Help with anger issues in 5 year old

[mrsbornkuntry]

I also have a 6 year old who exhibits many of the behaviors that you're describing. I have found alot of things that help, but we have an appt. with a psychiatrist in a week.

First, is he getting enough sleep? When my DS doesn't get enough sleep he is a bear, he needs to sleep from 8pm until 6am to feel refreshed, sometimes a little longer if he had a particuliarly busy day. If your DS is not sleeping well and a pediatrician rules out any medical reason why I would ask them about giving him melatonin, it has been a lifesaver for us. My DS couldn't stop moving/talking to fall asleep and it was draining for both of us.

Second, you mentioned "reasoning with him." We do this sometimes, but when my DS is in a mood I don't reason, I "steamroll" him. No one ever wants to use "because I said so" because we hated when our parents did it. It works. Me: Please put your coat on. DS: I don't want a coat. Me: Please put your coat on now. DS: I don't want to. Why do I need a coat. Me: Because it's cold and I said so, put it on and lets go. End of discussion, I will not discuss it further. It usually ends with "You're the worst mom ever!" I'll say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I love you."

Third, when my DS is calm I will explain feelings to him. As in: It hurts my feelings when you yell at me. Or: It hurt my feelings when you yelled at me this morning. This really opened up his eyes, it doesn't occur to children that they can hurt adult's feelings, adults seem invincible to them. DS was very concerned that he had made me sad and works very hard not to do it when I say that to him.

Fourth, when DS is yelling at me, I don't answer, I don't respond, I don't yell back. I try not to I should say. When I realize our discussion is turning into an arguement and that he's being disrespectful he goes straight to his room, I will not continue. If he refuses to go I will take his hand and march him up there to sit on his bed for 5 minutes. If he tries to come down I send him right back up. If he slams his door I go up and make him open and close it correctly a few times (this really annoys him) so he doesn't do it anymore. If he yells and throws a fit I let him. He needs that outlet and it's better that he does it up there where there's no one to hurt.

Fifth, I give him control over as much as I can. He chooses his clothes the night before so in the morning he knows he's wearing what he wants. He chooses his breakfast from a list of approved choices. He's a big boy, he doesn't need me to pick everything for him and since he HAS to go to school at least he can control something.

Sixth, (wow I had alot ot say, sorry!) if he's having a really bad, grumpy week I will go to school and have lunch with him. When I leave I say "Thank-you for letting me join you for lunch, I enjoyed that." He loves it, it brightens his whole day and reminds him that even if we've been arguing or he's gotten in trouble I still love him and enjoy spending time with him. Or play a board game with him or some other special one on one activity. Yesterday we had to take his brother to the doctor and he got bored in the waiting room and asked me to play with some toys with him so I did. When I was tucking him in that night I said "Thanks for playing with me at the doctor today, I was getting bored waiting and that was fun." His little face just lit up.

 

[robinb]

I will respectfully disagree with you. This does not work. I think the big point the OP mentioned is how they have tried everything to change the behavior.

Me too. Standard Operating Procedure does not work with kids like this. Our family tried time outs and Super Nanny naughty mats and 1-2-3 Magic and everything else under the sun. We basically had to wait for my DD to mature enough to gain more control over her emotions for any kind of threats or consequences to work.

Many kids, including mine, are fine in school. It's when they get home where they have unconditional love that they feel free to release their pent up tensions.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

As if I haven't said enough, I also wanted to add that my son is also very well behaved at school.

And we have to make sure he gets alot of outside time or plays sports because he's very high energy and can't sleep if he doesn't get enough exercise and he needs an unusually high amount compared to my other children.

 

[robinb]

And we have to make sure he gets alot of outside time or plays sports because he's very high energy and can't sleep if he doesn't get enough exercise and he needs an unusually high amount compared to my other children.

My DD is a competative swimmer who is in the water 4-5 hours per week plus she dances for an hour a week. She has been doing both activities since she was 5. I can't imagine how "bad" she would be without daily strenuous physical release!

 

[princessmom29]

I will respectfully disagree with you. This does not work. I think the big point the OP mentioned is how they have tried everything to change the behavior.

I 100% understand what you are going through. On the outside it looks like you have a really bratty kid (You may even find yourself jealous of other parents who have "normal" kids or get very angry that no one understands you and they might judge you), but what we have learned is that this type of explosive behavior is not about discipline or "being bad" - it is linked to emotions. We learned there is a clear difference between when our daughter has these explosive episodes and when she is just being naughty. Our daughter has consequences when she is being sassy or naughty. However, the emotional explosions require preventative maintenance and a very different reaction than discipline.

One thing also is that many of these explosive children CAN keep it all bottle inside while at school. Not because they are just behaving better, but because of their emotions. Then at home they "explode".

Once we learned what to do at home (using most of the techniques in "The Explosive Child" book -- at it took quite a bit of time and effort) things changed DRAMATICALLY at home. I can't even begin to explain. However, our daughter then experienced the opposite - she was having these explosive episodes at school and even the school administrators were at their wits end -- it was an emotional time for all involved.

We now over many years have worked with the school and have developed a plan that includes the opportunity for our daughter to remove herself, without question or disciplinary consequences, from any situation that she feels may cause her to have this sort of explosion. We have the support of ALL the teachers, the guidance counselor, school nurse and most importantly the principal.

Another thing I will say is this is A LOT of work. Don't give up.

I read over the other replies and noted that some mentioned how some children's certain behavior's all of a sudden occurred. You mentioned your son has always been difficult. The same was true for our daughter. I just assumed her behavior at age 2, 3 and 4 was all due to being a preschooler --- boy was I wrong! Parents of "normal" preschoolers had it easy compared to what I went through.

I agree if it was a "new" behavior, then to consider the physical aspects - food allergies, etc. But I can not recommend the techniques in that book strong enough --- here are some more links to Dr. Greene's work: http://www.livesinthebalance.org/

I disagree. I think that "it's linked to emotion" is just another way to excuse the behavior. Of course it is emotional. We as humans need to learn how to express emotion in an acceptable manner. I teach, and have taught preschool, so I have seen more than just my child. With consistent consequences for poor behavior both at home and at school, 99% of children learn to control behavior. The 1% that do not truly need more help. The breakdown occurs when one or the other party decides that the behavior should NOT be punished becuase the child should not be held responsible for it. They child gets the message that they "cannot control" the behavior and it continues. I am all for trianing a child on coping mechanisms and better outlets for thier feelings, but saying that poor behavior should have no consequence undermines that effort. Any behavior that you are not willing to accept as the norm in your household or school should have consequences.

 

[mrsr2ro]

I also have a 6 year old who exhibits many of the behaviors that you're describing. I have found alot of things that help, but we have an appt. with a psychiatrist in a week.

First, is he getting enough sleep? When my DS doesn't get enough sleep he is a bear, he needs to sleep from 8pm until 6am to feel refreshed, sometimes a little longer if he had a particuliarly busy day. If your DS is not sleeping well and a pediatrician rules out any medical reason why I would ask them about giving him melatonin, it has been a lifesaver for us. My DS couldn't stop moving/talking to fall asleep and it was draining for both of us.

Second, you mentioned "reasoning with him." We do this sometimes, but when my DS is in a mood I don't reason, I "steamroll" him. No one ever wants to use "because I said so" because we hated when our parents did it. It works. Me: Please put your coat on. DS: I don't want a coat. Me: Please put your coat on now. DS: I don't want to. Why do I need a coat. Me: Because it's cold and I said so, put it on and lets go. End of discussion, I will not discuss it further. It usually ends with "You're the worst mom ever!" I'll say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I love you."

Third, when my DS is calm I will explain feelings to him. As in: It hurts my feelings when you yell at me. Or: It hurt my feelings when you yelled at me this morning. This really opened up his eyes, it doesn't occur to children that they can hurt adult's feelings, adults seem invincible to them. DS was very concerned that he had made me sad and works very hard not to do it when I say that to him.

Fourth, when DS is yelling at me, I don't answer, I don't respond, I don't yell back. I try not to I should say. When I realize our discussion is turning into an arguement and that he's being disrespectful he goes straight to his room, I will not continue. If he refuses to go I will take his hand and march him up there to sit on his bed for 5 minutes. If he tries to come down I send him right back up. If he slams his door I go up and make him open and close it correctly a few times (this really annoys him) so he doesn't do it anymore. If he yells and throws a fit I let him. He needs that outlet and it's better that he does it up there where there's no one to hurt.

Fifth, I give him control over as much as I can. He chooses his clothes the night before so in the morning he knows he's wearing what he wants. He chooses his breakfast from a list of approved choices. He's a big boy, he doesn't need me to pick everything for him and since he HAS to go to school at least he can control something.

Sixth, (wow I had alot ot say, sorry!) if he's having a really bad, grumpy week I will go to school and have lunch with him. When I leave I say "Thank-you for letting me join you for lunch, I enjoyed that." He loves it, it brightens his whole day and reminds him that even if we've been arguing or he's gotten in trouble I still love him and enjoy spending time with him. Or play a board game with him or some other special one on one activity. Yesterday we had to take his brother to the doctor and he got bored in the waiting room and asked me to play with some toys with him so I did. When I was tucking him in that night I said "Thanks for playing with me at the doctor today, I was getting bored waiting and that was fun." His little face just lit up.

Loved your post - you sound like a great Mom!

 

[rchristiansen]

Second, you mentioned "reasoning with him." We do this sometimes, but when my DS is in a mood I don't reason, I "steamroll" him. No one ever wants to use "because I said so" because we hated when our parents did it. It works. Me: Please put your coat on. DS: I don't want a coat. Me: Please put your coat on now. DS: I don't want to. Why do I need a coat. Me: Because it's cold and I said so, put it on and lets go. End of discussion, I will not discuss it further. It usually ends with "You're the worst mom ever!" I'll say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I love you."
.

All the other tips you mentioned work for us - but this one. I'm just laughing at myself because that scenario not only ended with "You are the worst mom ever!" but many times with blood curdling screams, punching the wall, knocking over furniture and us (maybe) leaving 20-30 minutes later. What we do now, is have a ridiculously long, but effective, morning routine. If we had to go somewhere usual that day, I have to let her know in advanced. As she got older the advanced notice window shortened.

 

[rchristiansen]

I disagree. I think that "it's linked to emotion" is just another way to excuse the behavior. Of course it is emotional. We as humans need to learn how to express emotion in an acceptable manner. .

It's not an excuse, but an understanding of the behavior. The behavior I am talking about is extreme - not the usual yelling or back talk. By understanding the extreme emotions, the reaction to the behavior can be different. "The Explosive Child" does exactly what your are talking about - understanding how to control emotions an an acceptable manner. Again, these kids have extreme, outside of the norm, behaviors --- like I mentioned above about my DD- tossing furniture, punching walls, screaming, etc.


There is a HUGE difference in the "naughty" behavior and this extreme emotional behavior.

 

[robinb]

I am all for trianing a child on coping mechanisms and better outlets for thier feelings, but saying that poor behavior should have no consequence undermines that effort. Any behavior that you are not willing to accept as the norm in your household or school should have consequences.

You don't get it. There are consequences. They kids just don't give a rip about them in the moment when they melt down. It's almost as if they are incapable of reasoning or making a different decision once they start down the path of an emotional snit. I was somewhat successful at heading off a snit when I would see the warning signs, but even that was hit or miss. Every. Single. One. of the parents on this thread wishes with all their might that all they would have to do is set forth consistent consequences and everything would fall in place like Supper Nanny tells us it should .

 

[rchristiansen]

You don't get it. There are consequences. They kids just don't give a rip about them in the moment when they melt down. It's almost as if they are incapable of reasoning or making a different decision once they start down the path of an emotional snit. .

YES YES YES!!! A couple years ago, after calming down from one of those meltdowns, I had my daughter draw a picture of what was going on in her brain. It made me want to cry with the pictures she drew - lightning bolts, feeling like she was being strangled, trampled, etc. She said she has two brains: A Happy Brain, and a "Smad" Brain (smad = sad & mad)

 

[Dizneydawn]

Your son sound like he does enjoy rewards if his behavior is good at school. He likes having the privilege of free time, play, recess etc. which come with behavior warranted of that. If he threw a fit at school, he would be removed from free play or have to stay by the teacher etc.

What I think would work for him is a slight twist on what others are saying here.

At school he is expected to behave a certain way to get the benefits of behaving well. Set up your home like school.

Plan on doing things as a family often. Maybe it is a game hour every night or seeing a movie on the weekend. Going to the park or even getting to pick out what is for dinner.

Have a list of expectations for the family. What your Golden Rules are.

Ex:

#1 We will speak kindly to one another. No raised voices/yelling/name calling.

#2 No back talk when you are asked to do something. If you would like to do the task (taking out the garbage for example) in a little while, you may ask nicely but the answer will not always be yes.

and so on....


Then have it established that a break in the rules will have a direct elimination consequence for the next family thing being done. It does not matter if it his turn to pick a movie, or going to the circus. He is out. If that means he has to stay home and a babysitter is needed, I would have him pay for his own babysitter out of his allowance/birthday money etc. His choices and his consequences.

If his consequence is missing the next movie night and it was his turn to pick, he misses the movie and has to wait to pick until the next rotation and his turn is up again. He sits in his bedroom while the family watches the movie and is told you hope he will watch the next one with you all because you will miss him.

It is not to make him feel unloved or unwanted. The exact opposite. Remind him all the time it makes you sad he has chosen to miss out on XYZ but getting the family privileges means behaving like a family.

If you integrate a ton of things into your daily life that are "family privileges" he will get immediate consequences, not drawn out ones and it will also give him the opportunity to make amends quicker and be back in the pack fast.

I have a background in school social work and working with kids who have varying degrees of this sort of behavior is not always as easy as a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. I agree that sometimes people cast a wide net and just want an easy answer with that diagnosis.

 

[pperfectmom]

Thank you all so much.I swear I feel a thousand times better already. I have the Ross Greene book and the 123 Magic in my Amazon cart as we speak and also found one that is specifically for kids. Whether or not they work, at least they give me a starting point. And, for the record, I don't try to explain/ask him to be a good boy, etc... in the middle of a tantrum. That usually comes much later after the designated punishment before we release him back into the wild. When I picked him up from school and we got into the house we immediately had our usual beginnings of a meltdown when his sister starts doing her homework and she needs attention and he isn't willing to play quietly until she is done. I am proud that I didn't immediately start screaming but told him in a normal tone to stop and he actually did.Not sure why but I went on to ask him how he thought about a sticker chart for good behavior. Of course he thought it was a grand idea and a way to get things. Let's see if that works for more than a day. One thing I do know that he does need a lot of exercise and the weather has been so crappy that hasn't been possible. Luckily, spring soccer starts soon so maybe that will help as well. We have talked about his sleeping issues ever since he was born with our doctor who has never really showed any concern and said a lot of people just need less sleep. He goes to bed around 9:00 but they don't have to get up until 7:00 so that should be plenty if he was getting quality sleep. Maybe the melatonin would help him. There are just so many things at play that could be contributing. I've just always assumed he was a little brattier than other kids until it has started getting worse.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

It's not an excuse, but an understanding of the behavior. The behavior I am talking about is extreme - not the usual yelling or back talk. By understanding the extreme emotions, the reaction to the behavior can be different. "The Explosive Child" does exactly what your are talking about - understanding how to control emotions an an acceptable manner. Again, these kids have extreme, outside of the norm, behaviors --- like I mentioned above about my DD- tossing furniture, punching walls, screaming, etc.


There is a HUGE difference in the "naughty" behavior and this extreme emotional behavior.

Exactly, and I agree that it is important to understand WHY the child behaves that way, whether it be a diagnosis or a traumatic event or simply the child's personality. I think if you can explain some of the behavior it's easier to find their triggers to head off an "episode" and it helps to find out what will work as a consequence or what your child needs.

My son has severe separation anxiety and difficulty sleeping because my when my DH left for Iraq ds was almost 3 years old. He fell asleep in his stroller and didn't remember DH waking him to tell him good-bye. It took years after that (and DH's safe return) for DS to realize that we will come back when we leave and that we won't leave if he falls asleep. I had parents tell me I was a bad parent for not taking him to daycare while DH was deployed, that he would stop crying as soon as I left (um, no, he was violent), that he was a bad kid, "what are you going to do, go to kindergarten with him?", just walk away and let him throw a fit (no, again, he's violent, it's a safety concern and he would view that as me not caring for him).

Not all children are the same or fit the same mold. This isn't a matter of him misbehaving or "being bad" and not one of the people making these comments understood what he was going through or even cared that there was a reason for his behavior and I couldn't use conventional discipline for him.

 

[ccgirl]

Exactly, and I agree that it is important to understand WHY the child behaves that way, whether it be a diagnosis or a traumatic event or simply the child's personality. I think if you can explain some of the behavior it's easier to find their triggers to head off an "episode" and it helps to find out what will work as a consequence or what your child needs.

My son has severe separation anxiety and difficulty sleeping because my when my DH left for Iraq ds was almost 3 years old. He fell asleep in his stroller and didn't remember DH waking him to tell him good-bye. It took years after that (and DH's safe return) for DS to realize that we will come back when we leave and that we won't leave if he falls asleep. I had parents tell me I was a bad parent for not taking him to daycare while DH was deployed, that he would stop crying as soon as I left (um, no, he was violent), that he was a bad kid, "what are you going to do, go to kindergarten with him?", just walk away and let him throw a fit (no, again, he's violent, it's a safety concern and he would view that as me not caring for him).

Not all children are the same or fit the same mold. This isn't a matter of him misbehaving or "being bad" and not one of the people making these comments understood what he was going through or even cared that there was a reason for his behavior and I couldn't use conventional discipline for him.

Just wanted to say your post made me cry. How very hard that must have been for you. Thank you to your DH for all he does for us and for your family for all they have given up. I feel so bad for your DS. I hope he is better now. That must have been just heartbreaking.

 

[mrsr2ro]

Exactly, and I agree that it is important to understand WHY the child behaves that way, whether it be a diagnosis or a traumatic event or simply the child's personality. I think if you can explain some of the behavior it's easier to find their triggers to head off an "episode" and it helps to find out what will work as a consequence or what your child needs.

My son has severe separation anxiety and difficulty sleeping because my when my DH left for Iraq ds was almost 3 years old. He fell asleep in his stroller and didn't remember DH waking him to tell him good-bye. It took years after that (and DH's safe return) for DS to realize that we will come back when we leave and that we won't leave if he falls asleep. I had parents tell me I was a bad parent for not taking him to daycare while DH was deployed, that he would stop crying as soon as I left (um, no, he was violent), that he was a bad kid, "what are you going to do, go to kindergarten with him?", just walk away and let him throw a fit (no, again, he's violent, it's a safety concern and he would view that as me not caring for him).

Not all children are the same or fit the same mold. This isn't a matter of him misbehaving or "being bad" and not one of the people making these comments understood what he was going through or even cared that there was a reason for his behavior and I couldn't use conventional discipline for him.

Again, I have so much respect for you. Wow, I can't imagine what that was like to have DH leave for Iraq. Parents need to cut each other some slack.

 

[koolaidmoms]

I have an explosive DS (7). It is not easy but it does get better.

I agree with the other PPs in charting. We found out a great deal of information from doing this along with the Explosive Child book.

Tantrums for DS were worse if he hadn't eaten in more than 4 hours and were worse on school days. He now eats immediately upon getting up and reminds us if he needs a snack during the day.

He hates to be rushed so we have to make sure he gets up with plenty of time to do his list of things he wants to do in the morning before school.

We also went to the GF/CF/Soy free diet. The psychologist asked us why we were so resistant to trying this since we had tried everything else we could. Mostly because I never met a pasta or loaf of bread I did not love. But it has been almost a year now and although the tantrums aren't gone they are no longer the highs and lows like mountains but are now like little rolling hills.

I think charting was one of the best things we did. Good luck!

 

[Leajess99]

Thank you all so much.I swear I feel a thousand times better already. I have the Ross Greene book and the 123 Magic in my Amazon cart as we speak and also found one that is specifically for kids. Whether or not they work, at least they give me a starting point. And, for the record, I don't try to explain/ask him to be a good boy, etc... in the middle of a tantrum. That usually comes much later after the designated punishment before we release him back into the wild. When I picked him up from school and we got into the house we immediately had our usual beginnings of a meltdown when his sister starts doing her homework and she needs attention and he isn't willing to play quietly until she is done. I am proud that I didn't immediately start screaming but told him in a normal tone to stop and he actually did.Not sure why but I went on to ask him how he thought about a sticker chart for good behavior. Of course he thought it was a grand idea and a way to get things. Let's see if that works for more than a day. One thing I do know that he does need a lot of exercise and the weather has been so crappy that hasn't been possible. Luckily, spring soccer starts soon so maybe that will help as well. We have talked about his sleeping issues ever since he was born with our doctor who has never really showed any concern and said a lot of people just need less sleep. He goes to bed around 9:00 but they don't have to get up until 7:00 so that should be plenty if he was getting quality sleep. Maybe the melatonin would help him. There are just so many things at play that could be contributing. I've just always assumed he was a little brattier than other kids until it has started getting worse.

What about encouraging him to put on some music and dance around in the house?? My 8 year old does this and she loves doing it. We also have Just Dance and Just Dance 2 for the Wii but she prefers making up her own dances.

Another idea would be to set up an area where he could run, do push ups, or any other type of exercise indoors to help with his energy level. My 8 year old even has a chin up bar she can use for hanging or chin ups. If I don't find things for her to use her energy on than she will try and fight with her brother and sister. That is not good as they are older and much bigger than her so she ends up hurt.

 

[Shleedogg]

You don't get it. There are consequences. They kids just don't give a rip about them in the moment when they melt down. It's almost as if they are incapable of reasoning or making a different decision once they start down the path of an emotional snit. I was somewhat successful at heading off a snit when I would see the warning signs, but even that was hit or miss. Every. Single. One. of the parents on this thread wishes with all their might that all they would have to do is set forth consistent consequences and everything would fall in place like Supper Nanny tells us it should .

I agree with you. Not from personal experience with my daughter, but myself as a teenager. Once my mom started to set me off, it was a short fuse and I exploded with rage. I literally couldn't control it. I knew I'd be grounded for weeks or months (no tv, phone, friends, computer) and I didn't care. It took over a year of counseling to be able to control myself. I spent my first 2 yrs of high school constantly grounded. After counseling, I actually got to enjoy high school and going out with my friends. It's still an issue with me as an adult. When I went on Paxil for my PPD I found it really helped me control it and just gave me a little extra dose of "calm."

I'm not suggesting to put your child on anti-depressants. Just posting as a now grown-up, difficult child. Counseling (not with a PhD/MD who could prescribe meds) might really help.

I hope you find the help you need for your DS! I'm dreading my DD getting older and perhaps inheriting my issues.

 

[princessmom29]

It's not an excuse, but an understanding of the behavior. The behavior I am talking about is extreme - not the usual yelling or back talk. By understanding the extreme emotions, the reaction to the behavior can be different. "The Explosive Child" does exactly what your are talking about - understanding how to control emotions an an acceptable manner. Again, these kids have extreme, outside of the norm, behaviors --- like I mentioned above about my DD- tossing furniture, punching walls, screaming, etc.


There is a HUGE difference in the "naughty" behavior and this extreme emotional behavior.

You don't get it. There are consequences. They kids just don't give a rip about them in the moment when they melt down. It's almost as if they are incapable of reasoning or making a different decision once they start down the path of an emotional snit. I was somewhat successful at heading off a snit when I would see the warning signs, but even that was hit or miss. Every. Single. One. of the parents on this thread wishes with all their might that all they would have to do is set forth consistent consequences and everything would fall in place like Supper Nanny tells us it should .

Believe me I DO get it. My sister was the throwing furniture, punching people, putting her hand through a wall and breaking it, crazy meltdown child. I was a teen when she was little. I watched my parents try to "reason" with her and placate her so she wouldn't "throw a fit", until they almost completely lost control of the situation. By the time she was a teen she was completely out of control. I have seen other kids like this as well. What ALL of them who carried on with it long term lacked were consistent consequences for thier behavior that were carried through AFTER the melt down was over and they were calm enough to be rational. Of course no punishment is going to be effective right in the middle of this type of episode, but if the episode results in a week of no tv,or the loss of a cell phone then that makes an impression. So, combining not feeding the fit with consistent consequences controls the behavior, if everyone involved follows through with it EVERY time. EVERY melt down needs to result in loss of whatever currency matters in order to stop the meltdowns.

 

[robinb]

Believe me I DO get it. My sister was the throwing furniture, punching people, putting her hand through a wall and breaking it, crazy meltdown child. I was a teen when she was little. I watched my parents try to "reason" with her and placate her so she wouldn't "throw a fit", until they almost completely lost control of the situation. By the time she was a teen she was completely out of control. I have seen other kids like this as well. What ALL of them who carried on with it long term lacked were consistent consequences for thier behavior that were carried through AFTER the melt down was over and they were calm enough to be rational. Of course no punishment is going to be effective right in the middle of this type of episode, but if the episode results in a week of no tv,or the loss of a cell phone then that makes an impression. So, combining not feeding the fit with consistent consequences controls the behavior, if everyone involved follows through with it EVERY time. EVERY melt down needs to result in loss of whatever currency matters in order to stop the meltdowns.

It's really not that simple. I wish it was.