He won't propose!

[TheIncredibles!]

I know it feels like you are being attacked - but your thread title is "He won't propose!". That is not saying you are anxious - that is saying you are desperate and he is not complying with YOUR plan. He has a plan. You either trust him or you don't.

That combined with the fact that you are planning a wedding when you are not engaged yet and are worrying about not having enough time to plan just makes things over the top. You need to take a step back.

What if he proposes to you in February? What if he waits till May? You know what you will do? You will figure it out. It is absurd to have some timetable set on when you HAVE to be engaged so you can get married on a certain day.

Some things you need to plan for in advance, getting engaged is not one of them. It happens then you plan. Let life happen.

 

[Laura66]

The young couple at the top of my street just put their house up for sale 3 weeks ago. She bought the house with him hoping they'd get married. Oh he asked her and their wedding was supposed to take place in Savannah, Georgia this month.
So why is their house for sale? He told her he didn't want to get married and never really did.
So now she is living in that house with someone who never wanted to marry her until it sells!

 

[sugahjunior]

You may be right, but none of us know this for a fact. And I'm not sure where he has made it clear he isn't on her time line, its not like he said "no, we aren't getting married this June". He just hasn't popped the question yet, that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't on the same timeline.
He may actually have a plan in the works, despite what many DISers think, men are actually capable of planning things. I know on here men are seen as just a step up from drooling neanderthals who don't know how to function, but I think they deserve a bit more credit.

Except she basically gave him a November deadline since that's when she'd HAVE to order a dress and he doesn't seem in any sort of rush to help her meet it. (The deadline is utter nonsense btw. One of the most beautiful dresses I've ever seen was bought about 2 months before the wedding but I digress). Clearly, bf hasn't had the talk with dear old dad yet because OP would surely know. Based on OPs blog post where she talks about her all-caps obsession with weddings (thanks fd for pointing us in the right direction) I fear OP is in for a rude awakening once the marriage part starts. Especially since this bf seems like a prop she's dragging along on her fantasy.

 

[nd5056]

...

I don't know how this thread went from "he said he will propose but I'm getting impatient" to some sort of bra-burning, girl power, "you're better than this and he's using you" thread, but I'm done. I thought people here were kind and supportive of fellow DISers, and a few of you are, but most of you aren't, and I don't need negativity from some jaded, bitter people to bring me down.

You've been around, you should've known better...

But Congrats on your upcoming engagement and wedding.

.

 

[honeydiane1953]

Why don't you just ask him if he is planning to marry next year! If no well there you go. I understand you need to plan re dress some men just don't get it and some NEVER will. plz keep us posted

 

[luvmy3]

Except she basically gave him a November deadline since that's when she'd HAVE to order a dress and he doesn't seem in any sort of rush to help her meet it. (The deadline is utter nonsense btw. One of the most beautiful dresses I've ever seen was bought about 2 months before the wedding but I digress). Clearly, bf hasn't had the talk with dear old dad yet because OP would surely know. Based on OPs blog post where she talks about her all-caps obsession with weddings (thanks fd for pointing us in the right direction) I fear OP is in for a rude awakening once the marriage part starts. Especially since this bf seems like a prop she's dragging along on her fantasy.

That seems awfully harsh.

On a site where people obsessively plan their WDW vacations a year or more in advance why would people be surprised to find people who do the same for other things in their life. I haven't checked out the OP's blog as I'm not into stalking people to get information to add fuel to my fire.
She is young and been with her boyfriend for years. They have a plan to get married, why wouldn't the OP be excitedly researching wedding stuff. Some woman have their weddings planned before they are legal to get married, so what.
I have no reason to doubt what the OP says here. Yes I think she may be putting pressure on her bf so that her perfect proposal will happen, but calling him her prop because of it, uncalled for. It makes you sound bitter, maybe about one of your failed relationships.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

It now sounds like he has something planned around a specific date/event. I recommend you drop it and just wait or you could do some damage to the relationship.

 

[TagsMissy]

OP I am sorry but your immaturity is starting to really show... your thread title is very clear, your boyfriend won't propose, you want him to propose, you are basically giving him a deadline to propose so you can order your dress. I am sorry if I was your boyfriend I'd be hesitant too.

Many of us have been in your shoes, we all go through it in one way or another so I'm not saying we see the immaturity it to be mean . We get it, and we are trying to have you see how things look from the outside looking in but you don't want to hear/read it but sometimes the truth is harsh and hard to swallow.

Take a step back and take a breather, talking as others have said is not communicating. you need to learn to listen more than you need to learn to talk and truly learn to communicate.

An ultimatum and pressuring him generally won't give you the best results. Many of your posts are full of contradictions from wanting a big wedding, the dress, the cake, the photographer etc, to being OK with a simple wedding to the next post going back how you need the proposal now so you can book all those frivolities of a wedding.

You may think you understand a marriage is more than a wedding but I don't know if you truly do yet. It may sound harsh but believe me those of us with years on you have gotten the same talk and have all had to learn.

So what if you looked at rings and it was his idea, my husband and I looked at rings now and then for a good year, looking at a ring didn't mean he was going to propose to me the next day. I am glad he didn't in the end-- we started to date in our early/mid 20s and got married in our early 30s once we were both established in careers and knew what we **both** wanted. We in the end had a somewhat simple wedding with only our close friends and family and there's no other way I would want it.

 

[OhioMom02]

You may be right, but none of us know this for a fact. And I'm not sure where he has made it clear he isn't on her time line, its not like he said "no, we aren't getting married this June". He just hasn't popped the question yet, that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't on the same timeline.
He may actually have a plan in the works, despite what many DISers think, men are actually capable of planning things. I know on here men are seen as just a step up from drooling neanderthals who don't know how to function, but I think they deserve a bit more credit.

This. My DH had planned a gathering of our parents, drove an hour away to ask their blessings, and he MADE our rings (engagement and wedding). He had gold saved up that he panned over the years, he did the computer drawings for them, he created the molds out of wax. The only things he didn't do were mine the diamond and melt the gold to pour it in the molds. He even made wooden jewelry boxes for the rings. And he videotaped this entire process from asking for the blessings up to setting the house up for the proposal. All this planning took 3 1/2 months and I had NO clue anything was going on. But I wasn't chomping at the bit for a proposal either, otherwise I'd have been suspicious of every little move he made. OP, RELAX. In due time.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

You may think you understand a marriage is more than a wedding but I don't know if you truly do yet. It may sound harsh but believe me those of us with years on you have gotten the same talk and have all had to learn.
.

Basically, this. I'm beginning to think OP has never even discussed marriage with this man.

 

[emilily88]

Basically, this. I'm beginning to think OP has never even discussed marriage with this man.

I honestly have better things to do than make up a story on a Disney message board about my DBF and I looking at rings, choosing a date, and discussing marriage counseling just to watch the trolls come out and play.

 

[diznygirl]

Hey, sometimes us old folks have a been there/done that wisdom that the young folks could learn from. Kids these days!

I got married a year later than I wanted with a 15 month engagement because by the time my boyfriend proposed it was too late to get our church. Twenty years later I could be celebrating our 21st, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. I have what's important - the man I love, children I love, a wonderful family life, blah blah blah. And all that stressing when I was 20-something means nothing now. If I could go back in time to younger me, I would tell myself to just chill. Since I can't, I'll tell you - relax, let it happen. Whatever will be, will be. It's not a cliche - it's Truth.

 

[sugahjunior]

I honestly have better things to do than make up a story on a Disney message board about my DBF and I looking at rings, choosing a date, and discussing marriage counseling just to watch the trolls come out and play.

Oh no. We think all of these things have happened. Just that you have given zero thought or discussion to what comes after you take off the white princess dress. And you and DBF haven't "chosen a date." You have put a big red circle around a date in your head. Unfortunately, whatever you may be doing that day, a wedding to this DBF is most likely not going to be it.

 

[emilily88]

Oh no. We think all of these things have happened. Just that you have given zero thought or discussion to what comes after you take off the white princess dress.

I'm sorry that something I said made you think that, but that's not the case at all. My ultimate goal for our relationship is marriage, not a wedding. The wedding is just the icing on the cake, pun intended

 

[beaucoup]

This thread will probably be half venting, half needing advice.

DBF and I have been together for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage pretty seriously for the past year, but even more so since we have both graduated from college. We've looked at rings, we went in together on some furniture and appliances, and we even have a date set! Because of our jobs, we can only get married in June, and we've agreed on a date in June 2014 - 8 1/2 months away I've told him that if June is going to happen, I need to have my gown ordered by the end of November, and he said that was fine... but he hasn't proposed!

I'm at a loss. I 100% feel that he wants to get married in June and this isn't a stall tactic, but I don't know how to impress upon him that the sooner we can get the planning started, the better! I'm a really impatient person so just sitting back and waiting for the ring isn't easy for me, but I'm trying to chill about it any other ladies have this same kind of situation? It's so frustrating!

Sounds like you are already engaged.
If a formal down on knee proposal is that important, why don't you propose to him?

Is the fact that you have a date & all that other info public knowledge? Like do your parents & friends know the date & all that?

Honestly, if a formal proposal is that important. TALK TO HIM. Marriage needs communication. You 2 better learn how to communicate now.

 

[Frankiemack]

Every time I go through the New Posts on the board and see this topic come up I shake my head a bit. I've read some, but not all of the posts here...

I remember my wife and I being in kind of a similar situation but not to your extreme I would say. There was no doubt we were going to get married and we talked about it forever. My wife would ask all the time when I would propose...The more she asked, the more I made her wait because I felt like she was pushing too hard.

From a guys perspective, the best advice I can give you is to step back, stop being so aggressive/anxious and let things happen naturally. Stop talking about a wedding and etc and simply continue to enjoy your relationship as is. My wife brought it up to me so much that my responses turned for the worst and at one point, my wife started to believe it would never happen because I started getting angry with my responses to her nagging. I felt like she was taking away the rush of it from me, the nervousness, spontaneity and excitement. It became all about her....I wanted to ask her to marry me but she was making me 2nd guess that decision by being such an aggressive/over the top I want it now type of girl.


It finally got to a point a few months down the road where it was Valentine's day, we went to a dinner in NYC, and I had set up a surprise proposal....She was beyond surprised and shocked. We both, to this day, over 8 years later, talk about how much better it was that it wasn't a planned or forced thing and I did it on my own, the surprise way. It was amazing.

You love your BF, trust that he wants nothing more than to make you happy, but not by being hounded about a wedding. It sounds like he wants to get married just as much as you do, but he, like me, wants to keep some of the feeling real and not forced.

Good things come to those who wait - Trust fate, don't challenge it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I honestly have better things to do than make up a story on a Disney message board about my DBF and I looking at rings, choosing a date, and discussing marriage counseling just to watch the trolls come out and play.

WOW....
I don't think I have seen any trolls here...
Just people who are trying to give you a word to the wise.

Is this the way things go down with your boyfriend? You bring things like proposal and wedding up, and unless he instantly agrees with how you see things, or has learned to be evasive and to placate... then the wrath and the pushing begins... Because you are not hearing what you want to hear?

 

[beaucoup]

If the 2 of you cannot sit down together & TALK about this to figure out the problem, then neither of you are ready to be married.

Period.

It is NOT about the engagement, the wedding day at ALL. Its about maturity & years of marriage to each other. Working thru life's ups & downs. Being able to go the distance together.

You do not sound ready.

 

[beaucoup]

i remember my wife and i being in kind of a similar situation but not to your extreme i would say. There was no doubt we were going to get married and we talked about it forever. My wife would ask all the time when i would propose...the more she asked, the more i made her wait because i felt like she was pushing too hard.

From a guys perspective, the best advice i can give you is to step back, stop being so aggressive/anxious and let things happen naturally. Stop talking about a wedding and etc and simply continue to enjoy your relationship as is. My wife brought it up to me so much that my responses turned for the worst and at one point, my wife started to believe it would never happen because i started getting angry with my responses to her nagging. I felt like she was taking away the rush of it from me, the nervousness, spontaneity and excitement. It became all about her....i wanted to ask her to marry me but she was making me 2nd guess that decision by being such an aggressive/over the top i want it now type of girl.

this!

 

[beaucoup]

LOL, I am female, and just from the OP's posts here about the topic, I don't think I would want to marry her any time soon either. Imagine how that makes a guy feel.