Home schooling for school phobia ? Need help

[momof2inPA]

I disagree with everyone and think that homeschooling for the rest of the year and trying a different school next year might be a good solution, or maybe you could just try a different school. His current school is not handling your son's problems well, and there is something that really upsets him there, so why not take him out of that situtation and try a different education option. I would continue with his counselling, though. Best of luck, but I would not put my child through that.

Here's a link to homeschool laws in MA

http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp?State=MA

Best of luck.

 

[jrydberg]

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that home schooling would not be wise in this case. He's going to have to get by this somehow. Removing him from the setting will not solve the problem long term.

As to the VP, I'm sure he was just trying to help. I assure you there are lots of kids who throw a little fit when their parents are standing there but as soon as they're gone, the kid is fine with everything. Your son sounds like the exception.

It's also very common to have a policy of absolutely no parents in the classroom after a certain age (1st grade in my school district).

I guess my point is, try to understand the school's perspective. I don't think they're acting unreasonably. You just have very peculiar circumstances that are extraordinarily difficult to deal with (for you and the school).

I tend to agree with danacara that a new school might help.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

 

[missyc]

Didn't you say that he ONLY does this with school? You can leave him other places? Does he sleep in his own room at night?
If school really is the only place he has a problem and you are able to do it, then I think I might homeschool for a while too.
While he's being homeschooled and you think he's ready to try it again maybe you could set up some tutoring or something to see if he can seperate then. At a real tutoring place like Sylvan or something. Not a home. Still looks/feels like school, but is so much smaller and for a short time. If you're willing to go to church try the Sunday school classes.
These are just some things that came to mind, but I really know nothing so feel free to ignore me!!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

oh man. I bet this just makes your morning miserable. I imagine school has become more about the morning drama than learning for both of you. Plus, as I'm sure you have been reminded, 3rd to 5th grade are hugely important years in learning reading comprehension and basic math skills. I would be really concerned about him falling behind.

I don't think I could add anything beyond what I'm sure your therapist has already covered. Have you talked to her the idea of pulling him out?

I wonder if there is a small private Montessori type school around you that would let you work on being in the classroom with him part of the day and gradually leaving him for extended periods?

It isn't that I think Homeschooling is a horrible idea, I just share the fear with others that you will only be reinforcing his seperation fears. That would be a huge issue that you will have to avoid.

 

[grinningghost]

I can give you a look ahead into the future if the problem isn't solved early.

My niece, who is now 17, was diagnosed with school phobia in 2nd grade. She refused to go to school and my MIL, who was raising her, felt the only compassionate way to deal with it was to let her stay home. She had a tutor come in, but that didn't help matters at all.

After about 4 months, she went back to school, but it was hit and miss. She probably stayed home more often than she went to school. Every school year that followed found her missing so much school that there was no possible way she could ever have kept up with her work. Letting her slide in the early years created a pattern of missing school whenever she didn't feel like going.

Bottom line. She dropped out in 10th grade. Not that it mattered much, she probably had an education equivalent to that of a 4th grader when all was said and done.

Today she's out of school, sleeping until whenever, running the streets, into drugs, doesn't work (she can barely read, so I don't know how she'll ever have a job).

Not to say that this kind of extreme situation will happen to you, but just so you can see what the extreme end is.

Good luck to you. I urge you to get him all the help you can.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

Have a high anxiety son myself. Take the pressure off. Maybe have him tutored/homeschooled this year, small school next year with setting the limit now that next year he will be in school.
I wouldn't let the school push him into a nervous breakdown. I tried EEG Biofeedback for my son until we couldn't afford it . Found out in a Time magazine article that meditation works in the same way by changing brainwave patterns in the front of the brain. My son is overactive in the part of the brain that handles thinking about consequences.

His school phobia is not so severe but i swear the only reason he went to Kindergarten was the reward of riding the school bus. School is a high stress environment for him still in 6th grade. So many times especially in 1 st grade he would get off the bus and burst into tears from social stress. I can understand completely.I suffer social anxiety myself.I would homeschool him but it wouldn't work for us.

When he doesn't want to go to school now, i remind him it is the law, there are only so many days he can miss This works because he is a rule follower. His fears wouldn't let me park in a physicians parking lot on a Sunday because it was posted.

Homeschooling did work for the two children of a friend. Her DS just couldn't get used to Kindergarten and so she homeschooled. But there are so many homeschooler where we live that she was in an association. Her kids had tutors outside the house (sometimes in small groups) for different subjects and joined in activities for plays, karate,music etc so they were absolutely not socially isolated.


Good luck

 

[Skywalker]

I suffer from social anxiety myself and I know how dang PAINFUL it can be, emotionally, and I am an adult! Give the little guy a break and homeschool him if you can.

 

[missyc]

I don't think you should compare "giving in" to homeschooling the same as giving in to a toddler's temper tantrums or a teen's rebelion. Phobias are real problems that are hard/impossible to control.
My DS11 has a lot of anxiety. I didn't realize what was going on and kept taking him back to the Dr because of stomach pains, vomitting, etc. I took offense at the Drs for telling me to take him to a psychologist. I can now look back and see what the problem was.
He had "belly aches" at night a lot and I would lay with him. I think I was comforting him, not feeding the problem.
He has pretty much grown out of most of the problems, but he's still a "worrier" and nights have always been worse for him. He has never wanted to go to sleep-overs.
I say if there is something reasonable that you can do to help your child through a difficult situation you have a parental obligation to do it!

 

[Mermaid02]

My son has a generalized anxiety disorder and we first noticed it with school. He has been on Paxil for about a year now and it has helped immensely. His quality of life is far better now than it was 2 years ago. I still have to take him to school and leave him though- if I have a day off and want to stay and chat with the others Moms on the playground forget it! He starts to tear up.

I thought about homeschooling him, but I was afraid that when he went back it would be that much harder. Having actually been in a very similar situation my advice is not to homeschool (my son actually begged me to do this).

 

[snoopy]

What an idiot that Vice Principal is. Why on earth would he do something like that????? My goodness, I felt my blood pressure rising just reading that.

I've never heard of school phobia, this thread has been interesting to read.

I sure hope it gets better for you and your son.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
I disagree with everyone and think that homeschooling for the rest of the year and trying a different school next year might be a good solution, or maybe you could just try a different school. His current school is not handling your son's problems well, and there is something that really upsets him there, so why not take him out of that situtation and try a different education option. I would continue with his counselling, though. Best of luck, but I would not put my child through that.

Here's a link to homeschool laws in MA

http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp?State=MA

Best of luck.

I agree. Your DS is under so much stress right now and the school, from what you wrote, sounds like they have been no help.

I'd take him out now and start homeschooling, I'd also, when he was ready, enroll him in some kind of extra activity, karate, swimming something he really wants to do. That way it'll put him in a social situation that involves something he's really wants to do. Then, if next year you feel he's ready and he wants to attend public/private school you can start fresh at a new one. If you both enjoy homeschool then you can continue that, whichever is best for you both.

Good luck I hope your situation improves real soon!

 

[flakypuff]

Wow! All of you are so wonderful. Thank you.. As all of you can see this is more common than most think.
SNOOPIE: Yes he is an idiot! The counselor was so upset by this she suggested we file charges... Since the insurance does not cover the physiatrist she thinks we should ask the school to cover the cost since this has developed so severe since that incident. I can't even think in that direction now....


Thanks for the links on home schooling... I am torn.
My DH is afraid of the social thing with home schooling but sees my sweet happy child turning into a sad, frustrated little boy before our eyes.... He says, " I try to think of the big picture. He could be terminally ill.... it is school...one year...is this going to make a darn (softened it a little) bit of difference when he is 30????

Thanks I needed all those hugs.

 

[Kallison]

If he has a diagnosis you can request that the school home tutor him. That is the law in our state. They don't want to believe the diagnosis because it will cost them money. Keep that in mind though, you can push the issue.

 

[flakypuff]

You are right. It ids the law in MA..that is my state...
And you are right they don't want to spend the money.

 

[lightningcoach]

I would not worry about the social aspect. There are probably homeschooling groups in your area that get the kids together for sports, art, music and just play. Try checking out some homeschool sites. In regards to socialization- I argue the fact that life is just not made up of a class of 3rd graders. Your child has to be able to relate to people other than just his own peer group. If you decide to homeschool, get him involved with other activities and clubs and he will do just fine. Provide him with enough love and stability that he can start to shed his insecurities and I am sure he will begin to blossom. Every child is different and unique and a regular classroom setting is not for every child.

 

[phillybeth]

Regardless of whether or not you are going to keep him in this school, transfer him to another, or home-school, you need to get to the bottom of what is causing the school-based anxiety. I have to tell you I am concerned that it is ONLY school-based, not at any other time when he and you are separated. It is not typically for a child with separation anxiety or social phobia to have it in only ONE situation.

 

[flakypuff]

I think it is typical if you have a "school Phobia" I am not sure..... We are trying to get to the bottom of it. The hard part is "What do you do in the meantime?" Little baby steps may work and that is suggested but what do you do for the learning? He can't learn if you can't get him in the school.... You can maybe tutor but should that be at home or in another setting?? Would home will help the learning end so hopfully he would fall anymore behind but it could make the fear worse.....

 

[EdiePA]

My heart goes out to you -- this is just such a difficult situation. Suffered thru it with DS#2 (that's his photo at the bottom of the page) in first grade and again in fifth.

First, I recommend counseling with someone who is certified and knowledgable at working with children. This therapy should involve the parents, too.

Second, have you thought about another school? My son made it thru elementary school with counseling, but refused to go to the middle school in fifth grade. It got so bad, I thought he would run away from home! We transferred him to a private school and again, got him counseling. This counselor gave him marvelous tools, that he still uses today -- positive imaging, slowing down his breathing, etc. The school was willing to work with him, too. What a marvelous bunch of people -- another student would notice Matt crying and go to the teacher saying, "Matt's crying" She would respond, "I know he is, let's see if we can help him." No teasing, no recrimination, just a lot of love. It took almost a month, but then he settled in and was able to transfer back to the public school system in 7th grade.

As you can see, he has outgrown this and is now a sophomore at Penn State. But just reading your posts, brought all of the anxiety and confusion back to my mind!

Sending you hugs and good thoughts!

Edie

 

[flakypuff]

Thank you for sharing that with me. That does help,
Your son is very cute...and he looks very happy.
Sometimes when you are in the middle of this things seem so unclear. It takes some reminding that yes, there is light...you just need to open the window to let it all shine in

 

[flakypuff]

Still deciding but all of you have been a big help...Thanks so very much!