Help with anger issues in 5 year old

[kellyg403]

I will agree that the diagnosis is used sometimes as an excuse. I never viewed it as such. Just knew that when the pyschiatrist gave me that diagnosis and then informed that parenting won't cure it but help it I realized it just was an avenue to get the right stuff going.

We also did dye free/sugar free/no processed food diet. It was rough at first but even though we had a diagnosis and medication was an option I wasn't willing to go that route till I had tried everything in my parenting power.

I think sometimes we assume that once you have the 'diagnosis' it will be 100% better with a magic pill and no other parenting techniques. Not true. Everything has to be in balance, diet if you chose, parenting and medication if you chose.

I know plenty of people who use the diagnosis to 'excuse' the behavior and expect the rest of us to do it too. I don't subscribe to that theory but not my child so for all I know that their dr is telling them that.

Kelly

 

[Maggie'sMom]

My problem with this is that I see a lot more than 3 % of children with violent outbursts that are being written off by parents as "he can't help it". If you just look at this message board Ise it all the time here. Surely the whole 3% are not concetrated here. I absolutely believe that a small percentage of children do have mood disorders that cause this kind of behavior. We have a history of bipolar disorder in my family, and I have seen the results of that gonig untreated. I get it, I really do, but that is a really rare circumstance. I think that in general children are overdiagnosed with this or that condition, when really the answer is not to find an excuse for thier behavior, but to hold them accountable for as long as it takes to fix it. Most children who exhibit this kind of behavior AREN'T like your DD, and I can see the difference, having dealt with both sides of the coin mental illness and poor discipline. I totally get what you are saying, but was just trying to point out that it is rare. The vast majority of children who act this way CAN control thier behavior, they are just not being held accountable for it. That really stinks for kids like your DD becuase they can get lumped in with all of the kids who are just not getting consistent discipline to control thier outbursts.

I actually agree with you that there are children who are misdiagnosed with these conditions when really it is a parenting issue. But I can't judge it one way or the other on a message board. What I know for sure is how difficult it is to be struggling with a child who has a real mental health disorder and have people tell you that you just need to discipline more, or more consistently, or just follow this method or that book. When you've done all that and more and haven't seen even the tiniest bit of improvement, you get to the point where you want to scream. I had multiple appointments with my DD's first pediatrician to discuss behavior, eating, and sleep issues. He was dismissive of all my concerns. I was frantic trying to find someone who would take my concerns seriously. The best decision I made was contacting a child psychologist.

Before I had my DD, I was one of those people who thought I had all the answers. I believed the only reason behind children's misbehavior was their parents didn't discipline enough. Sometimes I wonder if God didn't decide to teach me a lesson. Because of what I've been through, I will not sit in judgement of another parent. I will not post in response to someone who comes here asking for help that the problem is the child needs more consistent discipline or anything that implicates the parent as being at fault. Well, unless they post something like, "I can't get my child to do what I ask them to. Do you think it would help if I imposed consequences for his actions?" Instead, I will recommend they seek help from a professional and let that person be the one to judge the parent.

Correct, and there are over 300,000 registered members on this message board and about 10-15 people here on this thread who have come forward seeking help and support. 15/300,000 = statistically 0%.

And I think it's worth noting that a thread like this will attract those of us who have struggled with these issues. If I hadn't gone through what I have with DD, I most likely wouldn't bother to post here. I think that will skew the numbers as well.

I know that Omega 3 are supposed to help with brain function -- Anyone have experience with this?

Omega 3 has shown to improve brain function. Vitamin D is supposed to help mood. I give DD an Omega 3 supplement that contains Vit D. This was recommended by DD's psychiatrist.

 

[kellyg403]

Bolding mine. This was a big issue with my DS for a long time, he would not sleep unless I was with him, I would get him to sleep, put him to bed, then he would wake up and come looking for me. Since my DS was younger it was easier to deal with. First I explained to him that he didn't fit in my bed anymore and that "Mommy is grumpy because I'm not sleeping well". Once we started the melatonin to get him to fall asleep I would put three pennies in his doorway. Each time he got up at night (except to use the bathroom, he was nighttime potty training) he would lose a penny. If he got in my bed he would lose all three, if he stayed in his room all night he got to keep whatever pennies were left. When he was still learning to put himself to sleep I would allow him to look at a book or play with a quiet toy in his bed for a little while, too. It worked wonderfully with him. Maybe you could do something similar with quarters.







Bolding mine. I struggle with this as well. I get tired, worn down, so I just want to give him what he wants to head off a tantrum and make things easier on myself. It's easier now that he's in school, though, because I have day time to get what I need to taken care of and some "me" time so I'm rejuvenated when he gets back home.

Yes, I would get so worn down as well. My dd was a master at the game. She knew exactly when I was at my worst. She figured out exactly how long she had to kick, scream, yell till I couldn't take the upheaval in the house anymore. The first day I told her to go to her room and she stopped at every step, and there were 13, screaming and kicking and I calmly said to your room she fully expected me to stop it by giving in. The look on her face when she came OUT of her room calm again was worth it. Next time it was 8 steps. Finally I could start counting and she got it.

Kelly

 

[brergnat]

Omega 3 has shown to improve brain function. Vitamin D is supposed to help mood. I give DD an Omega 3 supplement that contains Vit D. This was recommended by DD's psychiatrist.

YES to this! I started both my sons on Omega-3 + D3 gummies (the Disney brand!) about two months ago. There was a lag of a week between when we ran out of the first bottle and I was able to get another bottle (all our local stores were out, so I had to order online).

That week...WOW...behavior was AWFUL. Tantrums several times a day (back to "square one" with younger DS). I didn't even make the connection until the week was over, and the new shipment of vitamins arrived. I was llike "Oh my goodness...they didn't have their Omega 3's all week! That explains the behavior!" I was fascinated! I realized that, over the month that they had been on the supplements, the behavior had gotten gradually better. But, once they were off the supplement, it came back with a venegance. That was when I realized that it was no coincidence. As soon as they started taking the supplements again, it was back to more "even" behavior. Yes, we still have bad days, and tantrums, but overall, both kids are happier, less easily frustrated. In general, their moods are definitely more stable. Even my older DS's teacher commented about it the other day.

So, yes, I'd recommend Omega-3 + D gummies for your kids.

We've tried a couple brands, and the Disney ones are the only ones that don't have a "fishy" aftertaste. My kids didn't like the Lil Critters brand. I tried them and agreed they were gross. You can get the Disney ones online at Drugstore.com for a good price! And, they are also "all natural" and don't have artificial colors or flavors or HFCS.

 

[rchristiansen]

YES to this! I started both my sons on Omega-3 + D3 gummies (the Disney brand!) about two months ago. There was a lag of a week between when we ran out of the first bottle and I was able to get another bottle (all our local stores were out, so I had to order online).
...

We've tried a couple brands, and the Disney ones are the only ones that don't have a "fishy" aftertaste. My kids didn't like the Lil Critters brand. I tried them and agreed they were gross. You can get the Disney ones online at Drugstore.com for a good price! And, they are also "all natural" and don't have artificial colors or flavors or HFCS.

Cool!!!

I ordered the "Nordic Naturals" brand kid version at drugstore.com and was able to set it up for auto-delivery every 45 days. My daughter is old enough to swallow the little gel pills - I couldn't imaging actually chewing a fish oil pill (gag ). These little pills are strawberry flavored and you "can" chew them, but DD said they still tasted fishy. So she just swallows them. I saw they had gummy worm version too.

(Thanks for the response about the Omega 3s sounds like a wonder pill -- now let's just keep our fingers crossed that my cholesterol goes down too. UGH.)

 

[lovethattink]

OP, haven't read through all the responses but my dh has behavioral issues too. When he was in 4 year old preschool, he was perfect in school and a holy terror at home. A friend of mine suggested I read the book Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Lehman. I read the book and put what I learned into action. It made a difference, but there was still a significant difference between home and school.

Fast forward to June of this summer. Through a series of unfortunate circumstances we end up having to send ds6 for a series of tests, and several diagnosis' were made.

These led us to a psychologist for behavioral modification. Which led to more tests and more diagnosis'. Which eventually led to the help ds really needed.

What I learned along the way was that the biggest changes in my son's behaviors always resulted as from changes in mine and dh's behaviors, often very subtle changes on our behalf made huge changes for him.

At school, everything is on a schedule. At home, we "flew by the seat of our pants", did things spur of the moment, and routines changed daily. At school, the routine was pretty well set. Once we got a schedule going and he knew what to expect and when, it made a huge difference! When there was something sudden that came up, or a change to routine, we would put a sign up somewhere to alert him of the change.

At school, there were time limit for things. At home there really wasn't. We began to use a timer or alarm for things. So many minutes for tv. When alarm came on, he knew it was time to stop.

He is very impulsive and wants to do things immediately, right when he thinks of them. Since it's impossible to cave into his every whim, we keep a calendar. Maybe he wants to eat at a particular restaurant, so we will pen it in as a date. When he gets that impulse to go now, he goes to his calendar and counts how many days until he goes. We do this with toys too.

Social stories have been a mainstay for us. That was the first thing the psychologist suggested we find. Online there are some wonderful social stories sites. We find the situation we are looking for and print it out. We have social stories about hitting someone, about having to do things we don't want to do, things to do when angry or frustrated instead of acting out, etc.

 

[vwlizard]

Sorry, I haven't read every post on here, so I might be missing something.

Fist of all, I have my M.S. in Behavior Analysis. I've worked as a behavior specialist, autism specialist, consultant and teacher for the last 20 year. I also have a 5 1/2 DS and 6 1/2 DD. Here's the kicker, I'm not here to give you behavioral advice. My advice is from a mom that's been through it.

Not sure if this is a new thing or not, but both of my children have always been well behaved, laid back, go with the flow kids. We have always tried to be consistant and have consequences, but when I look at all of the kids we know, I realize a good portion of it is probably just pure luck that we got "easy" kids.

Well, both of my "little angles" turned into "monsters" at 5 1/2. With the first, I thought it was a fluke, and now the second one is going through it. Overly sensitive, slamming doors, fighting with siblings, screaming at us. So, maybe it is just a blip and he will get over it. Listen to your gut. I would be really concerned right now if our first one didn't go through the exact same thing.

Listen to your gut. If you really think something is wrong, follow up with your pediatrician. If you think it's a faze, stay consistant and don't let your reaction to his behavior be a poor model for how you'd like him to act. I found that with our kids, their developmental needs were changing and we all needed to just "figure things out". With my kids I think the issue was needing to feel a little more "grown up". Things that worked for us were shopping for clothes with me (rather than me picking them out and bringing them home), planning their own school lunches, special playdate activities without their sibling (mine are ALWAYS together since they are so close in age).

Coming out the other end, my daughter will be seven soon and has turned back into a little angle. Even better than before we went through all this. My son is now getting to the point were things are settling down.

 

[debbiecarr98]

Read this book:

The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene

It helped me understand my son a lot better and gave me strategies for how to help him.

A life changer for us, initially a lot of work, but it is worth it! Cant say this enough! If you have any questions, I have been to a lot of the seminars.

 

[kkmcan]

Fourth, when DS is yelling at me, I don't answer, I don't respond, I don't yell back. I try not to I should say. When I realize our discussion is turning into an arguement and that he's being disrespectful he goes straight to his room, I will not continue. If he refuses to go I will take his hand and march him up there to sit on his bed for 5 minutes. If he tries to come down I send him right back up. If he slams his door I go up and make him open and close it correctly a few times (this really annoys him) so he doesn't do it anymore. If he yells and throws a fit I let him. He needs that outlet and it's better that he does it up there where there's no one to hurt.

.

Our son now 11 had these same issues when he was 5, 6,7.... and even once in a while now but he has grown up and matured and isn't really an explosive kid unless he is completely frustrated with school and homework. That's his trigger. Otherwise he's a happy kid.

I do have to say that sending him to his room never happened this way for us. he would refuse to go. Have you ever tried carrying a 6 or 7 year old upstairs to his room when he's dead weight??? My gosh, it's so difficult!

Also walking away from the tantrum never worked for us either because he'd follow us around the house crying and complaining and yelling. I would lock myself in my room since he wouldn't stay in his and he wouldn't leave me alone.

Wish I had known about that book that was recommended, it sounds really helpful. I did read Love and Logic and applied some of those techniques as much as I could.

Its so hard because every child is so different. We took away his most treasured things- time with his friends, Nintendo ds, tv and wii. We still use those when he is out of control or not keeping up in school/homework.

Good luck!

 

[dragonfly08]

I haven't read the entire thread, so I apologize if I'm repeating other posters.

DD #2 is 4 and has pretty ugly tantrums. What I've learned is that they're most often triggered by her being tired and/or hungry. Unfortunately, I can't make her rest or eat even though I know she'd feel better if she did! She just hasn't figured that out for herself yet. What I do is hug her, tell her that when she's ready to use her words instead of scream, I'm in the kitchen ready to listen, with a snack. Then I put food on the table and sit there with a book or the newspaper, and wait. Some days it's a short wait and some days it's a long one, but sooner or later she stops crying and kicking and wanders in. We also have an early bedtime on days with the worst tantrums since it's usually a sign she's tired.