home school? what would you do?

[Pink Partridge]

Normal humans avoid abuse, I thought we were done with the idiocy of teaching kids to tough it out?

This right here. Spot on.

 

[lanejudy]

she's the one that tells me not to give in and homeschool because DD will learn that she can manipulate. In the process of looking for another therapist

Unless the reason for you seeing your therapist is related to your daughter manipulating you, this is absurd.

She has a therapist that we talk with. And we have gone in and talked with the school psychologist, her counselor, and the assistant principal. Many people are aware what is going on.

What did any of them say? How did the school plan to prevent the bullying? Does her therapist have suggestions of what would be best for your daughter (homeschool vs changing schools vs toughing it out)?

Has every single incident been reported? If it was several weeks/months ago that you last met with the school, they likely assume the issue has been resolved. The school has hundreds of students — if you aren’t making noise about this they don’t follow through.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You need to what is right for you and your family, regardless of what a therapist tells you.

You said in one of your posts that there are no other schools in the district. I'm assuming you live in a pretty small area. While it is sad, the school staff and everyone could be clicky and that's why they are not taking your DD seriously or you with the complaints. The could be sitting at the local tavern with one of the bullies parents each night and all part of the same circle. I know that sounds harsh, but that is reality in a small town. Maybe I'm off and your school is just a large one.

I'm glad DD has the other activities she's involved with to get some enjoyment outside the house. Good luck!

I live in a small town geographically (3 square miles) but the population is high (30,000). There is a 2 degree separation between each resident, folks live here for generations. We have many friends in the schools, teachers, counselors, administrators, and yes, we socialize with them, but usually they avoid local bars and restaurants, groceries stores, because they want to avoid parents.

 

[eandt]

I wonder how easy that would be to manage though. So if my kid is in a classroom from 11a-12p (for example), I can look in during that class, but not the class from 10a-11a. I guess access could be tied to student schedule. So I login, the computer knows I'm "Janie's" dad, the computer knows its 11:30a, it knows she's supposed to be in classroom 352, and shows me that class. Then it needs to know to kick me out at 12p. hmmm...

We put a man on the moon (allegedly) so yeah I’m sure there is some genius out there that could figure out how to give and take access to the cameras.

 

[eandt]

This right here. Spot on.

God gave us the fight or flight response. How one chooses to fight is individual choice

 

[disneyseniors]

One of my nephews simply refused to go to school during high school. I don't know what the cause was his parents were unable to get him to return to school.

Fast-forward a few years . . . my nephew went to community college, loved it, then to college, where he graduated with honors, and is now in law school.

OP, pulling your DD from her current school could be a godsend for her. It's not "giving in" to her. And, as others have noted, the therapist is giving you terrible advice.

As far as concern for your DD's socialization, from your post I gather that she has no social contacts at her high school anyway. It's not like letting her go to another school or to a virtual school or to a homeschool situation like the co-op describe in another post, would somehow ruin her ability to socialize. She's already not socializing.

Help your daughter. Be on her side. The internet's a great tool for finding resources you didn't even know about 10 minutes ago.

Please let us know what's happening.

This sounds like what my grandson went through at school.
As far as online learning? He is doing well and absolutely loves it.
Also, homeschooling is a really big thing around our area. There are numerous home schooling groups available.
My grandson's wife was home schooled due to bullying, and she did wonderfully. She was in a home schooling group who met for activities and socialization. At our schools, homeschooled children can compete in sports. They are not isolated at all. So that's another option.

Everyone is different and I hope you find the one that works for you.

 

[citruscurtis]

I would like to think that if I hadn’t been bullied I would be a different person, a more open, trusting, and extroverted one. No one should have to live in fear.

My 3rd wife is always asking why I don't have friends.... I just don't trust people. from 3rd grade through high school I was subject to bullying and the peers I did socialize with had the same problems.. 1 teacher in high school did however make me an extrovert and for that I am thankful. And when teaching writing and literature.. I always asked to teach the remedial and socially struggling students... because I truly understood their struggles...my enrollment of students second semester always increased

 

[greeneyedchick]

I have homeschooled 3 kids at different times over the past 11 years. First you should realize that no decision is permanent. You can decide to homeschool tomorrow. If it doesn't work out, you can enroll her back in school a few weeks later. She can go back next year if she likes. I had one kid who wanted to go back to public school. It was a complete disaster and I pulled him out for homeschooling again after 2 weeks (while everyone told me that I should make him stick it out). I could tell that it wasn't good for his mental health. People always wonder why more isn't done about bullying and mental health and yet lots of people believe that kids should tough it out. If you were having these issues at work and you couldn't get it resolved, you'd look for a new job. Kids should have an out, too. For the record, my son decided to go back to school less than 2 years later and had a smooth transition back. He's now graduating high school a year early because he got so many high school credits during middle school from homeschooling.

My kids and I loved homeschooling. Sometimes I was took the unschooling/ directed learning approach and sometimes it was much more formal with duel enrollment and online classes. It all depended ont he child. If you do homeschool, a lot of community college will allow your child to start taking duel enrollment classes in the 7th or 8th grade. For FL, they cover the cost. It's a great way to save money on college and get high school and college credit. Also look into whether your child can tae a few classes at the public schol if there are classes that she likes. Where I live, homeschoolers can take up to 4 in-person classes. They can also participate in the school sports programs and extra curricular activities.

Homeschooling is a lot of fun and doesn't have to be a lot of work. We use YouTube for a majority of it. Crash Course and Khan Academy are great. We usually school for about 3 hours a day. I don't give my kids homework. If you have any specific questions, I'd be happy to answer them. Feel free to message me. Go with your gut and do what's right for your child. Again, you're not making the choice for her entire high school career. There's no harm in trying.

 

[Gr8t Fan]

I agree with what many others have said - fire your therapist. I don't think deciding on homeschooling is "giving in" to your daughter based on what you've described.

We had a similar situation with our son in his junior year of high school. He never really fit in and we kept encouraging him to "tough it out", but we'd had enough of the bullying and lack of action from the school administration. We pulled him out, told the school he would be getting his GED, but also purchased the All in One homeschool curriculum. He finished the junior and senior year curriculum in about 6 months, got his GED, and is now enrolled in community college and working part-time. Absolutely no regrets whatsoever. Honestly, I wish we'd done it sooner.

Good luck to you whatever you decide!

 

[monsterkitty]

Only those parents with kids in the class room would have access … there would be no spying Cost would be minimal

It is generally against the privacy laws to film in class for public view. Most states have laws that require schools to maintain the privacy of students in the classroom. The laws protect special education students and students who are in foster care as well as other students whose parents do not want their images to be released to the public.

If a school does wish to place cameras in classrooms, the parents or guardians of every student must sign off that they will allow their child to be recorded. If there is a child who is in foster care in a classroom, a video camera cannot be used in most states.

Laws do allow cameras in hallways, busses, and other public areas but restrict their use in private areas such as the classrooms, restrooms, and offices unless very specific conditions are met.

If a video camera is used, it can only be for educational purposes only.

I taught band and orchestra. I could record concerts and play that video to only the students in my classroom. If we wanted to record a concert and place it on YouTube, I would be able to do that only if the parents or guardians of every student signed the media release contract. However, I always had at least one foster student in my classes and by law those students cannot have their images released without permission from the caseworkers/courts. At every concert I had to ask parents not to live stream or record the concert and load it onto social media platforms. While I could not control what they did, I did have to announce that videotaping the performance for live stream or social media wasn't allowed.

 

[eandt]

It is generally against the privacy laws to film in class for public view. Most states have laws that require schools to maintain the privacy of students in the classroom. The laws protect special education students and students who are in foster care as well as other students whose parents do not want their images to be released to the public.

If a school does wish to place cameras in classrooms, the parents or guardians of every student must sign off that they will allow their child to be recorded. If there is a child who is in foster care in a classroom, a video camera cannot be used in most states.

Laws do allow cameras in hallways, busses, and other public areas but restrict their use in private areas such as the classrooms, restrooms, and offices unless very specific conditions are met.

If a video camera is used, it can only be for educational purposes only.

I taught band and orchestra. I could record concerts and play that video to only the students in my classroom. If we wanted to record a concert and place it on YouTube, I would be able to do that only if the parents or guardians of every student signed the media release contract. However, I always had at least one foster student in my classes and by law those students cannot have their images released without permission from the caseworkers/courts. At every concert I had to ask parents not to live stream or record the concert and load it onto social media platforms. While I could not control what they did, I did have to announce that videotaping the performance for live stream or social media wasn't allowed.

as it stands now every kid in every school has a camera in their hand every second of the school day and record everything they see to put on tik toc … ever see one prosecuted under a so called ‘privacy’ law? I haven’t

 

[monsterkitty]

as it stands now every kid in every school has a camera in their hand every second of the school day and record everything they see to put on tik toc … ever see one prosecuted under a so called ‘privacy’ law? I haven’t

Right. However, the school is not putting those cameras in the hands of the students.

Schools can tell student not to record in the classroom until their blue in the face, but students don't always listen or follow the rules. They can choose to discipline students for recording in the classroom or other private areas (restrooms/locker rooms) and if necessary, they can contact the school resource officer or police. Students who recorded fights and then posted those fights to social media or texted the fight to friends were suspended at our school.

One of the reasons schools are going to no phone policies is the recording of other students and that video ending up on social media as a tool to bully/harass the student recorded. When we went to a no phone policy, not only did grades improve, but bullying was cut dramatically.

edited to be more clear - the school cannot by law record students. If students record and release those videos, that is not on the school. It would be up to law enforcement whether charges would be pressed for those videos.

 

[greeneyedchick]

Just to point out, if you homeschool, your daughter doesn't have to get a GED. You have the legal right as the parent to issue her a homeschool diploma. Depending on the state that you live in, you can also enroll her in an umbrella school that issues the diploma. HSLDA.com is a good resource.

 

[greeneyedchick]

Oh, and in regards to your child's therapist. I agree that you should find a new one. One of my kids went through 4 therapists before finding the right one. The first one insisted that if my child didn't feel uncomfortable, then he wasn't making progress. Homeschooling isn't "giving in" to her. You're working with her mental and emotional needs right now. People wonder what they can do to prevent teen suicide, yet so many of those people in "authority" insist that a child stick out and that tough love is best. It's sad.

 

[eandt]

Right. However, the school is not putting those cameras in the hands of the students.

Schools can tell student not to record in the classroom until their blue in the face, but students don't always listen or follow the rules. They can choose to discipline students for recording in the classroom or other private areas (restrooms/locker rooms) and if necessary, they can contact the school resource officer or police. Students who recorded fights and then posted those fights to social media or texted the fight to friends were suspended at our school.

One of the reasons schools are going to no phone policies is the recording of other students and that video ending up on social media as a tool to bully/harass the student recorded. When we went to a no phone policy, not only did grades improve, but bullying was cut dramatically.

edited to be more clear - the school cannot by law record students. If students record and release those videos, that is not on the school. It would be up to law enforcement whether charges would be pressed for those videos.

Let’s face it, we all know it could be done and we all know why it isn’t and probably won’t be done doesn’t mean it shouldn’t.

 

[leebee]

1. Get a new therapist. Telling her to "tough it out" is ridiculous. If you look at the teen suicide rate, the rate of self-harming, etc... I some situations, you don't get a "do over." Your kid is practically grown, not a petulant 8 year old. Get rid of the therapist.

2. Get rid of the school. She's old enough to withstand the "lack of socialization." First, it's school; if it's being done properly, they shouldn't be hanging out socializing. There is adequate time for that after school, and there are usually plenty of opportunities for such that aren't related to the school.

3. I'd homeschool her. DD homeschooled during part of high school due to bullying. There are tons of resources out there: Packaged programs, online teaching, homeschool groups where a knowledgeable parent teaches a class like physics or calculus, virtual classes, etc. Your daughter's safety and mental health are NOT WORTH taking a risk. If people challenge you on this, say that this is what you have decided is best for your family and it's not open for discussion. THEN WALK AWAY.

 

[sam_gordon]

Let’s face it, we all know it could be done and we all know why it isn’t and probably won’t be done doesn’t mean it shouldn’t.

Said by someone who doesn't have facts to back up their theory. There are going to be at least a couple of reason it isn't done...
1) Student Privacy. Whether you believe it or not, students are entitled to some privacy. Every year my kids were in school, we had a form sent home on whether their image (video or still) could be taken/used. While we didn't have a problem with it, there are enough parents that don't want images of their kids in the hands of anyone else.
2) Cost. We can't pay teachers or give them enough money for classroom room supplies, but sure, let's put cameras in every room, and build up the infrastructure to handle storage of everything, to say nothing about offering it online and someone to maintain such a system.

 

[eandt]

Said by someone who doesn't have facts to back up their theory. There are going to be at least a couple of reason it isn't done...
1) Student Privacy. Whether you believe it or not, students are entitled to some privacy. Every year my kids were in school, we had a form sent home on whether their image (video or still) could be taken/used. While we didn't have a problem with it, there are enough parents that don't want images of their kids in the hands of anyone else.
2) Cost. We can't pay teachers or give them enough money for classroom room supplies, but sure, let's put cameras in every room, and build up the infrastructure to handle storage of everything, to say nothing about offering it online and someone to maintain such a system.

The OP and all the other responders have the Facts … We all know why it hasn’t happened and probably never will … if cameras save one child from bullying and everything that goes along with that isn’t that worth the cost? The only place you can expect ‘privacy’ is within the 4 walls of your home and even that is debatable these days … if cameras are ok and demanded for cops in some of the most private situations life can throw out then they certainly are appropriate for teachers and classroom in a public school … fact is this could be easily done and at a cost that is affordable given the cost of not doing it We won’t agree on this so in the interest of the thread I’ll ignore

 

[sam_gordon]

The OP and all the other responders have the Facts … We all know why it hasn’t happened and probably never will … if cameras save one child from bullying and everything that goes along with that isn’t that worth the cost? The only place you can expect ‘privacy’ is within the 4 walls of your home and even that is debatable these days … if cameras are ok and demanded for cops in some of the most private situations life can throw out then they certainly are appropriate for teachers and classroom in a public school … fact is this could be easily done and at a cost that is affordable given the cost of not doing it We won’t agree on this so in the interest of the thread I’ll ignore

I know you said you're ignoring, but I'm still going to respond. That's twice you've said "We all know why it hasn't happened and probably never will." So go ahead and say it. Why do YOU think cameras haven't been placed in classrooms? Obviously you don't believe it's student's privacy, existing laws, or costs. So why is it?

 

[mjkacmom]

Bullying rarely goes on in the classroom, and a lot of bullying, even boys, does not involve physical assault.