Have you been disowned by a family member?

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Oh, but that I could….

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

We have some weird issues in my extended family but personally I cannot wait to cut certain immediate family out of my life once I am financially available to do so cuz the pandemic ruined that (however I for one had a come to Jesus you are an adult moment so to speak. Don’t know my cousins fiancés name and never met him even tho they live five minutes away and they have never done anything for me so I will not be going nor giving a gift.)

I learned a long time ago that those cousins and my aunt and uncle as well as another aunt and uncle in my other parents side are just not worth the time

 

[HopperFan]

Bottom line we can't pick our family, and being family doesn't make one friends. Being raised by the same parents doesn't make us all have the same lives, opinions, styles etc. When our parents begin to need our help, our assistance, our care we often see true colors come out. When you factor in the loss of a parent, especially the final parent when things must be divided ... it gets rougher. Been through it and while I would not use the word disown, there is family (in-laws) that I now rarely see and don't engage with. True colors crossed the line. And honestly what a weight off the shoulders to not deal with the drama anymore.

Well getting the property or for a great deal wouldn't mean someone is left out of the will so I can understand being shocked and hurt at that.

For reference for others it is always best to have everyone IN the will so they can't protest the will as if it were a mistake. The folks should have left him say "lawn equipment, specific furniture pieces etc for his property" with the notation that they purchased the lake front property below value and that was their inheritance in advance. He got his money in advance of their death, the rest got theirs after death.

I think there is one in every family who hopes to walk away with more than the rest. In this case sounds like the parents might have been pre-emptive.

 

[bcla]

Kinda sorta. Had an uncle who was upset at me (I won't get into the specifics) and in a fit of anger he said he'd see to it that the rest of the family on that side would have nothing to do with me forever. I had no contact with him for maybe a year, but the rest of the family didn't stop talking to me. I don't think he specifically did anything but was just huffy at that day. My grandmother was living with him, and once my parents asked me to go over to his place and borrow his pickup truck (I could drive a stick and my parents couldn't) and he acted as if nothing had happened.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

For reference for others it is always best to have everyone IN the will so they can't protest the will as if it were a mistake. The folks should have left him say "lawn equipment, specific furniture pieces etc for his property" with the notation that they purchased the lake front property below value and that was their inheritance in advance. He got his money in advance of their death, the rest got theirs after death.

I think there is one in every family who hopes to walk away with more than the rest. In this case sounds like the parents might have been pre-emptive.

I guess I don't see it that way probably because of my own experience and that of what is now being discussed with my husband.

People assume far too much. Like assuming the property is the person's inheritance without explicitly saying that's the case when the house was sold to the person and writing that in the will as such. Without that you're (general you) just assuming that's intended as the person's share.

I also don't assume someone is out to get more than the others. I think that takes knowing someone personally. My sister-in-law for example doesn't even understand the concept of money and so her wanting her grandmother's house is simply because it's housing, she already pays well below market rent but doesn't realize it. She's not at all trying to walk away with more than the rest (she would be able to get better housing by selling the house after purchasing it but still she just doesn't understand money and doesn't understand the process anyhow) and furthermore the house wouldn't be part of her inheritance. The remainder of the estate would still be split 3 ways irrespective of the home being sold to her before her parents passing. Then again her parents have made that clear and have set up my husband already as the executor of the estate upon their passing.

My aunt is autistic and because they knew her needs were housing they all agreed to leave that part of the duplex that belonged to my grandmother as her share of the estate rather than give her the 1/5 she was owed because the alternative was that property would have been sold and she would have been homeless. It would have been better had this been laid out before my grandmother's passing as it required the one estranged sibling to agree with the others and there was a lot of tension there on that one.

But I agree it needs to be laid out ahead of time. It's why I see the issue stemming from the parents in the OP who didn't discuss the sale of the home with the other children and then didn't (so far as the OP knows or at least stated) explain if it was intended that way for the home to be the husband's sibling's inheritance and no more to be expected. Now they have squabbling over it and past and present hurts..that bites.

 

[leebee]

My brother... It's political so I can't discuss much here, but on the day Roe v. Wade was overturned, the FB chat got a little heated between him and my 2 sisters and me. I had to leave to teach a lab in the middle of it, and when I checked back in 4 hours later we three girls were totally blocked by him. Can't send messages or anything.

Also my sister in law, and it was politically-based. She called DH horrible things publicly- well on FB- and let her friends say nasty, insulting things about him, too. He was crushed. She is his baby sister and she always looked up to him; they were the closest 2 sibs of the 7 of them. We had to step way, way back. We have no interaction with this sister anymore, and I blocked 2 other sibs of his who jumped on the bandwagon. I don't know why having differing opinions had to get nasty, but it did.

 

[Kitty 34]

Again, like I have asked, mentioned, whatever...........why can't we have a "hug" emoji in the "like" department.

s to many of you.

 

[bobbiwoz]

My husband’s brother wants nothing to do with us or anyone in his birth family. He does not want to be mentioned in a family history my DSis and I are compiling for our family.

 

[CGB]

Pretty much, but I knew it was coming for decades. Sometimes, the knowledge that you did everything you could has to be enough.

 

[lovesmurfs]

No. When my grandmother passed, we found a little notebook listing money "loaned" to my uncle over the years. My father was executor, and didn't take this into account at all when he disbursed the funds between the two of them (not much), as there wasn't anything noted in the will about it.

When my other grandmother passed, the full house (she had the upper floor and paid for all of the renovations) went to my parents. But my parents had taken care of her diligently as she aged (from 70 to 95) while my uncle (DM's brother) lived out of state and didn't do anything for her care. Everything was talked about prior to DGM's passing.

The key, when money's involved, is clear communication, beforehand.

 

[prairie_girl]

My family has cut off a cousin who contested my uncles will even though she was at the meeting where he explained why he had made the provisions he did.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

No, and I feel incredibly lucky to be able to say that.

I find the amount of inheritance drama in this thread kind of shocking. People should expect to inherit nothing instead of making plans to spend the money before the body is even cold. A will is someone's wishes and should be respected.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I was given up for adoption by my birth parents so I guess I'd have to say yes.

We are adoptive parents of our two 'kids', Natalie and Vince. I would definitely say that none of their birth parents 'disowned' them. They wanted to give them a potentially better life than what they knew they were capable of providing at the time. Just my personal feelings, double T.

 

[TippyThomas]

We are adoptive parents of our two 'kids', Natalie and Vince. I would definitely say that none of their birth parents 'disowned' them. They wanted to give them a potentially better life than what they knew they were capable of providing at the time. Just my personal feelings, double T.

Thanks for that. I appreciate it.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I have mutually disowned a sibling, but it wasn’t something that was ever said aloud and there were no theatrics like usually happens. It was just a gradual drifting apart between myself and someone I don’t care if I ever see again. It makes me sad for my children, but I think it would be worse for them otherwise.



I almost bit my tongue clean off.

Because? Sorry but I’m still talking to all family members. Doesn’t mean I’m super close to them but I see them on holidays.
No one has disowned me yet. I’m fortunate that way. Both of our families are nice.

Sorry for those that have had turmoil. Drama sucks.

 

[mrodgers]

My mother didn't talk to us for 4 years and didn't see my youngest daughter from 2 years old until 16 because she hates cell phones.

She was on her way out to the oldest's 5th birthday. A bridge was closed and she got lost. If she didn't let me know every 15 minutes she's with me how much she hates cell phones and hates the people that use them and had one herself, she would have been able to call.

She doesn't have a phone, we had no idea where she was and how to get ahold of her. She was furious that a 5 year old didn't wait 3 hours for her before opening gifts.

That sparked a phone call that I could hear her screaming at my wife and she stopped talking to us.

When she was talking to us, she would call us about every 6 months and witch to me that I never call. I don't gab on a phone. To me it's a tool, I'm busy, and have better things to do than sit and hold a phone up to my ear for 2 of my 4 hours I'm home and not sleeping. The only thing she did was witch that I never call (which I always asked what was wrong with her phone that it only calls every 6 months) and to witch that she never sees her grandkids. The kicker is, 17 years of marriage and not once did she ever call and invite us over.

"Oh, I can tell you're pregnant, your face is getting fat." "Oh, mommy's going to have to shop at the big and fat store for you..."

There's a reason we kept our distance. Those are the things she feels is appropriate to say to a daughter-in-law, among others.

 

[Boopuff]

OP here. My BIL (the one who disowned everyone) really thinks that the other kids wrote the will. I think my in-laws were really foolish not to at least put a line in the will about the property. BIL acted like he had no idea about the will, when the in-laws had discussions with the kids. I think BIL really thought they wouldn't keep him out of the will. And just for reference, in-laws were far from wealthy. The will was a bunch of "stuff" and a small amount from the sale of the original farmhouse. Oh and once the in-laws passed, he made a bee-line for the house and took a lot of stuff before the other siblings had a chance. He's a piece of work.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Oh and once the in-laws passed, he made a bee-line for the house and took a lot of stuff before the other siblings had a chance.

That's exactly what my aunt did, the one everyone is estranged from except it was when my grandfather had passed and my grandmother was still alive. My grandmother had a blind spot for that aunt. It affected us all. There were some Irish things I would have loved from my grandfather and I never got a chance to look around. She took a lot of tools that I don't think she really cared to have all of them but it was more like she wanted things so others couldn't have them. In fairness though when my grandmother passed I watched from the sidelines while my mom, aunt and uncle played petty games with "well I don't want her to have the photo albums so I'm going to take them to my house so she can't have access to them" Age does not necessarily make one mature..

 

[Travel60]

I've not been disowned but I don't interact with two members of my extended family.

One of my mother's sisters has always been catty and inappropriate. At the wake after my father's funeral, she said some horrible things involving another sister "always hating him". If my mother or the other sister had heard, it would have hurt them terribly. I was 6 months pregnant and that may have given me an extra grain of courage - I told her husband to get her out of the house.

My mother raised my brother's 3 kids because their mother abandoned them at ages 2, 4, 5. The two older turned out great, the youngest, a girl, could have starred in Girls Gone Wild. Lived off my mother, failed multiple classes at university, took money, sold my mother's clothes at street sales to fund her drug and party life. When my mother was in the hospital quite ill, she showed up obviously altered and made the statement to my aunt to my cousin and me that "I hope y'all don't expect me to stay home and take care of that old lady!" I haven't had anything to say to her since. When Mother died, she tried to claim the Mikimoto pearls that Mother always said she wanted me to have. My brother opened the safe, retrieved them for me and left her a dollar store set.

Families....

 

[lisaviolet]

@slo

I am very sorry. My eyes welled up, I can not imagine how difficult it must be for you. Love sent, truly. And hopeful for a timely reunification.

----------

For me, no.