Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[goofy4tink]

DD just sent me a picture of herself covered in red spots from head to toe. I don't know if it is a reaction to the antibiotic or something else. Thankfully, the school clinic told her to come right over so hopefully I will hear something soon. Why couldn't she go to the school that is only an hour away?????

It's so hard when they're a good distance away!! We're lucky in that our dd is only about 1hr 20mins away...door to door!! And it's a fairly nice drive. But I have to tell you....she caught every single thing that came down the pike last year!!! She's a sophomore this year. Last year??? Let's see....strep (twice), mono, hand/foot/mouth disease, pink eye! Not to mention the many tummy bugs and normal, everyday colds. She did come home with the mono and the hand/foot/mouth disease....she felt so miserable that she just wanted to be in her own bed....since she had to be out of class anyway, she stayed at home for 3 or 4 days each time.

 

[LisaR]

It's so hard when they're a good distance away!! We're lucky in that our dd is only about 1hr 20mins away...door to door!! And it's a fairly nice drive. But I have to tell you....she caught every single thing that came down the pike last year!!! She's a sophomore this year. Last year??? Let's see....strep (twice), mono, hand/foot/mouth disease, pink eye! Not to mention the many tummy bugs and normal, everyday colds. She did come home with the mono and the hand/foot/mouth disease....she felt so miserable that she just wanted to be in her own bed....since she had to be out of class anyway, she stayed at home for 3 or 4 days each time.

DD said they are constantly sharing water bottles and snacks (hands in and out of bags/containers). She said NO MORE! She said she is going to be vigilant about not sharing and washing her hands. She has been sick more in the past ten weeks than she has been in the past ten years! The other times have just been colds, but still, how many colds can one person get?

 

[marcyinPA]

I'm in a bit of a slump. I think things aren't going so well for DS and his GF right now. I don't want to elaborate too much, but he is down and that makes me sad.

I also don't know much about the grades, but I am thinking they aren't great. And I think the reason is what I wrote in the last sentence. I am trying not to nag, and I am trying not to ask at all. But I just have that sinking feeling....

 

[DVCLiz]

DD20's roommate has a staph infection, DD20 has allergies and a bad cold and a sinus infection. She is flying home for fall break Thursday - she's 14 hours away by car. She doesn't like or trust the diagnosis at Health Services so she has gone to both a CVS Minute Clinic and an Urgent Care. I wish she'd gotten sick once she crossed our state line .

 

[donac]

I feel for all your kids who have calc teachers that they can't understand. My ds2 had one and it took him 2 weeks to finally catch on and ended up enjoying his class.

I teach AP Calc to the top kids in my school. They have done to some great schools. But they always come back and tell the kids to listen to me. Because it may be the last time they hear calculus spoken in true English.

Before you know it they will be home and life will be so much different than before (I have been through it twice)

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Finally! DD is now allergic to penicillin. They switched her antibiotic and gave her Benadryl. DD said everyone at the school clinic was so nice. She said the doctor really took her time and made her feel less anxious! The place she went off campus yesterday was horrible. She said the doctor was in the room for about 4 seconds. Glad she got a good check up today. The doctor thinks she has strep. She said it is kind of late in the game to swab her because she is actually getting better symptom wise and the treatment would be the same anyway. She skipped her classes today and plans on staying in bed the rest of the day.

Now to stay healthy myself. When we went to lunch on Thursday, she had a headache which I didn't think anything of. She was also reaching across the table and eating my food! If she gets me sick again, I'm going to smack her.......when she is feeling better, of course!

Thanks for letting me "talk" it out on this thread.

LOL on smacking her. Ya that whole sharing thing is so not good. Send paper bowls (LOL anyone that read this before I did an edit....bowls not bowels) to pour the chips in or get a case of individual bags.

Glad the reaction wasn't too serious and that she caught it before it was. My DS19 had reactions as a baby so it's in his medical charts.
I have a mold allergy so it's in my charts with caution for antibiotics.
Hope she feels better soon. I'll have to text my son to remember to use his germX and also mention about sharing the big bags of snack foods and suggest he use the paper bowls I sent in his trunk. Thanks for the reminder.

I'm in a bit of a slump. I think things aren't going so well for DS and his GF right now. I don't want to elaborate too much, but he is down and that makes me sad.

I also don't know much about the grades, but I am thinking they aren't great. And I think the reason is what I wrote in the last sentence. I am trying not to nag, and I am trying not to ask at all. But I just have that sinking feeling....

No details needed. I get it. My son has not had a girlfriend yet. I'm sure it doesn't change how he will feel if he does and things start not going well. But I remind him constantly that God has picked out a special person specifically for him to be his wife and life partner. I tell him I'm praying for her all the time.
When I met my husband he was going back to finish his degree and live at college. By the end of his second semester, he broke up with me (which I was pissed because I had been bending over backwards to go get him every weekend and pretty much had ignored my friends) to date another girl. Well I went my own way and took care of myself and as I said DH so yes he saw the light and that I was the one.
Praying your DS gets that peace and knows if it's meant to be God will put the trouble times behind them or make them both stronger and bring them back together.
Saying a prayer for your son. And you.

 

[HERSEY]

LisaR I hope your daughter is feeling better today, minus the hives.

 

[LisaR]

LisaR I hope your daughter is feeling better today, minus the hives.

Thanks so much!! She said her hives have faded. They look more blotchy now and at least half have disappeared completely. Her fever is low, but I apparently didn't teach her that one takes their temperature BEFORE taking Advil. She takes Advil, waits an hour, and then texts me to say my temp is only 99.5. While good, it is likely that the Advil brought it down. Kids!

I'm so happy she has made such good friends. The clinic was out of Benadryl so a friend went to the campus store and bought her some. DD wanted bagels so two friends went to the cafeteria and basically stole every bagel in the basket based on the picture she sent me. She put them in a Ziploc and froze most of them. Another friend has been waiting on her by bringing her OJ, cups of soup, tea, and toasting her bagels. Actually, I think she is being waited on better there than she would be here. I'm not that nice! I'm going to find something nice to send to her friends next week as a thank you; maybe a gift card to a local restaurant or something?

 

[LisaR]

I'm in a bit of a slump. I think things aren't going so well for DS and his GF right now. I don't want to elaborate too much, but he is down and that makes me sad.

I also don't know much about the grades, but I am thinking they aren't great. And I think the reason is what I wrote in the last sentence. I am trying not to nag, and I am trying not to ask at all. But I just have that sinking feeling....

DD said at this point everyone she knows who came to college with a BF/GF still at home or at another school has broken up. I know some couples make it, but it is hard.

Sorry about the grades. Your son is the one who is paying for college himself, right? If grades drop due to a GF or anything else that is getting in the way, hopefully he will learn quickly and rebound next semester or else he will run out of money. Hang in there. The first semester/year is the hardest.

 

[HERSEY]

Thanks so much!! She said her hives have faded. They look more blotchy now and at least half have disappeared completely. Her fever is low, but I apparently didn't teach her that one takes their temperature BEFORE taking Advil. She takes Advil, waits an hour, and then texts me to say my temp is only 99.5. While good, it is likely that the Advil brought it down. Kids!

I'm so happy she has made such good friends. The clinic was out of Benadryl so a friend went to the campus store and bought her some. DD wanted bagels so two friends went to the cafeteria and basically stole every bagel in the basket based on the picture she sent me. She put them in a Ziploc and froze most of them. Another friend has been waiting on her by bringing her OJ, cups of soup, tea, and toasting her bagels. Actually, I think she is being waited on better there than she would be here. I'm not that nice! I'm going to find something nice to send to her friends next week as a thank you; maybe a gift card to a local restaurant or something?

It sounds like a great bunch of friends. Wow toasting the bagels for her, just WOW. I need them by my house.

I am glad the antibiotic is working

 

[marcyinPA]

DD said at this point everyone she knows who came to college with a BF/GF still at home or at another school has broken up. I know some couples make it, but it is hard.

Sorry about the grades. Your son is the one who is paying for college himself, right? If grades drop due to a GF or anything else that is getting in the way, hopefully he will learn quickly and rebound next semester or else he will run out of money. Hang in there. The first semester/year is the hardest.

No details needed. I get it. My son has not had a girlfriend yet. I'm sure it doesn't change how he will feel if he does and things start not going well. But I remind him constantly that God has picked out a special person specifically for him to be his wife and life partner. I tell him I'm praying for her all the time.
When I met my husband he was going back to finish his degree and live at college. By the end of his second semester, he broke up with me (which I was pissed because I had been bending over backwards to go get him every weekend and pretty much had ignored my friends) to date another girl. Well I went my own way and took care of myself and as I said DH so yes he saw the light and that I was the one.
Praying your DS gets that peace and knows if it's meant to be God will put the trouble times behind them or make them both stronger and bring them back together.
Saying a prayer for your son. And you.

Thank you! He texted me this morning ans asked me to call him after classes today. I did- and he started off ok, but was crying by the middle of our conversation. He is just so hurt. It isn't over yet, but it is in the fizzling process. To me, it sounds like she has moved on, and is enjoying her independence. Instead of her telling him it's over, she is ignoring him, or she is distracted when they Skype. They will both be home the next two weekends and she said she won't be spending time with him. To me, this screams "It's OVER." But he wants it to be mutual. He doesn't want to be the bad guy. He is so conflicted because he says he really likes her. Loves her.

I just sat and listened. He doesn't have anyone there he can really talk to, and for 3 years she has been his best friend (1 year dating). He feels alone. My heart is broken for him.

Lisa, yes, my son is paying his way right now. This might be one of those harsh life lessons this semester. I am really trying to let him figure it all out, but it's hard when there are thousands of dollars involved.

Thanks for listening to me. I know I have not been good at responding to the other posts- I have been pretty consumed here with this drama, and other stuff going on at home. SIGH.

 

[LisaR]

It sounds like a great bunch of friends. Wow toasting the bagels for her, just WOW. I need them by my house.

I am glad the antibiotic is working

I know, right? I told her I wish she was home so I could take care of her, but I am thinking she is getting better care from her friends! Nobody toasts my bagel for me when I'm sick!

I still am not at all certain what she has. It seems strange to me that these kids she spent a night in a hotel with aren't sick at all. They are all still hanging around her and none are sick. Strep throat and the flu, the two things the doctor mentioned, are highly contagious. Not that I want the other kids to get sick, but it seems odd that she is the only one.

 

[HERSEY]

Thank you! He texted me this morning ans asked me to call him after classes today. I did- and he started off ok, but was crying by the middle of our conversation. He is just so hurt. It isn't over yet, but it is in the fizzling process. To me, it sounds like she has moved on, and is enjoying her independence. Instead of her telling him it's over, she is ignoring him, or she is distracted when they Skype. They will both be home the next two weekends and she said she won't be spending time with him. To me, this screams "It's OVER." But he wants it to be mutual. He doesn't want to be the bad guy. He is so conflicted because he says he really likes her. Loves her.

I just sat and listened. He doesn't have anyone there he can really talk to, and for 3 years she has been his best friend (1 year dating). He feels alone. My heart is broken for him.

Lisa, yes, my son is paying his way right now. This might be one of those harsh life lessons this semester. I am really trying to let him figure it all out, but it's hard when there are thousands of dollars involved.

Thanks for listening to me. I know I have not been good at responding to the other posts- I have been pretty consumed here with this drama, and other stuff going on at home. SIGH.

Oh my I am sorry this is happening now to you both.It is so difficult to adjust to college and deal with this also. I am praying that he gets is legs back underneath him

 

[HERSEY]

I know, right? I told her I wish she was home so I could take care of her, but I am thinking she is getting better care from her friends! Nobody toasts my bagel for me when I'm sick!

I still am not at all certain what she has. It seems strange to me that these kids she spent a night in a hotel with aren't sick at all. They are all still hanging around her and none are sick. Strep throat and the flu, the two things the doctor mentioned, are highly contagious. Not that I want the other kids to get sick, but it seems odd that she is the only one.

She just could have gotten lucky with the germ lotto.

 

[LisaR]

Thank you! He texted me this morning ans asked me to call him after classes today. I did- and he started off ok, but was crying by the middle of our conversation. He is just so hurt. It isn't over yet, but it is in the fizzling process. To me, it sounds like she has moved on, and is enjoying her independence. Instead of her telling him it's over, she is ignoring him, or she is distracted when they Skype. They will both be home the next two weekends and she said she won't be spending time with him. To me, this screams "It's OVER." But he wants it to be mutual. He doesn't want to be the bad guy. He is so conflicted because he says he really likes her. Loves her.

I just sat and listened. He doesn't have anyone there he can really talk to, and for 3 years she has been his best friend (1 year dating). He feels alone. My heart is broken for him.

Lisa, yes, my son is paying his way right now. This might be one of those harsh life lessons this semester. I am really trying to let him figure it all out, but it's hard when there are thousands of dollars involved.

Thanks for listening to me. I know I have not been good at responding to the other posts- I have been pretty consumed here with this drama, and other stuff going on at home. SIGH.

I'm so sorry he is going through this. Unfortunately, I think it is very normal for at least one person to move on when they get to college.

She just could have gotten lucky with the germ lotto.

Maybe she should play the real lotto and put her luck to use with money instead of germs!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

We are raising some awesome mini adults. Don't tell them I said "mini" they are not full grown yet, but soon all too soon. I wish I had the freedom to say all the things DS and I talk about with my mom. Can you imagine what our kids will talk about with their children. Maybe they can solve the world's problems and there will be peace in the middle east !!

Yeah I am being very sentimental tonight. My DS amazes me with his insight sometimes. I always thought he had very adult thoughts at a young age. Now he just blows me away.

I too am surprised sometimes by the topics DS and I talk about compared to topics with my parents. I sure hope that they have just as open a relationship with their kids!

I have been reading everyone's posts this past week or so and have almost cried several times. You are all amazing women and moms. This is such a difficult time for everyone, especially those that are going through this for the first time. It really is like walking a tightrope with our children. It's a whole new way of life with a new play book and it takes a while to figure out just how things work now.

Princess Vija, what you explained to your son about your new role as his mother is so true. It is so hard to be shut out of their lives, especially after being there day after day and knowing who, what, when, where, how and why! I did exactly the same thing when all of my 3 went off to school. It is so hard not hearing from them and no longer being involved in their lives. I think it is an important conversation for some of us to have with our child for our own sanity. I know that it gave mine some insight into my side of things and the adjustment I had to make to our new relationship. I found that afterward they were more "tolerant" of me and my need to stay connected.

I've tried having the conversation with DS on many occasions, just about how these are changes not just for him, but all of us at home too. I know he had an inkling, but I don't think he really got it until just recently. I know to start having these conversations with DD early, but I think it might be easier with her, because she is at home and sees how we just want some info, but not that we need play by plays.

So many ups and downs for all of us! Its kinda hard to take, isn't it? Hugs to all! I really do think at some point it will level out and will feel more normal.

Well, I continue to hear from DS18 via text message. He, or I, check in every day. I'm thrilled with that. I get very little info, but at least I know he's alive!

He and a HS friend were planning a trip to St. Louis to watch their old band in a contest. I did not want him to do it...would cost over $200, a long drive, three days away from studying, etc. DH was the opposite..."We used to do road trips, I don't see it being an issue." Ok...so I really do think that is why God gave kids a Momma and a Daddy, so we can balance each other out. DS had asked my opinion, and I told him I'd talk to his Dad about it. So I told him it was fine. Ugh, that was hard to do! Anyway...when he was home the last time he asked me to help him find a hotel room. He found some listed for $30 a night and was convinced they would be fine. There were reviews about how scary they were. That still didn't phase him much. Luckily, they wouldn't rent them to people under age 21. Whew. Hilton was the only one he could find that would accept 18. He and his friend planned it all out and finally decided it was too expensive. It was hard sitting back and watching, but he really learned a lot just going through the exercise! Baby steps to adulthood.

Our other struggle...grades and studying! DS has never been super motivated. He has always put in minimal time studying, and easily made As and the occasional B. He didn't really care that he got some Bs. He rarely, rarely did homework at home. So now he has Calc I , with a teacher he can't understand due to a lisp and being, recently, from another country. He told us he was studying a lot, but "a lot" to him was three hours a week DH had a conversation and tried to impress on him that 12 hours a week would be more appropriate for now, considering he made a D on the first exam. Not sure he gets it. Trying to stay out of it, but its hard. Will encourage him to drop it, if grade is still low in two weeks. He has another exam this week, he thinks he will do better, fingers crossed! I want to be the parent that can never enquire about grades, but not sure its in me. He is just not used to studying! He needs a certain GPA to keep his scholarship, so I hope he starts taking it seriously!

Other than that, he seems happy and settled in, which I am thrilled about! He won't come home until Thanksgiving. That will be 8 weeks since he came home the last time. That feels like TOO long!

Hugs to all!

Tough life lessons, but glad he is learning them on his own. Figuring it out will only help him succeed further on!

Thanks so much!! She said her hives have faded. They look more blotchy now and at least half have disappeared completely. Her fever is low, but I apparently didn't teach her that one takes their temperature BEFORE taking Advil. She takes Advil, waits an hour, and then texts me to say my temp is only 99.5. While good, it is likely that the Advil brought it down. Kids!

I'm so happy she has made such good friends. The clinic was out of Benadryl so a friend went to the campus store and bought her some. DD wanted bagels so two friends went to the cafeteria and basically stole every bagel in the basket based on the picture she sent me. She put them in a Ziploc and froze most of them. Another friend has been waiting on her by bringing her OJ, cups of soup, tea, and toasting her bagels. Actually, I think she is being waited on better there than she would be here. I'm not that nice! I'm going to find something nice to send to her friends next week as a thank you; maybe a gift card to a local restaurant or something?

Wow, what a scary time for you. So glad they figured it out quickly and that the spots are fading. Awesome that she has such good friends at school to help her out. I'm sure it is a sense of relief for you.

Thank you! He texted me this morning ans asked me to call him after classes today. I did- and he started off ok, but was crying by the middle of our conversation. He is just so hurt. It isn't over yet, but it is in the fizzling process. To me, it sounds like she has moved on, and is enjoying her independence. Instead of her telling him it's over, she is ignoring him, or she is distracted when they Skype. They will both be home the next two weekends and she said she won't be spending time with him. To me, this screams "It's OVER." But he wants it to be mutual. He doesn't want to be the bad guy. He is so conflicted because he says he really likes her. Loves her.

I just sat and listened. He doesn't have anyone there he can really talk to, and for 3 years she has been his best friend (1 year dating). He feels alone. My heart is broken for him.

Lisa, yes, my son is paying his way right now. This might be one of those harsh life lessons this semester. I am really trying to let him figure it all out, but it's hard when there are thousands of dollars involved.

Thanks for listening to me. I know I have not been good at responding to the other posts- I have been pretty consumed here with this drama, and other stuff going on at home. SIGH.

Awww... my heart breaks for both of you. Break ups are so hard in general and to add that in at the beginning of school like this... he must feel so lost and alone. Thank heavens he had you to talk to, but still his heart must be hurting so much right now.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Have you guys sent any care packages yet?

We've dropped stuff off, or gave him stuff when we saw him for the variety of weekends, but up until today haven't sent him anything yet.

He was home over the weekend and left behind were... a towel, a pillow case and a polo shirt. Sent all of those in a care package with a funny card and some candy. Kind of fun sending it!

 

[HERSEY]

I sent his birthday present, something from Popcorn factory. In the box with his birthday present I stuck a Happy Birthday button some party horns and a sign for his door. I am sure he keep the actual present part and the rice krispy treats and pitched the rest. Still I think he got a smile out of it.

 

[LisaR]

Have you guys sent any care packages yet?

We've dropped stuff off, or gave him stuff when we saw him for the variety of weekends, but up until today haven't sent him anything yet.

He was home over the weekend and left behind were... a towel, a pillow case and a polo shirt. Sent all of those in a care package with a funny card and some candy. Kind of fun sending it!

I've decided I am too cheap to send care packages! Seriously though, DD does her own grocery shopping with our money so going to the store and buying her treats and then paying to ship them would be a waste of money, imo. Every time we visit or when she came home, I have all kinds of things for her, but I haven't shipped an actual care package. I did have flowers delivered yesterday because I felt so bad that she was sick and I wasn't there. She loved them, but added that an iPhone 5 would make her all better.

One thing I have done is send a card every week. I add an inspirational quote. I noticed she has them all hanging around her dorm room along with cards from friends and relatives. I'm guessing this is something girls probably appreciate more than guys. My poor son is going to hate me since I am so used to doing all this stuff for DD. He's going to be like, "Mom, really?? Another card? Stop it already!"

 

[HERSEY]

LisaR Who knew an Iphone cures strep? Your daughter sounds like she has a similar sense of humor like my son. I told him if he could only channel it for good instead of evil he would go very far.