Have you been disowned by a family member?

[slo]

@slo

I am very sorry. My eyes welled up, I can not imagine how difficult it must be for you. Love sent, truly. And hopeful for a timely reunification.

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For me, no.

Thank you for this - I hope and pray for this too.

 

[MimitoAlex]

My brother and his wife, nothing really to say to them. For me I finally had enough, with all the non-sense with them. I can't not even put into words some of thing that happened over the years. At one time my brother and were close, unfortunately things broke down, due to alot of nonsense. That's all I care to say on that.
I do text with my nieces, they are both adult so not stepping over any lines there. My youngest nieces actually said your nothing like what my mom said about you.

My brother and I talk if something is happening with our parents, we put them first.
I am dual POA for both of them, medical and financial and executor of the their will. My parents know that I will honor and respect their wishes. I just hope when the time comes, I won't have a huge fight on my hands.

As far as my dad's side of the family we never were really close with them.
My mom's side, I have one Uncle who just has great disdain for everyone. One Aunt who I just feel sorry for the level of pettiness and spite is unbelievable in a word narcissistic . I have only one cousin that I call family the rest of them, we just don't have any thing in common completely different lifestyles.

 

[izzy]

My brother apparently disowned me, my other brother, and our sweet 93 year old mother on New Year’s Eve and we don’t know why. He won’t answer his phone or return voice mails. To be honest, I’m appreciating the silence because he and his family have constant drama, most of which is of their own making. It’s tiring to listen to and absolutely unfair for him to always be unloading that on our mother. He could at least be adult enough to let us know what set him off, but he’s never been known for his maturity. I mostly feel bad for our mother who is trying to keep a stiff upper lip but I can tell she is really hurt.

 

[MimitoAlex]

My brother apparently disowned me, my other brother, and our sweet 93 year old mother on New Year’s Eve and we don’t know why. He won’t answer his phone or return voice mails. To be honest, I’m appreciating the silence because he and his family have constant drama, most of which is of their own making. It’s tiring to listen to and absolutely unfair for him to always be unloading that on our mother. He could at least be adult enough to let us know what set him off, but he’s never been known for his maturity. I mostly feel bad for our mother who is trying to keep a stiff upper lip but I can tell she is really hurt.

I'm sorry for you and your family.

I can tell you though it mostly some kinda nonsense, something that he perceives as a slight, or you didn't bow down and kiss his feet and that of his family, and fawn all over them. Been there... and completely over it.

 

[MamaMermaid]

So not BLOOD family but a couple who had been in my life since birth. They were really like my grandparents. I saw them every week, sometimes every day. They told people I was their granddaugther. I was even in their will (they were childless).

But, they stopped talking to me and my family when I decided to get married at Disney World instead of the Catholic Church. For real. So sad. They missed those happy memories plus the birth of my son who they would've adored. Just tragic and heartbreaking.

 

[DisneyHardin]

No one has every disowned me - how could they? I am a delight

 

[ronandannette]

I was given up for adoption by my birth parents so I guess I'd have to say yes.

As both a birth parent and an adoptee, I can assure you that nothing can be further from the truth. And from the few details you have mentioned, I think it’s safe to say that you were a gift, specially intended for your adoptive parents. Grace and peace to you.

 

[TippyThomas]

As both a birth parent and an adoptee, I can assure you that nothing can be further from the truth. And from the few details you have mentioned, I think it’s safe to say that you were a gift, specially intended for your adoptive parents. Grace and peace to you.

Thanks for this. It really does help to look at it from a different perspective sometimes.

 

[rwdavis2]

No, and I feel incredibly lucky to be able to say that.

I find the amount of inheritance drama in this thread kind of shocking. People should expect to inherit nothing instead of making plans to spend the money before the body is even cold. A will is someone's wishes and should be respected.

We have told our kids that we hope to die broke and with an empty wine cellar.

 

[barkley]

BIL acted like he had no idea about the will, when the in-laws had discussions with the kids

curious-were all the kids present at the same time for all these discussions or was it that in-laws would talk to each of the kids or a couple of them at a given point in time? i ask b/c we ended up estranged i believe in large part b/c an in-law would present to their adult children information about their estate planning individually and what was told to one was not nesc. told to another, changes were shared w/some-not w/others. we got stuck dealing with the estate b/c we were told that who seemed the logical choice had declined when asked (as paperwork was being done), dh didn't want to do it but he was pretty much guilted into it. NOPE-that person came into the post death estate stuff with a chip on their shoulder b/c they thought they should have been named and claimed they had NEVER been asked (this was supported by a an older will we found that named dh that we never knew existed from years before/no one had ever asked dh on). if we hadn't already been knee deep in the administration of it and recognized the time and cost to change it over to the other person we would have gladly done so.

i don't think anyone owes anyone else to tell them how their estate is set up. sure it's nice to at least let the person who is stuck with administering it in on some of the particulars but if information is going to be shared with others it needs to be the honest information shared in the same conversation with all the parties involved (so easy these days with phones and computers that can facilitate a group discussion).

 

[easyas123]

We have told our kids that we hope to die broke and with an empty wine cellar.

That's what our hope is for my folks as well!

 

[sheilafri]

It is difficult, but families need to be open about this stuff. My in-laws were good about this, they had a vacation home that only one of their 3 children wanted, they had given some monetary gifts to older grandchildren and great grandchildren that our kids didn't get because they were much younger at the time, so they worked out a plan they thought was fair and shared it with everyone to discuss and offer amendments. I'm sure we will have some things to consider as we get older, we gave one DD money for a wedding which the other 2 kids may never do.

I have one sister who has some mental health issues and has a hard time keeping a job. She has cut herself off from much of the family. When my mom died the rest of us siblings let her move into mom's condo rent-free if she paid the utilities and insurance. Covid actually helped her some, working from home meant conflict with co-workers was minimized so she could take on temp work. She is hard to deal with.

We gave one son money for a wedding and I don’t know that his siblings will ever marry. We gifted money to them within a year or two with the understanding that it was to equalize things and if they got married in the future that was their wedding money. I realize we are fortunate enough to be able to afford that.

 

[aprilgail]

I was given up for adoption by my birth parents so I guess I'd have to say yes.

Me too! But then I was "reowned" about 33 years later LOL- its all good, was great knowing my birth family after all those years and finding out exactly why they ditched me but I for sure had a better life with my adoptive family.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

We have told our kids that we hope to die broke and with an empty wine cellar.

I tell my parents constantly that they should spend every penny. They earned the money and should enjoy it.

 

[Pooh2]

I cannot think of anything more unselfish than carrying a baby to term and giving him/her to a couple that desperately want a child.
This is the complete opposite of being disowned.
It is the ultimate gift.

I am also all too aware of children who languish in in foster care while their parents cannot get their life together.
So I understand the hurt that those kids carry all their lives.

So much pain in this thread!

 

[Kennywood]

It's weird for me to hear about people discussing inheritances from their parents. My brother and I together told our parents to NOT leave any money for us. We told them to spend it on themselves. After all, it was THEIR money. We had no claim to it.

When my parents died, there was very little money in their bank accounts. (Don't worry. They always had enough to pay bills and to enjoy their lives.) They did have enough life insurance to pay for their funerals and any remaining bills.

As our mom got older, it was became more and more difficult for her to do things. So, my brother moved in with her to help take care of her and the house. I and my wife lived too far away to do much other than what we could from a distance. When our mom died, the will did leave the house to both my brother and me. My wife and I both agreed that my brother deserved and earned the other half of the house. We "sold" it to him for $1.00. He and his new wife still live in the house.

Anything our parents "owed" my brother and me ended when we became adults and built our own lives.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

My ex-husband's family disowned my kids. They are my in-laws' only grandchildren, but she got mad at them when they told her they were scared of their dad and didn't want to be around him and she just wrote them off. I know they are better off but it's still sad, they loved their grandparents on that side of the family. My mother has never been a warm or caring grandparent to them but my MIL was, even though she had her faults (and telling me to pray that my ex-husband wouldn't hit the kids is a pretty big fault in my book!).

 

[RangerPooh]

More cut off all communication.

My dads sister (my aunt) appears to have created a story about me and my family in her mind that is untrue, along with going off on me on social media. I cut her off years ago. Sadly she was my favorite aunt, but I'm not sure why she had so much hatred directed at me.

On my moms side, one of her sisters (my aunt) has decided that my husband and I are evil people. Now my parents do tend to embellish details and dwell on negative rather than positive, but most people know this. Yet she too went off on me on social media without factual information. So blocked her. Apparently two of my other cousins have done the same. Yet I did receive an invite to a family reunion that she is co-hosting. Na, I'll pass thanks. The three cousins who I chat with regularly said that same thing.

 

[Jangles]

I was given up for adoption by my birth parents so I guess I'd have to say yes.

I think that the feeling an adopted child has, even if the adoption is successful and the childhood happy, is something far deeper than the feeling of being disowned. We live with that initial rejection all our lives.

 

[happily single]

My mother disowned the entire immediate family. this is all speculation because there was never a discussion or fight-just one day I realized she wasn't responding to me. From what I see on FB she mains a relationship with her cousins (who she never had a close relationship with prior).

I am keeping the details somewhat vague. My mother and her sister (my aunt-more on her in a second) were involved in an auto accident many years ago when they were in seperate vehicles and one struck the other. My aunt was totally at fault, but she sued my mother. Unfortunately my aunt had begun dating a new guy and was very money obssessed. My mother stopped talking with everyone in the family. Very early in this her mother, my grandmother passed. She did not attend the funeral.

Many years later I had a huge fight with the above aunt. Well I wouldn't call it a fight it was two telephone calls that went very badly with her yelling and calling names. She had purchased, registered and insured my daughter's vehicle. Said aunt is very controlling and absolutely insisted on doing this, not wanting money from me. She never had children and treated my dd like a daughter. Anyways, my daughter had a pretty serious accident when she was hit head-on by a drunk driver. As a result she got a decent settlement. The entire time my daughter was recovering (almost 2 years), including surgery, my aunt would make comments about how she hoped my dd would be giving her money. This caused an extreme amount of stress to my child, but she wouldn't ask the aunt to stop. When she did receive her money I called the aunt bc my child was afraid to, to ask exactly how much $$ she felt she was entitled to. She denied ever asking for money and was yelling and screaming that dd and I are both losers, who will never amount to anything, we are liars (not sure what we were lying about), etc. My aunt didn't know that my dd was with me and could hear everything she was screaming. Since that day I refuse to have anything to do with her. I encourage all the kids to maintain a relationship with her, and they do. But I will never again attend another family event if she is present. Our "family" now consists of two aunts and some nieces/nephews, she will be always be present.