Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Oh no! Your DD's comment makes me sad.

It hit me the other day when I was in the car. I saw a couple boys walking along the side of the road in the neighborhood. One looked just like my son from a distance..... but around 7th grade. For a moment, it seemed like it really was him..... if I turned back the clock. But I can't. Just such a strange feeling.

So I just keep telling myself how proud I am, and how happy he's not in his friend's position..... and I move forward.

That comment made me so sad too, a few tears, I'll admit. It is hard to help her through this. Trying, but not easy.

I too have done the same thing... notice the little kids around and reminds me so much of when DS was young. Yesterday I was driving and noticed two little boys, must have been twins and preschool. The backpacks they were wearing looks so big on them! They were practically bigger than the boys themselves. Made me smile and laugh, and then feel sad again.

I'll share with you all a dream I had a few months back. Not sure if I should share it, because I can't explain how real it felt...

Feeling especially sad, just before I went to bed. I had just been wishing I could turn back the clock and have my little boy back again. The entire night I dreamt of DS as a little boy, just having a great time with him. IT FELT SO REAL!!!! I honestly can't put it into words, it just felt more "real" than any other dream I've ever had. Can not explain it, but I woke up and absolutely Thanked God immediately for giving me a very rare opportunity to be in the presence of that sweet little boy again, if only just in a dream format, but it just felt real. And I will forever be grateful I had that dream.

 

[minniebeth]

Popcorn Factory Sample of the Month:
$5 including shipping~ cute for Halloween

http://www.thepopcornfactory.com/october-sample-flavor-zombie-corn-tpf-64286?categoryId=400026015

 

[mom2rtk]

That comment made me so sad too, a few tears, I'll admit. It is hard to help her through this. Trying, but not easy.

I too have done the same thing... notice the little kids around and reminds me so much of when DS was young. Yesterday I was driving and noticed two little boys, must have been twins and preschool. The backpacks they were wearing looks so big on them! They were practically bigger than the boys themselves. Made me smile and laugh, and then feel sad again.

I'll share with you all a dream I had a few months back. Not sure if I should share it, because I can't explain how real it felt...

Feeling especially sad, just before I went to bed. I had just been wishing I could turn back the clock and have my little boy back again. The entire night I dreamt of DS as a little boy, just having a great time with him. IT FELT SO REAL!!!! I honestly can't put it into words, it just felt more "real" than any other dream I've ever had. Can not explain it, but I woke up and absolutely Thanked God immediately for giving me a very rare opportunity to be in the presence of that sweet little boy again, if only just in a dream format, but it just felt real. And I will forever be grateful I had that dream.

I totally understand about the dream. I could use one of those long about now.

I haven't even talked to my DS in a week. That's the longest we've gone in some time. I texted him a couple nights ago and really just figured out he has a TON of work this week. Add in that he's coming home for the weekend and it doesn't leave much time. I'm sure I'll feel better when I see him again.

I agree about car time being the best. I used to drive him to school just because I enjoyed that time chatting. My husband should get some great time coming home tomorrow with him. But I volunteered for the crack of dawn drive on Monday, so it's entirely possible he might just sleep the whole way there!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hope everyone is doing well~ still loving reading what you are all sharing.

Got my dawber in the mud a little this week. The first 4 or 5 weeks, DS was great about texting and calling a couple times a week. Sometimes the calls were 5 mintue conversations, sometimes they were an hour, depending on how long he wanted to talk, I always took his lead.
I'm pretty sure he's adjusted and busy now, I don't hear from him much anymore. Don't get me wrong, that's what I want for him! Just sad for myself a little, I really miss him. I'm not one to share my feelings too much to friends (they do ask, but I don't think they really want to know every detail about the college separation, you know?), other than the ones that have kids who have left for college this year, so I know a lot of you understand.

I'm glad that you are here to share with us. It does make it easier to talk about it, knowing that we are all in the same boat and we can understand and help each other through this.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I totally understand about the dream. I could use one of those long about now.

I haven't even talked to my DS in a week. That's the longest we've gone in some time. I texted him a couple nights ago and really just figured out he has a TON of work this week. Add in that he's coming home for the weekend and it doesn't leave much time. I'm sure I'll feel better when I see him again.

I agree about car time being the best. I used to drive him to school just because I enjoyed that time chatting. My husband should get some great time coming home tomorrow with him. But I volunteered for the crack of dawn drive on Monday, so it's entirely possible he might just sleep the whole way there!

I hope you get that dream too! I am so excited for you that you get to see him soon. Hang in there, the weekend is almost here. Is there any way you can join your DH in the drive to go get your DS? If not, I hope you get some time with just you and DS to reconnect.

 

[HERSEY]

Popcorn Factory Sample of the Month:
$5 including shipping~ cute for Halloween

http://www.thepopcornfactory.com/october-sample-flavor-zombie-corn-tpf-64286?categoryId=400026015

Thank you for posting this. I ordered this and a birthday box for my son.

I'll be back this evening when I have a little more time

 

[kmb584]

So how did you handle your first born going off to college? Our family is pretty close. We have done a lot of great things together, and I am so sad that this era of our family is ending.

DS is growing up and moving on with his life. I know it is a good thing. He has done so much and I am so proud. In my mind I know this is a good thing, college will be a great experience for him, and most importantly he has found a passion in life to pursue and seems like he has all the nuts and bolts put together to be successful in life.

I also can tell our relationship has changed. We've gone from mommy and son, to mom and son and now I do find myself struggling to find what place I have in his life. I am not trying to helicopter, because even though I will miss him, I know this is a great thing for him and won't be that parent that bugs the college aged kid.

But sending him off to college is hard and has left me feeling lost. My heart has not caught up to my mind...

I have no valid reponse as my daughter is only 4 but I will say that in 14 years time, I'll be asking the same questions you are.

Because I'm a single parent and also fairly certain that my daughter's father doesn't even know her name (and to think I dated him for almost 5 years too.. ) we are incredibly close. It's always been just the two of us, from the day I found out I was pregnant to her first day on this planet to now. When the time came to go back to work (due to financial savings, she was 2 before I went back) I had a difficult time leaving her for 9 hours, said feeling was reciprocated by her according to her babysitter at the time.

I have more than a decade left before I even begin to think college thoughts but wanted to wish you the best of luck with the situation!

 

[LisaR]

I don't know about you guys, but the weirdest things make me all of a sudden miss him so very much.

Last night we were all getting ready for bed, and we were just talking about the pie we want to make and get cinnamon ice cream from a nearby ice cream shop. I realized how he won't be here for the usual fall treat and how much he would like it.

It just felt all of a sudden like something was missing and we weren't complete. KWIM?

It was especially hard when DD reiterated that she is afraid "it won't ever be the same again... will it?"

How do you handle that question from younger kids who are so terribly missing their siblings?

Nothing will be the same; that is what makes it so hard. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to the adult version of DD and I can't wait to see where life takes her, but I miss the four of us. I miss all of us together for dinner, watching shows together, playing games, talking, laughing, and joking. I really am enjoying this new part of life that DD is getting to experience, but I do miss our old us.

While talking to DD yesterday (about the snakes ) she mentioned that she was going with a group to some black light party. I just said to make sure she is careful and smart and left it at that.

I got a text from her at 1am that said, "Mom, I know you were probably worried about me going to that party. Just wanted you to know that we are all back in the room safe and sound. Love you!" That text just brought me to tears. I was so touched that she would think about me and know I was a bit worried. I just thought that was so considerate of her. God, I miss that kid!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Nothing will be the same; that is what makes it so hard. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to the adult version of DD and I can't wait to see where life takes her, but I miss the four of us. I miss all of us together for dinner, watching shows together, playing games, talking, laughing, and joking. I really am enjoying this new part of life that DD is getting to experience, but I do miss our old us.

While talking to DD yesterday (about the snakes ) she mentioned that she was going with a group to some black light party. I just said to make sure she is careful and smart and left it at that.

I got a text from her at 1am that said, "Mom, I know you were probably worried about me going to that party. Just wanted you to know that we are all back in the room safe and sound. Love you!" That text just brought me to tears. I was so touched that she would think about me and know I was a bit worried. I just thought that was so considerate of her. God, I miss that kid!

Just spoke with DS. I am so blessed!
I told him about a situation here at home that makes my DH and my plans for our anniversary vacation a challenge in regard to the care for his older brother with Autism. I asked if he would consider coming home parts of the time we are gone to help with his brother. He said he would and expressed areas he wasn't comfortable so I made some suggestions on solutions.
I'm so proud of him!!!
And I feel better about the situation.

Now to finish up some details and I'm ready for that long overdue vacation.

I sure miss him!!!

 

[clh2]

Hope everyone is doing well~ still loving reading what you are all

On a different note, I did use the links to order from Popcorn Factory and Cheryl's cookies that someone posted a while back. I sent the popcorn samples and the cookies with free shipping special. I sent them to DS, his girlfriend, my nephew, and several of our friends' kids, and they all loved them! Very affordable little treats! I can't remember who posted them, but THANK YOU for sharing that!!

You are so welcome! We have the Halloween sampler going to dd, should be there Monday. DD has a little fun with me, cuz my name IS Cheryl. It is like I baked them myself

DD doesn't come home until another week for fall break. I should be getting her menu requests by this weekend!

 

[HERSEY]

I have been busy reclaiming closets. My house looks like a episode of hoaders. My garbage pickup this week should be interesting. I have no idea why I held on to old stuffed animals and toys from my sons earlier years. Did I really think he was going to get younger?

I have cleaned up his room, he is coming home for Fall break.

I don't think I mentioned with last weekends trip for Family weekend, How that was such a mess. Travelocity messed up my hotel ressie. The hotel never got the reservation. All I got from Travelocity was sorry for the inconvience. They did refund me but that was after many emails and a phone call from hell. It is difficult to communcate with an overseas communication center who can not understand they can not just resend the confirmation to a already full hotel. It will not get me a room.

How is everyone doing? I hope everything is settling down for everyone. Before we know it our children will be home for Thanksgiving break and the Christmas

 

[mom2travel]

I have been busy reclaiming closets. My house looks like a episode of hoaders. My garbage pickup this week should be interesting. I have no idea why I held on to old stuffed animals and toys from my sons earlier years. Did I really think he was going to get younger?

I have cleaned up his room, he is coming home for Fall break.

I don't think I mentioned with last weekends trip for Family weekend, How that was such a mess. Travelocity messed up my hotel ressie. The hotel never got the reservation. All I got from Travelocity was sorry for the inconvience. They did refund me but that was after many emails and a phone call from hell. It is difficult to communcate with an overseas communication center who can not understand they can not just resend the confirmation to a already full hotel. It will not get me a room.

How is everyone doing? I hope everything is settling down for everyone. Before we know it our children will be home for Thanksgiving break and the Christmas

That stinks about your hotel mess

We are on our way home from visiting DS for family weekend. Had such a great time! So happy that he is happy and doing well. We will see him again in a couple weeks when he has a long weekend for fall break.

Hope everyone is doing well!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

I have been busy reclaiming closets. My house looks like a episode of hoaders. My garbage pickup this week should be interesting. I have no idea why I held on to old stuffed animals and toys from my sons earlier years. Did I really think he was going to get younger?

I have cleaned up his room, he is coming home for Fall break.

I don't think I mentioned with last weekends trip for Family weekend, How that was such a mess. Travelocity messed up my hotel ressie. The hotel never got the reservation. All I got from Travelocity was sorry for the inconvience. They did refund me but that was after many emails and a phone call from hell. It is difficult to communcate with an overseas communication center who can not understand they can not just resend the confirmation to a already full hotel. It will not get me a room.

How is everyone doing? I hope everything is settling down for everyone. Before we know it our children will be home for Thanksgiving break and the Christmas

I'm sure it feels like hoarders but I'm also sure no where near that as a week of cleaning wouldn't resolve the problem.
Can relate to the things that your son will never use but you still have. My issues is more I don't want to give them away until I find the other thing that goes with it. Such a frustrating and sad situation to be in.

I really missed my son this week, but was so at peace and full of pride that he is doing well. We had an unfortunate situation of another young man (college age) that was coming to our house to help care for my son with Autism. Really good kid, but I was not aware of his issues until recently.
We had to let him go. (due to the public nature of this forum, I am leaving out details, but read between the lines and you are probably right)



Why would I post such a personal issue? Because I want just want to reach out to those mothers that are struggling with worry for their college age children (reading here but not posting) and let you know along with this young man, I'm praying for yours too. Such a tough age in such a confusing world.

DS might come home for a day next weekend as it's a 3 day weekend. I'm sure a laundry catch up and good nights sleep is in order.
He will also come home to help us out with his brother Nov. 15th when we leave for our Anniversary Vacation. Grandparents will help too and get DS back to school. So glad he chose a local college.

The leaves are turning beautiful colors here in Massachusetts. And just in time for them all to be brown, I'll get to see the beauty of Fall in Florida.

As much as I'm excited to see my DS, even for brief moments, this vacation is a great distraction to keep me focused on taking care of myself.

How about the rest of you? It might not be Disney but do you have any special events or things you are doing to take care of yourself?

As someone said Thanksgiving break and Christmas are almost here. Coming fast.

 

[disykat]

DH and I had a perfect empty nester day yesterday. Our boys are both close, 3 hours and 1 1/2 hours away in the same direction. (well, almost the same) Our youngest just left a few weeks ago, but already needed some things from home. (I didn't even say "I told you so!" I just enjoyed that he was willing for us to come visit!)

We drove the 3 hours, had lunch and delivered stuff, then drove back to our other son, dh and son did some minor car repairs together on the car he has right now for his internship, had dinner, and then came home. We drove back in our driveway exactly 12 hours after we left.

A perfect day, made even more perfect by hearing lots of details about younger son's experiences so far. I'm sure he's in the right place!

It was still hard coming home to the empty nest with no dog to greet us (remember she passed away right before our younger son left) but it's starting to feel more "normal."

I have a feeling we're going to be repeating this trip every month or so. We're thinking maybe Veteran's Day to watch younger son march.

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

DH and I had a perfect empty nester day yesterday. Our boys are both close, 3 hours and 1 1/2 hours away in the same direction. (well, almost the same) Our youngest just left a few weeks ago, but already needed some things from home. (I didn't even say "I told you so!" I just enjoyed that he was willing for us to come visit!)

We drove the 3 hours, had lunch and delivered stuff, then drove back to our other son, dh and son did some minor car repairs together on the car he has right now for his internship, had dinner, and then came home. We drove back in our driveway exactly 12 hours after we left.

A perfect day, made even more perfect by hearing lots of details about younger son's experiences so far. I'm sure he's in the right place!

It was still hard coming home to the empty nest with no dog to greet us (remember she passed away right before our younger son left) but it's starting to feel more "normal."

I have a feeling we're going to be repeating this trip every month or so. We're thinking maybe Veteran's Day to watch younger son march.

Your post made me smile.

 

[minniebeth]

I'm glad that you are here to share with us. It does make it easier to talk about it, knowing that we are all in the same boat and we can understand and help each other through this.

Thank you! I'm so grateful you started this thread by sharing your experience and having it turn into what it has!

Thank you for posting this. I ordered this and a birthday box for my son.

I'll be back this evening when I have a little more time

I've become the care package junkie~ My DH gripes we spend enough in helping with college tuition, but it's my way of coping, lol...
Just want to share the cool finds! (That were also shared here...)

You are so welcome! We have the Halloween sampler going to dd, should be there Monday. DD has a little fun with me, cuz my name IS Cheryl. It is like I baked them myself

Again, thank you!! Too funny Cheryl is sending Cheryl's Cookies! Love it, you bake delicious cookies!

So, our plans to visit Kentucky this past weekend to do some college visits for my younger DD changed. DS did call and say he was a little sad because it was Homecoming and all the plans he seemed to make for the game all changed when his girlfriend decided to go home for the weekend. So we decided on an impromptu tailgate to go visit him! I ran around getting all the necessary items (Target charcoal mini-grill on clearance for $9 woo-hoo!).
It POURED the whole day, but fortunately, the rain stopped long enough for my family and a few of the kids' friends to set up in the squishy grass and cook and hang out and enjoy some good food and company. We never made it to the game because of the weather, but the tailgate and visit were awesome!

DS comes home this week for Fall Break~ so excited!

Wishing all of you great thoughts for you and your kids!

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm recovering from my 7 hour drive today. My husband went the 3 1/2 hours there and back Friday to pick him up, then I did it today just prior to the crack of dawn to have him back for his first class of the day.

I'm glad we did it, and I'd do it again. But it was sort of a hard weekend. I felt like everyone got a piece of him but me. I guess I need to take up playing basketball or football if I want any time when he comes home. Sigh. It doesn't help that he is still struggling with some homesickness. Regardless, if he wants to come home again in a few weeks, we'll do it again.

On the up side he got a 96 on his last calculus exam and feels good about the chem test he took Friday.

Time for me to channel my inner Dory..... and just keep swimming.

 

[leebee]

(As much as I hate it when people say this, I have finally found a thread that's too long to read, so...)

I haven't read the whole thread so don't know if it's been mentioned, but wanted to say that if you are looking for a care package idea, try Wicked Good Cupcakes (wickedgoodcupcakes.com). They ship cupcakes baked in canning jars- 8oz cupcakes for $6.95 plus shipping. I sent 4 of them to DD20 for her birthday and she said they were delicious! Price wasn't too bad, either!

 

[clh2]

(As much as I hate it when people say this, I have finally found a thread that's too long to read, so...)

I haven't read the whole thread so don't know if it's been mentioned, but wanted to say that if you are looking for a care package idea, try Wicked Good Cupcakes (wickedgoodcupcakes.com). They ship cupcakes baked in canning jars- 8oz cupcakes for $6.95 plus shipping. I sent 4 of them to DD20 for her birthday and she said they were delicious! Price wasn't too bad, either!

I am REALLY annoyed with W/G/C today. They JUST changed their website, and now there is a minimum order is 2-jars per shipment. I need to send something to twins - one is at Syracuse, the other is at Ohio State. Unfortunately - for many reasons - I am not sending them each 2, it is a budget buster, and I know their parents will be sending a HUGE care package to each of them to arrive "ON" their birthday, I was planning on something about a week or 2 before their birthday. I just think a "pair" would be too much.

 

[leebee]

I am REALLY annoyed with W/G/C today. They JUST changed their website, and now there is a minimum order is 2-jars per shipment. I need to send something to twins - one is at Syracuse, the other is at Ohio State. Unfortunately - for many reasons - I am not sending them each 2, it is a budget buster, and I know their parents will be sending a HUGE care package to each of them to arrive "ON" their birthday, I was planning on something about a week or 2 before their birthday. I just think a "pair" would be too much.

This must be really new... DD's birthday was 9/23 and I could send however many jars I wanted. I sent 4 because DD has 4 suite mates and a boyfriend; wanted to make sure there was enough to share.

My DH got his PhD at Syracuse! We loved it there!

ETA- I just checked their website. How disappointing that you can't just send a jar anymore!