Heterosexuals who are tolerant of the same right of gays/lesbians--Question

[LoraJ]

In all honestly, my parents just never really discussed this type of thing with me. I just sort of came to my own conclusion that it was fine with me.....so somewhere in my upbringing, I guess my parents did teach me to be tolerant of alternative lifestyles....just not in the "let's sit down and discuss this" type of way. (or maybe I just came to the conclusion myself??? )

Pretty much the same way I grew up.

 

[NMAmy]

I was very lucky in that my parents were always very tolerant of all different kinds of people. When I was a little girl in the 70's, my parents were best friends with two other couples--we had holidays together and spent most weekends back and forth at each other's houses. It was like two extra sets of parents for us. One couple was black, one couple was white. I remained close to all of them but, unfortunately, all of them have passed away. It did give me a remarkable view as a child--that most kids my age didn't have, that there were no differences between any of our families.

I also had a great-uncle who was gay and lived openly with another man. We visited often and my parents were very fond of his partner--as were my sister and I. The funny thing is that I didn't realize until I was a teenager that they were gay. One day, we were talking about gay people for some reason and my mom made an offhand comment about Uncle Fred and Roger. I turned to her and said, "Uncle Fred is GAY?" She just started laughing at me and said, "Why do you think he lives with Roger?" I told her that I just thought they were roommates. Well, I'd known them since I was tiny and Mom realized that no one had ever really told us outright that they were gay.

My parents never had a problem getting along with anyone due to religion, race, or sexual orientation. It's a gift I hope I've passed along to my own daughter. At DH's and my vow renewal ceremony last summer, the minister was black, my friend who is a caterer did the food for me--she's black and a lesbian, and the guests included several mixed race couples and several friends who are gay or lesbian. DD is getting to know people who may have differences from her are really all the same deep down.

 

[kikakeko]

I was brought up by my grandparents- adopted by them in fact... this topic was never spoken of really but there was underlying racism that now I can remember. They have since become very different and are open on all walks of life. I was also brought up that you "Don't have to go to church to believe in God." I can remember that being said many times.

I think what changed it all for me was when I got into nursing. Really it makes no difference who is needing care whether they are gay,straight, HIV postive, Cancered, mean, old black, white, rainbow colored, a felon ect... you give it. I have done my best to pass that on to my own children.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I don't even remember discussing this when growing up. Admittedly, my mom was often too busy with her own life and luckily I was an independent kind of girl. I'm glad we never really talked about it then because now I do know her feelings and it makes me sad. I find it best to just avoid the subject with her.

As for how I developed my thoughts...I was always the "different" one when I was younger. I hated being singled out and I think that made me more tolerant and compassionate.

 

[ericamanda01]

My mother was great in explaining thing like this to me when I was a kid. When I asked why Uncle Joe wasn't married, she said he was, to Lin (his partner of now over 30 years) and that Lin was his husband. She told me later that I just looked at her and said "Oh, ok.” Later on as I grew up and had a better understanding of sex she explained to me that to be gay was simple, it was just a matter of different sexual positions. It made sense then and now.

 

[KimR]

In all honestly, my parents just never really discussed this type of thing with me. I just sort of came to my own conclusion that it was fine with me.....so somewhere in my upbringing, I guess my parents did teach me to be tolerant of alternative lifestyles....just not in the "let's sit down and discuss this" type of way. (or maybe I just came to the conclusion myself??? )

This is how it is for me as well. However, I live in the Bible Belt and quite a few people down here are very intolerant of homosexuality. Thankfully, I didn't pick up that attitude.

 

[slo]

I was raised in a household that the idea of homosexuality was not good.

In my household now, my children are being raised that all people are good people. Because my children are so young, we haven't discussed homosexuality (they have no clue), but because I want them to feel that all people are good people, I'm hoping that they will never judge homosexuals. I also am very open to the possibility that one of my girls could come home one day and tell me that they are gay - which will be fine with me. It's very important to me that my girls find someone someday that will love them and treat them right, and if that's another woman, than that's okay!!!

To answer what caused me to have different views than my parents - I don't know I work with the public everyday and have met so many different people - different religions, different races, different sexual preferences - and I enjoy meeting all these new people - maybe that's why All I know is that life is to short to have a hang up on people being differnt from you. And if we were all tolerant of each other, we could learn so many differnt things from each other, and what a better world we would be because of it.

 

[RickinNYC]

We don't see it as a civil rights or tolerance issue. My parents and my family and I are in agreement based on the Word of God (the Bible). We do not condone the lifestyle choice.

We believe that through God's love and grace, any sin or problem can be overcome.

Prayer won't change one's genetic make up. Dude, just because it worked for you does not mean it's going to work for all gay/lesbian people.

But I do agree with you that through God's love and grace, any sin or problem, particularly hate and intolerance, can be overcome.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It really is great to read all these different stories! How very touching!

I'm wondering about some of the families that didn't speak about this type of thing much or not at all, but obviously had some feelings against g/l (I guess my household could be considered one of those). I assumed that things were pushed under the carpeting because my parents were just not comfortable talking about things like sex and only talked about it because they had to, but I'm wondering if, at least in some cases it's because they really didn't want to pass down their views to yet another generation, so they tried to just keep quiet.

In other words, they weren't to the point of really changing their own views, but they also, even subconsciously, didn't want to impose their views on their kids so they kept quiet.

 

[Freyja]

This is a great topic and I can´t wait to read all the replies!

I was raised in a household that doesn´t believe in equal rights for gay people. Although my parents were never loud about it, they expressed their opinion when asked. They were (my Dad still is) the type of people who would say that they weren´t against gays in anyway but who still did not believe in their right to marriage or raising children. I used to ask them what they would do if any of their children were gay, and the never seemed to have answer on hands. They would never have disowned us though. I know they would always have been supportive, regardless of our sexuality. We lived next door to a gay couple for years who were family friends and my parents had no problem with them. So I guess for them it was more about religion (although they were not overly religious) and the church´s views on gay marriages and family rights.

I have never ever believed in anything else than the same rights for gays as others. A big motivation factor must have been the fact that I live in Iceland where gay rights have come a long way. Iceland was one of the first countries where gay people could legally become married and will maybe soon allow church weddings.

In my opinion, it is just downright rediculous to assume anything else than that they should be treated equally with everyone else. A person is made up of so many qualities, its right to a good life should not be defined by it´s sexuality!!!

 

[carolfoy]

Inspired by the Brokeback thread...

Were you raised in a household that taught and modeled for you this open-minded viewpoint and tolerance? Or did you "develop" this viewpoint on your own? When? Under what circumstances?

I was not raised in a household that was tolerant of different beliefs--it was a small, WASPy farming town in Southern Oregon. Pretty redneck. My parents would likely have disowned one of us if we had of been g/l.

In high school it came out that one of my teachers was lesbian (one of the high school students was house sitting and snooped and read a diary). The teacher was my favorite teacher and I did some serious thinking and decided that I couldn't care less who she slept with. So that was my first eye opening experience.

Then in 1980 or so my boyfriend's (now my DH) brother got kicked out of Disneyland for dancing with a guy. He was really the first guy that I knew who was gay and was out of the closet (I'm sure I knew others, but they weren't open about it). He fought for the right for a man to dance with another man at DL and at first it only applied to the 2 of them, but it did eventually help all g/l enjoy the magic at the happiest place on earth.

So those were the first two pivotal events in my teen/young adult life that helped shape the feelings that I have today.

BTW, my mother's viewpoint has changed a lot and she says that if one of her grandkids is g/l that she won't have a problem with it at all and that she wants them to be happy and to be in a loving relationship. Took her until she was 80yo to figure that one out!

How about you all?

very interesting topic, I was brought up in a household with a dad who was and still is, very old fashioned, totally homophobic, racist, biggoted etc, and a mum who has a very live and let live attitude. I think I personally became 'tolerant' (if that is the right word?) when my sister was killed at a young age and I just thought to myself 'there's little enough love in the world right now, why discriminate against WHO people choose to love' I have very good gay friends the same way as there are people I know who are gay that I can't stand! but that has nothing to do with them being gay or straight or pink or orange!

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

One of my best friends in high school is gay. I think all of our little group that ran around together had a good idea that he was - but he dated girls so But he was the only guy that hung out with our little social group of girls. He has been with his partner for many years and I'm glad he has found someone to be with and is happy.

My parents have always said they disapprove of g/l lifestyle however, I don't think they really know anyone that is openly gay. I feel that it is not my place to judge what they do. My DH is very close minded about the issue but I have tried to impress on my DS's that while that is not a lifestyle I hope they would choose I would not disown them if they did. I also try to make it clear that I hope they will treat everyone with the respect they deserve and not judge because someone is a different race or sexual orientation.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Imposing your "beliefs" is exactly what you are trying to do, because that's exactly what they are...beliefs, not fact.

Joe, why do you not accept the fact that the Constitution of the United States of America takes precedence over the Bible for those of us who choose to continue to live in this country?

I'm genuinely curious, and I'm looking forward to your response.

This is what really baffles me. Coming from a similar religious background, I can understand why some don't "accept" gay marriage, and they certainly have every right to their beliefs. What I don't understand is why they think their religion should take precedence over others. Do they not understand the difference between making something legal and making it mandatory?

Right now, it is mandatory that loving couples who want to marry conform to the standards of certain religions.

Were same-sex marriage to become legal, all it would do is allow governmental bodies and those churches that accept it, to perform legally binding ceremonies. Joe's church would not be forced to accept or perform same-sex weddings.

Hmm, which scenario allows for freedom of religion, and which does not? It's really not that hard to tell.

(Sorry if this got too OT, Tigger&Belle. I just couldn't stop my fingers!)

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

For those of you who know me from other threads, you would probably agree that this is not one to which I would respond. But I think my situation is kind of interesting. You are welcome to agree or scroll down

First, I am not sure I would consider myself "intolerant" of g/l. Certainly I do not agree with that lifestyle, but I don't agree with singling g/l people out for bashing. KWIM? Maybe that does make me "intolerant" from some of your points of view. I'll have to think on that....

Anyhow, as to the OT, I am less "open" in my views about g/l than my parents -especially my Dad. They just believe in loving unconditionally no matter what. (And there is absolutely nothing wrong with erring on the side of love!) I tend to be a bit more challenging of g/l lifestyle. Not that I have ever belittled a person for being gay, or disrespected anyone intentionally. That is just not who I am or what I am about.

<------- tiptoes quietly back into the corner

 

[RickinNYC]

I'm really enjoying reading all these stories (with only one exception I can think of).

Puts things in perspective to those of us in the g/l community.

Just had to put in my blather by mentioning my own upbringing. My folks were (and still are to a large degree) very, very unaccepting of most other people that didn't fit their concept of "normal." Strange given the fact that my folks were an interracial couple (Mom is Japanese, Dad Scottish/Irish) Racism and homophobia was rampant. I lived in a very devout Roman Catholic, hardcore Republican, career military family on a Naval base.

Homosexuality was only ever spoken of in nothing but derogatory tones, voices filled with disgust, words dripping with hate. It was pretty tough for me to hear those that I love inadvertently condemn me for something that I prayed to God with every fiber of my being to change. Can't even express the level of self hatred I felt.

Thankfully, they have grown slowly more and more tolerant. Joe and I don't talk about ourselves as a couple in front of the folks because it makes the parents visibly uncomfortable. But they are still nonetheless accepting of us to a degree that I never thought possible.

 

[cardaway]

First of all, I don't think people are "tolerant" of gays. They either treat them as equals or they don't.

All of my feelings on the subject came from my time in the working world. I don't have any gay family members and I didn't have any openly gay class mates in school (but looking back...).

But right from the start I had many gay co-workers. Really great people that I'm glad I know and will continue to fight for given the number of people who refuse to treat them as equals.

 

[Nancy]

I don't think you need to be taught to be tolerant of Gays and Lesbians... I think people are taught to hate them..I don't think people are born hating Black people,gays,lesbians, Jews/Muslims,Christians etc... This is learned ,ehaivior and not natural behavior

So true.

I personally don't care what you do and who (whom) you do it with.

 

[Christine]

I believe that g/l is not a "lifestyle" but the way a person is. Period. I don't think that my parents *taught* me this. I am a very objective, logical, almost scientific thinker. I came to this conclusion on my own. I never thought anyone would choose to be that way (for more than say a wild evening anyway ) because it would be a hard "choice." I really, truly believe that our basic sexuality is hardwired in the brain and that society does *some* shaping of it but, basically, you can't go against what is inside.

As for my upbringing--I never, ever remember anyone in my family showing disgust or predjudice against gays. The worst, I guess, were the occasional gay jokes.

 

[DisneyJules]

My parents were always very tolerant of those who were different from us. Growing up, my mom was friends with a gay couple whom they would invite over for dinner every now and then. I never thought anything of it. It was simply never an issue with me from a young age, I never felt confused by it. My dad who's family was a bit more conservative, had a job which delt with a lot of people from all over, so I think it opened his mind to people.
But I have to say, I was talking to my grandfather the other night, who's 80 years old. We were watching Ellen Degeneres. He's a very genuine and loving man, with a heavy french accent. He looks at the tv and says "Ellen, isn't she what they say Lesbian? I don't know much about that, but she's a very nice person who brings so much joy to so many people, who cares who she loves." I thought it was so sweet to see someone of that age who was raised in a very conservative manner, be so open minded.

 

[LukenDC]

This is such an uplifting thread! Thank you for sharing.