Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hey guys, I thought of something that might be fun. Remember how we mentioned earlier the kids all had the "four questions" as they meet new people? (name, dorm, major, hometown)

Well, how about we share our own version of four questions about our college kids...


1. What college

2. What major

3. something funny they said or did when they were young

4. accomplishments or things you are proud of

I'll start:


1. What college:
UWO... University of Wisconsin... Oshkosh

2. What major
Computer science

3. something funny they said or did when they were young
There are so many things of course, but one that always comes to mind is that when he was a toddler I was watching 7 brides for 7 brothers and there was a dance scene, and he asked "if you break the TV glass do all the little people come out?


4. your college kid's accomplishments or things you are proud of
1st degree black belt in Tae Kwon do, Eagle Scout, competed at nationals for FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America), he is independent and is not afraid of challenging himself to the point where he never takes the easy way out, but rather wants a challenge so that he can always better himself

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Hey guys, I am very sad today.

BE FOREWARNED, your first visit may not be all sunshine and daisies and all that you hope it to be.

Yesterday we went up to take DS out for lunch and bring him a few things. I baked the cookies he likes and was soooo excited to see him.

I left extremely sad. Not because I was missing him again, but more so that it was clear that the break is happening and he wants his distance and I don't think he really misses us at all. (Let me be clear please, that I DON'T want him to be homesick or sad or not having a good time, this is NOT my hope)

We went to pick him up and went to lunch. We had fun at lunch, mostly because DD's friend came with us and she is AMAZING when it comes to LOUD burps. I mean, it can startle you! Well, she was trying to build them up, and it just wasn't happening, we were at buffalo wild wings and it was so loud. We were hoping to surprise DS with a loud burp and see what his reaction would be. (He has no idea how loud she can burp) I know, VERY immature, BUT you had to be there to understand the humor of it all.

We then went to buy a couple of things for the kids and then back to the dorm. DS showed us the room as we waited for DH to park the car. We just chatted, but nothing too exciting. DH came up, gave him the cookies, and the other stuff we brought and then it was as if we were "dismissed". I didn't expect constant hugs, or I miss you's or "lets hang out". But it really was like taking care of business, rather than a visit and left me feeling empty and just (Ok, I'll say it, unappreciated for the cookies, the lunch, and brining him his stuff, all that I really would have liked to hear was "thanks Mom", or thanks for the cookies, love them, or really anything).

I guess this is the part where I just back off even more, I've been trying to give him his space, not initiating texts, but maybe I need to really back off, because he is growing up and out, clearly doesn't need us, and I think I have to back off more for my sake than his, or I'm just going to continue to get my hopes up and get hurt in this process. He is extremely independent and I KNOW he will do great in life because of it, and I am happy that he will do well, and happy that he is adjusting, making friends and getting his future in order... but the independence is painful on the other side.

On a good note, one question I asked was what has surprised him about college. He surprised me with his answer. He said he knew he was paying for his college and that he considers then his dorm room to be "his" and is more proud of it, and then also is more aware of the value of it and wants to keep it up and take care of it more.

Oh Princess!! Please know that I totally can relate! After all the time my son depended on me for sooo many things, it was hard for him to be like that when I visited. The "brush off feeling" was like WOW. But from what I understand it is totally normal!!!! I have one living here giving me the brush off. LOL

Seriously I started to understand and be less offended when others told me their sons did the same and then he was home for Christmas and Summer and I really understood the growing up process and honestly, there comes a point we don't want our parents telling us what to do. After all we know it all.
But again not being disrespectful, just I know I went through it myself but not in college as much as once I got married. It was time for me to not care what my parents thought of my doings. And must recently my husband and I hit the 50+ club and realized we had to do that separation with family because they were still expecting things to be their way and so on.

I do believe boys are different for the most part and although we would like to have our little boys with us forever, it's important for us to learn how to let go as they show us they need us to do so.

I'm choking up as I write this. But if we put our kids in a box, someday we won't be here and they will be stuck in the box because we never let them figure out how to get out and function outside the box. Mistakes will be made. I've made plenty and so far I've been blessed not to see my son make any major mistakes.

Come here, talk to us and your feelings are normal and so is your son.
I know I kept trying to find reasons to help him and reasons to help his friends that didn't live close to family. Guess what, they pushed me away too. LOL

As I said now I am finding things to keep me busy. Even if it's an obsession to read this website. Now thread is very hopping and I can't seem to walk away. LOL

I haven't even left for my November vacation and I'm still researching February for a possible vacation. I might even have to travel solo but if it keeps me from thinking about how much I miss my son.......

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I am sorry!!! I wonder if he was trying to put a little distance on purpose- because it would be too hard to say goodbye again if he didn't? Either way, I know it is hard on you and I am so sorry!! A woman who I really respect from church, who has two older children already out of college, gave me some funny advice. She told me that when I felt sad and missed my DS, I should go clean his room. By doing so, I will probably find a lot of stuff in there that will piss me off and make missing him diminish a little!

I also wanted to comment on your DS paying for college- because mine is too. At least the first 3-4 semesters are being paid for with his own money. We had a serious discussion about him doing his very best- to his ability- and working hard- because he wouldn't want to waste his own money, now would he? I am really hoping that this will be the catalyst that encourages him to work harder than he ever has, and to not give up. He does tend to stress out and frustrate easily- but I am hoping that he discovers ways to handle that stress and frustration (in good ways!).

So much growth going on this year!! No wonder we moms are a bit anxious!!!

Thanks for the smiles and support!!! I think that is a funny thing... to clean his room. It really might make me mad, I told him repeatedly to clean his room for weeks before he left. he did an OK job, but I am sure there are things "hidden", I just haven't thought of going in there yet. I guess I will when I want to get mad!

 

[mom2rtk]

I just sent DD an email with some options:
Family weekend and participate in all the activities.
Family weekend but we do our own thing and skip the activities.
Take a couple nights to go to a nearby city and hang out.
DD comes home for a couple nights.

I told her it was entirely up to her. I only care about seeing her. I don't care what we do. I have a hotel booked and can cancel up until 6pm that day so no biggie.

DD is at a smallish....midsize I guess, school. No football and I doubt it will be excessively crowded. I just want to see her!!

I've been mulling this over all day. Since we had a lengthy chat wit DS yesterday, I don't want to inundate him with another one so soon, especially since he's a bit under the weather.

I checked online and it appears there are still rooms in the area. I think we'll book one, but hold off on a final decision until it's closer to that date. I hunted around all over online and it appears all that is going on is a parents' meeting/reception that we would not be there in time for, and the football game, which is not a big deal at this school. I want to let him just decide, but he tries so hard just to be easy to get along with I don't know if we'll know what he really wants.

Before leaving for college, DD was very interested in becoming an RA next year. After having a rather wacky, very interesting roommate (the other one is great) DD said the college couldn't pay her enough to deal with people like that every single day. She said, "I wouldn't do it for a million dollars." I said, "For a million dollars? Oh yes you would!"

LOL. I don't think a single one of us would blame her.

Hey guys, I am very sad today.

BE FOREWARNED, your first visit may not be all sunshine and daisies and all that you hope it to be.

Yesterday we went up to take DS out for lunch and bring him a few things. I baked the cookies he likes and was soooo excited to see him.

I left extremely sad. Not because I was missing him again, but more so that it was clear that the break is happening and he wants his distance and I don't think he really misses us at all. (Let me be clear please, that I DON'T want him to be homesick or sad or not having a good time, this is NOT my hope)

We went to pick him up and went to lunch. We had fun at lunch, mostly because DD's friend came with us and she is AMAZING when it comes to LOUD burps. I mean, it can startle you! Well, she was trying to build them up, and it just wasn't happening, we were at buffalo wild wings and it was so loud. We were hoping to surprise DS with a loud burp and see what his reaction would be. (He has no idea how loud she can burp) I know, VERY immature, BUT you had to be there to understand the humor of it all.

We then went to buy a couple of things for the kids and then back to the dorm. DS showed us the room as we waited for DH to park the car. We just chatted, but nothing too exciting. DH came up, gave him the cookies, and the other stuff we brought and then it was as if we were "dismissed". I didn't expect constant hugs, or I miss you's or "lets hang out". But it really was like taking care of business, rather than a visit and left me feeling empty and just (Ok, I'll say it, unappreciated for the cookies, the lunch, and brining him his stuff, all that I really would have liked to hear was "thanks Mom", or thanks for the cookies, love them, or really anything).

I guess this is the part where I just back off even more, I've been trying to give him his space, not initiating texts, but maybe I need to really back off, because he is growing up and out, clearly doesn't need us, and I think I have to back off more for my sake than his, or I'm just going to continue to get my hopes up and get hurt in this process. He is extremely independent and I KNOW he will do great in life because of it, and I am happy that he will do well, and happy that he is adjusting, making friends and getting his future in order... but the independence is painful on the other side.

On a good note, one question I asked was what has surprised him about college. He surprised me with his answer. He said he knew he was paying for his college and that he considers then his dorm room to be "his" and is more proud of it, and then also is more aware of the value of it and wants to keep it up and take care of it more.

Awwww....... Hang in there. He probably just thought that was the easiest way of handling things. Maybe he was just putting on a brave face for you.

Let him fly a bit. I bet he'll surprise you when you least expect it.

We are actually going to Disneyland in December/January. My DS14 will be marching in the Rose Parade with the HS band, and DH, DS18 and I are heading out to CA for that and Disney The band will be marching in Disneyland too, so it's going to be a cool experience. DS18 had wanted to go to WDW for his HS graduation gift, but when we found out the band was invited to the Rose Parade, he asked if we could do that instead. I am hoping that it will be a celebratory trip too- finishing the first semester of college off strong! I know the first semester can be rough on a lot of kids (academically) but I am praying he has a decent one!

I haven't really done much planning. The hotel package is booked through DL- we are staying at the Hilton. We have two day park hoppers. We have our Rose Parade tickets. We have the rental car reserved. Air fare is bought and paid for. All we need to do is book a tour of Hollywood/LA. Being that it is the week between Christmas and NY, I am expecting it to be crowded. And we are only there 5 days. So a short trip, but packed to the gills!

That sounds like an awesome family memory just waiting to be made!

I'm going to DLR with my daughter right before the boys are out for winter break. They aren't Disney fans, so the girls will get their dose then head home to enjoy having everyone home together for a while.

Princess Vija,
I am really thankful that you started this thread! This group of parents has been such a great support system to each other! I love how strangers can come together and offer each other support just by being in the same situation at the same time. So thank you!!

I absolutely second that!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

I'll write more later. I want to do some more cleaning in my son's room.
Never know what I will find and have to text a picture of it to him.

Be back later. Have a magical afternoon with some thoughts.

Glad I found this group.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Oh Princess!! Please know that I totally can relate! After all the time my son depended on me for sooo many things, it was hard for him to be like that when I visited. The "brush off feeling" was like WOW. But from what I understand it is totally normal!!!! I have one living here giving me the brush off. LOL

Seriously I started to understand and be less offended when others told me their sons did the same and then he was home for Christmas and Summer and I really understood the growing up process and honestly, there comes a point we don't want our parents telling us what to do. After all we know it all.
But again not being disrespectful, just I know I went through it myself but not in college as much as once I got married. It was time for me to not care what my parents thought of my doings. And must recently my husband and I hit the 50+ club and realized we had to do that separation with family because they were still expecting things to be their way and so on.

I do believe boys are different for the most part and although we would like to have our little boys with us forever, it's important for us to learn how to let go as they show us they need us to do so.

I'm choking up as I write this. But if we put our kids in a box, someday we won't be here and they will be stuck in the box because we never let them figure out how to get out and function outside the box. Mistakes will be made. I've made plenty and so far I've been blessed not to see my son make any major mistakes.

Come here, talk to us and your feelings are normal and so is your son.
I know I kept trying to find reasons to help him and reasons to help his friends that didn't live close to family. Guess what, they pushed me away too. LOL

As I said now I am finding things to keep me busy. Even if it's an obsession to read this website. Now thread is very hopping and I can't seem to walk away. LOL

I haven't even left for my November vacation and I'm still researching February for a possible vacation. I might even have to travel solo but if it keeps me from thinking about how much I miss my son.......

Thanks!!!! You know, I was hesitant to put it all out there, but I am glad I did. As I mentioned above, we aren't "judging" each other, but rather validating the feelings as being OK and helping each other through this.

Your post made me tear up a bit as well. I know I can't have him in the box, and I don't want to. I have a relative that is almost 50, isn't working, and is completely dependent on others. I DON'T want that for DS, and if it causes me some "growing pains" as he grows up and away I will take the pain rather than see him turn into someone who is like my relative that has no ambition, drive and just mooches off of others.

it's just that it hurts.

Glad to know it is part of the process of little boys growing up and that I am not alone in all of this.

AND you are really making me jealous! I want to go to WDW sooo bad!!!

 

[Christine]

Princess Vija, don't despair!! My son acted the SAME way. Let me tell you, this was a boy who held my hand until he was 11 and hung out at home with me a lot through his teen years. Well, he seems to have totally cut that cord!!! I feel like you do sometimes but, for the most part, I'm just pushing those feelings down and realizing that this is how it will.

My DD was actually much the same way but I really expected it out of her--she was always much more independent that him. As she's gotten older (22), she's come back to me more and the relationship has definitely changed. I think she appreciates me much more now than she did at 18.

I think the backing off part is a good idea. I'm just giving my son his space and I'm letting him come to me when he's ready.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Princess Vija, don't despair!! My son acted the SAME way. Let me tell you, this was a boy who held my hand until he was 11 and hung out at home with me a lot through his teen years. Well, he seems to have totally cut that cord!!! I feel like you do sometimes but, for the most part, I'm just pushing those feelings down and realizing that this is how it will.

My DD was actually much the same way but I really expected it out of her--she was always much more independent that him. As she's gotten older (22), she's come back to me more and the relationship has definitely changed. I think she appreciates me much more now than she did at 18.

I think the backing off part is a good idea. I'm just giving my son his space and I'm letting him come to me when he's ready.

Thanks for your input too! I guess hearing others having gone through the exact same thing makes me think that this is the way it is supposed to be. Another part of the separation.

I think you are right, I know he will contact us when he is ready and now still may feel a bit overwhelmed by us and just wants to find his own way, I just have to have the courage to give him the space he needs.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Awwww....... Hang in there. He probably just thought that was the easiest way of handling things. Maybe he was just putting on a brave face for you.

Let him fly a bit. I bet he'll surprise you when you least expect it.

And that may be it too. I sure hope he does surprise us. I'll hold onto that hope.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I'll write more later. I want to do some more cleaning in my son's room.
Never know what I will find and have to text a picture of it to him.

Be back later. Have a magical afternoon with some thoughts.

Glad I found this group.

Oh, please let us know if you find anything in there that makes you "miss him less" LOL!

I'm almost afraid of what I might find in there... DH once told me that when he was a teenager his mom cleaned his room and found the "magazines" .... I don't think I want to find any of those in there! Although hopefully he would hide them better than what DH did

 

[marcyinPA]

Thanks!!!! You know, I was hesitant to put it all out there, but I am glad I did. As I mentioned above, we aren't "judging" each other, but rather validating the feelings as being OK and helping each other through this.

Your post made me tear up a bit as well. I know I can't have him in the box, and I don't want to. I have a relative that is almost 50, isn't working, and is completely dependent on others. I DON'T want that for DS, and if it causes me some "growing pains" as he grows up and away I will take the pain rather than see him turn into someone who is like my relative that has no ambition, drive and just mooches off of others.

it's just that it hurts.

Glad to know it is part of the process of little boys growing up and that I am not alone in all of this.

AND you are really making me jealous! I want to go to WDW sooo bad!!!

I often wonder if separation is harder on us because we have such instant access to our kids and their lives. When I went to college, I was armed with a calling card and a roll of quarters for the pay phone. No computer, no cell phone, no Facebook or texting or twitter. No digital photos! LOL I called home once a week (maybe), and only stayed on the phone for a short time because it was expensive!!

Nowadays, we can see what our kids are doing via social media, and I think at least for me- it makes me miss him even more than I already do! And then they are trying to distance themselves from us- but it's hard when their lives are so public. I don't know- just a thought I've been having.

And while I am talking about technology- anyone else get annoyed when you KNOW they have read your text (because on the iPhone, at least, it gives the time it was read!) and they don't respond for hours, if at all?! Geesh, what's that all about?!

 

[kacaju]

I often wonder if separation is harder on us because we have such instant access to our kids and their lives. When I went to college, I was armed with a calling card and a roll of quarters for the pay phone. No computer, no cell phone, no Facebook or texting or twitter. No digital photos! LOL I called home once a week (maybe), and only stayed on the phone for a short time because it was expensive!!

Nowadays, we can see what our kids are doing via social media, and I think at least for me- it makes me miss him even more than I already do! And then they are trying to distance themselves from us- but it's hard when their lives are so public. I don't know- just a thought I've been having.

And while I am talking about technology- anyone else get annoyed when you KNOW they have read your text (because on the iPhone, at least, it gives the time it was read!) and they don't respond for hours, if at all?! Geesh, what's that all about?!

Nope, in fact I love it...because I can *spy* on her without worrying. I see she read my text...then I know she is OK.. if she doesn't read it...then I worry.
If I see she is posting on facebook...again.I know she is ok!

 

[mom2rtk]

And that may be it too. I sure hope he does surprise us. I'll hold onto that hope.

If not, then I'm just TOTALLY going to go with it anyway!

I often wonder if separation is harder on us because we have such instant access to our kids and their lives. When I went to college, I was armed with a calling card and a roll of quarters for the pay phone. No computer, no cell phone, no Facebook or texting or twitter. No digital photos! LOL I called home once a week (maybe), and only stayed on the phone for a short time because it was expensive!!

Nowadays, we can see what our kids are doing via social media, and I think at least for me- it makes me miss him even more than I already do! And then they are trying to distance themselves from us- but it's hard when their lives are so public. I don't know- just a thought I've been having.

And while I am talking about technology- anyone else get annoyed when you KNOW they have read your text (because on the iPhone, at least, it gives the time it was read!) and they don't respond for hours, if at all?! Geesh, what's that all about?!

I've thought a lot about this. But my son doesn't do any social media. So that's definitely not it for me. I still miss him like crazy. For me I think it's just that I was much closer to him than I was with my own mom. I've worked very hard to have the emotional bond with my kids that I didn't feel with my own mom. And now the price is having it be so hard to separate.

 

[LisaR]

Princess Vija,
I am really thankful that you started this thread! This group of parents has been such a great support system to each other! I love how strangers can come together and offer each other support just by being in the same situation at the same time. So thank you!!

Hey guys, I am very sad today.

BE FOREWARNED, your first visit may not be all sunshine and daisies and all that you hope it to be.

Yesterday we went up to take DS out for lunch and bring him a few things. I baked the cookies he likes and was soooo excited to see him.

I left extremely sad. Not because I was missing him again, but more so that it was clear that the break is happening and he wants his distance and I don't think he really misses us at all. (Let me be clear please, that I DON'T want him to be homesick or sad or not having a good time, this is NOT my hope)

We went to pick him up and went to lunch. We had fun at lunch, mostly because DD's friend came with us and she is AMAZING when it comes to LOUD burps. I mean, it can startle you! Well, she was trying to build them up, and it just wasn't happening, we were at buffalo wild wings and it was so loud. We were hoping to surprise DS with a loud burp and see what his reaction would be. (He has no idea how loud she can burp) I know, VERY immature, BUT you had to be there to understand the humor of it all.

We then went to buy a couple of things for the kids and then back to the dorm. DS showed us the room as we waited for DH to park the car. We just chatted, but nothing too exciting. DH came up, gave him the cookies, and the other stuff we brought and then it was as if we were "dismissed". I didn't expect constant hugs, or I miss you's or "lets hang out". But it really was like taking care of business, rather than a visit and left me feeling empty and just (Ok, I'll say it, unappreciated for the cookies, the lunch, and brining him his stuff, all that I really would have liked to hear was "thanks Mom", or thanks for the cookies, love them, or really anything).

I guess this is the part where I just back off even more, I've been trying to give him his space, not initiating texts, but maybe I need to really back off, because he is growing up and out, clearly doesn't need us, and I think I have to back off more for my sake than his, or I'm just going to continue to get my hopes up and get hurt in this process. He is extremely independent and I KNOW he will do great in life because of it, and I am happy that he will do well, and happy that he is adjusting, making friends and getting his future in order... but the independence is painful on the other side.

On a good note, one question I asked was what has surprised him about college. He surprised me with his answer. He said he knew he was paying for his college and that he considers then his dorm room to be "his" and is more proud of it, and then also is more aware of the value of it and wants to keep it up and take care of it more.

Hang in there. I just think everyone has a different way of handling things. This is his way. Give him time and I am sure he will come around.

I often wonder if separation is harder on us because we have such instant access to our kids and their lives. When I went to college, I was armed with a calling card and a roll of quarters for the pay phone. No computer, no cell phone, no Facebook or texting or twitter. No digital photos! LOL I called home once a week (maybe), and only stayed on the phone for a short time because it was expensive!!

Nowadays, we can see what our kids are doing via social media, and I think at least for me- it makes me miss him even more than I already do! And then they are trying to distance themselves from us- but it's hard when their lives are so public. I don't know- just a thought I've been having.

And while I am talking about technology- anyone else get annoyed when you KNOW they have read your text (because on the iPhone, at least, it gives the time it was read!) and they don't respond for hours, if at all?! Geesh, what's that all about?!

I absolutely think technology plays a role in this. I had wonderful parents, but the way life was "back in the day" made it impossible to keep in touch daily. My parents were pretty cheap so they weren't about to pay long distance charges to talk to me more than once every few weeks.

It is just so much easier today. We've raised a generation of kids who can easily send a text when they are going to be late, need a ride, forgot something, or have a question. As parents, we are very used to that instant means of communication so we expect that to continue when they leave, but they might have other plans.

I know some feel that this instant communication with our children is a detriment to society, but this is the the way the world has evolved. Technology isn't going away. I read an article some time ago about a family in Thailand. They lived in the middle of nowhere and the parents farmed their land daily. The father complained that his two daughters didn't have any interest in working the land and all they did was text and Facebook! The dad said when he texts them that it is time to come home, they don't reply for an hour and claim they didn't have their phone with them. He said he never sees them without their phone, but they conveniently don't have it with them when mom or dad text them. It seems to be a universal issue!

My 84 y/o mother, who is out of the loop with technology, called me when we were at the movies the other day. I called her after the movie was done and she says, "Sheesh! What's the point of a cell phone if you don't answer when I call?" Even she has gotten to a point where she expects an instant response!

 

[marcyinPA]

Nope, in fact I love it...because I can *spy* on her without worrying. I see she read my text...then I know she is OK.. if she doesn't read it...then I worry.
If I see she is posting on facebook...again.I know she is ok!

I get ya! . I think in my case, though, it does make me miss him all that much more. I do like knowing he is alive, but I wish that time spent posting to friends was directed at me. Yeah, I'm selfish that way ! lol

 

[luvavacation]

I am so, so sorry that your visit did not go the way you had wished, Princess Vija! I am going to second what another mom on here said, and agree that he probably was just that way because it makes the separation a little bit easier. I am very, very sure that deep down, he loves all that you did for him, and he liked having you there for a visit. Everything you have said about him so far shows him to be a young man that is close to his family, and that doesn't change in a few weeks' time. He loves you and appreciates you, he just finds it hard to say good-bye.

Hey, he could be like my eldest when it would come time to say good-bye! A day or two before she would leave (depending on the length of the visit, sometimes it would happen an hour before she would leave) she will start finding things to be upset about. She would fight with her sister, argue with me, just anything. Never would she admit it then, but leaving angry made it easier for her to leave! Of course, we didn't like it, and at first I didn't put two and two together, but once I did, I just kept reminding her that no matter how mad she was when she left, we would still love her and wait for her return with open arms.

Now, at the age of 23, she realizes that she does this, and though she still lets the fight-picking come through sometimes, she doesn't do it as frequently. Her poor fiance, he says she did it with him, too, when he would leave to go back home (back when they had a long-distance relationship happening). It isn't the best way of coping with a farewell, but it is her way.

Now, to answer your 4 questions!

1. What college - Eastern IL University - Honours College (she always has to emphasize that part, lest people think she is not as intelligent as her sister that graduated Purdue with honours - sibling rivalry, you know).

2. What major - Elementary Education

3. something funny they said or did when they were young - My youngest has always been determined to never have anyone help her. When she was still very young, just starting to talk, she called herself "Mimi", which was her interpretation of her name in Hungarian. Whenever she was trying to do something and I wanted to help, like putting on a shirt or picking up toys, she would always want to do it herself, saying, "No, Mimi do!" We still call her "Mimi do" sometimes. She is so darn determined to go it alone!

4. accomplishments or things you are proud of - Oh my gosh, is it awful that I am drawing a blank? I mean, I am so proud of so many things my daughter has done, for she is strong student, not afraid to learn, and does get good grades and great scholarships (thank God!). She also likes her family, and I know her friends don't all feel the same about their families. Hmm, looking around, I see a picture of her and her sister. Off the top of my head, I suppose one thing I am so proud of is her love for her sister. She was always protective of her big sister, for her big sister is a girl that loves bugs (and is now an Entomologist), and this did not sit well with other children in elementary school. One day on the bus home, when little sis was in Kindergarten and big sis in 4th grade, big sis was getting picked on by some kids for being weird. My DD got up, walked out of the Kindergarten seats on the bus, and tried to beat up the big kids! She was going to protect her sister, no matter how little she was! Her desire to watch out for her sister is something that touches me deeply.

 

[Anne34]

Nope, in fact I love it...because I can *spy* on her without worrying. I see she read my text...then I know she is OK.. if she doesn't read it...then I worry.
If I see she is posting on facebook...again.I know she is ok!

I love this aspect too. My ds 18 is also a freshman this year. It has been harder with him gone than his ds 20. When she left I still had 2 at home and we were so busy with sports, etc. now my son has left and only dd16 is still home and she got her license last Thursday. I am being needed less and less and it's hard!

 

[nancygirl1]

Princess Vija, I am so sorry that your visit didn't go like you had hoped. I remember my oldest doing the same thing when he went away for the first time. It was like conducting business. Once we were done, he was done with us. Sometimes I would cry on the way home. I learned to not expect sunshine and roses from him and just "enjoy" the times he would actually interact with us whether it was to answer my texts or actually talk to me on the phone. He didn't want reminders of home or his mother to "mother" him. The longer he was away from home the better it got. He wasn't so determined to push me away.

My husband said something interesting this afternoon. He said that when he was young (19) he moved out of his house and into his own apartment and didn't give his mother much thought. He really didn't think of how she was feeling or handling his absence. He wondered if this was a guy thing. Maybe they're not quite as sensitive or family focused as females. He felt that it was no big deal that my son didn't want to be in contact with me. He understood the need for separation. He thought I was being too sensitive and that I shouldn't take it personally.

I did talk to my son today. He's the one that I cried at my computer about the other night. I was shocked! He actually carried on quite an animated conversation with me. Thank God. I really don't know how I would have handled rejection.

Someone on this thread (sorry I don't remember who) said that she asked questions that required more than a one word response. Thank you for reminding me of that from my early parenting days! I was more conscious of asking open ended questions and it made such a difference.

Now, my son at Umass Dartmouth never answered me text today. Oh well, that speaks volumes. One for two isn't bad!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Decided not to do quotes and just try to remember what I wanted to comment on.

In regard to spying......my son doesn't use FB or twitter, and I don't know how to check if he read my text messages or emails. But I can check his meal plan card to see if he ate yet. He has a pretty regular time he has been eating and knowing he is eating and where gives me an idea of what he is doing.
I at least know he hasn't gone missing and someone forgot to inform me.

I'm two for two on text messages. I sent the clown picture and then sent a picture of the new container of ice cream DH bought tonight. My son loves chocolate and this one was chocolate with M&Ms. I sent the picture saying "thinking of you" and he sent back "great now I want ice cream".

Oh and the funny thing is I sent the clown picture to my friend that just relocated with her husband to Witchata. She was so happy to get it because she is feeling homesick. I tell you, put the clown nose on or even better get yourself a tiara. When you look at your reflection in a window or mirror you can't help but smile. And pass the picture on to a friend and make them smile. This friend has 3 children in college. (DD senior, DS sophomore, DS freshman) They are in NY, VA, and SC and now she gets relocated too. Yikes talk about change!

The super funny thing is I sent it to another friend (whose son is at college) and in return she sent a picture to me of her and her 1 year old grandson wearing a clown nose. They found the one I gave her son for graduation last year. He chose not to bring it to school. His loss. She is having fun with it.

Ok can't remember what else I was going to say.

Oh I feel funny answering these questions online but hey I already shared close enough to answering these. LOL

1. What college - Becker College (2 campus locations Worcester/Leicester, MA)

2. What major - Interactive Gaming Design and Programming

3. something funny they said or did when they were young - there were lots but the most memorable was when he started to learn to talk and said "Chocolate Cake is Dangerous" He meant Delicious. Remember he loves chocolate.

4. accomplishments or things you are proud of - What a kind and compassionate person he is towards people and there feelings (even if he doesn't get the Mom misses you part) and his ability to be laid back about life.
Adults like him, and he has an amazing memory. Natural ability to learn makes him successful in school with not a lot of effort. Graduated high honors and seems to be continuing in college. Doesn't ask much from us financially. Always willing to go without if he doesn't have the money.
Gave up his room for Dad to have an office and willing to share the bigger room with me and my sewing, which I have been totally unfair to him on that.

I could go on and on about all the things I am proud of my son for being and accomplishing. But that would fill pages and seem too snobby. I almost feel like my pride for him is why I have few friends around here. They took it as competition and mine better than yours. It's more about how far he has come from his struggles in life.

On that note......I didn't find anything in his room to make me mad at him. More me and what I need to do before he returns home so he feels a place for himself is still here.

Oh and the topic of technology and "magazines". I don't expect to find magazines because I'm sure if he wanted to see that kind of stuff he could find just the same on the internet and I'd never find that as I don't get on his laptop.

Enjoy your night and may you find peace and comfort in knowing the bump in this part of the road of life will end and we will all move to other bumps eventually.

I guess I should go back to my November vacation fantasy and get distracted from the son topics. Did I mention it will be our 25th anniversary that month so I don't feel one bit guilty about going? Adult only vacation.
February fantasy is a whole other story. Maybe since this is Disney boards we should plan a meet and greet at Disney World to distract us all.
I know I like to dream.
Oh!! Plug for Disney Visa card. When I paid my sons tuition this semester, they take visa cards. Although I had the money in the bank, I charged it, got the rewards points and paid off my visa card.
Dinner on the college!

 

[HERSEY]

1. What college - Ball State

2. What major - Criminal Justice

3. something funny they said or did when they were young - He was always cracking me up. The one thing that I can remember right now is. We were watching The Mummy (Brandon Frazier) In the scene where they are in the tall grass there were pygmies mummies chasing them. DS called them piggly wigglies. No idea why. Still makes me chuckle

4. accomplishments or things you are proud of - To help himself get over his fear of speaking in front of people he joined the High School Mock Trial team. He was an amazing Lead Prosector. He is looking to join the Mock Trial team in college too. He also was been on the Honor Roll every year since 7th grade, That is all him. I was a crappy student he found his own way to succeed. Youtube and the internet Math site were his study buddies.

I have noticed at least yesterday that my son is responding to my texts a little faster or maybe it is the ones he thinks need responding to. I haven't been friended on FB. That is ok, He has made good choices in his friends. So the phone calls and texts are my only way to check on him

When we talked he was concerned about 2 tests in his Crim 101 and 102 classes. He was getting them confused. He decided to study for 1 and then take that test and then study the other and take that test. Well he got a A on the first test. He puts such pressure on himself ever since kindergarten he wanted only A's. I just wanted him to do his best, if his best was a C then I was ok.

Ok My caffeine depraved brain needs more coffee. I will be back later