbed my kid/cousin/nephew I would probably fly off the handle. YOU are their parent and YOU know what is best for your children and YES I would have filed a complaint against him with the Superintendent of the school district. My blood boiled when I read that part of your story.

The school is not being helpful in the least bit from the VP to the counselor saying don't make it fun at home, to them calling and reminding you that it is the law that he be in school. Yes your child's circumstances are unusual but they are not exactly being helpful in the situation. If anything they are encouraging the behaviour to become worse.

~Amanda

 

[Lachesis00]

I take it as a high compliment. I guess I wish his councilor wasn't so harsh (on me). I am already having anxiety... he has a meeting @ 2:30. I had called her Monday to ask if she had talked to the school and to come up with a plan and she went off on me. (For 2 weeks she was going to call the school and talk to them)

And the school wants him to go enroll in another school which won't help the situation...

 

[Teejay32]

Some counselors feel that medication is just a crutch and won't help the underlying causes of panic (which is mostly true) and others feel that medication is necessary to begin a kind of calming period before the cognitive behavioral work begins. You've got one of each. If it were me I think I'd go with the school counselor's route - she's seen him in action, so to speak, and sees tons of kids in....I guess their "natural" environment. Plus it seems like he's been trying use whatever coping skills he's learning in counseling, but they're just not enough right now.

Just a Mom's opinion - of course he's going to play you. He'll do whatever it takes to keep you close by and keep himself from having to stretch his own boundaries, so I would put a time limit on this. (But maybe not tell him about it right now.) In a month or so you might want to go out for a whole day, start looking for a job, whatever...you can start small but he has to have opportunities to use the coping skills he's going to learn, and you simply need your own time and space sometimes. Constantly worrying about you is obsessive behavior if there's no real basis for it - there's not much that you can do about that on his behalf. Medication could alleviate some of that too.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Actually, the school counselor probably see him for 1/2 hour once a week and if she/he is lucky, spent an hour observing. They are just too busy to do more. They are also preasured by the teachers a lot. That being said, you cannot count on the counselor being objective.

 

[Lachesis00]

His school councilor sees him actually for up to an hour a day most days... so she would know him better. He likes her a lot better too. :/

We're off to the professional councilor here shortly.

 

[Mimi Q]

Just wondering how your son was doing with school. Hope things are going well.

 

[beaconbabe]

Hi, I have not read all the replies to this post but I am there! Things were so extreme that I home schooled my son for half of 2nd grade and all of third grade. At the time, and I still would, have made the same decision. It gave us time to recover and my son time to learn (he has tourette's, adhd, ocd, dyslexia, separation anxiety, school phobia, odd).
This year he started a private school which did not work out, began tutoring thru the school district and was finally placed in a BOCES program in mid- Dec. All the anxiety is back - I thought time and getting older would help. Things were so bad this week - the battle became physical - w/ my son hitting me in the head while driving. Also, the principal (who doesn't get it) dragged him off the top of my car. Shortly after I left I received a call that he is being sent to the hospital for saying he wants to kill himself.
Oh boy......it actually turned out well, the pyschiatrist at the hospital was excellent and totally understood. He gave me a packet he wrote abt school phobia (you can email be at beaconbabe@optonline.net - and I can send you a copy). It explains my son. People do not get it. I don't know (I haven't read all your posts) your son's issues but there does not have to be a trigger. It's like any other phobia. Right now he is home and we are looking for a theraputic day treatment program at a hospital (which might led to an admission -which I'm not sure abt). I don't know where all this is going to end, but please e-mail me because this dr.s notes are excellent - I left a copy at his school so the staff can educate themselves. My prayers are w/ you. Linda

 

[Daisy Duck 5]

My cousin had depression and could not handle high school. She is now at an adult high school where some of her classes only have 2 people. Maybe a private would let you attend also.

 

[beaconbabe]

Hi Daisy, It's complicated w/ his other issues. He did start this year in a private school and started to separate (I did sit in the building which helped) but his meds were not effective and other behavioral problems got him kicked out after abt 2-3 weeks. The dyslexia makes things more difficult - he is very smart and the frustration level w/ reading is high.

 

[totalia]

The OP's son IS in counseling. It doesn't work like snapping your fingers you know. And just because you've never heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

I know that. You don't have to be so rude. I was trying to give advice that will actually help rather than maybe's or what if's.

People need to stop babying children so much. Pulling them out of every stressful situation isn't going to help them learn to deal with a stressful world.

 

[beaconbabe]

I did not mean to be rude. You do not understand the stress level involved. Aftter I started home schooling I could not even drive by a school w/o my son violently ticing. I have not babied him. I allowed school personnel to physically hold him so I could leave - which made the situation worse (he was even punched by a office worker). The school we just had problems w/ put him in a restraint. This is not a normal situation. This is extreme and if I sound rude so be it. I am at the end of my line and my husband & I are very depressed and are at a loss.

I just wanted to help the original poster. The papers the dr. gave me are very informative. Maybe I should not have bothered.
Also, my son has been in counseling for over 3 years. We have a neuro-psychologist, a neuro-psychiatrist, and a neurologist (which are excellent and I drive over an hr. to bring him to each). Things in life are not always what they appear and do not always go by the book.