have you ever just given up on a friendship?

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I guess it depends.

I was friends with another mom for several years. As our kids got older we just didn't talk as often. Her kids are VERY into sports, my DS is into Arts. My family moved about 30 minutes away, so it wasn't as easy for us to get together anymore.

Once in awhile she will forward an e-mail to me, but she never writes an e-mail. 2 years ago my mom was battling stage III breast cancer, and this "friend" never followed up after she learned of the diagnosis. Really the only time she makes an EFFORT to contact me is if she wants me to buy something her kids are selling. So for me, I think I am pretty much over this one.

DH and I are also friends with a couple that I am pretty sure we are about to be finished being friends with. Despite having been friends for many, many years I think that one has just come to its natural end. Some things happened over the holidays that left me going and I don't think I will be bale to work through it.

 

[okeydokey]

It sounds as if she has already given you up. I would tell her how you feel and see what she says. A true friendship has to be mutual.

 

[GrazingGoat1966]

Too much work. Sounds one sided. Time to cut her loose and move on. Life's too short to worry about people who obviously aren't prepared to devote as much time to a relationship as you are.

Sorry to be short and sweet but it's not rocket science.

 

[tiggspring]

I love the saying when people show you who they are believe them. I have several relatives that are like this. I'll get a call when they need advice for something then not hear from them for years. Once I called to see if their house had burned down in a terrble wild fire and they never called back to let me know how things were!! I found out from another relative.

I found, for me, the best rout is to except them for who they are and expect nothing more. I do not call or write anymore. But I leave the door open that if they ever want to change things I am here. I would not put much in this friendship. If you see them enjoy them in the moment but do not expect anything more. They wont give it too you for whatever reason. This way you feel like you have given them every oportunity to continue the relationship you have closed no doors. You also dont waste any more of your time. Who knows maybe in 20 years they will want to be real friends. In the meantime you can have wonderful brief times. You are a valuable person and deserve more from a "friend". Go out and find somone who will enjoy giving that to you.

 

[starsweeper]

I had a college roommate I lived with for 3 years and we kept in close contact until I was married. Once I married, it was about a year before she started ignoring some emails, didn't always answer calls, didn't always reply to Christmas/b-day cards I sent. For me, nothing had changed, but I think because I was married and trying to have/adopt children and she was still single, living at home, she felt she couldn't relate to me.

I still send cards at Christmas, added her to facebook when I joined a few months ago (she accepted me but no communication), and include her in emails I send to family and friends with info about us or the kids and pics of the kids. She never responds anymore, but I still follow through because I know one day she may decide to pick up our friendship again.

 

[QVCshopper]

This is a hard one. I think some people just accomplish more in life; it all depends on who you are and what you do. I have a friend who I call--she never picks up the phone (although is usually home), seldom writes back, and disappears for weeks on end. I heard from her more when she needed me; now she has moved and I'm not as convienent. But, we still get together and pick up where we left off pretty well. Maybe not give up the friendship, but back off a little? Chances are she won't even notice.

 

[tttessa]

Friendship is not a static thing, all through life, friends come and go, some linger longer than others, some need attention or the friendship withers, some need to be left alone and yet grow ever stronger.

If you cannot imagine NOT phoning every week, then keep doing it, but be wary of your motives - do you want to keep calling so that it would be up to her to be the one who "ends" things? If phoning has become a "chore" not looked forward to, then perhaps you need to just withdraw for a while, she will either show concern at this, showing her to be a "keeper" or will allow the friendship to wither ... showing it has perhaps run its course...

 

[mjkacmom]

Too much work. Sounds one sided. Time to cut her loose and move on. Life's too short to worry about people who obviously aren't prepared to devote as much time to a relationship as you are.

Sorry to be short and sweet but it's not rocket science.

But the OP is making it work for herself. I think it's rare for old friends who've moved away from each other to talk on the phone once a week. Just because this friend doesn't want weekly conversations doesn't mean she doesn't value the friendship. The great thing about old friends is that the foundation is strong enough to continue without always keeping in touch.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I recently gave up on a 7 year friendship. We had been like sisters. she would come over at all hours, we would shop, go out, etc. we worked together and it was great. Then in 2004 she left and got another job. I didn't see her as often, we still talked on the phone and over the years it declined alot with me calling and leaving messages and she would either send a text or not call back. 3 years ago I was going through a divorce. She would send texts and then i would call her. I hate texts, they are not personal and i think with my situation, i deserved a call back. At this point, it was just typical for her. I went through a hard time and I then had to sell my house. She knew all of this because my supervisor is her aunt that she sees all the time. She never once called to ask how i was. Three weeks after i moved from my house to my new house she texted to say that she wanted to help me move. WHAT??? I was really annoyed, but i texted her back to say that i already moved and gave her my new address which is 2 streets away from her. Literally walking distance. Well she never responded. 5 months later at Halloween, my girls wanted to go to her house as we had every year. She kept saying that she needed to come see my new house. Nothing. no calls, nothing. Got a text and card for xmas, a text on my birthday. Meanwhile, i still called and left friendly messages even though i was hurt. Now this past Halloween we went again. She said that she wanted to come see the house. I commented that she said that last Halloween. She said that she really meant it. Again nothing. Now i am upset because my girls love her and she let them down for the millionth time. December 9th she texts me to get my address. She said that she lost it. I didnt respond. She texts 2 more times. If she really wanted it she could drive the 2 streets away where i live. She then texts asking if i am upset. I told her that i was unhappy that she still hadn't come to my house to see it, i didnt mention anything else at that point. She said that she didn't know that i expected her to come immediately to see the house. I said that Halloween was almost 2 months ago and we really planned for it the year before. I then told her how hurt i was that she didnt care enough to call when i was going through my divorce or when i had to sell my house. ( we actually texted all of this) She then told me that I hurt her feelings when I didnt send her a christmas card the year before. WHAT??? that was so upsetting to her? are you kidding me? I went through a divorce and had to sell my house. Christmas cards were certainly not a priority that year. DBF said that i really just have to let go. And i have.