HELP my DS 18 is being a jerk and Update I followed through

[patsal]

Thanks so much for the support. Last night I sent a text to his GF and he answered, he didn't give me much information other than confirming that he is at GF's house. He asked to come pick up a few things--I didn't answer that directly just said he needs to get everything so let me know and make arrangements. He did say it wasn't just the rules but other stuff that he'd talk to me about later but he was tired and wanted to go to sleep--so basically he just dismissed me because I am sure there was no sleeping going on at 9:15 pm!
Anyway that was my olive branch and if he wants anything else he will have to come and ask. I think I am in for a long ride, but I am not comprimising my values. The same rules apply today as last Friday and will continue. If he can handle it then come home, if not I hope he finds what he is looking for.

 

[CJBaby]

Again, to you. There's no tougher job than being a Mom.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

 

[me-lady]

hugs and pixie dust for staying strong

 

[Zandy595]

I have been following your thread and my heart goes out to you. My DS is only 13, but I'm afraid I'll be in your shoes some day. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, but I think you're doing the right thing.

 

[patsal]

I spoke to a teacher yesterday when he called to tell me that my son was ok and that he spoke to my son about returning home and what a big mistake my son was making. I thanked the teacher for his support and for his call and concern.
DS called last night. He said he thought I would never follow through. I reminded him he was 18 and that was the third violation of time in less than 2 weeks. I think I was on speaker phone becasue I could hear some noise in the background and he would make long pauses, I'd hear whispers then he would continue talking. I wish he would come and talk to me face to face without the GF and her mother. He said "everyone" thinks my rules are crazy, and when I asked who "everyone" was he told me GF and her Mom. Of course GF thinks this and as for her mom, well I thought she was ok, but now I'm thinking nut bag! Anyway this could just be my anger, but what responsible parent leaves to go shack up with a BF out of town while leaving kids home?(yes, I know judgy, but I am ticked and I can vent here but not aloud to DS!)
I was calm and even toned on the phone. Stuck to my convictions and rules and said he was welcome to return if he chooses to follow the rules. He said he had stuff to think about and would get back to me. He also mentioned he needed clothing and I said when he figured out what he was doing he could decide if he was coming back and therefore would not need any more clothing or if he were moving out, in which case he would need to get everything out of the house all at one time. Again I was not emotional just matter fo fact. I told him I loved him and let him hang up.
So we shall see what today brings. Hopefully I can get him to come home where I can talk to him on my own.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I can't even imagine how difficult this is. But I'm amazed at your strength.

 

[horseshowmom]

I spoke to a teacher yesterday when he called to tell me that my son was ok and that he spoke to my son about returning home and what a big mistake my son was making. I thanked the teacher for his support and for his call and concern.
DS called last night. He said he thought I would never follow through. I reminded him he was 18 and that was the third violation of time in less than 2 weeks. I think I was on speaker phone becasue I could hear some noise in the background and he would make long pauses, I'd hear whispers then he would continue talking. I wish he would come and talk to me face to face without the GF and her mother. He said "everyone" thinks my rules are crazy, and when I asked who "everyone" was he told me GF and her Mom. Of course GF thinks this and as for her mom, well I thought she was ok, but now I'm thinking nut bag! Anyway this could just be my anger, but what responsible parent leaves to go shack up with a BF out of town while leaving kids home?(yes, I know judgy, but I am ticked and I can vent here but not aloud to DS!)
I was calm and even toned on the phone. Stuck to my convictions and rules and said he was welcome to return if he chooses to follow the rules. He said he had stuff to think about and would get back to me. He also mentioned he needed clothing and I said when he figured out what he was doing he could decide if he was coming back and therefore would not need any more clothing or if he were moving out, in which case he would need to get everything out of the house all at one time. Again I was not emotional just matter fo fact. I told him I loved him and let him hang up.
So we shall see what today brings. Hopefully I can get him to come home where I can talk to him on my own.

You're doing the right thing, but he sure does have some warped support (which makes it worse). FWIW, I also question the judgment of a parent who leaves her teenage daughter alone on weekends (with her boyfriend, no less) and reguarly gives him unlimited access to her car (overnight, no less). She's being their friend not a parent.

 

[MizTink]

You're doing the right thing, but he sure does have some warped support (which makes it worse). FWIW, I also question the judgment of a parent who leaves her teenage daughter alone on weekends (with her boyfriend, no less) and reguarly gives him unlimited access to her car (overnight, no less). She's being their friend not a parent.

but these "kids" are 18 years old. i know they are still our "kids", no matter how old they are. but i don't think her mother should be put down so much for leaving her practically grown daughter home alone!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

You're an amazing person. I admire your strength so much.
I wish you all the best .

 

[mcco5543]

Just lots of love to you!

 

[padams]

I've been following your thread. Stay strong. I would remind him that he needs to be careful, if you know what I mean, because I doubt he wants to be a daddy yet. I would also remind him that he needs to figure out how he is going to support himself financially.

I think your DS will come back when the novelty of playing house fades. Eventually he will want some freedom, and I would bet that gf will have much stricter "rules" than you do.

 

[lovetoscrap]

You are doing a great job. What an AWESOME teacher for being willing to get involved and for calling you.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I still can't believe that sweet boy I met last year has turned into such a booger!

I think your DS will come back when the novelty of playing house fades. Eventually he will want some freedom, and I would bet that gf will have much stricter "rules" than you do.

And wait until GF's mom realizes how much an 18 year old boy eats! She will be sending him on his way when her grocery bill triples!

 

[MizTink]

You are doing a great job. What an AWESOME teacher for being willing to get involved and for calling you.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I still can't believe that sweet boy I met last year has turned into such a booger!






And wait until GF's mom realizes how much an 18 year old boy eats! She will be sending him on his way when her grocery bill triples!

isn't that the truth??!!!!!! right now i have 5 boys between 15 and 18 here eating after school they sure can put it away!! now i know why my parents called my brother the bottom-less pit when we were still living at home!!!

 

[patsal]

but these "kids" are 18 years old. i know they are still our "kids", no matter how old they are. but i don't think her mother should be put down so much for leaving her practically grown daughter home alone!

She is 17 and has a 12 yo sister.

 

[me-lady]

okay, 17 is NOT an adult (18) but regardless, even if she were 18, no child of mine would be letting BF stay at the house like that, when I was home, or when I was not home.

Yes, even at 17 she SHOULD be responsible enough to stay home for weekends.

I also agree, stay strong, he'll realize grass is not always greener.......

and if he does call again, remind him of being responsible, they are too young to be parents.

If he is still calling, then he's crossing the line just a little. Maybe he had you on speaker phone cause maybe "mom" didn't really believe that you told him what you did.

keep strong....... we're here to help you do that.

 

[manning]

He said "everyone" thinks my rules are crazy, and when I asked who "everyone" was he told me GF and her Mom. .

I said something to my dad once when I was a teenager and his answer made me realize he wouldn't/didn't back down.

"my house, my child, my rules. If you don't like it there's the door!!"



He may be starting to get it.

 

[horseshowmom]

but these "kids" are 18 years old. i know they are still our "kids", no matter how old they are. but i don't think her mother should be put down so much for leaving her practically grown daughter home alone!

I respectfully disagree. A 17 year old high school student should not be being left at home with her boyfriend on weekends IMHO. As another poster mentioned, nobody should be surprised if parenthood followed before long. I'm sure nobody thinks these "kids" are "grown" (or responsible) enough to be parents - their behavior certainly proves it.

 

[MizTink]

I respectfully disagree. A 17 year old high school student should not be being left at home with her boyfriend on weekends IMHO. As another poster mentioned, nobody should be surprised if parenthood followed before long. I'm sure nobody thinks these "kids" are "grown" (or responsible) enough to be parents - their behavior certainly proves it.

oh no, i didn't mean that "they" should be left with the house for a weekend of playing house. i meant that the girl's mother was being made out to be some horrible neglectful parent for leaving HER "child" home alone for the whole weekend. at 17 i think this is fine. but the boyfriend staying over is NOT! she'll be having a baby before she even has a chance to finish high school. hope she at least put the girl on birth control.