Home schooling for school phobia ? Need help

[ladycollector]

You will be surprised how good of an education he gets. If you're buying a full homeschool curriculum (not just the book), it's all there and easy as pie. You may even grow to love homeschooling.

Pixie Dust coming your way!! Hope it gets resolved soon for you guys!

 

[damo]

Did anyone give you the option to attend school with him and volunteer in the class until a transition could be made? Did you try having the teacher over for dinner and perhaps developing a relationship between the two outside of the class?

Just trying to think of some other options.

 

[danacara]

Did you even bother exploring other schools in the area? There are private schools around you that are masterfully good at dealing with this issue. If you go ahead and get the IEP, you stand a good chance that the district will pay for alternative placement. Your son needs friends, badly, and he's not going to get them sitting at your kitchen table. You are right in that you need to do something. Good luck.

 

[disneymom3]

Your son needs friends, badly, and he's not going to get them sitting at your kitchen table.

Not to get too off topic here, but do you even know any homeschoolers? I promise you, my kids don't spend a lot of time at the kitchen table and they have a lot of friends. To speak to a position you know nothing about when there is a person trying to make a decision of what would be right for their child is really not fair. Your point about the private school option is very important. I think it is wise to explore all of the options and then for the OP to decide what she feels is the best choice. Homeschooled children are remarkably well adjusted as a whole and if you look at national test scores, they routinely score 2 grade levels above their public schooled peers. I am thankful that we live in a place where we do have so many options for educating our children. I know that I would not be able to afford private school for my kids and I know that public school is not the best choice for us.

 

[lsyorke]

Flakey, I'm so sorry that your school isn't really being supportive. Going with an IEP the school has the option for home instruction and an integrated slow reintroduction to school. They don't like home instruction since the IEP is suppose to educate "In the least restrictive setting". With a phobia situation they have to recognize that just going back to school isn't going to work.I'd continue with the IEP process and be VERY vocal about what your child needs and the recommendations of his therapist. Also getting his pediatrician involved will carry ALOT of weight. They cannot deny home instruction with a doctors note. Keep me posted.Making him an anxious "butt in the seat" isn't in your son's best interest and they need to recognize that.

 

[sha_lyn]

Why don't you look into some of the Homeschool groups in your area? That way if you do decide to pull him out you will have a support system in place

This is a state wide organization
http://www.masshope.org/

this is a list of area groups
http://www.hslda.org/orgs/default.asp?State=MA


This a list of support groups

 

[JESW]

Third grade was a VERY tough year for my DS - he is now 10 and in the 4th grade. I don't know your son's history, but I was told by several people that 3rd grade is a time when a lot of problems escalate - it is the year when the kids are expected to work more independently and that stresses a lot of kids out. It did mine.

We knew there was "something" different about our son from a young age but we didn't know what - his behavior in school in 3rd grade made us realize we had to have him tested (the school also recommended it) Monday mornings were especially tough - he wouldn't get on the bus. I would find him in his room under the MATTRESS in the fetal position saying he wouldn't go...that he would rather die. I would also find him in his closet or under the bed. I ended up having to drive him back and forth to school - which meant I also had to drive DD, who went to a different school, every day...it was a tough year!

After testing and everything else, our son was diagnosed with Aspergers, which is on the Autism spectrum - high functioning Autism with social issues (among other things). I had never heard of it! But after reading more about it all the things we questioned about our son made sense. He is now on medication and sees a psychiatriist every other week, he has an ISP (similar to an IEP) at school, sees the counselor there 2x a week and everyone knows that he has issues when things get too stressful at school. He is allowed to go to the counselor's office when he feels out of control - last year he would crawl under his desk or bang his head on his desk when upset. For my son he NEEDED to have some control over his situation and before he didn't. Home schooling would NEVER have worked for him - or ME! He needs to learn how to get through social situations - which will only get harder.

My son also had/has depression and anxiety issues. I won't lie, but it was HELL for our family to go through all that to get a diagnose and get treatment. I have to credit the school as I always felt they were (and still are) behind us with support.

I have NO idea if your situation is/will be anything like ours, but help is out there for your son and hopefully your school system will work WITH you and not against you.

Good luck!!!!

Jill

 

[flakypuff]

Did you even bother exploring other schools in the area?I will try not to let this comment get to me...maybe its the "bother" word that makes me so mad...This isn't a easy thing to do and I am not taking it lightly.
We can not afford private school.
I have tried staying at the school and helping in the office but he ran out of class to look for me.
JESW Boy that must have been so tough... your poor son. My son has also said things like "I want to die" it is just awful so I can only imagine what you and your family were going through. It is so hard for a child because they don't understand why they are doing this either..do people really think they are enjoying this.. ..they feel awful about being out of control.
As far as sitting at the kitchen table...I just have to laugh!

 

[kasar]

Even if you can't afford private schools there are still many options. Your school is required to educate your child and if they can't (or are unable to) meet his needs then they will work with you to find another alternative. That may very well be homeschooling or it may be finding a school that has experience dealing with children like your son. Also, many private schools offer tuition assistance and scholarships. I'm not saying that's what you should do, just making sure you know about all the options.

 

[danacara]

This isn't a easy thing to do and I am not taking it lightly. We can not afford private school.
I have tried staying at the school and helping in the office but he ran out of class to look for me. ...
As far as sitting at the kitchen table...I just have to laugh!

1. Explore other public schools. Is there any other elementary school within your own district? Neighboring districts? He needs a fresh start. He's literally telling you that he feels like a freak among his classmates. He can't make it much clearer than that.

2. If you transfer him within the district but continue to demand the IEP, or even if you leave things the way they are and demand the IEP, there stands a very reasonable chance that your school will pay for alternative placement - in other words, THEY will pay for the private school. It's a cheaper alternative than home tutoring for them, and it satisfies the terms of NCLB. In my home county (Morris, NJ), at least thirteen districts pay for private placement given an IEP with the accompanying psychological diagnosis including phobias or Asperger's. I know this because my mother has spent fifteen years at the alternative placement private school, teaching boys who arrive exactly the same symptoms as your son, and also because it took my older stepbrother a trip through military school before his mother realized that generalized social anxiety disorder had characterized his life.

3. Regarding the kitchen table, I am sorry you took offense. The living room couch. The master bedroom floor. Pick your pleasure, but the main point is, there will be no other kids there, he will be as alone just as he is now. I am assuming that a kid who will not go to school will be no more inclined to enjoy the local homeschooling support network or karate lessons. If that's not the case, if he loves the karate but hates school or whatever, you are witnessing a particularly uncommon phobia.

4. Your son has been out of school for months, you describe him as "behind" academically. You say it's hard to get him to sit in the house such that homeschooling can take place. Does this situation seem to lend itself to long-term homeschooling to you?

5. I have no doubt that homeschooling can be academically successful given the right set of circumstances, but there is absolutely a social price. I know a dozen or more homeschoolers from my undergraduate school. In fact, my year, the valedictorian was a homeschooler from California, physics major, unarguably a well-prepared genius. She also spent three and a half years living in a private room at the medical center after having a breakdown freshman year due to the social pressures. She graduated with perfect grades and zero friends. She was more or less characteristic of the homeschoolers I knew. Homeschoolers were more likely than minorities to drop out of Princeton. Do you know how bad things have to get to leave Princeton? Bad.

This will be my last post on this thread, I'm sorry that my word choice has hurt you, but I guarantee you, a bad choice on your part with regard to your son now, who's clearly holding it together by a thread, will be ten times as brutal as the worst thing I can possibly say to you here. So, do every bit of homework you possibly can on this as a gift to him.

 

[damo]

Will they not let you stay in the classroom with him? I'm sure the teacher could use an extra set of hands for a while.

 

[Crankyshank]

I personally would try another school or other options before homeschooling, especially because he's going to need to be able to adapt to various potentially stressful social situations throughout his life. Imho it's kind of like reinforcing the negative behavior by pulling him out of school. I do understand your anxiety, though.

I especially wouldn't personally homeschool living in MA because of how strict the MCAS are. Before researching further, you might want to check with other local homeschoolers and the MA dept of Ed to see how they handle the MCAS with homeschoolers.

 

[LMC]

flakypuff:
I pm'd you. If you don't know what pm is, go to your user cp and check your personal message there.

 

[cruisnfamily]

We can not afford private school.

You may be surprised at the amount of funds available to you once you get an IEP. With an IEP, the state pays way more money to the school to educate your child. Depending on diagnosis, the amount can be quite large!We are in FL. I know of 2 cases where the IEP provided funds for private schooling. In one case, the child had CP the IEP allowed for payment of $26,000 per year in payment to a private special needs school. The school did cost more than that and the parents had to pay the difference, maybe about $3,000 per year which was a HUGE break off the tuition. In another case I know of, the child had no "major" issues, he was just LD. The amount of money(I don't know the dollars) that he was entitled to from the state was MORE THAN the cost of tuition at a private Catholic School in our area. He got to go for free!

So, bottom line, look at all the angles! Your child is entitled to an education in whatever setting best works for him. Be his advocate!

Also, I think you're done with this school, it doesn't sound like they are supportive and you definitely need more support. Find another school for sure.

As far as homeschooling, I couldnt' do it. I wouldn't even try. I'd be looking to make somebody educate my child, it's his right!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

whew. I honestly don't know what I would do in your case Flaky. I'm not a huge fan of homeschooling myself, but obviously you guys can't go on indefinately like this. I'm sure you aren't considering this lightly.

Crankyshank has a good point. In my state Private schools and Homeschoolers are exempted from State testing requirements. My kid's private schools administer the Terra Novas annually and they also offer the testing to local Homeschoolers for a fee. MA might be much more stringent however.

Private schools here run the gamut from a couple thousand a year for the smaller church based schools to "you might as well be paying college tuition." I have no idea what your area is like, but you might want to check around some for recommendations ... and many of them do offer tuition assisstance.

 

[Teejay32]

I had no idea there were alternative placement schools of the kind described here. They sound great and I could have used guidance from them at one time, but in hindsight I'm ok with how we handled things here too. I think there is some value, if you're going the public school route, in having your kids go to their own neighborhood or district school and trying to work everything through there. It's a judgement call though.

This thread has been sticking in my mind because of the anxiety issues in it, which I do know something about. I'm pretty sure that for me the boy's education would be a secondary concern at this point. Crippling anxiety is a vicious cycle, which can lead to physical problems, which builds upon the mental issues, etc...right now (apparently) his anxieties center around school, and like Dana said they can easily transfer themselves to karate lessons or a homeschool network or anything else, because the problem is probably not just school. What people do at any age is take a break, have a period of rest, start on anti-anxiety meds as kind of a "hand up", and then deal with the issues behind the actual phobia. People have difficulty with this at 20 and 30...at nine years old I'm not sure if it's easier or tougher to work through. But it has to be done.

More for you and for him...December is a short school month...

 

[Lachesis00]

I just posted this to another board b/c my son's anxiety has progressively gotten worse and I am at a loss...

Has anyone heard of a kid who has... it is like school phobia. It isn't even school phobia exactly. It's social phobia...? He doesn't like being out of the house even to go to the mall and forget a car trip/ride anywhere and school seems to be the worst.
He stayed at a friends (family friends) for 3 days and said the anxiety at night was horrible. He kept hearing noises, his heart would jump and then start racing even tho he knew what the noises were...

Joey has it. It happened sometime back in early October... after a bad phone conversation with my mom... it slowly started but has progressed severely.
He gets to school and can't actually get into class. He says he get panicky and starts having an anxiety attacks (his school councilor has confirmed this, she said they are severe).
He will totally break down (110%), like a total anxiety/panick attack. He also has minor depression. He sleeps like 10-15 hours a day which isn't bad in it's self but he refuses to go to bed before 11 and if he does he lays in bed and said he starts thinking thoughts like about me or my mom/sister/nephews. Most nights he doesn't go to sleep until well after midnight even tho TV, computer, music has been off for a couple hours.
He knows Darren isn't working and that worries him a lot no matter how many times I will tell him we're good for another 4-6 months. Me ragging on him "upsets him".
He can't sleep. He keeps thinking it's an hour or two earlier then it is (like last night I went in and told him it was 10 and he swore it was 9... at 11:30 he came in and kissed me goodnight thinking it was 10:30... even this morning he was arguing his light was off @ 10:30 and it was 12:30)
He is going to a professional councilor (which I am paying out of pocket) who is helpful but some of the stuff she says makes a lot of sense and some I do not understand... She wants me to go to school with him and he refuses... She wants to force him to go to school, meltdowns or not... start an hour a day....I can't totally agree with that... humilation in front of classmates... like thats going to get him to go.
She thinks it is brought on by years of being picked on by Taylor and LeClair in Juneau (NO school "problems" here at all) plus he has no sense of self worth here (in Juneau he took care of my nephews and sister). He will sit in class (well lately the office) and worry about me. Worry I might fall and no one is home, or drive somewhere and get lost and not be able to find my way home...
Remember the encopresisosis (where he was having accidents?) well he doesn't anymore, it's manifested into this. Sucks b/c we had a 6-7 month period of neither.

His school wants me to move him to a charter school (his professional councilor doesn't think that is a good idea, she thinks it will follow him where ever he goes and he needs to over come it).

Both the school and councilor feel he needs medication (anyone know what might be suggested? He has an appt this Friday). However the professional councilor wants him to wait until the medication is in his system (she still doesn't think it will help much or that he will still have the same issues, the school councilor says she feels it will help).
His homework is all caught up and done and for the most part his grades are excellent but he has to be in the classroom X amount of days to pass.

I am myself getting more depressed over this then I am Darren not working... I find myself sinking into anxiety attacks several times a week now. Twice I've actually taking my medication. I wake up in severe anxiety.

I must admit I feel like I am being played part of the time... not all of the time but he knows how to manipulate and what will work.

I know I made the right move to move from Alaska, and who knows this could have happened there as well but it doesn't make it an easier for me to function day to day.
I hear what his doctor says but how do you make a almost 6' kid who is 170 pounds get out of bed? How do you make them go to school when they melt down and sob on you?

I am sorry this is so long... I just needed to vent. I feel so lost now days. I can't get a job b/c of his condition, I can't be far from the house in case his has a severe panick attack, I can't go out on my own... this morning I just feel like crying (again). It keeps welling up.

Also he says his whole body hurts. I am thinking it is growing pains. What do you do for them? He has these serious stretch marks (fresh) all over his arms, back, legs, by his knees.... He didn't have them when he was little.

Once again sorry for blowing off steam... I just feel so helpless, worthless. His professional councilor pretty much said I am worthless parent for not forcing him to go to school. (see I am welling up, crying again). He does get up every day (which is what she told me what to do if he won't/can't go to school) and helps us with chores on top of any school work he might have.

 

[Teejay32]

How old is he?

 

[Lachesis00]

13. The two ladies he sees (one is @ school, one is a professional) think he needs something for anxiety and depression and maybe something to help him sleep until the other med(s) kick in.

We held him back this year (his choice made the final decision) because of a LOT of issues last year in Alaska.

About me taking my meds. I have Xanax but have issues taking it b/c of addiction problems my mom and sister have... :/ So for me to break down and take one... well I do not like being out of control, panicky, sobbing over this.

 

[momof2inPA]

I would make sure his counsellor has significant experience dealing with social phobia. If not, I might appeal to a local psychiatrist for some donated services, and I would try the meds. I've known some adults who have been helped significantly by different medications, and sometimes they tried different ones until they found which worked best.

My heart aches for these kids.

Hugs and best of luck.