HELP my DS 18 is being a jerk and Update I followed through

[NikitaZee]

Please let us know what happens with this approach. Is your husband backing you up on this? Has he spoken to him about his behavior as well?

 

[PatsGirl]

Sorry your son has to learn the hard way Mine did too but in the end it all worked out and I am sure with you like with us, this too shall pass

 

[minniecarousel]

awww, honey, I'll bet that was hard to do! Good for you - for taking that step!

Hang in there.

 

[kimmar067]

....I even chased a car full of girls in my evening gown....

...boy, I would have LOVED to have seen THAT....

 

[patsal]

Please let us know what happens with this approach. Is your husband backing you up on this? Has he spoken to him about his behavior as well?

DH is baking me up, but no he has not spoken to him. I have not heard from DS since he left on Saturday morning, but he must have gone to work since no one called here about it. I looked through his texts and it looks like her mom is out of town this weekend so I am sure DS planned to stay there all weekend and "play house". I ddi text her mom an ask if DS stayed the night Friday night as if I didn't know she was not home, but of course no response. We will keep the dead boldt across when we leave for work tomorrow and DD will be given a new key to side entrance she will need to use--no one has keys for those doors except DH and I. I expect he will creep back tonight when his GF's mom gets home and kicks him out of her house! I checked his bank balance he has $31.99 not thinking he is getting too far on that!

 

[kidzmom3]

I just hope the GF's mother doesn't let him move in. I have seen it happen more than once.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I just hope the GF's mother doesn't let him move in. I have seen it happen more than once.

Me too. So sad to see but it happens more than one would think.

patsal, Please know that I am thinking of you and hoping that your son comes to his senses soon.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just hope the GF's mother doesn't let him move in. I have seen it happen more than once.

Well you know that is next. The OP's DS will cry to the GF's mom how "mean" his mother is. Of course he will leave out the details of how he laughs in her face and calls her "nothing".

When that does not work he will try to work over his dad. Which will be the classical divide and conquer technique.

I wish you luck OP....I would certainly prepare myself for these 2 scenarios.

Oh also have to watch out for siblings supporting them on the backside. That will make the other kids turn against you. The level of betrayal you will feel after that happens will make you feel defeated and depressed.

I recommend getting yourself some counseling OP...you are going to need a place to vent.

 

[RitaZ.]

Some kids push more than others. OP, I think it's crucial for you and your DH to be on the exact same page on how to go from here. No deviations at all. Hang in there.

 

[Anne MN]

I was just going to point that the military requires a high school diploma. I kind of doubt that the military wants to be a babysitter as Dawn notes.

the army has/had a program that someone can enlist without a diploma- they have the "school" at ft jackson i think- it extends basic training- but they get their diploma

also-OP- has your DS who is 18 registered with selective service? if not he needs to do that- they don't follow thru very often, but it is a federal offense for males to NOT register. I think they still have the forms at the post office.

right now the military can be VERY picky in who they let enlist. with the economy the way it is, a whole new crowd of people are enlisting because they have no job- we are talking mature people- the army will accept people up to age 42- you must be 41 when you enter basic

 

[patsal]

Made DH run errunds with me so we could talk out of DD's earshot. We are trying to keep her out of it as much as possible so she isn't put into any uncomfortable situations that can be prevented. We are totally on the same page and nothing can be settled without the two of us present--ie: DS cannot come back until the three of us discuss together, so no trying to come back when Dad is out of town.
He has registered for selective service--that was done on line last week--He turned 18 on Sept 25. My sister called his work yesterday (she works for the same co.) and said he did go to work. Her Mom returns tonight. I do not have faith that she will do the right thing, but rather the convenient thing that will keep her child happy. This could be a long, bumpy ride.

 

[DisneyLover83]

To the OP- My parents were forced to do a similar thing to my older brother, he was 19 and I was 9. I can tell your from a sibling perspective that this is very hard to watch. My brother banged on the front door and begged to be let back in but things had gone to far with my parents (stealing, lying, drug problems), the thing is at my age my parents did not tell me "why" he was being locked out and I know they thought they were protecting me by not telling me but it was very hard for me and I was angry at my parents for a long time. To me he was a person I loved and looked up to, so my only advice is please make sure your daughter understands the whole picture. (I don't know how old your daughter is, maybe she is already old enough to completely understand).

 

[IDoDis]

My mom had to give my brother the boot when he was 18. It was a difficult thing for her to do and for my sister and I to see, but I saw my mom's end and knew it had to be done. The last straw was when he hocked the family stereo system and sold most of my albums to a used record store (some of them were autographed). He even faked a burglary at our house once. Ransacked the whole place and stole certain items that he could sell/hock, one of those items being my high school class ring that I saved up and paid for myself. The police figured out it was an "inside job."

He lived with at his girlfriend's parents for awhile, but that didn't last long. Then he floated from friend to friend until he ran out of places to stay. I remember one night he had nowhere to go and was knocking on my bedroom window begging me to give him a blanket!

Eventually he came back home and my mom had it out with him. He got his GED and a job at a grocery store. He stayed with the grocery career and is a produce manager at a grocery store chain here almost 28 years later. Not the best job in the world, but he's been loyal and is a hard worker. Looking back now he knows he made a lot of dumb choices as a teen and wishes he could do it all over again. He is now going through the same thing with his oldest son and wishes his son would not make the same mistakes he made. He's very close with my mom to this day, so all may not be lost OP. Hang in there!

 

[mcco5543]

To the OP- My parents were forced to do a similar thing to my older brother, he was 19 and I was 9. I can tell your from a sibling perspective that this is very hard to watch. My brother banged on the front door and begged to be let back in but things had gone to far with my parents (stealing, lying, drug problems), the thing is at my age my parents did not tell me "why" he was being locked out and I know they thought they were protecting me by not telling me but it was very hard for me and I was angry at my parents for a long time. To me he was a person I loved and looked up to, so my only advice is please make sure your daughter understands the whole picture. (I don't know how old your daughter is, maybe she is already old enough to completely understand).

I second this!

 

[patsal]

To the OP- My parents were forced to do a similar thing to my older brother, he was 19 and I was 9. I can tell your from a sibling perspective that this is very hard to watch. My brother banged on the front door and begged to be let back in but things had gone to far with my parents (stealing, lying, drug problems), the thing is at my age my parents did not tell me "why" he was being locked out and I know they thought they were protecting me by not telling me but it was very hard for me and I was angry at my parents for a long time. To me he was a person I loved and looked up to, so my only advice is please make sure your daughter understands the whole picture. (I don't know how old your daughter is, maybe she is already old enough to completely understand).

She is 14 and very aware. She is the one telling me that I need to stop being so sad, that he did it to himself and that he needs to iron it out for himself. What I mean by sheltering her from it is that I do not want her to be the only one home and him knocking on the door hassleing her to let him in, etc. I do not want to be part of a rift between the two of them and do not want her to take on my issues.

 

[kimmar067]

She is 14 and very aware. She is the one telling me that I need to stop being so sad, that he did it to himself and that he needs to iron it out for himself. What I mean by sheltering her from it is that I do not want her to be the only one home and him knocking on the door hassleing her to let him in, etc. I do not want to be part of a rift between the two of them and do not want her to take on my issues.

good for you...

 

[MagicKingdom05]

She is 14 and very aware. She is the one telling me that I need to stop being so sad, that he did it to himself and that he needs to iron it out for himself. What I mean by sheltering her from it is that I do not want her to be the only one home and him knocking on the door hassleing her to let him in, etc. I do not want to be part of a rift between the two of them and do not want her to take on my issues.

While our daughter is only 17.5 months old and obviously we don't have to worry about that yet, all I can say is bravo for sticking to your guns.

 

[shortbun]

I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for him too - that his senses click in real fast 'cause it seems he's lost them. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and I applaud you for wanting to keep your 14yo daughter out of the line of fire.

 

[NewCrew42]

You did the right thing. I know it was hard, but it was the right thing.

 

[Rose&Mike]

I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for him too - that his senses click in real fast 'cause it seems he's lost them. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and I applaud you for wanting to keep your 14yo daughter out of the line of fire.

Couldn't have said it better. to you OP for trying to do what's best for both of your kids. I have an 18yo son, and I can only imagine how incredibly hard this has been for you. Sending good thoughts your way for some kind of resolution.