Hiding spending from Family

[Katy Belle]

Have you known anyone who hides their spending from their family, to protect their future inheritance? I’ve known a couple.

My SIL hid all Disney vacations from her Grandparents. They supposedly considered Disney a huge waste of $, so she hid the fact that they went several times. She was afraid it would affect the amount of $ they would leave her.

A good friend of my DHs. His Dad was quite thrifty, and really thought everyone should save,not spend, to the extreme. So DHs friend was afraid to tell his Das he bought a new car. When his parents came to visit, he’d hide the new car at a friend’s house. When he went to visit his parents, he drove his old car. Finally, after four years, he drove the “new” car, and told them it was a used car....which it was, by then! Lol!

In both cases, the old folks have passed away, and left a couple of million to my SIL and DHs friend.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

hahahahahaha, that is the craziest thing I have ever heard! nice inheritance though!

 

[Alexle2007]

We didn’t hide our spending for DH’s dad but he certainly left his sister and her daughters (who he financially assisted for the last 20+ years) more than he left DH, his younger sister and our DS. Our DS was left nothing while his sister’s 2 daughters each got $25k. His older sister got left a house, a car and $25k. All DH and his younger sister received was $25k.

When DH’s father was diagnosed with brain cancer and rapidly deteriorating, his sister had him change his will and pay off the house. His dad lived less than 6 weeks from diagnosis. It was very sad. Needless to say, we no longer speak to that sister.

 

[Katy Belle]

We didn’t hide our spending for DH’s dad but he certainly left his sister and her daughters (who he financially assisted for the last 20+ years) more than he left DH, his younger sister and our DS. Our DS was left nothing while his sister’s 2 daughters each got $25k. His older sister got left a house, a car and $25k. All DH and his younger sister received was $25k.

When DH’s father was diagnosed with brain cancer and rapidly deteriorating, his sister had him change his will and pay off the house. His dad lived less than 6 weeks from diagnosis. It was very sad. Needless to say, we no longer speak to that sister.

So sorry. DHs father died of brain cancer 6 months ago. So sad.

 

[gmar1210]

We cannot tell my sister and BIL about any purchases or vacations. Last time they found out, they complained that they never get to go on vacation and if they can “borrow” money to go on one or join us. They still owe me $7000 for a Disney cruise they took with us about a year ago. They never open their wallets if we go out to eat and do not give any gifts at Christmas.

Now they have started borrowing money for various items. We always tell them we have no money or paying a big bill off. My parents have stopped helping since they owe them thousands. We just bought a new car which we refuse to tell them about and my parents got a new fishing boat which will be hidden from them. If they whiff $$ in the air then they will start their typical poor me story.

 

[Colleen27]

I'm a terrible liar so I'm not sure I could hide major spending like trips or cars for any length of time. We sometimes don't share our plans until after the fact because we don't want to hear about it from my in-laws, who think spending on experiences is "wasted" compared to spending on physical things like home improvements or furniture, but they always hear about the trips from the kids when we get home if not while we're actually traveling (via social media).

 

[GMG_3]

We kept out DVC purchase secret from some family members.

 

[superme80]

I don't tell my mother in law about trips to Disney until they happen. She thinks one trip to Disneyland is great for the lifetime. She doesn't understand my obsession. I do hide some spending from DH. I love clothes shopping and it drives him nuts. I try very hard to keep myself in check, but Target...Oh Target!!!!

 

[QueenIsabella]

I would think that hiding money from a spouse could be a marriage killer when they eventually find out. I know some people do it, but I just don't think it's ever a good idea.

Family, OTOH, is a different matter. Some family members either don't care, or would be happy for your good fortune. Or at least, respectful that you made your own choices. But, like a PP, I have a relative who can sniff out money like a pig sniffs truffles. I just don't talk about money with him. It helps that we have 4 kids and I stay home--it's easy to plead poverty. Luckily, I have a sister who has been financially blessed--we work together on our "lack of funds" front.

 

[mco65]

I do have friends that are thrifty and think i am a bit nuts for spending so much $ at WDW. My dad questions me sometimes... but not to the point where i would hide it from him. So i understand the apprehension of telling them, "hey.. we going to Disney next month..." Some people (who are important to me) think Disney is a waste of $ and because of that i don't flaunt it or talk about it much.. but i certainly would not deliberately hide it from them.

Now if i bought a new truck, the first i would tell is my dad, in fact i would talk to him before buying the new truck... just to get his input... of course he would then try to give me his truck.. Then again, i don't have to worry about my dad leaving me a million dollars.. or anyone else for that matter.. damn the luck!

 

[mco65]

We kept out DVC purchase secret from some family members.

I could see this... not because of the scorn i might receive but because of the 'hey, can we use your disney time share next month?'

 

[AnnaS]

I think an inheritance should be spread out evenly (if more than one) regardless of salary/spending habits of one of the heirs. Unless of course there were other reasons for leaving an heir less/none (I know a few and this does happen). So I am not sure I agree with this but it's their life and there must be a reason for this/they feel the need to do this.

Some old timers do have a crazy way of thinking.......I get that too. They think their kids are throwing/burning money away but then all the kids would have to hide any spending....which is crazy. But it is what it is.

A spouse hiding spending money/money from a spouse can't be good either. A few dollars here and there - sure everyone in the world does it. But I know a few that spend and have their cc bils sent to the parents' home........oh well. To each his own if that works for them. I would not want to lie or worry about remembering my lies all the time. The best is when questioned on items - oh it was 50% off and I had a 25/30% coupons, etc. etc.

 

[bluejasmine]

We have had to start keeping any spending a secret from Dh family as we had a financially hard time for last two years and not got back on our feet, not that they helped us in any way, but they sure have plenty to say..
I hid my new car that we definitely needed when my 14 yr old car kept leaving me on the side of the road at 5 am several times. I definitely wont be telling them about Disney altho I may end up posting on Facebook out of excitement and they are on facebook..
They have never understood our Disney obsession anyway but they have a lot to say about it, my SIL goes out to eat and to bars with her husband a couple times a week, they do small weekend vacations all through the year and a cruise each year so really they spend about as much as we do... but of course ours is different bc its Disney

 

[Hikergirl]

No we don't hide spending, I guess I don't really see the point. If we have family members ask us for money because they think we have loads to give out we would just tell them no. I'm not worried about losing an inheritance, and I really don't care what others say or think about what dh and I choose to spend our money on.
I really think it is bizarre to hide this kind of stuff from anyone, it is nobody's business but your own anyway.

 

[gottalovepluto]

Hahaha, if there was that much money at risk I'd go to those lengths as well, but there isn't that much coming down in my fam!

 

[gottalovepluto]

We cannot tell my sister and BIL about any purchases or vacations. Last time they found out, they complained that they never get to go on vacation and if they can “borrow” money to go on one or join us. They still owe me $7000 for a Disney cruise they took with us about a year ago. They never open their wallets if we go out to eat and do not give any gifts at Christmas.

Now they have started borrowing money for various items. We always tell them we have no money or paying a big bill off. My parents have stopped helping since they owe them thousands. We just bought a new car which we refuse to tell them about and my parents got a new fishing boat which will be hidden from them. If they whiff $$ in the air then they will start their typical poor me story.

I'm always sad to hear that but I understand your situation to some extent. Watched someone do something similar in my own family so my heart goes out because I know the difficult family and monetary dynamics that arise from that behavior. I'm glad you've found a coping mechanism.

 

[focusondisney]

I don't know anyone who will get an inheritance worth worrying about, let alone lieing for. My family & DH's family pretty much lived paycheck to paycheck, nothing to inherit there. Friends parents have left homes or small savings from what I can tell. Again, nothing significant.

As for hiding spending for any other reason, not really. Anyone rude enough to comment on my spending gets a "my money, my decision" type attitude. But I've never really had any one question my spending. My dad did ask how much our stay at GF Royal Palm Club cost one time. I laughed & told him "you don't even want to know" He laughed too & said "that much, huh?" He had a heart condition, I was just trying to protect him from another heart attack, lol!!

I will say my DH doesn't know exactly how much our club level vacations cost. But I don't hide the spending from him really. He doesn't ask how much they cost & I just don't volunteer the information either. He says that since I pay the bills & do all the financial stuff, I know what we can afford. Our own little "don't ask, don't tell" policy!

 

[tvguy]

No.
But my wife's step-father hid his tip money from my MIL. He was a bartender. When he had heart surgery, and I was alone in the hospital room with him, he said to make sure my MIL didn't throw out his socks if he didn't make it because he had $5,000 in cash hidden in a sock.

 

[Darcy03231]

No, we've never hidden spending from our family. If anyone asks for a loan we just tell them no. Neither DH nor I have a problem saying no and sticking to it.

We also don't hide spending from each other. We talk over big purchases and DH will usually ask me before he buys anything over #100 (only because I handle the finances and know how much is in the checking account at any given time).

 

[QueenIsabella]

I don't know anyone who will get an inheritance worth worrying about, let alone lieing for. My family & DH's family pretty much lived paycheck to paycheck, nothing to inherit there. Friends parents have left homes or small savings from what I can tell. Again, nothing significant.

As for hiding spending for any other reason, not really. Anyone rude enough to comment on my spending gets a "my money, my decision" type attitude. But I've never really had any one question my spending. My dad did ask how much our stay at GF Royal Palm Club cost one time. I laughed & told him "you don't even want to know" He laughed too & said "that much, huh?" He had a heart condition, I was just trying to protect him from another heart attack, lol!!

I will say my DH doesn't know exactly how much our club level vacations cost. But I don't hide the spending from him really. He doesn't ask how much they cost & I just don't volunteer the information either. He says that since I pay the bills & do all the financial stuff, I know what we can afford. Our own little "don't ask, don't tell" policy!

It may depend on your definition of "significant". In my mom's case, our inheritance was the remainder of the proceeds of the sale of her house, minus the costs of her assisted living care in her final days. Divided by 4, this meant less than $30k per child. If you think the relatively small amount stopped my brother from angling for more, you're dead wrong. He's just one of those people--no amount is too small to grab, no low is too low to stoop to, in order to get money. The only thing that's beneath him is a steady paycheck. What's really sad is, he's north of 50 and has two small kids who can't depend on their father. And I don't hold out hope that change is possible at this point.