Here is a what would you do question. FINAL UPDATE page 2

[wenrob]

Hmm, I guess I just would never invite a friend for such an expensive trip.(not saying it's wrong just maybe hard for me to relate)

If my daughters friends invited her to the movies I wouldn't expect them to pay for her ticket or food, let alone hundreds of dollars for a vacation.

Well I may be annoyed that plans had changed on me( and I was being asked to pay for flights) I wouldn't expect them to pay for the flights, the situation changed so the plan had to change.
It would be different if it was so close I had already bought the park tickets so I couldn't pull out.

The thing is when you invite another kid on your vacation you're asking that kid's family to put out sometimes hundreds of dollars at a time when they're probably putting out that kind of money for their own vacation. In some cases it's putting a financial burden on that family for what is essentially a favor to your kid. It's not twenty bucks to go see a movie, it's an additional vacation.

I see nothing wrong with agreeing to split the cost but *for me* if I'm the one doing the inviting it's something I'm doing for my kid and the majority of the financial burden rests on me. As to a PP who says you have to be rich to do that, I'm far from it. When we decided to invite DD's friend her choice was a Sweet 16 with presents etc. or take her friend with us and no presents. She chose her BFF to come along. I took the money I would have spent on one and shifted it to the other. If/when I do it again for the other kids, I'll budget for an extra person when putting away money for vacation.

 

[sam_gordon]

We just started talking again about the trip... Fast passes can't be made until April 14th. I reminded her today that airfare needs to be purchased soon. We had discussed the park pass a couple of months ago and talked a bit about fast pass scheduling. So until today I had not mentioned the exact day fast passes can be made. She and most people don't understand about scheduling fast passes and making ADRS.

A fast pass deadline would mean nothing to me at this point. You need to know by the end of the week whether the boy will be allowed to go or not. If you're going to fly, you need to be looking at airfare NOW. If you get a good price, you can't wait to call and ask "yes or no" then, you need to book immediately.

I'd let them know your plans have changed, you now plan on flying and will be looking for plane tickets daily. You need to know whether or not to include DS's friend. You have no problems paying for his flight, so there's no added cost to them.

 

[edk35]

Ohhhh nooo!!!! Then you need to think twice about planning ANY travel that is based on any commitment from them.
The mother of my son's best friend, who I mentioned that we have taken on two short trips, is exactly like this! A lot of what you have mentioned sounds a lot like her.

We did, once, try to plan a trip for both families... Basically my son's friend, his mother, and us... Because she was like. "Ohhhhhhh, I want to go to beach!!!!!" We cleared the dates with them, over DS friends Fall break. Had a big 3BR condo booked and everything. Told her all she needed to do was cover food and personal expenses. Didn't work out, at the very last minute. We had to, in a very inconvenient way, go pick my son's friend before the trip, so that he would not be left behind. And, the four of us had full run of that expensive huge 3BR condo. She ALWAYS has such big talk, but absolutely zero commitment or action.

If this situation is as similar as I think it is, I could see the mother finally agreeing, and then, at the last minute, POOF.....
I would caution that you do not really have permission or a commitment until those passes are paid for.

Anyhow, I agree that some of the posts on this thread have now gone WAY overboard.
But, hey, it's the DIS.

My thoughts.... I might consider a shorter trip, where I could cover all expenses for your son's friend.
Methinks that if the mother is expected to pay, even for just the Park Passes, this gives her the idea that she has a little more leeway.
Take finances out of the equation, and she really doesn't have that as a bargaining chip... Or something to whine, procrastinate, and hem and haw about.

Another pet peeve of mine are those people who do not say what they mean or mean what they say.
Just hem and haw and be passive-aggressive. Without ever telling you their real reasoning.
If she can't be forthright, then she is the one responsible for that.
IMHO, any idea that basic social cues should include the total ability to read another person's mind is just ridiculous.

WOW that stinks about your trip. Yeah I am going to make sure she is ON BOARD or OFF. I don't want this to be stressful for me or anyone. Thanks for the advice!!

 

[edk35]

A fast pass deadline would mean nothing to me at this point. You need to know by the end of the week whether the boy will be allowed to go or not. If you're going to fly, you need to be looking at airfare NOW. If you get a good price, you can't wait to call and ask "yes or no" then, you need to book immediately.

I'd let them know your plans have changed, you now plan on flying and will be looking for plane tickets daily. You need to know whether or not to include DS's friend. You have no problems paying for his flight, so there's no added cost to them.

Yes I gave her this week to let me know...by the weekend. I told her that flights are ever changing.

 

[edk35]

The thing is when you invite another kid on your vacation you're asking that kid's family to put out sometimes hundreds of dollars at a time when they're probably putting out that kind of money for their own vacation. In some cases it's putting a financial burden on that family for what is essentially a favor to your kid. It's not twenty bucks to go see a movie, it's an additional vacation.

I see nothing wrong with agreeing to split the cost but *for me* if I'm the one doing the inviting it's something I'm doing for my kid and the majority of the financial burden rests on me. As to a PP who says you have to be rich to do that, I'm far from it. When we decided to invite DD's friend her choice was a Sweet 16 with presents etc. or take her friend with us and no presents. She chose her BFF to come along. I took the money I would have spent on one and shifted it to the other. If/when I do it again for the other kids, I'll budget for an extra person when putting away money for vacation.

Ok first of all it is not a favor to our son. It is him wanting his best friend since 1st grade go on the trip. My son is completely fine with going without him if that happens. Honestly we know this family pretty well.....I know she was fine with the cost of the park pass. However it has really come down to her not wanting to disappoint her other two children. That was mentioned by me on page two....when I talked with her yesterday. She has to come to terms with him going before they take the family to Disney one day.

 

[edk35]

The thing is when you invite another kid on your vacation you're asking that kid's family to put out sometimes hundreds of dollars at a time when they're probably putting out that kind of money for their own vacation. In some cases it's putting a financial burden on that family for what is essentially a favor to your kid. It's not twenty bucks to go see a movie, it's an additional vacation.

I see nothing wrong with agreeing to split the cost but *for me* if I'm the one doing the inviting it's something I'm doing for my kid and the majority of the financial burden rests on me. As to a PP who says you have to be rich to do that, I'm far from it. When we decided to invite DD's friend her choice was a Sweet 16 with presents etc. or take her friend with us and no presents. She chose her BFF to come along. I took the money I would have spent on one and shifted it to the other. If/when I do it again for the other kids, I'll budget for an extra person when putting away money for vacation.

Idk if you have read everything but we have taken several guests of our older two kids over the years. Those parents paid for airfare and park tickets. We provided extra dvc rooms/hotel rooms so everyone had a nice space and all meals/things charged to our room/villa. We never had a problem with them paying for airfare/park passes. They thought it was awesome that their kid was going. All families concerned sent extra money for meals and these guests would always offer it up at meal time and not once did we ever accept it. My older son has gone to the beach in DE twice a summer for years and years with a good friend's family. They go to restaurants/golf and whatnot while there. We ALWAYS insisted on sending money for him to pay for some things. Now he is 23 and for the past few years he has saved his money from his job for these annual trips. We never expected them to foot the bill for everything they did while on vacations even though he was always invited. That is just me. I am not saying your way or anyone's way is correct or better but it is how we have worked out trips. We took our daughter's then bf to Myrtle Beach and our oldest son's friend also one Aug. We all drove down in a van and car. We rented 4 br. condo. We paid for the extra large condo so said friends could go, meals, mini golf but there were things that the guests also paid for along the way. I agree that I should offer up the flights since we first discussed driving. It does make sense. This longgggggggggggggg thread has proven that. I did just that yesterday.

 

[justussix]

What are you talking about? Why would they get jobs there for a vacation?

My intentional misreading of the OP was unappreciated. I made a funny. I left the smileys off because it would've been too obvious. Only one person so far shares my sense of humor. Jokes on me I guess.

 

[wenrob]

Ok first of all it is not a favor to our son. It is him wanting his best friend since 1st grade go on the trip. My son is completely fine with going without him if that happens. Honestly we know this family pretty well.....I know she was fine with the cost of the park pass. However it has really come down to her not wanting to disappoint her other two children. That was mentioned by me on page two....when I talked with her yesterday. She has to come to terms with him going before they take the family to Disney one day.

I'm not condemning your way of doing it at all. I totally understood how your plans came about and the arrangements that were made. I was explaining to that particular poster on why *I* or someone else would pay or why it could be a burden on *some* families to have their kid invited. Even if the other family is paying I still have to make sure my kid has enough cash to cover themselves and possible funds stashed in case for whatever reason they need to come home. In either case it's a lot of additional money some might not have. I wasn't addressing your particular situation for which I apologize for going OT.

 

[Nancyg56]

Yes I gave her this week to let me know...by the weekend. I told her that flights are ever changing.

I think this is good. I give people an "you are in or you are out" deadline and I stick to it. This goes for any trip, not just WDW, because I am not good being in limbo.

 

[edk35]

I think this is good. I give people an "you are in or you are out" deadline and I stick to it. This goes for any trip, not just WDW, because I am not good being in limbo.

Yup that's basically what I did yesterday. I might even book our two flights today to secure the price for at least two of us.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, my advice/experience is far too late to help you in this instance, but I will postanyway about how we handled a similar invite with DS's best friend this year, maybe it will help someone who is thinking of doing the same:


DS18 and his best friend often daydream about "wouldn't be fun if I could go with your family to . .." (cruise, Disney, India, you name it, whereever one family is going---the boys like to hang out together). That'S pretty idle conversatio and not real "planning in my opinion.

We decided we would ask if DS's best friend could join us on a transatlantic cruise this spring break. We could pay his cruise fair, hote nights and food on land before, land trasnportation before and after the cruise and treat the boys to a few specialty meals on the ship. We thought if he went we'd like the other family to get his airfare and tips on board plus spending money if he wanted to shop, etc. (we were also willing to use our airmiles of cost were an issue though).

I told my son he was NOT to bring up the offer to his friend unless/until his parents were OK with it. Then I wrote an email to the parents outlining the trip we we plan to take, with dates (including three missed days of school, but after all major exams for the year), who was going (us plus my in laws), costs we could cover, what we would ask them to cover if he went, etc and making it crystal clear that we would not be at all offended if they did not want their son to go for ANY reason (or if their son did not want to go for ANY reason). I concluded with inviting the parents to get in touch with me for any added details or they could tell their son about it and he could ask our son and let them know that i needed and answer by XYZ date for booking purposes.

In the end, the parents wanted him to go, but he was nervous about spending so much time with English speakers (my in laws speak no German) and had already committed to taking his younger cousins on a special outing over school break and did not want to break that commitment. We are toatlly fine with that (and did not have to have any reason for the no, but they were given along with the no).

What was important to me, and I think this is where you, OP, really should rethink for the future, was that I did not put the kid in between us and the parents---getting the kid excited for a trip or lobbying for it if the parents were not comfortable with it for any reason.

Now, if the two boys were planning a trip JUST THEM and we were not inviting the friend on a family vacation, then I'd fully expect each boy to talk to us parents on their own---but since tvhis was OUR family askng him along, I felt it was wrong to use the kid as a go between.

 

[edk35]

Well, my advice/experience is far too late to help you in this instance, but I will postanyway about how we handled a similar invite with DS's best friend this year, maybe it will help someone who is thinking of doing the same:


DS18 and his best friend often daydream about "wouldn't be fun if I could go with your family to . .." (cruise, Disney, India, you name it, whereever one family is going---the boys like to hang out together). That'S pretty idle conversatio and not real "planning in my opinion.

We decided we would ask if DS's best friend could join us on a transatlantic cruise this spring break. We could pay his cruise fair, hote nights and food on land before, land trasnportation before and after the cruise and treat the boys to a few specialty meals on the ship. We thought if he went we'd like the other family to get his airfare and tips on board plus spending money if he wanted to shop, etc. (we were also willing to use our airmiles of cost were an issue though).

I told my son he was NOT to bring up the offer to his friend unless/until his parents were OK with it. Then I wrote an email to the parents outlining the trip we we plan to take, with dates (including three missed days of school, but after all major exams for the year), who was going (us plus my in laws), costs we could cover, what we would ask them to cover if he went, etc and making it crystal clear that we would not be at all offended if they did not want their son to go for ANY reason (or if their son did not want to go for ANY reason). I concluded with inviting the parents to get in touch with me for any added details or they could tell their son about it and he could ask our son and let them know that i needed and answer by XYZ date for booking purposes.

In the end, the parents wanted him to go, but he was nervous about spending so much time with English speakers (my in laws speak no German) and had already committed to taking his younger cousins on a special outing over school break and did not want to break that commitment. We are toatlly fine with that (and did not have to have any reason for the no, but they were given along with the no).

What was important to me, and I think this is where you, OP, really should rethink for the future, was that I did not put the kid in between us and the parents---getting the kid excited for a trip or lobbying for it if the parents were not comfortable with it for any reason.

Now, if the two boys were planning a trip JUST THEM and we were not inviting the friend on a family vacation, then I'd fully expect each boy to talk to us parents on their own---but since tvhis was OUR family askng him along, I felt it was wrong to use the kid as a go between.

I respect your way. Great plan! Will keep this in mind for any future trips although my past ones worked out great with our older kids and their friends.

With that being said....friend was not used as a go between if that is what you think. I talked to mom last fall at a football game. I talked to his mom two months ago. Still no confirmation that they were fully on board.... still needed to figure out their plans for summer and ours too. Started making definite plans this weekend and yes boys were talking with me. Sure I should have picked up the phone right then on Sunday when he was here and called his mom but I told him I would touch base with mom in the next day or two. I called yesterday. He did mention it all to her when he went home Sunday night prior to my call and she said they would talk about it. She Knows we are flying and not driving and she already agreed to park pass two months ago when we talked about going for 6-8 park days. However she also just mentioned that she is on the fence because of the two siblings and him getting to experience Disney before all of them as a family. That's where we are.

 

[edk35]

I thought I would post and say that my son's friend will be going with us. Mom gave final approval TONIGHT. We will be flying down on June 12th for 8 nights. It all worked out and the boys are excited!! Thanks again!!

 

[edk35]

OH and I found out yesterday that I can get our guest (his friend) two of the salute park passes (4 day park hopper is 209 no tax) I didn't think I could since I have an AP and usually the military member or the spouse also has to activate one, but if you have an AP they waive that. SO that is more money savings.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

OH and I found out yesterday that I can get our guest two of the salute park passes (4 day park hopper is 209 no tax) I didn't think I could since I have an AP and usually the military member or the spouse also has to activate one, but if you have an AP they waive that. SO that is more money savings.

So am I to assume you are paying for the park pass since you refer to him as your guest? That's really awesome. Hope everyone has a blast.

 

[elaine amj]

So am I to assume you are paying for the park pass since you refer to him as your guest? That's really awesome. Hope everyone has a blast.

I wonder why u would assume that since the deal is the kid's parents would cover his ticket. Even better if OP is able to get them additional savings. I think OP is already being very generous to pay for the plane tickets. Yes, it was the right thing to do since the OP changed the initial offer but still, the kid now gets a short flight and more fun time vs a long long time sitting in a car.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I wonder why u would assume that since the deal is the kid's parents would cover his ticket. Even better if OP is able to get them additional savings. I think OP is already being very generous to pay for the plane tickets. Yes, it was the right thing to do since the OP changed the initial offer but still, the kid now gets a short flight and more fun time vs a long long time sitting in a car.

The OP keeps referring to this friend as her "guest". Otherwise, why not just refer to him as her son's friend who is joining them? She may be helping out with some costs but calling him a "guest" is a stretch in my opinion. Personally, if I'm paying for my own ticket, I'm no one's guest.

 

[bellebud]

So glad you updated OP. And glad the kids mom and dad are letting him go. While I understand them not wanting him to experience Disney for the first time without them, that ship has sailed really where he's going to care if he's with them.

 

[elaine amj]

The OP keeps referring to this friend as her "guest". Otherwise, why not just refer to him as her son's friend who is joining them? She may be helping out with some costs but calling him a "guest" is a stretch in my opinion. Personally, if I'm paying for my own ticket, I'm no one's guest.

And if someone else is subsidizing my trip, I am definitely their guest.

 

[CarolAnn856]

So am I to assume you are paying for the park pass since you refer to him as your guest? That's really awesome. Hope everyone has a blast.

The OP keeps referring to this friend as her "guest". Otherwise, why not just refer to him as her son's friend who is joining them? She may be helping out with some costs but calling him a "guest" is a stretch in my opinion. Personally, if I'm paying for my own ticket, I'm no one's guest.

Well bless your heart. IMO, the OP did the right thing by paying for the flight, plus she is paying for hotel and food. Even if the friend's parents are paying for part of the trip, she is welcome to call him her guest. Of course, we are all free to define that word how we choose.