home school? what would you do?

[Dug720]

Only those parents with kids in the class room would have access … there would be no spying Cost would be minimal

It's not that simple. Even with photo permission slips signed, we are only allowed to send home pictures where there is no other identifiable child in the picture. So if I have a picture of one of the kiddos in my class performing a task, I can only send it to their parent if you cannot see the face of another child in the picture.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's not that simple. Even with photo permission slips signed, we are only allowed to send home pictures where there is no other identifiable child in the picture. So if I have a picture of one of the kiddos in my class performing a task, I can only send it to their parent if you cannot see the face of another child in the picture.

Plus in middle school students are going from classroom to classroom, none have the same exact schedule, what a cluster that would be.

 

[cabanafrau]

Bullying rarely goes on in the classroom, and a lot of bullying, even boys, does not involve physical assault.

My high school teacher DD would disagree -- and she would really disagree from her time as a MS teacher. It's astounding to me hearing from her experiences and those of her teacher friends from college who are in a wide variety of school settings just how much bullying and fights are commonplace today, even in comparison to when my DDs were going through school.

OP, this is a really tough thing to be going through and I hope there is a good resolution for your DD very soon. A few things in your situation stood out to me based on my experience raising two daughters and anecdotal experience my teacher DD shares about what's going on in schools and classrooms today. She teaches special ed and most of her caseload actually stems from students with emotional impairments and/or less profound cognitive impairments. A lot of what stood out to me in your comments tweaked things my DD has talked about struggling with making parents of various students understand/believe regarding their children's real struggles.

I am going to challenge a lot of the prevailing attitude in the thread and caution you to ask yourself, can you really look yourself in the mirror and say with absolute certainty that your DD's therapist is definitely wrong in suggesting your DD is being manipulative and should remain in the classroom? That's a pretty strong position for a therapist to advocate. You describe your DD as sensitive. Is she perhaps being treated for anxiety and avoiding school because of anxiety more so than actual bullying?

Bullying happens. It can have devastating effects. It shouldn't be overlooked. I'm merely saying that the bottom line is your daughter needs a solution for the real problem. If bullying is your daughter's true problem, that's where you should focus your energy. If it's not truly the root cause put your energy where it's needed to solve the problem.

If the therapist isn't working towards what your DD needs, find a new one. If the therapist is working on the issues and your DD is resisting, don't encourage the avoidance. In the end that won't help your DD.

It's great that she's participated in some activities and enjoys some things. Unfortunately theater can be a very tricky dynamic in and of itself. Competitiveness can make interpersonal dynamics difficult, and even adult theater groups struggle with that issue. Breaking into established cliques can be difficult because of the potential threat to pecking order a newcomer brings. Helping out with childcare is a commendable endeavor and enjoying dance is great. Unfortunately both of those do nothing to solve her social issues at school. A way to make inroads into the school social scene may be participating in task-oriented groups and activities where there's a common goal and simply a shared workload or project. It can be easier to make inroads with others if they get to know Sarah as the cheerful girl who worked hard with them to get all the tables and chairs set up quickly instead of another rival for the lead role in the musical. Participating in the things she loves is great, she just might need to participate in some others as well to give her the opportunity for the ice to break.

Maybe she needs not to attend that school. Maybe she needs a better therapist. From my perspective I certainly can't tell which choices are best for her. I am encouraging you to be very objectively honest with yourself about everything you know so that you can shortcut a path to working towards a solution.

Very best of luck to your DD and you.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

OP, I feel for you. I was your daughter in middle school and developed school phobia and didn’t go for 2 years. I ended up going to a special school and the confidence I gained there along with medication for my anxiety allowed me to go back by 10th grade and graduate. Things can get better.

School phobia is a real thing and not everyone is aware of that.

I also agree that therapist shouldn’t have said what they said, but I wonder if there is something more behind it? Do they think your daughter is exaggerating? Does she have an underlying condition that wouldn’t be helped by homeschooling? Like social anxiety or agoraphobia or something?

 

[monsterkitty]

The OP and all the other responders have the Facts … We all know why it hasn’t happened and probably never will … if cameras save one child from bullying and everything that goes along with that isn’t that worth the cost? The only place you can expect ‘privacy’ is within the 4 walls of your home and even that is debatable these days … if cameras are ok and demanded for cops in some of the most private situations life can throw out then they certainly are appropriate for teachers and classroom in a public school … fact is this could be easily done and at a cost that is affordable given the cost of not doing it We won’t agree on this so in the interest of the thread I’ll ignore

I have two comments for you:

1. Teachers would love to have cameras in the classrooms so we could show parents exactly what their child was doing instead of working.

2. My niece and nephew were taken from their school by their non-custodial mother who had lost all contact and visitation rights because she suffered from Munchausen by proxy. When she lost custody of them, my BIL pulled them from the public school they were attending for two reasons: 1) she knew what school they attended and he knew she would go there and try to take the kids, and 2) he thought they would be safer in a private school.

Their mother spent hours on school websites hoping to find my niece and nephew. Because the school that my BIL enrolled his children in did not follow his directions of not posting their names or pictures on the school website, she was able to find the new school when my niece's picture was taken during a school activity and then posted on the website.

Ex-SIL then went to the school, told the secretary and principal she was taking her children to lunch, they allowed the children to leave with her. It took us 3 months of looking for our niece and nephew before they were found.

This was caused because a school posted a picture of a student when they were not supposed to post that picture.

 

[barkley]

I have two comments for you:

1. Teachers would love to have cameras in the classrooms so we could show parents exactly what their child was doing instead of working.

2. My niece and nephew were taken from their school by their non-custodial mother who had lost all contact and visitation rights because she suffered from Munchausen by proxy. When she lost custody of them, my BIL pulled them from the public school they were attending for two reasons: 1) she knew what school they attended and he knew she would go there and try to take the kids, and 2) he thought they would be safer in a private school.

Their mother spent hours on school websites hoping to find my niece and nephew. Because the school that my BIL enrolled his children in did not follow his directions of not posting their names or pictures on the school website, she was able to find the new school when my niece's picture was taken during a school activity and then posted on the website.

Ex-SIL then went to the school, told the secretary and principal she was taking her children to lunch, they allowed the children to leave with her. It took us 3 months of looking for our niece and nephew before they were found.

This was caused because a school posted a picture of a student when they were not supposed to post that picture.

that is terrifying. I am so thankful the children were located.

when my kids were minors I looked over every piece of paperwork related to every school (private and public), camp, activity...to ensure there was no release written into it that allowed their image to be used for any purpose. a co-worker did'nt see any harm to signing off on these until her young dd's photo suddenly appeared on billboards all over the county she lived in promoting a social services program.

 

[Frwinkley]

Let’s face it, we all know it could be done and we all know why it isn’t and probably won’t be done doesn’t mean it shouldn’t.

As a retired teacher, I find your comment rather offensive. Can you explain why exactly you think it isn't done?

And if you want cameras in classrooms because of interactions between teachers and students and students with other students, we might as well put cameras everywhere. Baseball fields, basketball courts, gymnasiums, etc. The list goes on and on.

It is very much about privacy...students as well as teachers. I've had many kids over the years that couldn't even be photographed for the yearbook. Their pictures could not be shown on our school website either.

I know you might find this crazy, but teachers really do teach.

 

[eandt]

As a retired teacher, I find your comment rather offensive. Can you explain why exactly you think it isn't done?

And if you want cameras in classrooms because of interactions between teachers and students and students with other students, we might as well put cameras everywhere. Baseball fields, basketball courts, gymnasiums, etc. The list goes on and on.

It is very much about privacy...students as well as teachers. I've had many kids over the years that couldn't even be photographed for the yearbook. Their pictures could not be shown on our school website either.

I know you might find this crazy, but teachers really do teach.

Oh well I tried … you know why cameras aren’t in classrooms and it has little to do with student privacy … and FYI cameras are EVERYWHERE not only in the places you enumerate but also grocery stores, corporate offices, government buildings, city streets, play grounds, shopping malls, hospitals, police stations/cars/officers, virtually every store, amusement parks (yes Disney World), even outside of schools and on school buses, I could go on and on, not to mention they are in the hands of every human being you come into contact with over the age of 8 … but the classroom is where we draw the line on ‘privacy’, why is that? It’s my opinion this would solve a lot of issues like what the OP had and at very little cost either monetarily or socially … would you not be willing to give up a little privacy to most likely save a child the immediate and future affects of the type of issues the OP is having? I would …. We don’t have to agree it’s fine .. have a magical day

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh well I tried … you know why cameras aren’t in classrooms and it has little to do with student privacy … and FYI cameras are EVERYWHERE not only in the places you enumerate but also grocery stores, corporate offices, government buildings, city streets, play grounds, shopping malls, hospitals, police stations/cars/officers, virtually every store, amusement parks (yes Disney World), even outside of schools and on school buses, I could go on and on, not to mention they are in the hands of every human being you come into contact with over the age of 8 … but the classroom is where we draw the line on ‘privacy’, why is that? It’s my opinion this would solve a lot of issues like what the OP had and at very little cost either monetarily or socially … would you not be willing to give up a little privacy to most likely save a child the immediate and future affects of the type of issues the OP is having? I would …. We don’t have to agree it’s fine .. have a magical day

During COVID and hybrid learning kids at home could only see the teacher, students were never shown. Do you have children?

 

[Frwinkley]

Oh well I tried … you know why cameras aren’t in classrooms and it has little to do with student privacy … and FYI cameras are EVERYWHERE not only in the places you enumerate but also grocery stores, corporate offices, government buildings, city streets, play grounds, shopping malls, hospitals, police stations/cars/officers, virtually every store, amusement parks (yes Disney World), even outside of schools and on school buses, I could go on and on, not to mention they are in the hands of every human being you come into contact with over the age of 8 … but the classroom is where we draw the line on ‘privacy’, why is that? It’s my opinion this would solve a lot of issues like what the OP had and at very little cost either monetarily or socially … would you not be willing to give up a little privacy to most likely save a child the immediate and future affects of the type of issues the OP is having? I would …. We don’t have to agree it’s fine .. have a magical day

Please spell it out for me. I’m dense.

What do you think is happening in classrooms?

 

[sam_gordon]

would you not be willing to give up a little privacy to most likely save a child the immediate and future affects of the type of issues the OP is having? I would

What other rights are you willing to give up? The right to free speech? Unreasonable search & seizure? The right to remain silent? The right to travel? The right to due process? I mean if giving up those rights saves just one person, people should be willing to give them up? Is that what you're saying?

Of course I know it's not, or at least I hope it's not. But that's the slippery slope you're presenting whether you realize it or not.

 

[longboard55]

Back on subject. Switching schools is a good idea, get a fresh start. It worked for our daughter and another we know.

 

[mistysue]

If you feel things are truly BAD, I'd give homeschooling a try next year. She can always re-enroll in public school if she isn't happy. I think it's essential she stays involved in the extracurriculars you have her in for socialization, though.

I hope things get better.

I have homeschooled 3 kids at different times over the past 11 years. First you should realize that no decision is permanent. You can decide to homeschool tomorrow. If it doesn't work out, you can enroll her back in school a few weeks later. She can go back next year if she likes. I had one kid who wanted to go back to public school. It was a complete disaster and I pulled him out for homeschooling again after 2 weeks (while everyone told me that I should make him stick it out). I could tell that it wasn't good for his mental health. People always wonder why more isn't done about bullying and mental health and yet lots of people believe that kids should tough it out. If you were having these issues at work and you couldn't get it resolved, you'd look for a new job. Kids should have an out, too. For the record, my son decided to go back to school less than 2 years later and had a smooth transition back. He's now graduating high school a year early because he got so many high school credits during middle school from homeschooling.

My kids and I loved homeschooling. Sometimes I was took the unschooling/ directed learning approach and sometimes it was much more formal with duel enrollment and online classes. It all depended ont he child. If you do homeschool, a lot of community college will allow your child to start taking duel enrollment classes in the 7th or 8th grade. For FL, they cover the cost. It's a great way to save money on college and get high school and college credit. Also look into whether your child can tae a few classes at the public schol if there are classes that she likes. Where I live, homeschoolers can take up to 4 in-person classes. They can also participate in the school sports programs and extra curricular activities.

Homeschooling is a lot of fun and doesn't have to be a lot of work. We use YouTube for a majority of it. Crash Course and Khan Academy are great. We usually school for about 3 hours a day. I don't give my kids homework. If you have any specific questions, I'd be happy to answer them. Feel free to message me. Go with your gut and do what's right for your child. Again, you're not making the choice for her entire high school career. There's no harm in trying.

I want you to be sure this is the case where you are IF you take that advice. Many families leave during high school, only to find out their child can re-enroll but NOTHING they have done counts- As in every year there are kids who want to try out public high school for Senior year, and the district will only enroll them as freshman!

That aside, find out the laws for your state.
Find out what your daughter wants to do.
Determine if you are able to give her the experiences she needs to get where she needs to go. Online or charter schools are popular, we have gone with piecing together what our kids need on an individual basis.

All 3 of mine started in public. My oldest was a little unhappy, the middle was seriously neglected (depressed from gifted being held back), and the youngest was suicidal by 8. One by one they started homeschooling and it was absolutely the best thing for any of them. They are happier, well rounded, and more social. I actually get compliments on the youngest and his social skills from random adults who have no idea he homeschools and he's the one who has been home the longest. (and was pegged a trouble maker by the district)

I think you know homeschool is a huge commitment. It is. But so is everything with kids. It can also be expensive - which gets back to "know your state" because some of them have funding and some don't. Possibly join some social media homeschool groups to see roughly what you are looking at. (and for goodness sake, resist the urge to buy everything or trust the dirt cheap all-in-one programs that are being advertised without looking into them)

 

[sam_gordon]

I've been thinking about this a bit.

Is it possible that we (including the OP) doesn't know "the rest of the story"? Why does the therapist think homeschooling would be giving into the child? What's the response from the school? Is the daughter somehow causing reactions from other students?

And before someone tells me I'm victim blaming, all I'm saying is we don't have the whole story. Maybe everything we've been told is 100% factual, in which case the girl should be taken out of school. Or maybe it's being embellished by the girl or the OP.

Again, not saying it's the case, just a possibility.

 

[VandVsmama]

I think you should homeschool and not look back. Friend of mine did that back when her oldest was in elementary school. He graduated last year and is in college now. Go for it.

 

[clori]

Where I am high schoolers can take classes for two years (junior and senior year of high school) at a local community college called early college. it is done through the public high school (we have 1 city public high school) and the kid remains a student at the high school just takes classes at the community college. They participate in any desired events and get a high school diploma at graduation just like all the other students. Since they are on a college schedule they can still do any after school activity at the high school that fits their schedule, can eat lunch in the high school cafeteria if it doesn't conflict etc. It gives them both high school and college credits (no guarantee they will be accepted that is up to the individual college they go to afterwards). My kids did this - not for the same reason but it could be an option? Here it is 100% including free book rentals. Transportation was on us. Both benefitted by getting a double major and degree in 3 years. My oldest socialized with other college students forming study groups that met up before class and occasional lunch but it wasn't friendships. My youngest it was during covid so different.

 

[leebee]

Let’s face it, we all know it could be done and we all know why it isn’t and probably won’t be done doesn’t mean it shouldn’t.

@eandt Could you please explain clearly and succinctly "why it isn't done?" I have no clue as to what you mean here, and you haven't answered in prior posts, just kept saying "we know why it isn't done." EXPLAIN YOURSELF. WHY isn't it DONE?

 

[mistysue]

I've been thinking about this a bit.

Is it possible that we (including the OP) doesn't know "the rest of the story"? Why does the therapist think homeschooling would be giving into the child? What's the response from the school? Is the daughter somehow causing reactions from other students?

And before someone tells me I'm victim blaming, all I'm saying is we don't have the whole story. Maybe everything we've been told is 100% factual, in which case the girl should be taken out of school. Or maybe it's being embellished by the girl or the OP.

Again, not saying it's the case, just a possibility.

While I believe you are right, that likely nobody knows the whole story, there is nothing unusual about a therapist simply being against homeschool in general. Especially to the homeschool community this wouldn't by itself raise any flags. Just like how you will find doctors, dentists, teachers, police officers and grocery check out people who find themselves opposed to homeschool - either for good reason or no reason at all. There is a huge problem with people misunderstanding homeschool, and there are parents who aren't very good at parenting in every type of school; but in a homeschool situation it's easier to point to homeschool as the reason their kids are affected by this. (and then they become the only ones people bother to gossip about or report on the news)

 

[LuvOrlando]

@hulagirl87 I just wanted to stop in to say I really hope you and your child are having an OK sort of week

 

[sam_gordon]

While I believe you are right, that likely nobody knows the whole story, there is nothing unusual about a therapist simply being against homeschool in general. Especially to the homeschool community this wouldn't by itself raise any flags. Just like how you will find doctors, dentists, teachers, police officers and grocery check out people who find themselves opposed to homeschool - either for good reason or no reason at all. There is a huge problem with people misunderstanding homeschool, and there are parents who aren't very good at parenting in every type of school; but in a homeschool situation it's easier to point to homeschool as the reason their kids are affected by this. (and then they become the only ones people bother to gossip about or report on the news)

Which comes down to "why" the therapist is against homeschooling this child. Is it because they simply disagree with homeschooling as you suggest? Possible. Is it because they, in their conversations with the child, have learned something that hasn't (yet) been communicated with the mother? IMO, also possible.

I feel saying a new therapist is needed, based solely on what's been presented here, is unreasonable.