Here is a what would you do question. FINAL UPDATE page 2

[SharonZ]

The friend's mother probably thought it was a good idea initially and a great deal, but maybe took longer to think about it and now can't justify even the nominal expense of park tickets - even before the change in travel to air. I would just let it go, she may feel uncomfortable and might not know what to say to you.

 

[CarolAnn856]

I don't know. If my son and a friend wanted to take a trip to Disney for a few years, I'd expect them to have jobs lined up down there first.

What are you talking about? Why would they get jobs there for a vacation?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have to chime in here. I personally think that the OP is misreading some social cues. I think the OP and the kids came up with this idea and presented it to the other kid's parents. They asked polite stuff like how much are tickets and in conversation probably said yeah of course water parks because they don't want him to miss it yada yada. I think the parent probably felt put on the spot and felt awkward just saying no. So they keep putting off giving an answer hoping the OP will forget about it and move on. Except the OP didn't. Now the OP comes back with airfare prices etc. and the parent puts it off again. I mean yes they should just say no but I know I have been in situations where saying a flat out no felt impossible so I would respond much like the parents here and hope they would get the hint. (Before you skewer me I did always go back with a definite no). It doesn't matter the reasons. There is no need to feel bad for the kid. I'm sure he has a great life. The parents don't seem to want him to go and in my opinion the OP should back off. Plan your trip and enjoy it with your child.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Ok just spoke with friend's mom. I offered to pay his airfare BUT she still wants to think about it a bit longer. She said she has to decide on whether she wants him to go with us for his first trip TO DISNEY or them. They have two younger kids in 6th and 3rd and she thinks it might be hard to let their oldest go without the younger two having never been. This was something I had in the back of my mind months ago when she said they needed to talk more about it. She said that's just a BIG vacation. I think she might feel guilty that other two are left out. SOOOOOO....now I wait.

So I haven't read pages 3-5:

When I was just over 21 my husband (then boyfriend) and his family were going to Vegas. Now my husband wasn't 21 at the time but anywho..my mom had always expressed interest in taking me to Vegas for the first time with her. I had every opportunity to say yes to my husband's family invite to go with them but I declined because I understood what it meant to my mom to see Vegas for the first time with her. I ended up going a month after my husband went.

That being said there appears to be more going on with the friend's parents than what is actually being told. See the thing is if the trip was important to experience the first time with the parents then that should have been first and foremost the thing to mention for the apprehension in giving permission. Even with finances and schedules being included if the parents want that first experience with their child nothing wrong with that but be upfront about it.

Personal opinion here but I wouldn't push the son's friend's familly very hard. Ultimately whether you agree with it or not the decision is up to them. They need to be honest about it though..Yes their plans were never firm but if you didn't mention added burden of extra finances being possible from the beginning and they do end up allowing the son to go then you should pay the extra money for the airfare.

FWIW I never went to big trips with my friends along. I went several times to a ranch-like place and my friend came but that was like 2 days worth in no man's land in MO with a day trip to a carnival in IL...nothing anywhere near the lines of a Disney trip..and I had fun nonetheless without my friends on all the other trips.

 

[Cinderella94]

I have to chime in here. I personally think that the OP is misreading some social cues. I think the OP and the kids came up with this idea and presented it to the other kid's parents. They asked polite stuff like how much are tickets and in conversation probably said yeah of course water parks because they don't want him to miss it yada yada. I think the parent probably felt put on the spot and felt awkward just saying no. So they keep putting off giving an answer hoping the OP will forget about it and move on. Except the OP didn't. Now the OP comes back with airfare prices etc. and the parent puts it off again. I mean yes they should just say no but I know I have been in situations where saying a flat out no felt impossible so I would respond much like the parents here and hope they would get the hint. (Before you skewer me I did always go back with a definite no). It doesn't matter the reasons. There is no need to feel bad for the kid. I'm sure he has a great life. The parents don't seem to want him to go and in my opinion the OP should back off. Plan your trip and enjoy it with your child.

I don't agree at all. How can you (general you) invite someone on a trip and then continue to plan it for a while as if you had never asked? Friend's parent needs to step up and say NO if that is what they mean.

No it's not always easy but saying no and not dragging it out is an important thing to be able to do.

 

[edk35]

I have to chime in here. I personally think that the OP is misreading some social cues. I think the OP and the kids came up with this idea and presented it to the other kid's parents. They asked polite stuff like how much are tickets and in conversation probably said yeah of course water parks because they don't want him to miss it yada yada. I think the parent probably felt put on the spot and felt awkward just saying no. So they keep putting off giving an answer hoping the OP will forget about it and move on. Except the OP didn't. Now the OP comes back with airfare prices etc. and the parent puts it off again. I mean yes they should just say no but I know I have been in situations where saying a flat out no felt impossible so I would respond much like the parents here and hope they would get the hint. (Before you skewer me I did always go back with a definite no). It doesn't matter the reasons. There is no need to feel bad for the kid. I'm sure he has a great life. The parents don't seem to want him to go and in my opinion the OP should back off. Plan your trip and enjoy it with your child.

Okay this thread is getting way out of control. This is my son's best buddy. Yes they have talked about this "FUTURE TRIP" over the past couple of years. We talked about going in the summer so Tim could go. We also had conversations about whether she would actually let him because of the siblings. I have had what you would call a conversation TWICE with his mom about this trip.....today and a few months ago. It has also been mentioned in casual chats a year or so ago when we were at football game. There is NO PRESSURE. I am not bugging his mom. His friend has summer commitments and so I figured out June would be the best time for all parties so...... Yesterday my son and his friend and I were talking about the trip and if he thought he might be able to go because I went ahead and booked rooms last week to grab them with a military discount before they were gone....knowing I could cancel later if need be. I told him I would touch base with his mom in a day or two. He went home and mentioned it to his mom again but that we were more than likely flying. He texted back what she said about it being "a lot of money and they needed to talk about it again with his dad". He mentioned that I wanted to fly because my husband would not be going and what the prices were yada yada. SO No formal call really until today. No pressure, no bugging her. I told her what the plan was and what the flight prices were and that we could get his flights too since we probably wouldn't drive. That is when she brought up the siblings stuff. So I told her to let me know this week so I could book flights regardless because they will continue to go up. My son will have a great trip with him or without him going. I gave him the choice to NOT go if his friend couldn't go. I gave him the choice to go elsewhere if he thought Disney was too expensive for friend. When my son asked me a few months ago about his buddy going if we took a summer trip.... he asked what our older son's friends paid and what we paid and same for my daughter when she took a boyfriend and her now fiancee. SO that is what he told his friend. I get that some of you would pay everything but that is not what we offered with our other guests. YES I know from reading all the posts that I did change the mode of transportation and should PAY FOR AIRFARE and that is why I posted......To get opinions and I got that. THANKS!!

 

[edk35]

I don't agree at all. How can you (general you) invite someone on a trip and then continue to plan it for a while as if you had never asked? Friend's parent needs to step up and say NO if that is what they mean.

No it's not always easy but saying no and not dragging it out is an important thing to be able to do.

We are going regardless.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't agree at all. How can you (general you) invite someone on a trip and then continue to plan it for a while as if you had never asked? Friend's parent needs to step up and say NO if that is what they mean.

From what the OP wrote it seems like the only people that were actually planning were the Op and the kids. The parents don't seem to have ever given a firm answer. I do agree that they should just say yes or no already though.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Okay this thread is getting way out of control. This is my son's best buddy. Yes they have talked about this "FUTURE TRIP" over the past couple of years. We talked about going in the summer so Tim could go. We also had conversations about whether she would actually let him because of the siblings. I have had what you would call a conversation TWICE with his mom about this trip.....today and a few months ago. It has also been mentioned in casual chats a year or so ago when we were at football game. There is NO PRESSURE. I am not bugging his mom. His friend has summer commitments and so I figured out June would be the best time for all parties so...... Yesterday my son and his friend and I were talking about the trip and if he thought he might be able to go because I went ahead and booked rooms last week to grab them with a military discount before they were gone....knowing I could cancel later if need be. I told him I would touch base with his mom in a day or two. He went home and mentioned it to his mom again but that we were more than likely flying. He texted back what she said about it being "a lot of money and they needed to talk about it again with his dad". He mentioned that I wanted to fly because my husband would not be going and what the prices were yada yada. SO No formal call really until today. No pressure, no bugging her. I told her what the plan was and what the flight prices were and that we could get his flights too since we probably wouldn't drive. That is when she brought up the siblings stuff. So I told her to let me know this week so I could book flights regardless because they will continue to go up. My son will have a great trip with him or without him going. I gave him the choice to NOT go if his friend couldn't go. I gave him the choice to go elsewhere if he thought Disney was too expensive for friend. When my son asked me a few months ago about his buddy going if we took a summer trip.... he asked what our older son's friends paid and what we paid and same for my daughter when she took a boyfriend and her now fiancee. SO that is what he told his friend. I get that some of you would pay everything but that is not what we offered with our other guests. YES I know from reading all the posts that I did change the mode of transportation and should PAY FOR AIRFARE and that is why I posted......To get opinions and I got that. THANKS!!

I just posted based on what you wrote. I wasn't trying to be rude so if my post came off that way I apologize. Genuinely. I'm just saying that you had 2 conversations (based on this post) and she seemed noncommittal according to you so maybe she feels funny saying no. Although I do agree she should give you a definite answer.

 

[edk35]

From what the OP wrote it seems like the only people that were actually planning were the Op and the kids. The parents don't seem to have ever given a firm answer. I do agree that they should just say yes or no already though.

Yes that is kind of how it went down. Chatted with his mom a couple of months ago about park tickets and a summer trip. Back then we were NOT sure what her family or our schedules were and when we would go. I JUST made the decision last week.... based on his friend's schedule that he finally had firmed up and his family's summer trip plans and our schedule. I picked a week mid June (waiting for friend to get out of school because he is a jr. and my son is graduating May 22) and booked rooms to at least get the discounted rooms. Then when I realized we would more than likely NOT drive I knew I needed to book airfare sooner than later.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I agree. You and your son have done your best to try to make this happen!
The airfare was a bit of a wrench in the works, or snafu, that complicated things. But I think you figured out how you should handle that.

It does seem that this other mom (parents) have been non-committal, and I would not want to let that last long.
I think that you, your son, his friend, your DH and everyone else involved, deserve to know what to expect or look forward to, or not.

I do have to admit that the whole hemming and hawing and non-committal thing is just one of my pet peeves. So, I am objective enough to acknowledge that.
You are putting a lot of time and money and effort into the trip, and they should respect that.

I think it would be just the saddest thing for somebody to cause their almost adult kid to miss out on something like this, because 'I wanted to be first'.
Me-thinks that if the parents wanted to take their children to Disney, if they haven't made this happen at this point, maybe that ship has sailed.
Didn't somebody try to make a comment to 'me' about independence?
I don't think I am the one that should have been directed towards.

 

[edk35]

Yes, I agree. You and your son have done your best to try to make this happen!
The airfare was a bit of a wrench in the works, or snafu, that complicated things. But I think you figured out how you should handle that.

It does seem that this other mom (parents) have been non-committal, and I would not want to let that last long.
I think that you, your son, his friend, your DH and everyone else involved, deserve to know what to expect or look forward to, or not.

I do have to admit that the whole hemming and hawing and non-committal thing is just one of my pet peeves. So, I am objective enough to acknowledge that.
You are putting a lot of time and money and effort into the trip, and they should respect that.

I think it would be just the saddest thing for somebody to cause their almost adult kid to miss out on something like this, because 'I wanted to be first'.
Me-thinks that if the parents wanted to take their children to Disney, if they haven't made this happen at this point, maybe that ship has sailed.
Didn't somebody try to make a comment to 'me' about independence?
I don't think I am the one that should have been directed towards.

This is also the same family that always says they are getting a dog and never have. She always asks me to let her know if I hear of any rescues that are small dogs. (we have three doxies, two that we rescued). I am sorry but they are never getting a dog. LOL

 

[ronandannette]

That's really unfortunate. I can see that if the kids were younger, but it doesn't seem like she has something planned for the family to go. And at this age, opportunities for a full family trip get harder and harder to find. It would be really rotten of her to deny him this opportunity if she didn't ante up and put something together for their family to go now.

That's pretty harsh - it's hardly the end of the world. Lots of families don't (or can't) prioritize travel and/or Disney trips the was some of us do.

Without a firm commitment at this point, I wouldn't go any further with arrangements. By the time his family makes a decision, airfare may or may not be available for your son's friend at a decent price. My guess would be it's a financial burden for just the park tickets, and they don't know what to say to you. Make your family's flight arrangements and have a great time!

Doing this without clearly making sure everybody involved has an understanding that the friend IS NOT coming is quite a terrible idea. OP needn't do anything more to accommodate him BUT she really should clarify with both her DS and the other family.

 

[Nancyg56]

There is no pressure on this family. LOL I offered flights. She was fine with park ticket. Had no issue with that. Even wanted to get 8 days vs 7. I told her we have AP's so we can go for 6, 7 or 8 days. She said she would even like him to have waterpark option. Back then it was not "we are going this week" "we are leaving and returning these days" nothing was set in stone. No pressure, not forcing her hand. The boys are fine! We have taken other friends over the years. We paid for stuff and they paid for stuff. I think it's more about her other two children's feelings.

The presssure would come from you declining to tell MOm right off the bat you were picking up airfare. I never meant that you were hounding the Mom, and I am sorry if my post made it seem that way.

 

[mom2rtk]

That's pretty harsh - it's hardly the end of the world. Lots of families don't (or can't) prioritize travel and/or Disney trips the was some of us do.

Oh, I don't think it's automatically rotten to not give him the cost of the ticket and let him go. If money is an issue for the family, that's the responsible thing to do.

But if it's merely because she wants to be the first to take him, and he's already old enough to graduate high school and go on to college with no trip in sight, it's kind of rotten to deny him the chance to go.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Okay this thread is getting way out of control. This is my son's best buddy. Yes they have talked about this "FUTURE TRIP" over the past couple of years. We talked about going in the summer so Tim could go. We also had conversations about whether she would actually let him because of the siblings. I have had what you would call a conversation TWICE with his mom about this trip.....today and a few months ago. It has also been mentioned in casual chats a year or so ago when we were at football game. There is NO PRESSURE. I am not bugging his mom. His friend has summer commitments and so I figured out June would be the best time for all parties so...... Yesterday my son and his friend and I were talking about the trip and if he thought he might be able to go because I went ahead and booked rooms last week to grab them with a military discount before they were gone....knowing I could cancel later if need be. I told him I would touch base with his mom in a day or two. He went home and mentioned it to his mom again but that we were more than likely flying. He texted back what she said about it being "a lot of money and they needed to talk about it again with his dad". He mentioned that I wanted to fly because my husband would not be going and what the prices were yada yada. SO No formal call really until today. No pressure, no bugging her. I told her what the plan was and what the flight prices were and that we could get his flights too since we probably wouldn't drive. That is when she brought up the siblings stuff. So I told her to let me know this week so I could book flights regardless because they will continue to go up. My son will have a great trip with him or without him going. I gave him the choice to NOT go if his friend couldn't go. I gave him the choice to go elsewhere if he thought Disney was too expensive for friend. When my son asked me a few months ago about his buddy going if we took a summer trip.... he asked what our older son's friends paid and what we paid and same for my daughter when she took a boyfriend and her now fiancee. SO that is what he told his friend. I get that some of you would pay everything but that is not what we offered with our other guests. YES I know from reading all the posts that I did change the mode of transportation and should PAY FOR AIRFARE and that is why I posted......To get opinions and I got that. THANKS!!

Yes that is kind of how it went down. Chatted with his mom a couple of months ago about park tickets and a summer trip. Back then we were NOT sure what her family or our schedules were and when we would go. I JUST made the decision last week.... based on his friend's schedule that he finally had firmed up and his family's summer trip plans and our schedule. I picked a week mid June (waiting for friend to get out of school because he is a jr. and my son is graduating May 22) and booked rooms to at least get the discounted rooms. Then when I realized we would more than likely NOT drive I knew I needed to book airfare sooner than later.

This is also the same family that always says they are getting a dog and never have. She always asks me to let her know if I hear of any rescues that are small dogs. (we have three doxies, two that we rescued). I am sorry but they are never getting a dog. LOL

_____
I don't find the thread getting way out of control (but that's my viewpoint).

With all due respect I can see how it could be perceived as pressure being put on the other family. Don't get me wrong the other family needs to and should have been more upfront about it all. Just my personal opinion but I like to plan things in advance just me so if the other family doesn't seem to be on board with planning like me then I'm going to give them the details at once and then say "we're going to go ahead and plan our trip but please let us know if it works out for so and so to come and we'll see if adjustments can be made with the plans..please understand however if plans cannot be adjusted due to when we were notified that your son could go". If the airfare situation pops up then just letting them know "Unfortunately our plans need to change and we will need to fly instead of drive but I wanted to provide you with this information"..ETA:I would have been clear however if I will be paying for the airfare or not (which in this situation I would have paid for the airfare should the son's friend go).

You say you made the desicion based on the other family's son's schedule...yeah that would be putting pressure on the other family as you've made their schedules the priority instead of planning the trip based on your family's need/wants/schedule. Again they need to and should have been more upfront about it all. It sounds like you were hinging vacation plans on this other family knowing that they were still not dead set on their son being able to go...and now you've explained that you know the family isn't going to get a dog despite expressing interest in getting advice from you..so what you're telling me is the family is known to be wishy washy in general..not only that but your son really wants his friend to go..could that be influencing your take on the situation (not wanting to let your son down)?

If your son really wants to go with his friend why not just let him go another time like when the son's friend has graduated next year and is out on his own?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Oh, I don't think it's automatically rotten to not give him the cost of the ticket and let him go. If money is an issue for the family, that's the responsible thing to do.

But if it's merely because she wants to be the first to take him, and he's already old enough to graduate high school and go on to college with no trip in sight, it's kind of rotten to deny him the chance to go.

The son's friend is a junior still with the OP's son a senior. I'm not sure if that information matters to what you were saying though.

 

[edk35]

_____
I don't find the thread getting way out of control (but that's my viewpoint).

With all due respect I can see how it could be perceived as pressure being put on the other family. Don't get me wrong the other family needs to and should have been more upfront about it all. Just my personal opinion but I like to plan things in advance just me so if the other family doesn't seem to be on board with planning like me then I'm going to give them the details at once and then say "we're going to go ahead and plan our trip but please let us know if it works out for so and so to come and we'll see if adjustments can be made with the plans..please understand however if plans cannot be adjusted due to when we were notified that your son could go". If the airfare situation pops up then just letting them know "Unfortunately our plans need to change and we will need to fly instead of drive but I wanted to provide you with this information"..ETA:I would have been clear however if I will be paying for the airefare or not (which in this situation I would have paid for the airfare should the son's friend go).

You say you made the desicion based on the other family's son's schedule...yeah that would be putting pressure on the other family as you've made their schedules the priority instead of planning the trip based on your family's need/wants/schedule. Again they need to and should have been more upfront about it all. It sounds like you were hinging vacation plans on this other family knowing that they were still not dead set on their son being able to go...and now you've explained that you know the family isn't going to get a dog despite expressing interest in getting advice from you..so what you're telling me is the family is known to be wishy washy in general..not only that but your son really wants his friend to go..could that be influencing your take on the situation (not wanting to let your son down)?

If your son really wants to go with his friend why not just let him go another time like when the son's friend has graduated next year and is out on his own?

Yes my son has a mandatory 2 day college orientation to attend this summer in IL and we live in MD. We were trying to figure out which dates in which summer months we were selecting for that. Her son has a band camp. I was trying to figure out both parties concerned. I didn't want to go in Aug. when I knew friend had 2 week band camp at the high school. I might be working a summer school program the month of July into early Aug. That is still not confirmed soooooooo I pulled the trigger and decided to go with June. I did not put pressure on their family if anything I was trying to figure out the best time for each family's schedule. For the record MOST people that don't go to Disney don't understand the planning that goes into these trips. They are NOT like us that have been many times or even a few times but GET IT. I basically just started this formally last week when I booked the week. It has all been discussed with her. She will let me know if he can go. I will pay for the airfare and all will be fine. IF he can't go YES maybe he can go on a future trip. Yes my son would love for him to go but if he can't it is not a game changer. He and I will go and have a blast. It won't be the the first time just he and I went. Last April just myself and my daughter went. It's all good. I got advice on here.....it definitely helped.

 

[wenrob]

It might be also that some people are just not planners and so the other mom may not realize the level of planning it takes for a WDW trip. For instance, I've already decided the dates for my vacation and have the hotel booked for Disneyland is June. You do not need anywhere near the level of planning for a Disneyland trip as you do WDW (I've made advance reservations maybe five times in ten years) but it's just how I roll, I like to know who, what, when, where well in advance so I can just pack and go. My sister on the other hand decides on her vacation sometimes just days before and forget about having a room booked, she just figures it out when she gets there. I think if she's never been to WDW, she may not have any idea that she needs to notify OP with her decision sooner rather than later. June is months away.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yes my son has a mandatory 2 day college orientation to attend this summer in IL and we live in MD. We were trying to figure out which dates in which summer months we were selecting for that. Her son has a band camp. I was trying to figure out both parties concerned. I didn't want to go in Aug. when I knew friend had 2 week band camp at the high school. I might be working a summer school program the month of July into early Aug. That is still not confirmed soooooooo I pulled the trigger and decided to go with June. I did not put pressure on their family if anything I was trying to figure out the best time for each family's schedule. For the record MOST people that don't go to Disney don't understand the planning that goes into these trips. They are NOT like us that have been many times or even a few times but GET IT. I basically just started this formally last week when I booked the week. It has all been discussed with her. She will let me know if he can go. I will pay for the airfare and all will be fine. IF he can't go YES maybe he can go on a future trip. Yes my son would love for him to go but if he can't it is not a game changer. He and I will go and have a blast. It won't be the the first time just he and I went. Last April just myself and my daughter went. It's all good. I got advice on here.....it definitely helped.

To the bolded you said:

Yes that is kind of how it went down. Chatted with his mom a couple of months ago about park tickets and a summer trip. Back then we were NOT sure what her family or our schedules were and when we would go. I JUST made the decision last week.... based on his friend's schedule that he finally had firmed up and his family's summer trip plans and our schedule. I picked a week mid June (waiting for friend to get out of school because he is a jr. and my son is graduating May 22) and booked rooms to at least get the discounted rooms. Then when I realized we would more than likely NOT drive I knew I needed to book airfare sooner than later.

I have no doubt you included your own schedule into the decision on when to go but it just sounded like you put more priority on the son's family's schedue (I could see where that might make it more appealing for the other family to let their son go knowing that you were willing to go more on what worked best for them). You already knew that this family has a past history of saying one thing but meaning something else (meaning bringing up getting a dog situation).