Holiday Vent...UPDATE: Post #31

[ugadog99]

I've been thinking a lot about my less than cheery holiday mood. I've been reading (and posting) to a lot of the holiday threads here. I think the problem has been (and this goes back to childhood) that the people around me (my family) made the holidays miserable for me. I suppose it's no wonder that I don't like them now. Yet, if I think about doing Christmas at Disney, I'm filled with the holiday spirit. Why? Because at Disney, it's just the girls and me. There is no bickering, no overspending on gifts for people we never see, no pressure to prepare all the meals and host the mandatory gatherings. If I could find a way to make that kind of holiday happen here at home then maybe I could discover a love for the holidays. Thank you all for your advice and for listening. I think I'm going to concentrate on making the holidays enjoyable for the girls and me. The rest can fall into place or not...maybe that will make a difference.

Oh...and I'm messaging my brother about the bill advice I received here later today and will be informing my sister in law that she can bring her ROLLS and some green vegetable for Friday's "Thanksgiving." As for Christmas, I'll let her know there will be no gift exchange with us. I'm not one that usually stands up for myself, but I have to as my not so subtle hints seem to have fallen on deaf ears. I'll let you know how it goes.

People laugh at me for my DIS obsession, but really, I can "talk" to y'all more than I can my IRL friends. Thanks!

 

[VillageMama]

(((Hugs))), Ugadog. Please do keep us posted as to how things go. I'm glad that you're discovering what it is about the holidays that can bring you joy.

 

[Minniemama350]

Maybe you can call SIL and tell her you would be happy to get together but it is her turn to provide a meal. Just because she doesn't cook doesn't mean she can't take a turn. As to the gifts, take care of your girls and just make it clear that you will not be making purchases for extended family. What they do is there business, but YOU don't have to. Make it clear up front so that no one acts weird after the fact. My mom cannot afford presents. We always want her to come anyway. Our kids have never even asked why Grammy doesn't bring much/anything. They are always just thrilled to spend time with her.

As to your Dad's bills, I know you're still sorting through what is what. Just don't let a creditor bully you into paying something until you consult legal aid. Unfortuneately, there are folks out there who just want their money and will do anything to get it and fast.

Hope next year is a better one for you!

 

[EMom]

EMom, you totally get it! October is our month for deaths. My brother and I say from this point forward, October will skipped for our families. We'll go from September 30 to November 1.

Honey, my sister and I joke that we need to go to bed on Halloween night and not come out from underneath the covers until December 1st. Avoid November altogether. Right now, I'm praying my brother survives surgery and I don't have to spend the week of Thanksgiving at his funeral.

 

[lattemomof3]

Just wanted to say hugs to you, and as you can see by my avatar we are spending Thanksgiving at DLR, just my dh, kids and I. We lost my dad 6 months ago, and my last living grandparent 7 months ago. I just wanted to be with the people I love most for Thanksgiving, and avoid all of the family drama, the weight on my shoulders to make sure my mom is taken care of (of which I do plenty, I am giving my brothers a turn!), and the stress of hosting the meal. Now if I could magically do the same for Christmas......, but I guess I have to see them all sometime!

 

[lovetoscrap]

As to your Dad's bills, I know you're still sorting through what is what. Just don't let a creditor bully you into paying something until you consult legal aid. Unfortuneately, there are folks out there who just want their money and will do anything to get it and fast.

Hope next year is a better one for you!

Don't let your brother bully you either! You don't have to pay until you are told by a court or attorney (representing you!) directly that you have to. If your brother has taken it upon himself to pay your father's bills that is his problem, not yours.

 

[Buckalew11]

Just want to send you a hug and an "I'm sorry for your loss." Lost my dad 3 yrs. ago in November and it is hard.
Years ago during rough financial times I told my sisters, "no gift exchanges" and stuck with it all these years. I have the kids over for a movie and dinner and games one night between Thanksgiving and Christmas and we make fun memories instead. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders when I told them that. Good luck. I think you'll find it to be a big relief for yourself.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Add me to the list that would like to fast forward through the holidays

My DH sister died on Dec 23, had funeral on Dec 24th. FIL died very suddenly 2 days before thanksgiving. Nothing says happy holidays like a funeral

Add to that my DH is a baker and work is crazy and stressful from Nov to after Christmas

Would love to have a Happy holiday season, but it is so filled with loss hard to.

Good luck and you are not alone

 

[EMom]

I can make it through Christmas okay....especially THIS year, since we're going to WDW! But Thanksgiving is nearly torture, what with my mother dying a few days before and my father dying a few days after. (different years) Throw in all the other relatives who croak in November and the fact that the Grim Reaper is chasing my brother with a vengeance (oh, and it's because of a genetic defect we've only recently found out about that can kill any family member who has it with the blink of an eye......actually, it finally explains what killed my father...) and November is shaping up to be what it usually is.....a month that makes me clench my fists and grit my teeth, just hoping to make it through.....

Happy Thanksgiving, fellow sufferers!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i'm so sorry to hear about your dad!

but i'm kind of with you on this whole situation. i don't care for the holidays, either. on my side, my family is small like yours, and no one really gets along or bothers with each other(aside from me and my parents) but on my DH side it's a large family with a sister-in-law from hell and i don't care to put up with her, either.

not much else we can do tho besides grin and bare it, i suppose.

 

[ugadog99]

A bit of an update....
As for my dad's estate: (Please understand that my family has been/is/and always will be the picture of dysfunction.) I had forgotten that when my grandmother died (yes, in October) 16 years ago, she actually left the family house and the land around it to my brother and me. My father was allowed to live in the house until his death then it would go to us. So, that puts a new spin on it all, I guess. My brother is planning on talking to the attorney later today. Because of this little snag in the situation, we feel it's best to have an attorney involved. Now, I have no idea what will happen to his medical bills and other debt. I told my brother not to pay anything else in regards to daddy's bills, though. We, obviously, have to keep the power and water on at the house, but beyond that nothing else has to be done right now. He seemed to be in agreement, but hopefully he'll understand, and agree, to more after the talk with the attorney.

Thanksgiving: I did email both my brother and sister in law yesterday (yeah, I know, cowardly way, but at least I did it). I gave them the option of no Thanksgiving since they are "previously booked for the day." As expected, he insists on getting together on Friday. So, I suppose we'll go with our modified Thanksgiving on that. He did mention doing something other than Thanksgiving food, but since that meal will serve as the traditional meal for me and the girls (and my girls have been great about all this so I do want to do something they ask for), we'll just stick with the more modest approach to the dining experience. I think I am going to tell her to bring her rolls, some kind of green vegetable, and dessert. Then, that brings us to getting my mother over here. She lives in the next town over (30 minutes from me, an hour from my brother). His suggestion is I go get her and they take her back. But wait...I'm doing all the cooking, so why don't they handle her? See....here we go again.

Christmas: Even though I made it clear we could not exchange gifts, he is still insisting on it. He says even if it's just gift cards for the girls then they deserve something. (I did tell him that I would be getting the girls gifts.) Then he goes on to say that we limit the kids' gifts (my girls, his two boys-8 and 4) to $30 each. I suppose I can swing that, but the point is that AGAIN no one is listening to me.

For the poster that said I need to add "no" to my vocabulary, you are completely correct. In all areas of my life, I need to be able to say no, but I never do. To the poster that said not to let my brother bully me, this is exactly what he always does. Although we are all well educated, gainfully employed professionals, I'm "just a teacher" and elementary at a PUBLIC school (GASP....) while they are "executive" types in positions of authority. They are the typical American, 2 parents, 2 kids, one dog, affluent neighborhood family. I'm the widow with two teen aged girls and a slew of animals (there's that no word I need to use). Add to that the fact that my brother "married up," and you can get the total picture. They do intimidate me whether they mean to or not and this has been going on since he brought her into our lives.

Ahh...the joys of the holidays...and just when I was beginning to feel a bit better about it all.....

 

[Darsa]

I just want to give you a big ol' hug; I know some people don't like the holidays as much as others, and sometimes there's even a good reason for that! I hope that you have a good November/December, regardless.