Heterosexuals who are tolerant of the same right of gays/lesbians--Question

[chell]

It wasn't anything I learned growing up. It was something inside of me. I've always been open minded. I love a person and accept them based on who they are on the inside.

 

[linda_loo]

Were you raised in a household that taught and modeled for you this open-minded viewpoint and tolerance? Or did you "develop" this viewpoint on your own? When? Under what circumstances?

My parents did not teach or model an open-minded viewpoint or tolerance. However, they were not openly closed-minded or intolerant; it was just never talked about. I developed this viewpoint on my own and I can't really say when or under what circumstances it happened. My best guess is that I have lived a life of being heavy, as long as I can remember, I have been "fat". I always wanted people to respect me for *who* I was, without negatively judging me and I always appreciated the people who felt the same way and who offered their friendship.

I was involved in the performing arts in high school (am a music teacher, in fact) and had many gay friends. They were not out until college, as we grew up in rural Western PA in the 80's; no one was out. I never cared whether they were gay or not, they were good friends and I enjoyed their company.

I am totally in favor of gay marriage.

 

[ElizaB39]

I also questioned the use of tolerant, usually I like the word accept in place of it, but with the definition you posted, it does fit.

That said, I have a gay uncle, his gay identical twin is now deceased (AIDs), and I have two gay sisters. Of course, there was the rumoured "gay softball" team in our softball league of a very small midwestern town. Boy did we talk!

Now I am over 40 and I have seen both of my sisters come out and how they dealt with it (one dealt well, one had a VERY hard time). My one sister did not want to by gay, she always wanted the husband, the white picket fence and 2.5 children. Needless to say that dream has been adjusted somewhat.

That said, we were raised, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it." (This from dad and he lives this motto to this day). Mom always made us be accepting and kind to others (especially those less fortunate - of course not saying that g/l are less fortunate but it did teach us to be kind and compassionate towards others that are "different" from us).

There were no derogatory comments about other people allowed, and that translated into acceptance and tolerance, even if that was not their intention.

Peace and Love!

 

[mbw12]

In all honestly, my parents just never really discussed this type of thing with me. I just sort of came to my own conclusion that it was fine with me.....so somewhere in my upbringing, I guess my parents did teach me to be tolerant of alternative lifestyles....just not in the "let's sit down and discuss this" type of way. (or maybe I just came to the conclusion myself??? )

 

[Feralpeg]

My parents taught my siblings and I that we should be open minded and treat all people the way we would want to be treated. All persons should be treated with the same tolerance and respect. I pray that I have passed those values on to my DD.

 

[FreshTressa]

I don't really know anyone that is openly gay/lesbian.

My family is pretty closed minded, but they are loving. They don't approve, but love comes first, and would never disown anyone.

I guess my ideas came to me later...but I've never been very judgemental.

 

[MsLeFever]

My parents never said much but they were liberal and open. When my best friend came out of the closet they kept on loving him and they have stayed in touch with him. I also have a cousin that is gay (just today I was saying that everyone I know has a gay cousin.....) whose family has never dealt with it at all - just in constant denial despite the fact that he's had a "roomate" for like 15 years.

My mother's favorite aunt was a lesbian. She married for like 6 months (this is in the 1940s) and then divorced and had a "longtime companion." I never met her as she died when I was an infant but her partner sent me a wonderful letter when I got married all about my great-aunt and how happy she would have been for me. I treasure it.

Now? I live and work in a theatre community and my children know and love people in all sorts of relationships. I really hope that they'll always see people with loving eyes.

 

[CLynnJones]

My dad left when my sister and I were quite young. My mother brought us up to know that we are all the same regardless of race or sexual preference. I'm so happy and proud to say my grown son and daughter were brought up the same way and feel the same way my whole family have always felt. Hopefully this will continue on for the next generation and many generations thereafter.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

It wasn't anything I learned growing up. It was something inside of me. I've always been open minded. I love a person and accept them based on who they are on the inside.

That expresses my thoughts very well. When I was younger my parents were fairly close-minded and my dad especially expressed derogatory comments about other religions/races/lifestyles. They've changed some, and dad doesn't say much as he knows I won't tolerate it.

I think in reaction to that I developed my own life philosophy of love and acceptance. Before college I had never actually met anyone gay or lesbian, but when I did, on a personal level, they were just people, not "those weirdos" I had heard about. Today I count some among my close friends.

I hope my own children will be much more open and loving by seeing my and DH's example, and the way we speak in our family. We don't allow negative, prejudicial talk against any group of people.

And I too, believe sexual preference is something you are born with.

 

[Valentine]

Very Nice Thread.. I am enjoying reading EVERYONE's stories...

Thanks!
Kathy

 

[MouseWorshipin]

My parents never discussed anything sexual around us ever. Period. Instead of THE TALK I found a book called, "What's Happening To Me?" on my bed after school. So, although we weren't nudged in any direction on the gay thing, our parents and teachers (Catholic school) taught us to love everyone.

Gay people (and gay penguins) are OK in my book.

 

[beckmrk04]

My parents never discussed anything sexual around us ever. Period. Instead of THE TALK I found a book called, "What's Happening To Me?" on my bed after school. So, although we weren't nudged in any direction on the gay thing, our parents and teachers (Catholic school) taught us to love everyone.

Gay people (and gay penguins) are OK in my book.

I saw the penguin book (And Tango Makes Three) at Border's last night, and it was so cute! What a great message! I didn't buy it- trying to save $$ for our upcoming trip, but it is on my list!

To anyone who hasn't read/heard about this book, check it out. Such a sweet (and true!) story!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

If I ever see that book, I will HAVE to buy it! The publishers oughtta thank the Tag Fairy for their proceeds.

 

[2Princes2Princesses]

My parents were pretty much of the opinion "If you don't care what we do, we don't care what you do!!" So I am about as laid back as you can get.

In our house now, my kids have asked questions about what it means to be gay. I have told them....it's when boys love boys and girls love girls in a husband/wife kinda way. And that I don't concern myself with someone's orientation anymore than I do with whether they are short or tall.

My 11-year-old asked me a few months ago...."so why can't gay people get married?? Short people can marry tall people!!!"

Think he missed the point on that one. hehehe I tried.

 

[disneymac]

I don't ever remember any discussion of sexuality at all in our house when I was young. Several of my mother's good friends were gay and so I suppose my attitude comes from her model not her words. Her big thing was "the golden rule" - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So, okay, I guess her words were there too, just not specifics!

 

[Aidensmom]

I don't remember the topic ever being brought up in my household.

I do remember a co-worker at a job I had when I was first out of college being a little "afraid" of me...after getting to know him I found out it was because I was a Christian, and that his mother was also a "born again" or "saved" (whatever terminology you want to use) Christian, and she would not accept him at all because he was homosexual. I was absolutely flabbergasted that people really did not accept other people because of that. It was just a foreign concept to me.

Someone else said its not that we learn to become tolerant, its that some learn to be intolerant. I completely agree with that, regarding any kind of discrimination.

 

[JennaTX]

I grew up in a very small, Baptist town here in Texas. Not only did I not go to school with other races, I did not go to school with people of other religions! My parents are very against gay/lesbians, interracial couples, etc.

When I was in junior high we moved to Houston, a large, diverse city. All of a sudden I was going to school with everyone, different races, religion, etc. I think that I started making friends with different races almost as a teenage rebellion at first, I knew it drove my parents crazy.

I can say that my parents did not teach "hate", but in a way, I guess they did, because they did not teach acceptance of others. So if you cannot accept others, then what is the flip side?

Somehow I emerged into an adult who accepts people of all race/religion/sexual orientation, etc. Needless to say in this regard, I am the black sheep of the family, and proud of it!

 

[jennyf917]

My parents divorced when I was a toddler, and I was mainly raised by my mother. She is very open-minded and loving towards all people, and I guess that carried onto me. I never did and still can't understand discrimination of any kind, I guess because of the way I was raised. My mom is a very devout Christian and is very much a believer of love all others no matter what. Some of my closest friends are lesbians, and my best friend from college is gay. I have watched all of them struggle with coming to terms with their sexuality, and it has always made me sad that it's so hard for them to accept because of the stigmas attached. Also, having seen this, it has reinforced my belief that it is inborn and not a choice. Who would knowingly choose to live a life that is, sadly enough, so hard due to societal pressure and intolerance and prejudice? I also agree with the poster who said that love is a gift from God, and anyone who experiences it is blessed, no matter if it's for someone of the same or opposite sex.

My father is not as accepting. He lives in a smaller town and I think it's less because he's been so sheltered. My SO of 5 years (and the father of my 3 1/2 year old) is black and my father had the hardest time accepting it, until my son came along. Now he is the light of his life and has totally changed his perspective. I honestly think he never really knew a black person until then!
I think it is hard to understand how difficult it is to be discriminated against unless you've experienced it firsthand, regardless if it's for race, sex, sexuality, hair color, height, religion, whatever.
Sorry if this is rambling and nonsensical. I am wound up from a busy night at work and sometimes my fingers can't keep up with my brain.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My parents were born and raised in NYC. We were raised in a rural farm community in NJ (yes they exist) on the border of PA. And believe it or not, the area has a rather large homosexual community. My parents were on the local volunteer rescue squad. My DM got her nursing degree from Bellevue and was a little bored with being a SAHM some days. Anyway, I always remember them speaking openly about it especially when AIDS first came out. My DM's commitment to patient care was amazing. She made sure she took classes and read everything she could on it. She then put the precautions in place with the ambulance crew. She also told them that they were going to come in contact with individuals with AIDS and if they couldn't handle it to quit or not show up to a call.
My DM's half sister is gay so I imagine this helped with her attitude.

 

[Mugg Mann]

Oh, call people haters because we don't condone immorality. Sounds like you want to impose your "beliefs".

Marriage is between a man and a woman and I hope the law keeps it that way.

Imposing your "beliefs" is exactly what you are trying to do, because that's exactly what they are...beliefs, not fact.

Joe, why do you not accept the fact that the Constitution of the United States of America takes precedence over the Bible for those of us who choose to continue to live in this country?

I'm genuinely curious, and I'm looking forward to your response.

This is a remarkable thread...the stories of people overcoming adversity and bigotry in their everyday lives are quite compelling. My compliments to the courage it must take for some of you to speak up!